just ready to be done. Every time I try to do positive things to fill me with hope I feel more and more depressed. It is almost as if my authentic self is reminding me that the words happy and hopeful do not apply to us.
Read the road-signs dummy, isn't there some part of you that still wants to fight? F*ck this suicidal passive aggressive shit, maaaaaaaaaan.
Yeah I can relate.
And when attempts to fight don't make that much of a difference it's like wow I'm stuck and I have all these years left to be alive.
just ready to be done. Every time I try to do positive things to fill me with hope I feel more and more depressed. It is almost as if my authentic self is reminding me that the words happy and hopeful do not apply to us.
I'm sorry. But yeah I feel the same way a lot of the time. It's like getting in a better mood or trying to do things to get better, only works for a short while and doesn't make me change much, so why even try.... It feels pointless.
Pissed off! :veryangry: Ah alway gettin' the f***in' blame. Aw ah asked wus: "Can you please leave me in peace for half an hour?" Seems like a reasonable request on ma part. But naw, ah cannae even ask ma own mother to leave me alone withoot being called a c**t! :kickingmyself:
Same Sh*t new day is the best way to put it. Although when it's not the same sh*t it's because it is usually worse. All I do is pass the time from day to day. No joy in anything anymore. Just me and misery. :crying::kickingmyself:
Same Sh*t new day is the best way to put it. Although when it's not the same sh*t it's because it is usually worse. All I do is pass the time from day to day. No joy in anything anymore. Just me and misery. :crying::kickingmyself:
Same here... Though, I've still got ma music to keep me going. Oh, and getting out to as many stand-up comedy and music gigs as possible makes me, temporarily, forgot just how shit ma life has become. So, ah guess that's summit? Still don't feel like there's any purpose in ma life, though. :sad:
I wish I could destroy this corrupt world full of liars and snakes. I hate it and I hate society. It is not my society. But at the same time, I don't see a way out of it.
All of the sudden I feel as if I am in a dreamlike state. Don't know what this means exactly. It's not good but it's not bad at the same time.:idontknow:
Yesterday I went out for my run, there was a flashing aura of light out of the inside of my eye. And then I started seeing all these eye floaters, one was floating in front of my vision and it was so distinct I tried to brush it away with my hand. I started to read about the causes of eye floaters and the possibility of retinal detachment.
Better now, but work was awful today. I'm just not learning this stuff quickly. I feel so dumb and slow and out of place. I never actually cried, but my face was probably all red and the tears kept welling up. If I hadn't been in a room with so many people I very well may have cried. All I could think was, "This is so hard. I'm so dumb. I don't belong here."
...Ugh, NO NO NO I felt the tears coming back as I typed that. Snap, I can't even write or think about this without feeling bad again. Guess I'll have to end this post early.
Yesterday I went out for my run, there was a flashing aura of light out of the inside of my eye. And then I started seeing all these eye floaters, one was floating in front of my vision and it was so distinct I tried to brush it away with my hand. I started to read about the causes of eye floaters and the possibility of retinal detachment.
Please go see the doctor. I have some of those floater things in my one eye. From what I read they are nothing to worry about. The flashing is a bit concerning though...Do you have eye pain at all?
I feel good and excited for our holiday tour in May! I'm actually treating my daughter a ticket to Hong kong Disneyland. This is my reward to her for graduating with honors.
Better now, but work was awful today. I'm just not learning this stuff quickly. I feel so dumb and slow and out of place. I never actually cried, but my face was probably all red and the tears kept welling up. If I hadn't been in a room with so many people I very well may have cried. All I could think was, "This is so hard. I'm so dumb. I don't belong here."
...Ugh, NO NO NO I felt the tears coming back as I typed that. Snap, I can't even write or think about this without feeling bad again. Guess I'll have to end this post early.
I'm sorry you had to go through an awful day at work.
Being at any job always made me feel out of place.
But don't get down on yourself for being slow or not learning fast enough. Maybe someone should be better at showing you how to do it.
I wish I could destroy this corrupt world full of liars and snakes. I hate it and I hate society. It is not my society. But at the same time, I don't see a way out of it.
To me, society is a machinery that I don't fit in with, that I don't want to be a part of. And like you said, I don't see a way out of it, unless I go to extremes and like walk into a jungle and live there (which would mean me dying after a few days probably).
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