How are you feeling?

Feeling quite awful at the moment. If I drop dead today, try not to miss me too much.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

Feeling quite awful at the moment. If I drop dead today, try not to miss me too much.

:crying: :sad:

I really need to start walking again, or get a better computer chair.

FountainandFairfax said: ↑

I really need to start walking again, or get a better computer chair.

i've opted to do both of those. :bigsmile:
Though, for the computer, it all depends what yer specifically looking for, and how much you've got to spend.

What hope is there when every interaction scares you to death? What hope is there when every thought and activity causes stress, anxiety, and depression? What makes you think it will get any better when you have been trying for over ten years and are still in the same hole? This is my life folks. These questions are more like arrows that point me in the direction of suicide. Though I won't give in, just yet, it is a very VERY difficult battle to have everyday. I'm already in a weakened state and yet I have to fight the same, sometimes worse, mental battle everyday. This is why death is such a comforting thought.

defiance said: ↑

What hope is there when every interaction scares you to death? What hope is there when every thought and activity causes stress, anxiety, and depression? What makes you think it will get any better when you have been trying for over ten years and are still in the same hole? This is my life folks. These questions are more like arrows that point me in the direction of suicide. Though I won't give in, just yet, it is a very VERY difficult battle to have everyday. I'm already in a weakened state and yet I have to fight the same, sometimes worse, mental battle everyday. This is why death is such a comforting thought.

I know, man. I know... It's the same for me as well. Thankfully, though, I've got my music (both in terms of listening to it, and be able to play instruments). It's the least stressful activity I have in my life.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

I don't either. So you're not the only one.

it's good to know I'm not alone.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Aye, like the rest of the UK. Though, back in 2014, there was talk of possibly scrapping it if Scotland were to become independent.

Oh, I think Ireland has a part of it that is not part of the UK? Maybe that's where I got confused

Graeme1988 said: ↑

True. But that whole situation with food and drink could've been avoid if my mum just bought it all a week before the family visit.

Yea

Graeme1988 said: ↑

One of them does - the oldest sister still lives in Scotland. My older sister - the middle child - lives over in Northern Ireland.

Both of these sisters are from your mother's side?

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Oh. It's the exact opposite with me, and I feel just as self conscious at having my appearance critiqued positively by my family. :idontknow:

Wow, why is that?

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Well, I don't know for sure, but I get the feeling that's the vibe I give off. What with being quite shy, quiet and introverted. Not to mention the bushy beard on ma face.


And I have had my size and height pointed out to me more than once within the last year. Mainly during my hospital checkup appointments and during my rehab from surgery. Not a negative way, certainly. But enough to make me more self-aware of my height and body type. As well as me pumping those dumbell weights, so my arms are quite big.

Oh, and there was that really awkward experience in Edinburgh last year.

Oh I see. What happened in Edinburgh?

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Kinda. But I try not to let my temper get the better of me nowadays. I was inclined to be like that when I was younger. Though, if ye nag, or repeatedly pressure me to do something - that'll piss me off.

Oh.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Oh, it was just the whole bi-racial issue in terms of national identity. After my dad passed away, it kinda brought this issue to the forefront when my oldest sister made a passing reference to how I'd probably eligable for dual Kenyan citizenship if I applied for it, given my parentage. And this made me realise I've only ever identified with my place of birth, and never really acknowledged my African roots, for lack of better word.

Oh, so did you end up applying for dual Kenyan citizenship? So all your all life you felt just Scottish?

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Those around me for the part - Scottish people. But being a brown, feckle-faced lad, I've always felt I didn't, or found it fit in.

I'm confused so were you light brown?

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Yeah, they were.

That make sense now.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

My half-siblings on my dad's side? No, I never did. Simply because I would've just felt like the odd one out. In that, knowing my dad, my other sibling would've probably been more sophisticated and cultured than me.

I mean, I've met 2 my sisters on my dad's side of the family. I even went my first-ever music concert with one of them. But never really felt a connection with 'em. Since we grow up apart, and in different parts of the south of Scotland. Me, very much a city boy; my dad's side of the family more rual, out in the country.

No the guy you said that immigrated to Scotland and had a biracial family I believe.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Oh, I know... But they've kinda come to like and appreciate some of more alternative/indie rock bands I enjoy listening to. Though, they're still don't get why I'm such a metalhead or lover of classical instrumental music.

Yea. Why don't they get why your such a metalhead and lover of classical instrumental music?

Graeme1988 said: ↑

I know, they shouldn't. But those remarks were made. Hell, even my mum frequently liked to remind me that I was "effin' useless" throughout my teens, whenever I did something wrong. Even to this day, I wonder if, either, my mum or my sisters still feel this way about me? That I'm a waste of space. :sad: :question:

I hope they don't think that way.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Oh, my mum's also conservative in the sense of being a deeply religious Christian wummin. Therefore, a prude when it came to talking about sex.

