How are you feeling?

[SoScared]

Still coping with this depression that has been around for about six months now. Its much less than it was which is good news. It still requires 'treating' which more me is self help and talking therapies. Fortunately, I attend a day centre where mental health people are on hand.

 

[vj288]

I'm tired, and can't tell if the cause is more physical or emotional.

 

[Graeme1988]

Pissed off... Ah never git left alone when my nieces come n’ visit. Cuz apparently it’s quite buckin’ hilarious, that between the old yin, the moody yin, and the crippled yin, my nieces prefer spending time wae me (the cripple) than their granny or own mother ! Though ah dinnae blame the wee lassies, tae be fair...

Also, ah did’nae take to kindle to my oldest sister jokingly suggesting that we go for a caravan holiday. Cuz ah know how that’ll end with an argument, like the last family holiday we hud together. Plus, the argument that’s yet to occur as to why my nieces spend considerably more time with me will happen if the whole family forced into a caravan for however many weeks.

Not doing to great, otherwise. Ma back sore, legs are aching. Not getting much sleep as a result.

 

[Kiwong]

I have renoved 513 ad preference interests on facebook.

 

[Miserum]

Ready to knock a motherfucker cold.

While you were out partying, I studied the blade.

 

[SoScared]

Depression- the symptoms of depression that i experience vary from day to day. Today's symptom is loneliness. So here i am in a public place welling up.

 

[Marc7]

Indeed ! I still struggle with that as well.

It's hard when you are and were around people that are constantly negative. For me it is hard because I'm use to having a negative mindset.

Yeah, I was advised to stay off my feet for a few weeks after the operation, just to make sure my scars healed probably. But I could some leg lifts and slow knee bends to loosen my joints.

Were the leg lifts and the slow knee bends on your feet or no?

I couldn’t walk particularly well before getting the operation... I had a noticable limp due to not being able to put my full weight on my right leg without feeling as though my knee was buckling a bit. So, I had lower back pain issues. But I’m walking a lot better and more confidently since my operation.

The lower back pain issues were due to your leg at the time? I'm glad to hear you are walking better and more confidently.

Had to buy a new single bed and put in the living room for a few months, actually. Otherwise I’d have been forced to sleep on the couch, which was too small for me Iie down flat on while I had my leg casts on.

If you don't mind me asking who put your single bed in for you in the living room? How come you couldn't sleep in your room or is it because you couldn't walk at the time?

Oh, I get annoyed at my sisters more than my mother. Just because of how they treat her at times. And I’m usually the one swearing out of frustration, because not only do I have listen to the arguments and say nothing, I also have endure my mother complaining and lumping me in with my siblings because “you lot treat me like $h!%”, as she often says. Which is ironically funny, in that, my mother has frequently told me in the last 2 years that I’m the only one of her kids that she feels she gets along with.

Though, the only thing I get annoyed with my mother about is constant pessimism and generally negative attitude, and the fact that she’ll frequently change her mind about something. Like if she says she wants me to help with something, I’ll go outta my way to help, then she’ll tell me she doesn’t need my help. That can get quite annoying.

Oh. Why do you say nothing when they argue? Your mother shouldn't lump you in with your siblings.

I'm sure that is frustrating or annoying.

 

[Graeme1988]

I hope you feel better soon Graeme1988 and get a nice sleep.

Not having much luck in terms of either of those, lily I feel like crap, lately.

And I’m stay awake at night, due to feeling knackered most of the days. Because my older sister and nieces come n’ visit often, and it always me who get left with the responsibility o’ looking after the kids.

 

[Graeme1988]

My mother keeps going on about running away... She’s said this day in day oot fur the past 2 years. And she’s yet tae actually f__k off. Despite me actively encouraging her to do so !

Aye sure, why no, eh? I’d happily f__k off tae Orkney or somewhere else in Scottish Highlands. Or a big, f__k off mansion house in the middle o’ naewhere. Somewhere ya huv tae travel a few miles if ya want to see anyone.

F__kin’ hate ma life ! Hate the burden o’ responsibility is always on me. I’m the yin caring for my mother, even it technically should be the other way around. Me being disabled n’ all. And... it’s me looking after kids that aren’t biological mine, but who still have the misfortune of being related to me due to being my nieces.

On top o’ that, I have listen to petty arguments as well as the complaints that come from my mother in the aftermath of these arguments. And my oldest sister jokingly said we (the rest o’ the family) probably wouldn’t see me much if I got my own place. Cannae exactly blame me, given what I’ve had to put up for much of my life.

 

[Graeme1988]

It's hard when you are and were around people that are constantly negative. For me it is hard because I'm use to having a negative mindset.

Oh, I can relate, somehow. Not that I’m used having a negative mindset, I just got used to being told negative things about myself by my family.

Were the leg lifts and the slow knee bends on your feet or no?

Leg lifts I did laying down on my back, initially, in the days after my operation . The knee bends started that way to, but I eventually started doing those while standing once I got the strength back in my legs, and started adjusting to how my legs were compared to before the surgery.

