How are you feeling?

[Kiwong]

The only place I feel safe is on a beach before dawn, before anyone is awake, with my back turned on the town I live in. It is a narrow strip of sanity I retreat to away from people.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

The only place I feel safe is on a beach before dawn, before anyone is awake, with my back turned on the town I live in. It is a narrow strip of sanity I retreat to away from people.

I hear that, Wonger.

I used to live near the beach, years ago, and I'd always run down to the ocean's edge to recharge my batteries after bad days. It was a great feeling to be so close to something so massive, feeling insignificant is a great medicine when you're convinced that the whole world revolves around you (that's my hangup, not implying it's yours).

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I slept just 4 hours... and now I'm wide awake, typing at the computer in my pajamas.

Come and get me Sid, I'm ready.

 

[Graeme1988]

Nah, I've tried working with Blender and Z-Brush, but I'm way too lazy to make my own figures. I mostly use the ones that are already made by people who aren't the creative equivalent of a sloth swimming in a tar pit.

Oh right. :bigsmile:

I hear you. Are there other musicians you can collaborate with, or are you a one-man-band?

At the moment, I'm very much a one-man band. Teaching myself the production side of music. Since I'm a novice in that area. I'm okay at coming up with ideas - just don't how to use or expand on them. As I've got too many guitar ideas to know what to do with. :idontknow:

Though, I'd love to collaborate at some point, if there was a way of making that work, Had a couple offers to collaborate, but they tend to leave me hanging when I ask what they like to do - either a cover or whatever. I'm currently dabbling with ambient and 80s synth influenced electonic music.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

The only place I feel safe is on a beach before dawn, before anyone is awake, with my back turned on the town I live in. It is a narrow strip of sanity I retreat to away from people.

You must see some terrific sunrises! That's one of my favorite times as well, a good time to sit on the porch with a cup of coffee, to put thoughts and words together before the traffic really gets going and the dog walkers come out to shoo me back inside. It's a time of hope and possibility, when things might still go right. I can't actually see the sun come up where I am, but I sometimes catch the magical glow of it reflected in the trees:

Then, as she awoke,
Her stretching arms brushed the pines,
Turning green to gold.​

These are my times of greatest peace and inspiration.


ETA: It just occurred to me that this (or rather the absence of this) may be one of the reasons I've been in such a desolate, degenerative funk for the past few months. I've been staying at home, feeling like death, letting everything slide. I know I'm going to need some help to dig myself out of this hole, but I haven't been able to come to grips with asking for it. Asking for help is and always has been a tall order for me, but with porch-sitting season right around the corner—it's still a bit chilly for a good sit right now—I feel that daily dose of early-morning serenity may be just what I need to get over the hump and on toward getting my shit together. Time will tell.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

I slept just 4 hours... and now I'm wide awake, typing at the computer in my pajamas.

Come and get me Sid, I'm ready.

One morning, I typed at a computer in my pajamas.

How it got in my pajamas, I don't know.



(Sorry, Groucho. mg

 

[Graeme1988]

Did you have another father figure in your life or no?

Nope, can’t say I ever did. Had a cousin who felt more like a brother to me, and, growing up, I really admired. Then in my mid-teens he just stopped speaking to or hanging out me, outta the blue for no reason. I have only spoke to him once since then, and that was just politely acknowledging each other when I was round at my sister's once.

Why the sudden cutting me outta his life? :idontknow: I took it pretty hard, at the time and blamed myself for it. My mum suspected it was the girlfriend he was with at the time.

That's good they don't say racist things to you anyore. But sucks they still say cruel jokes.You should think of one to comeback at them.

Och! I don’t really mind the cruel jokes at my expense, I’m used to not being taken seriously. Besides, those jokes easier to dismiss with a monotone “Aye” or “Uh-huh”. The racist things I responded to by saying: “Aye, very funny”, which my mum and sisters weren’t smart enough to see I meant this sarcastically, not genuine praise. In addition, if I think up a comeback, it will just end-up with them having to get the last word in. On the other hand, them thinking I was just being cruel, which would be quite ironic.

Why would they think you would spite your father?

Because my dad and I were not on good terms when I stopped all contact with him. I did not even have the nerve to make the phone call and tell him myself, my mum had to do it for me. I didn’t even visit my dad in hospital after his Leukaemia diagnosis, or attend his funeral. Why? Because I didn’t know the man that my half-siblings called “Dad”, I just knew and saw the man that my mum told me about, in retrospect. The controlling, abusive, intimidating African bloke.

Maybe you could research about your Kenyan side.

Thought about it, but my mum will just strongly discourage me from doing that, as she does with everything I do. So… maybe it’s best I didn’t delve into that? :idontknow:

What ethnicity was the Asian family if they are biracial?

Oh, I probably phrased that a bit wrong. Technically, only the kids who work at my local Chinese takeaway would be bi-racial having been born and grown-up in Scotland.

 

[Graeme1988]

I feel like I'm a burden to my family too .

Same here. :sad: Though, I got yelled at by my mum, yesterday, for passing on a suggestion from my oldest sister. How tha f**k was I supposed to my sister and her partner had been talking about our mum behind her back? I was only passing on what my sister had told me to ask my mum about. :kickingmyself: It’s always the same; every time I open my gob and speak it just causes arguments.
Which is why I prefer being quiet and keeping to myself.

 

[defiance]

That's a shame .. as to find a name
Well it's the name of the game
It is the foremost aim
Another thing is to try find the thoughts to blame

As for alcohol, good choice, it's a big :thumbup:

well done sir well done:applause:

 

[defiance]

The only place I feel safe is on a beach before dawn, before anyone is awake, with my back turned on the town I live in. It is a narrow strip of sanity I retreat to away from people.

