How are you feeling?

Kiwong

Well-known member
Freaking out.

Well here we go again.

I was caught on the spot and invited out to a rooftop bar on new years eve by a woman who I find quite attractive. Seeing as I had no pre-prepared excuse to get out of it, I accepted.
Now comes the flood of anxiety. I'm looking forward to spending time with this woman, dinner, the fireworks (and I'm pretty sure the kiss that will come at the midnight countdown).

It's the whole sitting around the bar and talking thing that's freaking me out. Not with the chosen company, but at the thought of others sitting close by becoming involved. Complete strangers. I've always struggled to converse in a non nervous way socially with complete strangers in that type of setting.
I'm telling myself that it'll be ok, it'll be fine, just relax and not be nervous.. but my anxiety is looking in on me with my brain reacting like;


I know it's not rationale. I keep telling myself to


I have to get this damned anxiety out of my head.. If I can do that I know 'll be fine.

Good stuff. She must like you to ask. Will be good to have some company. Can you choose a table where it is just you and her.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Woke up grumpy this morning. Partly because I have to go back to work in 2 days when I'd rather still be off getting stuff done around the house. Also because I was reading a family book last night I received for Christmas. I won't go into detail since it's personal (and I do appreciate the time and effort a family member took to write and record everything), but basically reading about family members I've never met, how wonderful their lives were, made me seriously depressed. It only reminded me of what I never grew up with and instead all the toxicity I experienced. You'd think I'd learn to not yearn for things that don't exist, yet I still get caught up in my woes.... Whatever. :rolleyes: Glad someone I know had a wonderful life. Too bad that person couldn't pass it down to his own children. I mean, I guess he started to but then he just gave up and became selfish instead.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Starting the new year feeling depressed and anxious, as usual. It's been 3+ months of this agonizing feeling, which has been lighting a fire underneath me even more to schedule an appointment for therapy. I found a therapist in my network where costs will be covered, but she's an hour away. I'm not unfamiliar with the area at all, but it just sucks it's kinda far. But I need help though and I shouldn't feel bad for wanting it, and I shouldn't find excuses not to go. I just haven't told anyone about this, not even my husband. The last time I tried therapy, he wasn't too supportive. I don't know why, he just doesn't understand it I guess. But it makes me feel bad. I already feel bad, and his lack of support makes it worse. He doesn't insult me over it or anything he just doesn't say much about it. No encouragement or anything.

Speaking of no encouragement, I feel like I haven't been getting that out of my job either. I hate to say it, but I think this new job of mine has been really affecting my anxiety and depression. It's such a new environment compared to my last job. I've been learning lots of new things, some things I really enjoy, but I feel so disconnected to everyone there. I know I'm still new, I've been there 2 months now. But I feel like even in those 2 months I had hoped I'd become closer with SOMEONE in the workplace. Day in and day out I assist with appointments, I take notes for record keeping, I prep files, I check schedules, rinse and repeat. I get very little praise with how I've been doing. I live on praise, so I understand that I'm doing a good job. I don't know if that's wrong or not, but it's just how I am. My last job I was constantly updated with how I was doing, was praised for what I did well with, and was told what I needed to work more on. I don't get that here. Just when I think *I'm* doing a decent job, small mistakes are pointed out to me. My boss is very blunt with this, and it's typically during client appointments during record keeping. She'll straight up correct my work for me, all the while saying, "We write it like this." or she'll cut in front of me at the computer and type something. I don't think I'd feel so bad about her bluntness if it wasn't in front of another person. It gets straight up embarrassing sometimes. The woman who has been training me warned me about this behavior. Told me, "She is very blunt, and she is aware she comes off this way, but don't take it personally." and also, "You'll make a mistake and she will correct you, and when she does you'll never make that mistake again, hahaha!"

I literally don't find how that is funny, or how anyone can feel decent with themselves at the end of the day treating your employees like that. Maybe I'm too nice of a person. When I was in a supervisor role at my last job, the job was absolute shit and I hated every aspect of it (as did everyone else), but day in and day out I made sure when I made requests I included a "please" and a "thank you". If someone did a good job, I did not hesitate to tell them. And if someone did something wrong I always made sure to direct them with their mistake while making sure to let them know that it was okay. I saw such a HUGE boost in the company morale when I was a supervisor. I don't mean that to brag, but I'm literally telling the truth. I have former coworkers still messaging me from time to time asking how I'm doing and how much they miss me at that job. I appreciate them and they still appreciate me and that makes me feel good.

I'm sad that I don't yet have that here with this new job, and I'm afraid I won't ever feel that way or ever achieve that. :(
 
A girl is pursuing me but my social phobia won't let me do anything about it. I mentioned it to my cousin and he happens to know her. Apparently she used to go to our gym but quit right before I started. He's trying to get me to ask her out but there's simply no way. The best part? She lives two doors down from me, so I can't even go outside without having to dodge her, she almost always comes out and tries to talk to me whenever I go to my car. I find myself staying inside all day just to minimize the chance of an encounter.

If I had to stop and talk to her for any amount of time she'd see how weird I am and then things would really get uncomfortable. She's young and beautiful, though... so hopefully she'll lose interest and move on soon.