The lower back pain issues were due to your leg at the time? I'm glad to hear you are walking better and more confidently.

Thanks. Yeah, the lower back pain issues were due to my right knee being slightly out of alignment before having my orthopaedic surgery. Meaning I was slightly hunched over and limping on my right side.

If you don't mind me asking who put your single bed in for you in the living room? How come you couldn't sleep in your room or is it because you couldn't walk at the time?

Because my bedroom was upstairs. And there was no way I was getting up there in the days or weeks after, either, getting my operation or getting my casts off. So, my oldest sister got in touch with our local housing department and explained my situation with having had the surgery, and got someone to bring out a single bed. Even though I was transported home by ambulance laying on the same hospital bed that I’d been for the duration of my stay in hospital, and the plan was to have me keep the bed until I was ready to get my casts off. Unfortunately, the hospital bed was too wide to fit through the front door of my house. So I had to be transferred to a wheelchair to be able to get in my house again.

Oh. Why do you say nothing when they argue? Your mother shouldn't lump you in with your siblings.

I'm sure that is frustrating or annoying.

Because, whenever I do, everyone starts on me. And that just causes another argument. Even though afterwards, once my sisters are away and it’s just us, my mother will always acknowledge I was right in what I said. Despite getting shouted at for making my point. As for being lumped in with my siblings, I’m used to it, as unfair as it is.

 

[Marc7]

Oh, I can relate, somehow. Not that I’m used having a negative mindset, I just got used to being told negative things about myself by my family.

Oh okay. I think it is because of my anxiety of why I think negative.

Leg lifts I did laying down on my back, initially, in the days after my operation . The knee bends started that way to, but I eventually started doing those while standing once I got the strength back in my legs, and started adjusting to how my legs were compared to before the surgery.

I see, did it help?

Thanks. Yeah, the lower back pain issues were due to my right knee being slightly out of alignment before having my orthopaedic surgery. Meaning I was slightly hunched over and limping on my right side.

You're welcome. That must of not been fun.

Because my bedroom was upstairs. And there was no way I was getting up there in the days or weeks after, either, getting my operation or getting my casts off. So, my oldest sister got in touch with our local housing department and explained my situation with having had the surgery, and got someone to bring out a single bed. Even though I was transported home by ambulance laying on the same hospital bed that I’d been for the duration of my stay in hospital, and the plan was to have me keep the bed until I was ready to get my casts off. Unfortunately, the hospital bed was too wide to fit through the front door of my house. So I had to be transferred to a wheelchair to be able to get in my house again.

Oh, that makes sense. Did your sister get the bed for free or did she have to pay for it?

Because, whenever I do, everyone starts on me. And that just causes another argument. Even though afterwards, once my sisters are away and it’s just us, my mother will always acknowledge I was right in what I said. Despite getting shouted at for making my point. As for being lumped in with my siblings, I’m used to it, as unfair as it is.

What do you mean by starts on you? At least your mother acknowledges you're right.

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh okay. I think it is because of my anxiety of why I think negative.

Yeah, my anxiety does the same to my mindset at time. It doesn’t exactly help that my mother can be quite a negative person.

I see, did it help?

Yeah, it did actually. I’m a lot more steady and balanced on my feet than I used to be.

You're welcome. That must of not been fun.

No, it wasn’t. Used have frequent sleepless nights because of the back issues I used to experience.

Oh, that makes sense. Did your sister get the bed for free or did she have to pay for it?

If I recall rightly, she bought me a cheap single bed a couple days after I’d got home and spent an uncomfortable, sleepless night on the living room couch. As we got in touch with the local housing department by phone and they had someone come out who told that wouldn’t be practical for “health & safety reasons”.

After they’d left, and we had a good swear about it, my oldest sister just went and bought me a cheap single bed. Despite our mother worrying that we could get reported to council. When our mum said this my oldest sister just said that if that happens she’d be reporting one of our neighbors for benefits fraud, as they were claiming more in disability benefit than they should’ve.

What do you mean by starts on you? At least your mother acknowledges you're right.

Oh ! If I interrupted and asked what the argument was about, or tell them how ah feel whenever they get like that, they gang up on me ! Apparently I’m just supposed to accept it as normal that every family has stupid, petty arguments over trivial thing. Shouting at each other. It’s the main reason why I’ve tended to avoid family gatherings or interacting with them for the most part. And it’s only after the argument that I get told I was right, but I rarely - if ever - get an apology from the one who tends to have started it. Nope ! Just make me out to be the one who was in the wrong for making a valid point or making an observation. And gloss over the fact that the dysfunctional family dynamic is something I’ve had put up with since I was 10 years old.

 

[Graeme1988]

 

[vj288]

Living with a drunk father has been taking a greater toll on me lately. I'm constantly finding myself trying to identify all the things that brought him to this point, because as a kid he never drank. Like as if knowing would sadden me less. I am almost angry after he watched his own mother die for 20 years and told his son he wouldn't want to see him die that he then drinks himself closer to death on a daily basis in front of me and risks accelerating the process by getting behind the wheel. I wish I had the means to move out now because I do not have the ability to stay in undying high spirits as my mother seems to have while living with her estranged depressingly drunk husband.

