How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
So I went to a workshop that was a nightmare. Sitting in a chair circle of 40 people. Then breaking into a small groups. Reading out yellow post it notes of what other group members had written about what they feel. Not discussing it, but saying I hear you. I left at afternoon tea before the second session.
Without a doubt how I'm feeling is certainly exacerbated by lack of sleep and stress. My body does NOT handle stress well at all and I don't know why. My anger gets out of control, I get so exhausted I fear that I'm going to fall asleep while driving someday, my whole nervous system feels shaky. I know I need help, and I would love some answers as to why I feel like I do (maybe there's some underlying genetic component or disorder?). I also know I have a lot of feelings I need help working through. Something I've been thinking about for the new year is trying therapy again. I just hope I can follow through.
Regardless of the physical exacerbation and how I feel, I still think that something needs to change. My husband and I are working on it, with his job anyways. I just seriously wish he wasn't so passive sometimes. But I know you can't change people and they need to make those decisions themselves.
Regardless of the physical exacerbation and how I feel, I still think that something needs to change. My husband and I are working on it, with his job anyways. I just seriously wish he wasn't so passive sometimes. But I know you can't change people and they need to make those decisions themselves.
Despair.
I am watching my life being ruined by this damned social anxiety disorder and I just can't seem to beat it.
My SA leads to depression, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, suicidal thoughts.. no matter how many people tell me and give me the impression they like me or like being around me.
I'm ok with who I am actually - as a person, but no matter where I go I have to experience the dreaded sitting around, socializing and drinking, bbq's, Xmas parties, special event's like birthdays etc etc.. Why can't the world accept that I just don't like those situations? Why do people think less of you if you don't like those things?
I am watching my life being ruined by this damned social anxiety disorder and I just can't seem to beat it.
My SA leads to depression, feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, suicidal thoughts.. no matter how many people tell me and give me the impression they like me or like being around me.
I'm ok with who I am actually - as a person, but no matter where I go I have to experience the dreaded sitting around, socializing and drinking, bbq's, Xmas parties, special event's like birthdays etc etc.. Why can't the world accept that I just don't like those situations? Why do people think less of you if you don't like those things?
Anxious. On edge. Depressed. Dreading Christmas Day, as is the tradition in my family. Cuz y’know an argument’s just bubbling below the surface, Yin wrong word is aw it takes...
I’m just sick fed-up with always getting 2nd hand accounts of the buckin’ family drama I’m having tolerate, to be honest. Because... Whit do I have to be depressed about, eh? That’s the question asked of me every time ah vent how ah feel. My disability? Low self esteem? The fact my family aren’t easy to live or co-exist with?
I’m just sick fed-up with always getting 2nd hand accounts of the buckin’ family drama I’m having tolerate, to be honest. Because... Whit do I have to be depressed about, eh? That’s the question asked of me every time ah vent how ah feel. My disability? Low self esteem? The fact my family aren’t easy to live or co-exist with?
Depressed as f__k that everything I’d planned for this year never bloody happened. From May 2019 onwards, I just became more n’ more miserable; huvin’ tae f__kin’ listen to all the bickering, nagging and whinging about how fed my family is. Contemplated suicide more than once; don’t know why ah never folllowed through on it?
From May 2019 onwards, I just became more n’ more miserable; huvin’ tae f__kin’ listen to all the bickering, nagging and whinging about how fed my family is. Contemplated suicide more than once; don’t know why ah never folllowed through on it?
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Like I should be feeling happy but I'm just not. I'm currently on Christmas break from work. My husband is also on Christmas break and it's the first time in years since we've both had off at the same time around the holidays. You'd think I'd be enjoying the company and relaxing. Except I'm not. I'm still the same miserable asshole as I was even when working and I'm so tired of feeling this way. I just cannot get over it no matter how much I try. I always think every day when I wake up, "Today's a new day. Let's see what I can do differently." And then the same shit happens over and over. I feel the same way again and again and I just cannot get myself out of this sick miserable cycle.
I should be happy I've been getting a lot done. My husband has helped me make gifts, and almost all the gifts we've done this year have been handmade which is awesome. It really helps with our tight budget this year and you'd think I'd be happy that it's almost over. Except I'm not. I keep thinking of all the stuff I COULD be doing instead of working on gifts and being distracted from training (more like yelling at most of the time, sadly enough) a puppy. I'm dying to do some work around the house, I'm so tired of staring at white walls. Yet I'm still holding onto resentment over my husband and how much he gets done in a day because he's all by himself while I'm STILL babysitting this puppy while I'm trying to get what I need to get done. (Added note: I would NOT make a good stay-at-home mom at all.)