Oh. Sorry for taking a long time to respond I was unmotivated tbh unfortunately and something went wrong with my device.

theslowesthand said: ↑

I've tried for decades to improve my looks, but NOTHING WORKED!!! :kickingmyself:. Between that & BDD (which presumably i have & i'm not just plain ugly!), i've always been a complete screw-up looks-wise. And looks ARE IMPORTANT in this shallow world we live in. If your looks are screwed, then generally so are you.

What is bdd? What do you mean your not just plain ugly? I'm sure your not ugly.

Photoshop crashed and of course I haven't saved anything in two hours... this sh!t never happened on Mac.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

^ Been listening to the Smashing Pumkins lately. Good choice. :thumbup:
Are they supposed be doing new album, reunited the original, "classic" line-up this year? :question:

Well billy is now on back on talking terms with darcy, which is a long time coming (~20 years!). So it appears he's on good terms with all the original members, which may mean doing sth together again?

But i only got into them when i bought melon collie tape around 2000. I'd only heard one or two of their songs on radio, so was virtually unaware of their music - hadn't heard of gish or siamese dream. The days before internet, eh?
Soon i might listen to adore album. Am gradually listening to all their albums.
Learning the lyrics too, which i don't normally do with music.

Back in the day, i think it was 1996, i can recall where i worked, the boss's young teen daughter had been invited to a pumpkins concert in our country. Afterwards, i asked how it was, and she said she hated it. She'd probably never heard them before. Perhaps the acoustics there weren't great?

The Smashing Pumpkins are fantastic. Billy also had a band called "Zwan" that was pretty good as well, after the Pumpkins split.

Dammit, I'm getting old. I'm talking about 90's bands the same way my dad and uncles used to talk about Zeppelin and The Beatles.

FountainandFairfax said: ↑

I really need to start walking again, or get a better computer chair

I once bought a computer chair. Never used it once. It'll be still in it's box, unopened, somewhere.

FountainandFairfax said: ↑

The Smashing Pumpkins are fantastic. Billy also had a band called "Zwan" that was pretty good as well, after the Pumpkins split.

Damn! That brought back memories of listening that album in high school, during computer studies. The teacher of that class had a CD stereo he'd borrowed from the music department, and he just blast that album and other rock/metal bands. Mostly 60s to early 90s bands...

FountainandFairfax said: ↑

Dammit, I'm getting old. I'm talking about 90's bands the same way my dad an.d uncles used to talk about Zeppelin and The Beatles.

I know, man. Old, but at least, you got good taste in music. :thumbup:

Marc7 said: ↑

What is bdd? What do you mean your not just plain ugly? I'm sure your not ugly

BDD stands for body dismorphic disorder.
Not just plain ugly = not just ugly.
I've always hated my looks, body, hair, voice, name - i felt they were all "ugly" (which they have been, to me .. and on occasion i have been called ugly, via various words).
And there's always various factors that contribute, like my mood, lighting, mirror, skin color (tan or pale), clothes. So it's quite difficult to accurately label oneself as "ugly". It seems quite subjective, imho.

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Damn! That brought back memories of listening that album in high school, during computer studies. The teacher of that class had a CD stereo he'd borrowed from the music department, and he just blast that album and other rock/metal bands. Mostly 60s to early 90s bands...

What a cool computer class! :bigsmile:

theslowesthand said: ↑

What a cool computer class! :bigsmile:

The girls didn't care much for the music, though. 🤭

Aye, the teacher was a cool guy. Sang; played the bass, had a great sense of humour. Though, he couldn't half yell and scared the everloving crap outta ya, if you purposeful misbehaved or failed turn in an assignment on time.

And someone in that same class found the teacher's first name, purely by accident one day, whilist read the song titles on the back of the Foo Fighters album, The Colour and the Shape. No joke! :bigsmile:

'I do wish to beside the seaside, oh i do wish to be beside the sea ..........'

(don't mind my silly singing - i'm just bored out of my mind; the closest thing i have to the sea is to have a beer, put some sea sounds on, close my eyes, and pretend i'm there! (ok, the beer is optional, hehe))
(the things boredom makes me do!)

'Another year and then you'll be happy
Just one more year then you'll be happy
You're crying, you're crying now'

ps: Graeme can you figure out the artist & song without googling? hehe

You DESERVE to suffer like this, FOOL! (Mr T)

theslowesthand said: ↑

'Another year and then you'll be happy
Just one more year then you'll be happy
You're crying, you're crying now'

ps: Graeme can you figure out the artist & song without googling? hehe

Without Google? F**k! :oh: Eh, lets see... Is there a Scottish link here? Just going by the fact ye addressed this to me. :thinking: Aw wait, is that not the chorus to...

Artist: Gerry Rafferty
Song: Baker Street

:question: