How are you feeling?

Miserum

Well-known member
I don't know, really. Like, I'm still trying to process the fact that my mother, outta nowhere, told me that she struggles with anxiety, like I do. After years of saying I was just faking it.

And, on top of that, she also told me that one of my cousins, who lives down south in London, recently had to sign off work after having a nervous breakdown that was brought on by anxiety.
Seems like progress, yeah? Maybe this opening up will bring everyone closer and alleviate some of the tension in your household.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Seems like progress, yeah? Maybe this opening up will bring everyone closer and alleviate some of the tension in your household.
Somewhat... I mean, I didn't get the usual, cold, dismissive response where I'm made to feel like crap; or joke and change the subject. Which is a change for my mother. That said, we do sit and talk more than we used to.

She also apologised for being a bit of control freak over the years, in terms of how she treated me. After she asked me if I thought she had been. Again, surprising; since in the past, me answering a question honestly usually got a hostile reaction. Basically, I, either, upset or piss them off, since I'm not one for giving the answer they want, y'know? So, there's progress there... at least

Though, I'm not so sure about bringing everyone closer. I mean, my older siblings aren't easy to deal with. One is as bad as the other at times. And I still feel that the youngest of the two is the more difficult to be around for a number of reasons. We might have things in common, aside from being born within the same decade, but I just can't be bothered to find out. It's kinda difficult to get along with someone who hasn't exactly treated, or made you feel like a brother.

Sorry, I went off on a bit of tangent there. 😁
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Finally feeling festive! 🎄Only took all month. :rolleyes: I finished most of the handmade gifts this weekend and got them wrapped. Only have one more to finish and then I'm done! I have a lot of food to make this week too requested by family and unfortunately I'm working all the way up til Christmas Eve. Meanwhile I'm also trying to finish up online coursework for a certification I need for work, plus other online trainings. It's going to be a busy week trying to squeeze everything in, but I hope I get to have some fun somewhere in there. 🤷‍♀️
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Had a pretty good few days, there. Was feeling good about myself, happy; even if I wasn't feeling so great, physically. But now I'm back to feeling anxious and on edge. Ah know the positivity wouldnae last...😔

I'm absolutely dreading Christmas Day. Ah know, it supposed to be happy time n' that. But ah always get the feeling that there's going to be an argument about something, as — more often than not — my siblings almost always start about something or other. It's a tradition, of sorts. They arrive, an argument kicks off before, during or after the dinner. Then my sisters leave, pissed off. And I'm left consoling our mother who's sat on living room couch, crying. Sometimes, it happens on New Year's Day as well...

If not for something trivial, then an argument will usual kickoff cuz am no being talkative enough. Which is great way to make socially anxious introvert feel more at ease around people, innit?

Then there's the fact I'm only spending time with them to appease a sibling who, over the years, has made it clear that she feckin' despises me. Or, at least, that's impression ah git from her snide remarks, insults and constantly talking down to me.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Great! My sisters fell out over the weekend there. That bodes well for Christmas Day. 😒 😔🤦‍♂️

No doubt I'll get frickin' berated, just as I'm tucking into my dinner, for that Facebook post that I posted a few months ago. Where I expressed a very different view on Black Lives Matter than my older sister. Mind you, that'll be a change from the usual: "Your awfy quiet; whit ye no talkin' fur?" 🤦‍♂️😡🤬
 

vj288

not actually Fiona Apple
A few nights ago I got the the best nights sleep I have had in recent memory. Unfortunately when you only get one good nights sleep, all the bad nights sleep following it become very jarring. I have been incredibly cranky all day today since the moment I woke up.
 

Miserum

Well-known member
I fucking hate people. I hate feeling either eventually hated, mocked, discarded, or isolated from nearly every group I join. Might as well stop trying to be one of "them" and just become a lone wolf. I don't enjoy feeling this way, but it seems like my fate is sealing closed with every day that passes.
I was going to write that earlier when I was feeling a little more grumpy. Now I'm feeling more charitable, so, yeah. I guess people are alright.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Depressed. I was going to say again, but that seems to be my natural state when I'm not being creative. 😔

But hey, just got to get on with it somehow. Despite family life going to crap around me. My mother slowly wasting away and turning into a shell of the funny, happy person I used to know. Though, it's nice to finally get the whole walking on eggshells around a certain sibling finally confirmed as learnt behaviour. Something I've suspected for years. But, a therapist who works at the same place as my oldest sister got her to described how she feels when around her sister and was subsequently told that how we act around our middle sibling has been learnt over years because our brains have become wired to react that way.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Not doing so great... my auntie (my mum's sister) passed away this morning. 😔 And I'm being expected by my oldest sister to ask our mum how she's feeling. There's only a slight problem with that: my mum never opens up to me about how she's feeling unless she's pissed off about something. So I don't know how to help her cope with this loss.
 

F0AM

Well-known member
Not doing so great... my auntie (my mum's sister) passed away this morning. 😔 And I'm being expected by my oldest sister to ask our mum how she's feeling. There's only a slight problem with that: my mum never opens up to me about how she's feeling unless she's pissed off about something. So I don't know how to help her cope with this loss.
Hello Graeme! I'm sorry to read this, you know your mother more than I (obviously) but when someone doesn't open up, maybe just showing your support is enough. Just let her know that you'll be there for her if needed.

Sometimes (at least in my case) what matters is not the fact of opening up to someone but knowing that there will be "that someone" to open up with if I need it. I have lots of trouble opening up and venting but knowing there are ppl there...brings some peace.

There isn't really much you can do when dealing with someone's loss, other than showing support and spending time together to help the mind evade.

I really hope you both feel better eventually. Also take care of yourself :)

Edit: typed "bother" instead of "both" (thank you android spell checker).
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hello Graeme! I'm sorry to read this, you know your mother more than I (obviously) but when someone doesn't open up, maybe just showing your support is enough. Just let her know that you'll be there for her if needed.

Sometimes (at least in my case) what matters is not the fact of opening up to someone but knowing that there will be "that someone" to open up with if I need it. I have lots of trouble opening up and venting but knowing there are ppl there...brings some peace.

There isn't really much you can do when dealing with someone's loss, other than showing support and spending time together to help the mind evade.

I really hope you bother feel better eventually. Also take care of yourself :)
Thanks... I have told my mum I'm there when needed, as I have done for the past few years. And she acknowledges and appreciates this. I think it'd be worse for her had I moved out. I did spend some time with her for most of the day. And I'm going to try and do the same tomorrow.

As for taking care of myself, I try to whenever I can. Though this year I think I really neglected myself in terms of care. So, in 2021, I'm going to make an effort to start taking care of myself again.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Stressed about going back to work tomorrow. I hate it there. No way around it. I hate it because I really do not like my boss or my coworker. They cause so much stress that the environment feels entirely different when one or the other isn't around. I can't or won't quit all because of that though. I have student loans I plan to pay off this year, I have benefits I'll be providing now, and I'm not done learning yet. I so badly want to create my own business and work from home. I just really don't know how to do what I want to do feasibly. 😞🤷‍♀️
 

F0AM

Well-known member
Stressed about going back to work tomorrow. I hate it there. No way around it. I hate it because I really do not like my boss or my coworker. They cause so much stress that the environment feels entirely different when one or the other isn't around. I can't or won't quit all because of that though. I have student loans I plan to pay off this year, I have benefits I'll be providing now, and I'm not done learning yet. I so badly want to create my own business and work from home. I just really don't know how to do what I want to do feasibly. 😞🤷‍♀️
I really hope you can have your own business one day and be you own boss. I know how much the people you dislike can ruin even the best moments....stay strong Phoenixx.

Is there no person or place you can ask for business advice?
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
I really hope you can have your own business one day and be you own boss. I know how much the people you dislike can ruin even the best moments....stay strong Phoenixx.

Is there no person or place you can ask for business advice?
I do have resources locally to ask advice. I actually advised with someone this past summer over one idea I had. It was a good consult that opened my eyes a little more and I ended up casting that idea aside in favor of something else that seems a bit more practical for where I live. That being said, given what I want to do I ultimately need more money, some help with labor I can't do very easily on my own, and of course time. I can make the time, but having more money when you're already trying to pay off debts and trying to get help when your circle is already pretty small as it is is extremely difficult.
 

LoyalXenite

Well-known member
Angry.

Woke up with no coffee, my internet is trash, and I'm having to type all this out on a small tablet.
I woke to internet problems today too, luckily it was easily fixed in about 20 minutes with tech support.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Feeling rushed today. It's been a very busy day back to work, but thankfully not horrible. I feel petty when I complain about the crappy things about my job. I mean the bad things really suck, and it's far from perfect, and I really don't want to be doing this 5 years down the road, but I guess it could always be worse. I could be earning zero benefits, I could've received zero pay during quarantine, I could've been forced to pay for a certification they wanted me to have instead of them paying for it. But they've been nice enough to offer all of those things. The company does look good on a resume too, even if their work ethic here is terrible. 🤷
 
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