What a thing to hope for, right?



Hell and damnation.
 
A girl is pursuing me but my social phobia won't let me do anything about it. I mentioned it to my cousin and he happens to know her. Apparently she used to go to our gym but quit right before I started. He's trying to get me to ask her out but there's simply no way. The best part? She lives two doors down from me, so I can't even go outside without having to dodge her, she almost always comes out and tries to talk to me whenever I go to my car. I find myself staying inside all day just to minimize the chance of an encounter.

If I had to stop and talk to her for any amount of time she'd see how weird I am and then things would really get uncomfortable. She's young and beautiful, though... so hopefully she'll lose interest and move on soon.

What a thing to hope for, right?



Hell and damnation.
She might see you as weird, OR she might find you cute and adorable. I've found it to be a challenging thing, but deciding for other people what they will think or feel about you isn't fair to them. By the sounds of it there's something about you she already likes to be pursuing you. In this particular instance, I would be on your cousins side if you have any interest as well.

Either things go well and you are dating a young and beautiful...literal girl next door, or it is awkward and you can go to your car freely again due to her beginning to avoid you. Win win! :D
 
My resurrection is still in the skeletal phase, I can't possibly bear the weight of anything romantic right now. That's the mistake I've always made in the past: get the weight off, go out with the first girl who shows interest, crash and burn because my social phobia wrecks it, then spiral back down into a pit of depression and overeating. My defensive aloofness and superficial bad boy bullshit will dissipate within seconds of any real encounter with her. I'll be exposed for the phobic, emotionally stunted man I really am... almost instantly.

"Know thyself" right? Well, I finally do... kinda. Never-mind that I'm scared shitless, of her... it's just not the right time.

BTW, this is literally her:

(image removed for paranoia)

See what I mean? There's NO WAY I'm ready for this. Maybe a year or so from now, after I get back into therapy and remember who I was, but no way right now.
 
Last edited:

Kiwong

Well-known member
A girl is pursuing me but my social phobia won't let me do anything about it. I mentioned it to my cousin and he happens to know her. Apparently she used to go to our gym but quit right before I started. He's trying to get me to ask her out but there's simply no way. The best part? She lives two doors down from me, so I can't even go outside without having to dodge her, she almost always comes out and tries to talk to me whenever I go to my car. I find myself staying inside all day just to minimize the chance of an encounter.

If I had to stop and talk to her for any amount of time she'd see how weird I am and then things would really get uncomfortable. She's young and beautiful, though... so hopefully she'll lose interest and move on soon.

What a thing to hope for, right?



Hell and damnation.
I feel for you Jedi. She might like your "weirdness'. You should do the opposite and embrace conversation with her. It could go well, and that feels good man!

One day you might regret not trying.
 
I feel for you Jedi. She might like your "weirdness'. You should do the opposite and embrace conversation with her. It could go well, and that feels good man!

One day you might regret not trying.
I regret it already, but that regret is nothing compared to being shot-down. Rejection validates all my suspicion about myself.

I'll wrap my loneliness around me like blanket. I'll be alright.

I think she's already figured out that something's wrong with me and has moved on.

 

Kiwong

Well-known member
I regret it already, but that regret is nothing compared to being shot-down. Rejection validates all my suspicion about myself.

I'll wrap my loneliness around me like blanket. I'll be alright.

I think she's already figured out that something's wrong with me and has moved on.

Yeah, rejection is tough. A big part of anxiety for many I suspect. She probably won't shoot you down, women are often caring and forgiving. I found out that after my stroke, they cared about me. Not only will you miss out, they will too, you're a cool guy Fountain.

At 57, I have been able to talk to women, even ones I am attracted to. It feels great to connect.
I even ate dinner with 4 ladies from work, and got hugs at the end! They like me, for all my eccentricities.
I have been going on runs with two ladies from work, there are plans to travel together to a fun run together.
 
Yeah, rejection is tough. A big part of anxiety for many I suspect. She probably won't shoot you down, women are often caring and forgiving. I found out that after my stroke, they cared about me. Not only will you miss out, they will too, you're a cool guy Fountain.
I'm only cool with people I'm comfortable with, though Kiwong. I'm a stilted weirdo otherwise.

And she's not a woman, she's a girl. I don't even think she's 20 yet. She's Generation Z, she's a Zoomer.


Fig. 1 - This GIF represents a 19 year-old girl's concern over my Avoidant Personality Disorder.

I'm just gonna continue to focus on my physical fitness and mental-health journey. If ZOOM wants to gradually get to know me on my schedule, great. If she wants to hop aboard the Fountain Express, cool; but this train ain't slowing down for nobody, and it's definitely not going to get derailed.



I hope. :(
 
Uncommunicative, uncaring and actually keen to get back to the office next week, which considering I'm not too enthused by keeping company with people at work, that says volumes. Sometimes doing the aforementioned means I don't do the things that give me anxiety (driving mainly) but results in pissing off the people around me. Plus, I've got an intray of issues I need to initiate to resolve and having conversations with people I'm very distant to and have no idea how to do it so, just letting it all stew rather than do anything about it. FFS
 
Top