How are you feeling?

[theslowesthand]

Well done, ya dancer!!! :applause:

Yes, he's Scottish. Actually, something about his voice reminds me of Rod Stewart, another quality Scottish act.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well done, ya dancer!!! :applause:

Yes, he's Scottish. Actually, something about his voice reminds me of Rod Stewart, another quality Scottish act.

Aye, Rafferty was from Paisley. And Rod Stewart - while technical not Scottish because of where he was born n' raised. His dad was from Edinburgh, so... And Rod never forget, or came across as insincere when talking about his Scottish roots in interviews.

 

[Graeme1988]

Oh, I think Ireland has a part of it that is not part of the UK? Maybe that's where I got confused

Nothern Ireland uses the British pound as well. The Republic of Ireland use the Euro as currency. At least, I think that's correct. :thinking:

Both of these sisters are from your mother's side?

Yep! Each of us share the same mum, but different fathers, But we grew-up together. And our dads couldn't be bothered sticking around to raise us. So, we've got those things in common.

Wow, why is that?

Because the positive remark about my appearance were so rare up until recently. It was always some racist remark justified as a sarcastic joke, which to my family was harmless. Since they could easily forget how much I got bullied in school for my appearance.

So, for me, whenever they do praise my appearance, part me of tends to question the sincerity of their remark.

Oh I see. What happened in Edinburgh?

Oh, I had an awkward encounter with a young English lad who was had out flyers to folk trying to encourage them to come see this comedy show. He's just stuttered through his pitch and seem quite intimidating by me. :idontknow:

Oh, so did you end up applying for dual Kenyan citizenship?

I considered it a year after my dad passed away, but opted against it. Since I didn't want to do it for the wrong reasons. And didn't want it to get back to my dad's side of the family. Since they'd probably give me guff for it. Having not grown up with my dad.

So all your all life you felt just Scottish?

Well, it's the only culture I grew up with for much of ma life. So, aye.

I'm confused so were you light brown?

Yeah. Tanned enough to not be mistake for a white guy, anyway.

No the guy you said that immigrated to Scotland and had a biracial family I believe.

Yeah, I was referring to my dad when I said that, because that what he did.

Yea. Why don't they get why your such a metalhead and lover of classical instrumental music?

Because of the stereotypes usually associated with these 2 genre of music. Yer metalheads are commonly thought of as depressed, angry and into satanism. And classical music usually associated with posh, upper class, intelligent, educated types.

I hope they don't think that way.

If they don't, they certainly give off that impression.

Oh. Sorry for taking a long time to respond I was unmotivated tbh unfortunately and something went wrong with my device.

No problem. :thumbup: Sorry, I shortened your response there.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well done, ya dancer!!! :applause:

I know it seems that responding to yer post twice. But... I love the fact you used that "ya dancer" expression.

 

[Graeme1988]

I can't do this anymore. I just want this to end. :crying:

I'm fed up with always having to figure stuff out myself. Having to internalise all my negativity, put on this fake smile everyday, pretend my life's so perfect. More so than any able-bodied person. And constantly being f**kin' lectured as to how I'm always wrong. Doesnae matter if I'm not, though. I am always wrong. Why?! :idontknow:Naebuddy in my family ever cares to gives an explanation.I'm just expected to know... :kickingmyself:
No-one should have struggle like this, man. Depression. Anxiety. Or the constant, crippling self-doubt...
I wonder which of those is gonnae kill me quicker? :thinking:

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Depressing day, can't get anything off the ground creatively. No juice in the tank, no muse.

 

[AtTheGates]

STRESSED...

got assigned to my unit today. I'm going to have day shift in the dorm that holds inmates who just arrived to the prison . wow iv never had so much anxiety in my life but i had to play it off like i wasnt nervous . one hispanic guy was staring me down for like 3 minutes straight and according to his tattoos I think he might be affiliated with the mexican mafia but idk which "set" in particular. thankfully we have a gang unit for that though.

some other inmates were pointing and laughing at me and others were staring at me with strange expressions on there faces from time to time . . it was awkward. I'm really hoping this job will be like exposure therapy and help eliminate most of my social anxiety . I think it'll also look good on a resume no matter WHERE I decide to work a later on down the road....HOPEFULLY.




the gang unit sounds pretty interesting though...I need to look into how to apply .

