How are you feeling?

State_Of_Trance

Well-known member
I'm sorry you had to go through an awful day at work.
Being at any job always made me feel out of place.
But don't get down on yourself for being slow or not learning fast enough. Maybe someone should be better at showing you how to do it.

Appreciate the concern. I'm afraid I can't blame the instructor or mentors for anything; I actually think they're pretty good at what they do.

The next day was quite a bit better. Everyone in the class had a two-on-one with two of the instructor types and apparently I'm actually meeting expectations. I made it clear that I was surprised to hear that and that I thought I was going to be ranked under "needs improvement" in at least two categories. Apparently, this class just isn't like college classes where enough effort can guarantee 85% or some such. One of the instructors took it after he already had a masters degree and he still just scored as "meeting expectations."

One of the categories involves dealing with stress. I can only assume that they couldn't tell how distraught I was several times.

I'm still not happy with my level of understanding but I don't feel like a total failure now. :D
 

nodejesque

Well-known member
After eating healthy and working out everyday for two weeks, today I completely failed.

Sigh. It's so cliche. I get depressed and turn to chocolate, ice cream, and pizza.

Meh. Whatever. At least the pizza is good.
 

defiance

Well-known member
If I am lucky, This will be my last post because that would mean my wish of going peacefully in my sleep will come true.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Today would be a great day tae just die. After another night oot in Glasgow at a comedy gig, laughin' out loud, then... Bang! Next mornin', I'm deid. Nae note, nae explaination. Just gone in ma sleep.

At least ah'd huv spend ma last hours alive in a happy mood.
 
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defiance

Well-known member
I hate the fact that I awoke to another miserable morning. I am not grateful for life, I am not grateful for anything. Everything is just in a constant state a chaos. WHY CAN'T I JUST FUC*ING DIE IN MY SLEEP AND BE DONE WITH IT. I CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE. Well at some point ill stop waiting and ill take matters into my own hands. Everything is slowly crumbling to the ground as I knew it would. I tried to prevent it but I knew deep down my efforts would be futile and I was right. Life is the ultimate form of torment for someone like me.:crying:
 

Kiwong

Well-known member
After eating healthy and working out everyday for two weeks, today I completely failed.

Sigh. It's so cliche. I get depressed and turn to chocolate, ice cream, and pizza.

Meh. Whatever. At least the pizza is good.

You did well for two weeks and rewarded yourself, so not a failure I think. I'm not sure abstinence works as part of a diet, every now and again you've deserve to treat yourself.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
:kickingmyself: :veryangry: :thumbdown: AAAAAGGHHH!! F***in' feminist... Ah hate them, ah f***in' hate 'em! Sorry, ah know ye shouldnae talk aboot family like that. But really, they got oan ma nerves, so they dae!

Whit whingin', moanin', dour-faced, naggin' bunch they are. Ah cannae even make ma ain decisions in the hoose where ah pay mair rent. And ah've jist hud £30 quid taken off ma disability benefits thanks to the Tory c*nts! Sorry, ah meant cuts...
 

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
Slept alllllllllllllllllll day today.

There's nothing better than cranking up the AC, drawing the curtains, and just letting the darkness take you, ha ha.

I had some weird dreams though, in one I was saving baby seals and in the other I was Christmas shopping with my best friend from high school and she and I were married.

Bonkers.
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
Physically exhausted after cleaning my apartment up (just vacuuming was a workout). Still not done. I'm starting to feel hungry, so I'm going to have to get up and go get some cheap food somewhere.