I've had many dreams where I escape to a place like this and in that moment in time all I feel is peace. Maybe one day I can be somewhere near the ocean and go there when everyone is still asleep to get some peace of mind.

 

[Kiwong]

Sure do see some good sunrises, Greybeard. When the really good ones happen I forget everything even that sense of self. And say Wow. It is like being a child again, a child lost in play.

My brother found a good quote that I like. Salt water is a cure for everything. Tears, sweat or the sea.

 

[theslowesthand]

Salt water is a cure for everything. Tears, sweat or the sea

Also adding salt to lukewarm warm water - good for healing wounds at home. :thumbup:
But don't water your garden with salt water, as it kills plants!

Salt water heals the wounds of the body, and the wounds of the mind (& society).
I miss going out on my parents boat. Spending the whole day on the water. Breath of fresh air it was.

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Hungry, but I don't feel like eating. Tired, but I don't want to sleep.

 

[Sarah_M]

I feel like I want to end my life, but I know I can't.

 

[Marc7]

Nope, can’t say I ever did. Had a cousin who felt more like a brother to me, and, growing up, I really admired. Then in my mid-teens he just stopped speaking to or hanging out me, outta the blue for no reason. I have only spoke to him once since then, and that was just politely acknowledging each other when I was round at my sister's once.

Why the sudden cutting me outta his life? :idontknow: I took it pretty hard, at the time and blamed myself for it. My mum suspected it was the girlfriend he was with at the time.

You shouldn't blame yourself for him cutting you out of his life.

Och! I don’t really mind the cruel jokes at my expense, I’m used to not being taken seriously. Besides, those jokes easier to dismiss with a monotone “Aye” or “Uh-huh”. The racist things I responded to by saying: “Aye, very funny”, which my mum and sisters weren’t smart enough to see I meant this sarcastically, not genuine praise. In addition, if I think up a comeback, it will just end-up with them having to get the last word in. On the other hand, them thinking I was just being cruel, which would be quite ironic.

Did you tell them you are just defending yourself?

Because my dad and I were not on good terms when I stopped all contact with him. I did not even have the nerve to make the phone call and tell him myself, my mum had to do it for me. I didn’t even visit my dad in hospital after his Leukaemia diagnosis, or attend his funeral. Why? Because I didn’t know the man that my half-siblings called “Dad”, I just knew and saw the man that my mum told me about, in retrospect. The controlling, abusive, intimidating African bloke.

But why would they think getting dual citizenship would specifically spite him? I'm just trying to understand.

Thought about it, but my mum will just strongly discourage me from doing that, as she does with everything I do. So… maybe it’s best I didn’t delve into that? :idontknow:

What happens if you do it anyway?

Oh, I probably phrased that a bit wrong. Technically, only the kids who work at my local Chinese takeaway would be bi-racial having been born and grown-up in Scotland.

So they are half Scottish and Chinese since they are biracial?

 

[Marc7]

Same here. :sad: Though, I got yelled at by my mum, yesterday, for passing on a suggestion from my oldest sister. How tha f**k was I supposed to my sister and her partner had been talking about our mum behind her back? I was only passing on what my sister had told me to ask my mum about. :kickingmyself: It’s always the same; every time I open my gob and speak it just causes arguments.
Which is why I prefer being quiet and keeping to myself.

That is messed up for your mom to do that. I feel like I let my whole family down sometimes :sad:.
Gob means mouth right?

 

[Hot_Tamale]

Part 2 of my aggravating and disgusting week at work:
A man calls the restaurant and tells me he lost his drivers license somewhere in the corner of the restaurant. I tell him I cannot find it but tell him he might have accidentally thrown it away with the rest of his food (big mistake on my part). I end up searching through 2 large trash cans filled with paper napkins and slimy wet half finished food looking for this guys drivers license. I never find it and I call the guy at the end of my work day to let him know this. The guy tells me it's okay, that he found it somewhere else he had been earlier...oh, I'm sure I could fill a new thread on this site with all of the nutty antics I've been through at this restaurant...FML.

 

[Marc7]

Not feeling good. I think a person I'm trying to become friends with is ignoring me or they are not communicating because their device broke. Hopefully they get back to me.

 

[Srijita52]

Not well at all. I don't know, I guess it's impossible to get rid of fear or maybe that's just how it's going to be for me but regardless, maybe I'll always be alone too and at some point I should make peace with it.

Hope all of you are doing well. *hugs* for anyone who needs it.

 

[Graeme1988]

That is messed up for your mom to do that.

It's awrite, I'm used to her being bossy and domineering. Gave up trying to make her see that she can't always get things her way.

I feel like I let my whole family down sometimes :sad:.

For me, it's all the time. And they quite enjoy, not only, reminding me of how much of a letdown I am. But they reinforce it, by talking down to me. Apparently, me choicing not to do something my family suggests because I don't feel like it; to them, that means I'm too good or better than them.

Gob means mouth right?

Yeah, it does. :bigsmile:

Not well at all. I don't know, I guess it's impossible to get rid of fear or maybe that's just how it's going to be for me but regardless, maybe I'll always be alone too and at some point I should make peace with it.

Hope all of you are doing well. *hugs* for anyone who needs it.

Haven't see you on here in awhile, Srijita. Though, I can very much relate to how your feeling, but sorry to hear, nonetheless. And thanks for the hug.