How are you feeling?

Miserum

Well-known member
Feeling rushed today. It's been a very busy day back to work, but thankfully not horrible. I feel petty when I complain about the crappy things about my job. I mean the bad things really suck, and it's far from perfect, and I really don't want to be doing this 5 years down the road, but I guess it could always be worse. I could be earning zero benefits, I could've received zero pay during quarantine, I could've been forced to pay for a certification they wanted me to have instead of them paying for it. But they've been nice enough to offer all of those things. The company does look good on a resume too, even if their work ethic here is terrible. 🤷
Glad you are seeing the forest for the trees. That's a lot of plusses.
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
So anxious, stressed and moody. I hate for not knowing the things I should know and by not knowing these things, I end up making decisions that I instantly regret.

I had everything mapped out, booking the kids to a nursery 2 min walk from my house that would be convenient for my work schedule. Then, time elapsed and I thought why not take them elsewhere and I would have to drive for 5min return and may be better for them? First drop off yesterday and immediately I thought "why the fuck have I made this difficult?!" the nursery near home wasn't bad yet I've created more anxiety situations for myself.

And I take out the anxiety, stress and mood tantrums on the people around me bringing myself to think I can't handle these constant mindfucks and feelings of inadequacy
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Knackered! Totally burn oot. Nae energy. Mainly because I have to rely upon myself in order to get stuff done. By which I mean whenever I reluctantly agree to let a member of my family help me. Currently I'm trying to get my room tidied out, since the pandemic pretty halted progress on that last year.

Not that ah hate asking for me. It's just: most of time wheb I do, I usually end up either being let down or end up having doing most of work maself.

And I'm slightly annoyed, if not a wee bit pissed off, that my mother now wants her own pedal exerciser. Didnae git me wrong, I see the good in that. It's just: for years, she constantly complained to me about her legs being sore and she'd constantly make the self-pitying excuse for why she'd never use one. That being: "Ah'll no cun dae it anyway". Though, in the last 2 years, I now see and understand why it was always me who'd get complained to. Because, at worst, my reaction would be to roll my eyes and say: "Well... the pedal exerciser there. Use it!" Whereas, it becomes an interrogate if my mother complains to my sisters about anything. Why this, why that... what for?
 

Miserum

Well-known member
Yep! I can very much relate to that.

Though I don't think I ever will, really. Sometimes I wonder if was I even meant to "fit in"?
I think--at least I'll speak for myself--that my perspectives on life are just so wildly different from most normal people, that "being myself" is setting myself up for disaster. So I will never be able to "naturally" fit in.

I don't mean that in a "misunderstood genius" way btw if that's how it comes across. I just mean that perhaps "weird" people simply think differently from normal people so it makes it harder for us to connect with them.

Is it nature or nurture? I used to think it was heavily nurture. Questioning that mentality recently. My father had/has issues fitting in too. His father probably did too, based on all of the angry stories I hear my dad tell about him.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I think--at least I'll speak for myself--that my perspectives on life are just so wildly different from most normal people, that "being myself" is setting myself up for disaster. So I will never be able to "naturally" fit in.

I don't mean that in a "misunderstood genius" way btw if that's how it comes across.
No, your previous post didn't come across in that way, ie. "misunderstood genius".
I just mean that perhaps "weird" people simply think differently from normal people so it makes it harder for us to connect with them.
Possibly...?
Is it nature or nurture? I used to think it was heavily nurture. Questioning that mentality recently. My father had/has issues fitting in too. His father probably did too, based on all of the angry stories I hear my dad tell about him.
I used to think the same when it came to nature or nurture. But now I realise, thinking back to my upbringing, both probably played a part as far as most my issues go. From my struggles fitting in to my struggle with anxiety and depression. But then my upbringing was quite dysfunctional.
 

Miserum

Well-known member
Possibly...?
Btw, I was in no way referring to you as a "weirdo." I was using it in a general sense, and referring the word to myself more than anything. Bad choice of "us."

I started to write something clarifying my meaning behind what I originally said (weird people thinking differently), but as I began to flesh it out, I realized that it's probably much more complicated than can be reduced to a single black and white sentence like that. I suppose the idea that "weird people think differently than normal people" is more of a feeling to me than anything else, but one I've been feeling for a while.