Fingers are crossed that I get hired this week.
 

defiance

Well-known member
wow I cannot stop posting today. MY FUC*ING LOSER OF A FATHER IS AT IT AGAIN. PISSING THE FU*K OUT OF ME. GOD IF THIS MAN NEVER EXISTED IT WOULD BE THE GREATEST THING OF ALL BECAUSE THEN HE COULDN'T HAVE MET MY MOTHER TO RUIN HER LIFE AND I WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN BORN. THAT'S WHAT YOU CALL KILLING TWO BIRDS WITH ONE STONE. I AM SO FUC*ING ANGRY AND MISERABLE. I'm a very passive person and I hate confrontation but if life was a person I would not hesitate to beat the crap out of it.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Every since my orthopedic surgery a few months ago, my Mum and oldest sister have basically dictated my recovery, and ignored any sensible suggestion I make in favour of them knowing what's best for me. Since I know bugger all. As well I'm implying I'm lazy when I tell them I'm resting because my knee is sore, due to not sleeping comfortably. Which is true, but they just say I don't want to help myself get better, then pass remarks like that off as "jokes"

I'm "being lazy" when I'm just sitting on the couch, either watching a DVD on my laptop or listening to my iPod. Even though I'm not supposed to walk around the house unsupervised at the moment in case I don't fall and hurt myself.

My Mum seems more interested in watching repeats of her favourite sitcoms and antiques shows than she is in helping me get better.

Also, temporary living downstairs in the living room, my Mum doesnae take kindly to me asking for some peace and quiet. Apparently, asking nicely for some alone time is the same as tellin' somebuddy to f**k off...

What does "bugger" mean? Did you tell them how you feel and why do they treat you that way?
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
What does "bugger" mean?

Hmmm... how explain that :question: :thinking: Well, without giving the more sexual meaning. In British slang terms, it's an expression of annoyance or used in place of f-words, sometimes. Like in my recent post that you quote.

Did you tell them how you feel and why do they treat you that way?

Whoa! This'll be quite a long answer. Aye, ah did tell them how ah feel but they don't listen. They just turn how ah feel onto me and me seem like I'm being ungrateful. Which is both frustrating and deeply upsetting.

As far as why they treat me like it. Well... it because they can. Since everytime ah try to be assertive ah come across as intimidating. Cuz am no a wee, scrawny guy.


Ah can't even make them see my perspective cuz they're so staunch in their views that they're always right and can do no wrong. That when they do something to annoy me, they blame me for it. Or force me to a social setting where ah don't feel at ease, they'll belittle me for it. And they'll guilt-tripped whenever ah don't do as they've asked. Yet, I'm the domineerin', overbearin' c*** when ah ask them to somethin' for me.

Or, more recently, if ah decided to huv just one day of rest from walk about and exercising. Ah get the snarky comments from ma oldest sister...

"C'mon, don't lazy! If ye want to get better ye huv to exercise. Yer no daein yersel any favours sittin' on yer arse aw day"​

...which is her, only "havin' a laugh". At my expense as always - nice to see that hasn't changed in 7 years. Then again I'm always the but of jokes in my family. Gettin' smart-arse answers to genuine questions. But ah digress... Back to my point.

Um ah no allowed to just huv Saturday as the day where ah put ma feet up an relax? This rehab is startin' tae stress me oot... And make me feel depressed :sad: And, ah dinnae need anybuddy else bring down ma self-esteem, ah hate maself enough as it.
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
Nervous. It's my first wedding anniversary and frankly, I couldn't be bothered. I'm at that stage in life when I'm grumpy and cba with anniversaries, birthday's anymore. It's just any other day but tell that to my family trying to make it a big deal...!
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Hmmm... how explain that :question: :thinking: Well, without giving the more sexual meaning. In British slang terms, it's an expression of annoyance or used in place of f-words, sometimes. Like in my recent post that you quote.



Whoa! This'll be quite a long answer. Aye, ah did tell them how ah feel but they don't listen. They just turn how ah feel onto me and me seem like I'm being ungrateful. Which is both frustrating and deeply upsetting.

As far as why they treat me like it. Well... it because they can. Since everytime ah try to be assertive ah come across as intimidating. Cuz am no a wee, scrawny guy.