I'm also not looking forward to going to my parents tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to seeing my brother - whom I've managed to piss off (for good reason) last week and knowing him he's still going to hang onto that and call me an asshole as I walk through the door. I'm not looking forward to sitting in the living room waiting for my dad to roll out of bed, half tired and grumpy, not giving two shits about receiving any gifts and then complaining that "He has to work" and "needs to sleep," the same excuse he's had every year for the last 10 years, as if he can't take a single day off from work to join his family (newsflash: he can, he chooses not to). On top of that my mother - with what great timing she has - is pressuring us into making a certain financial decision that's been looming over our heads for a little while. It's been looming and put on the back burner because we just do not have the money right now to do it. We (my husband and I) thought we (Us plus my mother) agreed on spring, but apparently that's not good enough anymore. I think my husband and I are going to be on the same page of scrapping that financial decision altogether and just holding off for another year plus.
I'm also not looking forward to going to my husband's grandparents and sitting in their living room as an accessory for an hour plus while his grandfather consistently rambles to my husband about his job while I get ignored. It's so freaking sad that, unless my father-in-law is there and says, "Hey Phoenixx just started a new job too," just to get a conversation going towards me a little (which I do thank him for, he's a great guy and makes me feel not so invisible), I am completely ignored and I don't even get hardly a "Hey, how are you?"
I really just want to fast forward to the day after Christmas. Where I will be spending it with people that actually care about me and seeing the look on our nephews' faces when they see their blankets I made them. I know THAT will make me happy.
I should be happy I've been getting a lot done. My husband has helped me make gifts, and almost all the gifts we've done this year have been handmade which is awesome. It really helps with our tight budget this year and you'd think I'd be happy that it's almost over. Except I'm not. I keep thinking of all the stuff I COULD be doing instead of working on gifts and being distracted from training (more like yelling at most of the time, sadly enough) a puppy. I'm dying to do some work around the house, I'm so tired of staring at white walls. Yet I'm still holding onto resentment over my husband and how much he gets done in a day because he's all by himself while I'm STILL babysitting this puppy while I'm trying to get what I need to get done. (Added note: I would NOT make a good stay-at-home mom at all.)
I'm also not looking forward to going to my parents tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to seeing my brother - whom I've managed to piss off (for good reason) last week and knowing him he's still going to hang onto that and call me an asshole as I walk through the door. I'm not looking forward to sitting in the living room waiting for my dad to roll out of bed, half tired and grumpy, not giving two shits about receiving any gifts and then complaining that "He has to work" and "needs to sleep," the same excuse he's had every year for the last 10 years, as if he can't take a single day off from work to join his family (newsflash: he can, he chooses not to). On top of that my mother - with what great timing she has - is pressuring us into making a certain financial decision that's been looming over our heads for a little while. It's been looming and put on the back burner because we just do not have the money right now to do it. We (my husband and I) thought we (Us plus my mother) agreed on spring, but apparently that's not good enough anymore. I think my husband and I are going to be on the same page of scrapping that financial decision altogether and just holding off for another year plus.
I'm also not looking forward to going to my husband's grandparents and sitting in their living room as an accessory for an hour plus while his grandfather consistently rambles to my husband about his job while I get ignored. It's so freaking sad that, unless my father-in-law is there and says, "Hey Phoenixx just started a new job too," just to get a conversation going towards me a little (which I do thank him for, he's a great guy and makes me feel not so invisible), I am completely ignored and I don't even get hardly a "Hey, how are you?"
I really just want to fast forward to the day after Christmas. Where I will be spending it with people that actually care about me and seeing the look on our nephews' faces when they see their blankets I made them. I know THAT will make me happy.
Absolutely dreading tomorrow... Naw ! Scratch that. Terrified would be a better descriptive word.
I’ve hated this time of years for the last 12 or so years, mainly because an argument always ensued after Christmas dinner. And occasionally, New Years as well. Thanks to one or both of my older sisters. But as ma mum said, “Just do it so the kids are happy”. Because I’m only sitting at the table again this year so my nieces will be happy.
It wus bad enough that ah hud tae write oot another Christmas card for my older sister, at my mother insistence, because there would an argument over the size of the cards that both my sisters got from me. One being bigger than the other. Aye, that how petty it gets...