I used to think the same when it came to nature or nurture. But now I realise, thinking back to my upbringing, both probably played a part as far as most my issues go. From my struggles fitting in to my struggle with anxiety and depression. But then my upbringing was quite dysfunctional.
Well, to me, it's sort of like the chicken and egg type of deal. Which came first? Did one bad ancestor raise their child badly, beginning a causal domino effect down the line of children for hundreds of thousands of years, finally ending up with me? Were there good years and bad years depending on circumstances (so some of my ancestors might have been cool and some horrid)? Or has the genetic temperament, the very lifeblood of my family tree, always been a piece of shit, leading to an infinite number of bad choices, bad parenting, right from the beginning?

Again, I'm simplifying, so I'll stop now.
 

lily

Well-known member
I hope I feel better today. I've been resting due to a virus I got when I went out recently but I don't want to keep resting :(
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I hope I feel better today. I've been resting due to a virus I got when I went out recently but I don't want to keep resting :(
I hope you're doing okay. It sucks not feeling well. But, it's best to rest as much as you can until you get better, even though you don't want to.
You don't want things to get worse due to not getting enough rest.
 

lily

Well-known member
Thanks Graeme, your post really made my day, it's very good, knowledgeable and caring advice. I hope I speedily recover. Thanks :)
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Currently just wishing my depression would just hurry up and make me do myself in. 😔🥺 Because I'm just fed up with how my family treats me.

Every time I try and make an effort to interact with my mother, I left wondering: why did I even bother? Or if I'm just unlikeable and off putting that I'm not worth being around, like my dad was?

Whenever I do something nice for any of them, I get made to feel like I only did it because I want something. And any time I have to listen to them whinging about their problems, any advice or solutions I give just goes ignored. So, why bother? 😟
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
So anxious, stressed and moody. I hate for not knowing the things I should know and by not knowing these things, I end up making decisions that I instantly regret.

I had everything mapped out, booking the kids to a nursery 2 min walk from my house that would be convenient for my work schedule. Then, time elapsed and I thought why not take them elsewhere and I would have to drive for 5min return and may be better for them? First drop off yesterday and immediately I thought "why the fuck have I made this difficult?!" the nursery near home wasn't bad yet I've created more anxiety situations for myself.

And I take out the anxiety, stress and mood tantrums on the people around me bringing myself to think I can't handle these constant mindfucks and feelings of inadequacy

So yeah, I decided to call up that nursery today and unsurprisingly they are booked up so I will have to endure driving to this other nursery and the anxiety it brings for a while. Also I noticed the person I spoke to seemed pissed off and probably rightly so but on the other hand I think they are unlikely to go out of business because we can't go there. I was apologetic but they didn't seem impressed.
 

Phoenixx

Well-known member
Stressed and disappointed in myself, which is causing my anxiety to skyrocket this week. Hasn't really been a good month, as much as I was looking forward to leaving 2020 behind. Too many expenses for things out of my control. Yet, I still feel guilty like it's somehow all my fault. Maybe in a way it was/is. Guess I can just learn from it and keep trying to do better. Or just at least keep trying to get through whatever all this shit is that's hitting the fan without kicking myself too much along the way. 🤷‍♀️
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I hate feeling like this... 🥺

I hate that my relationship with my mother seems to going back to my childhood. Basically, her boss me around, burden me with her problems and her making me feel unwanted whenever I try to make an effort to spend time with her.

And there was me thinking that we were getting along better... 😔

Every time ah ask her how she's feeling she says: "Fine!" Then proceeds to tell me how she hasn't been sleeping much lately. But when I ask why she says she doesn't know. And that's it — conversation over! Yet, I've lost sleep worrying about her.

We've been stuck in the same routine going on 4 years now, and I don't really see that changing. Mainly because I don't see the point in making an effort anymore. It seems to a waste time... my words just don't seem to be getting through.

Funny how, when ye genuinely care about yer family — and go outta yer way to show that — ye soon realise that those around ya don't really have that capacity for caring when it comes to what you're dealing with.
 
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