 

[Marc7]

Yeah, my anxiety does the same to my mindset at time. It doesn’t exactly help that my mother can be quite a negative person.

I think it is the depressive type of my illness not my anxiety, my mistake. Yea that doesn't help either.

Yeah, it did actually. I’m a lot more steady and balanced on my feet than I used to be.

That's good.

No, it wasn’t. Used have frequent sleepless nights because of the back issues I used to experience.

I'm glad your back is better now.

If I recall rightly, she bought me a cheap single bed a couple days after I’d got home and spent an uncomfortable, sleepless night on the living room couch. As we got in touch with the local housing department by phone and they had someone come out who told that wouldn’t be practical for “health & safety reasons”.

After they’d left, and we had a good swear about it, my oldest sister just went and bought me a cheap single bed. Despite our mother worrying that we could get reported to council. When our mum said this my oldest sister just said that if that happens she’d be reporting one of our neighbors for benefits fraud, as they were claiming more in disability benefit than they should’ve.

What wasn't practical for "healthy & safety reasons" sleeping on the couch or the single bed? Why would you get reported to the council? How can someone claim more in disability benefit than they should have?

Oh ! If I interrupted and asked what the argument was about, or tell them how ah feel whenever they get like that, they gang up on me ! Apparently I’m just supposed to accept it as normal that every family has stupid, petty arguments over trivial thing. Shouting at each other. It’s the main reason why I’ve tended to avoid family gatherings or interacting with them for the most part. And it’s only after the argument that I get told I was right, but I rarely - if ever - get an apology from the one who tends to have started it. Nope ! Just make me out to be the one who was in the wrong for making a valid point or making an observation. And gloss over the fact that the dysfunctional family dynamic is something I’ve had put up with since I was 10 years old.

I'm sorry to hear you are going through this. If you can handle it, did you ever think about moving out?

 

[Sarah_M]

I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt

 

[Miserum]

I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt

Sounds like a fun relationship if you're a masochist.

 

[vj288]

I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt

I know that was a vent post and perhaps only the bad qualities are being presented, but there are some things you mentioned that sound like they should never be ok, like calling you a fatty. If he says something like that, he's thinking it, and if he's thinking that way about his girlfriend, well, he's sort of an Ass. If he's focusing on the things he doesn't like about you and wants to change, it's a recipe for disaster and a major red flag to me. I mean all I know about him is from this post so take that with a grain of salt, but if it feels like he has a girlfriend mold he is trying to fit you into as opposed to liking the person you are inside and out I would be wary.

 

[LoyalXenite]

I just need to vent because I feel like garbage. The guy that I am seeing, we argue a lot. I don’t like it. I feel like I am always getting in trouble with him. Like, if I come home with a bought tea/coffee, go out to eat, buy something new - I have to hear about it. It’s like I’m not allowed to make myself happy because it costs money or makes me fat (“is bad for me”). THEN, he usually wants a sip/bite of it like it’s his - that’s really annoying. I really don’t mind sharing, but I need to be appropriately and politely asked. He accused me of being irresponsible today because I buy what I want and yet all of my bills are paid. I try to explain that this is how I survive working constantly - I need rewards so I can have fun in my life because it’s always work and school. When we first started seeing each other, I pointed out how he spent a lot of money on vape stuff (he has since quit), but was complaining about the grocery bill. He thought I was calling him an addict with that statement (which I wasn’t, he hears what he wants which is usually an insult I didn’t intend), so he called me a “fatty”. That crushed me because that has been my number 1 insecurity/emotional abuse topic for YEARS. He has apologized, but I can’t get over it. I sincerely don’t understand his mean tendencies; it’s like he likes it or something. To make it worse, the 2 family functions he attended (I have a big family and I get being scared/anxious), he got very upset (angry) and left. I was not only humiliated, but further hurt by that. He said it was anxiety, but really? I was left to converse with his mother (whom I don’t like) while having anxiety, but I sucked it up and made conversation. I just wish he would try, but he is so selfish. I don’t know how I feel about this anymore. It sucks because we work together and live together. I am so confused if I should stay or go. I just feel hurt

It sounds like he is emotionally abusive and you should kick him to the curb, because you deserve to feel happy and secure in a relationship, not hurt and insulted.

 

[LoyalXenite]

It sounds like he is emotionally abusive and you should kick him to the curb, because you deserve to feel happy and secure in a relationship, not hurt and insulted.

I say this bluntly I know, I used to vent about my prior relationship on here and a few people would comment and point out how it was not a healthy relationship and that she was not treating me right. I made excuses for it or pointed out that I wasnt mentioning her good qualities, and let it go on for a few years (til she got sick of me and quite literally abandoned me). It was only after all that crap was over that I could look back and realize how right everyone was and how much I shouldve ended it years ago. So thats why Im being blunt now, in hopes that you can do what I couldnt and spare yourself more misery and hurting