I’m always glad when it’s over done with. Because I’ve never like sitting at the table, it’s just the tense vibe where everyone’s watching what they say. As a word utter will set the middle sibling into a shouting, swearing rage. Where she cannae be reasoned with or telt tae calm doon. But, apparently, I’m at fault because I don’t stick around after the meal to chat. Aye, cuz one really wants to hang oot with a family who has stated multiple times in the past that they don’t give a fuck about ye.
I’ve hated this time of years for the last 12 or so years, mainly because an argument always ensued after Christmas dinner. And occasionally, New Years as well. Thanks to one or both of my older sisters. But as ma mum said, “Just do it so the kids are happy”. Because I’m only sitting at the table again this year so my nieces will be happy.
It wus bad enough that ah hud tae write oot another Christmas card for my older sister, at my mother insistence, because there would an argument over the size of the cards that both my sisters got from me. One being bigger than the other. Aye, that how petty it gets...
I’m always glad when it’s over done with. Because I’ve never like sitting at the table, it’s just the tense vibe where everyone’s watching what they say. As a word utter will set the middle sibling into a shouting, swearing rage. Where she cannae be reasoned with or telt tae calm doon. But, apparently, I’m at fault because I don’t stick around after the meal to chat. Aye, cuz one really wants to hang oot with a family who has stated multiple times in the past that they don’t give a fuck about ye.
Humour works helps break the tension. I do a bit of a dance and a flourish at the auto check out, I do a big entries through electric doors at woolies. I sing a made up Balkan national anthem, and type my pin code in European gibberish. It makes people smile, humour makes people smile, and makes me feel more relaxed.
Absolutely knackered ! No energy whatsoever. I’m still full of this bloody flu, which I had for a few weeks now.
Christmas wus’nae great as a result. I just did’nae huv the energy to be in the Christmas spirit at all. But then neither were my mum and older sister, because the three of us are all blocked up with this flu.
Woke up this morning feeling like shit anaw. Coughing, dizzy, and a sore stomach. But then ah wus up most of the night just coughing constantly. I’ve felt like ah wus on verge o’ just suddenly bokin’ up anything I ate every time ah burped. Ugh ! 🤢
Ah hate feeling like this... So much for ma plan to record some new music on Christmas Day.
Christmas wus’nae great as a result. I just did’nae huv the energy to be in the Christmas spirit at all. But then neither were my mum and older sister, because the three of us are all blocked up with this flu.
Woke up this morning feeling like shit anaw. Coughing, dizzy, and a sore stomach. But then ah wus up most of the night just coughing constantly. I’ve felt like ah wus on verge o’ just suddenly bokin’ up anything I ate every time ah burped. Ugh ! 🤢
Ah hate feeling like this...
So much for ma plan to record some new music on Christmas Day. Freaking out.
Well here we go again.
I was caught on the spot and invited out to a rooftop bar on new years eve by a woman who I find quite attractive. Seeing as I had no pre-prepared excuse to get out of it, I accepted.
Now comes the flood of anxiety. I'm looking forward to spending time with this woman, dinner, the fireworks (and I'm pretty sure the kiss that will come at the midnight countdown).
It's the whole sitting around the bar and talking thing that's freaking me out. Not with the chosen company, but at the thought of others sitting close by becoming involved. Complete strangers. I've always struggled to converse in a non nervous way socially with complete strangers in that type of setting.
I'm telling myself that it'll be ok, it'll be fine, just relax and not be nervous.. but my anxiety is looking in on me with my brain reacting like;
I know it's not rationale. I keep telling myself to
I have to get this damned anxiety out of my head.. If I can do that I know 'll be fine.
Well here we go again.
I was caught on the spot and invited out to a rooftop bar on new years eve by a woman who I find quite attractive. Seeing as I had no pre-prepared excuse to get out of it, I accepted.
Now comes the flood of anxiety. I'm looking forward to spending time with this woman, dinner, the fireworks (and I'm pretty sure the kiss that will come at the midnight countdown).
It's the whole sitting around the bar and talking thing that's freaking me out. Not with the chosen company, but at the thought of others sitting close by becoming involved. Complete strangers. I've always struggled to converse in a non nervous way socially with complete strangers in that type of setting.
I'm telling myself that it'll be ok, it'll be fine, just relax and not be nervous.. but my anxiety is looking in on me with my brain reacting like;
I know it's not rationale. I keep telling myself to
I have to get this damned anxiety out of my head.. If I can do that I know 'll be fine.