Scored a 100 on the Liebowitz test and 28 on BDI yesterday. Somehow I don't even care. Even though I'm nearly unable to talk to my parents and sisters (because I can hardly breathe when I'm with them), haven't been in any contact with my friends lately and I don't think I'm going to live for 2 years more, one could say I'm somewhat content with my life. Or well, I have accepted that life sucks.
I spend my life playing The Lord of The Rings Online and some other RPGs. If I'm unable to live the real life, why should I? Instead, I can just spend a couple of years in a world where I'm happy. I will fight suicide as long as I possibly can, because I don't want to make my family and friends feel the pain that it would cause.
I'm still seeing a psychiatrist regularly. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I still want to avoid psychosis. And maybe some minor part of me still wants to enjoy life. Dunno.
Also, hey everyone. Just registered. Probably won't be very active though, it's really hard to me to even write something on a forum. Usually I write a response but never press on "Submit". Who knows why.