Ah can't even make them see my perspective cuz they're so staunch in their views that they're always right and can do no wrong. That when they do something to annoy me, they blame me for it. Or force me to a social setting where ah don't feel at ease, they'll belittle me for it. And they'll guilt-tripped whenever ah don't do as they've asked. Yet, I'm the domineerin', overbearin' c*** when ah ask them to somethin' for me.

Or, more recently, if ah decided to huv just one day of rest from walk about and exercising. Ah get the snarky comments from ma oldest sister...

"C'mon, don't lazy! If ye want to get better ye huv to exercise. Yer no daein yersel any favours sittin' on yer arse aw day"​

...which is her, only "havin' a laugh". At my expense as always - nice to see that hasn't changed in 7 years. Then again I'm always the but of jokes in my family. Gettin' smart-arse answers to genuine questions. But ah digress... Back to my point.

Um ah no allowed to just huv Saturday as the day where ah put ma feet up an relax? This rehab is startin' tae stress me oot... And make me feel depressed :sad: And, ah dinnae need anybuddy else bring down ma self-esteem, ah hate maself enough as it.

Oh, it is a british curse than?

Maybe you guys need family counseling if you are open to that.

What do you mean that your imitating and they still don't listen to you?

Oh

Also you could think about going to a rehab clinic if you want.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Oh, it is a british curse than?

An acceptable curse word, aye. :bigsmile:

Maybe you guys need family counseling if you are open to that.

Nope, not because it won't work. It just my sister's too arrogant to admit when she's wrong and doesn't like when I criticisize her. Which is why I never got closure for all those times she'd compare me to a terrorist whenever we were out in public. :eek:mg: And I'm the one who gets labelled autistic by ma other sister...?! :kickingmyself:

And my Mum couldnae even openly talk about sex and relationship during teen when I quizzed her on the topic, so she's unlikely to open up during a family therapy session. She always changed the subject when ah tried open up about ma depression an sucidial thoughts, age 16. And went ape-shit, when ah confided in ma sister about ma struggle. Obviously ma sister betrayed me on that.

Plus, she (my Mum) doesn't seem to bothered by how she treats me because I'm always the one at fault. Apparently, her stabbing me in a rage with manicure scissors was my fault. Or how the man-hating, bitter rants she'd go off on after my dad came back into ma life huv affected my self-esteem and relationships with wimmin. She now tell me she was only joking when she said all those things - like generalising all men as useless, worthless and selfish.

And her constantly thinking the worst about everything has only made my anxiety when I'm outside worse, and in general. As well as telling not to trust anyone outside the family. Which has made me huv lil trust in anyone, including my family. As well always being negative about everything when I'm tryin' to be positive. But how she is around me, but she'll tell my sisters not to be pessimistic when they speak negatively about something.

See, ya don't turn out great when yer raised by an angry, illiterate parent with a gender bias. Unless yer somewhat smart, like me. In which case, you can figure stuff out, eventually. And if ye do call yer mum and sister on their BS double standards, they'll just claim victimhood, as most feminists and SJWs do nowadays.

Oh! And her, as well as my sister's - tendency to lie about things. And my Mum contradicting me whenever I make a decision for myself. As well as both of them always asked "Are ye sure?" when ah say "No" to something.

What do you mean that your imitating and they still don't listen to you?

Oh, just that ah'll ask them to do somethin' for me, nice. Then, they won't aknowledge me, so I ask them again. By the time, ah've had to repeat myself for 3rd or 4th, I'm start to get considerably pissed off. Or when I tell them to just leave something alone, they do the opposite.

And, y'know, being smarter than my Mum and sister doesnae help, since ah know the meaning of "big words" & huvin standards and values that ah won't compromising for anyone. Also, the beard and the Scottish accent...

Oh

Also you could think about going to a rehab clinic if you want.

I'm actually go to one this Thursday. I'm a bit nervous, though. I don't know my new physiotherapist team that well, and don't really like being too personal with strangers. Or most people for that matter... Since ah feel like they'll judge me negatively or are already doing so.
 
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