 

[theslowesthand]

I know it seems that responding to yer post twice. But... I love the fact you used that "ya dancer" expression.

Well i'm glad that i used it right! I can recall you've used sth like 'ya buckin dancer!!!' before, in a congradulatory manner, and it just occurred to me that it may be suitable to be used for this instance.

btw I'm presuming it's scottish slang, right?

 

[theslowesthand]

And constantly being f**kin' lectured as to how I'm always wrong. Doesnae matter if I'm not, though. I am always wrong. Why?! :idontknow:Naebuddy in my family ever cares to gives an explanation.I'm just expected to know... :kickingmyself:

I would say the reason why they say you're wrong, is because you do or say sth that they "disagree" with, or sth which they react to (feelings-wise); so anything like that they tar with the "wrong" label, which happens to have much guilt automatically attached to it (ie it's an "emotionally loaded" word or label). Perhaps they even use the word to get back at you? (ie to make you feel guilty about sth you said or did). Or perhaps they use it as a way of controlling you? But i'm guessing they sometimes just imply you're in the wrong, without telling you straight?
You need, i think, to find a way of turning such things into a positive .. as it will always happen .. so might as well put it to good use rather than bad use, eh?

 

[theslowesthand]

Just wasting the day away, in boredom, as per usual. Just kill me now.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

STRESSED...

got assigned to my unit today. I'm going to have day shift in the dorm that holds inmates who just arrived to the prison . wow iv never had so much anxiety in my life but i had to play it off like i wasnt nervous . one hispanic guy was staring me down for like 3 minutes straight and according to his tattoos I think he might be affiliated with the mexican mafia but idk which "set" in particular. thankfully we have a gang unit for that though.

some other inmates were pointing and laughing at me and others were staring at me with strange expressions on there faces from time to time . . it was awkward. I'm really hoping this job will be like exposure therapy and help eliminate most of my social anxiety . I think it'll also look good on a resume no matter WHERE I decide to work a later on down the road....HOPEFULLY.




the gang unit sounds pretty interesting though...I need to look into how to apply .

Steady as she goes, man. I wish you luck, that job seems like a nightmare to me, you've got brass balls!

 

[theslowesthand]

Aye, Rafferty was from Paisley

Yeah, just saw that on wikipedia. Also found out that the great Billy Connolly was his bandmate, in the group The Humblebums!

 

[theslowesthand]

Valentine's Day, eh? No joy here. Just another cr*p day to me... :thumbdown:

 

[theslowesthand]

Listening to Huey Lewis & the News. I like it, but it takes me back to the 80s, eg some of those lovey-dovey type films made back then. I was always just viewing all that love stuff from my isolated place in the world, and never really got what they were going on about (eg song "the power of love", which i think was a theme song for a film). I never had any "relationships" as a kid or teen, in the 80s (or anytime), so i can only try to imagine what such felt like, and i wasn't very good with imagination. Hell, i never even felt real love from/for my own family, let alone from outside it. What i guess i'm saying is that i think fairytales & fantasy can actually do more harm than good, as you keep pining for that something in real life, when it doesn't actually exist. Sorry, rambling.

This song 'Ain't no living in a perfect world there ain't no perfect world anyway. Ain't no living in a perfect world but we'll keep on dreaming of living in a perfect world'
(kind of sums it up right there)

Also, much of the music in the 80s seemed to perpetuate these fantasy ideals which didn't exist in real life (or at least in my life). And to this day, some of the music just reminds me of how sad & lonely & alone i was :sad:
Yet here i am listening to such music now. It's like a bitter-sweet thing - the bitterness tastes sweet to my warped mind.

 

[Graeme1988]

Yeah, just saw that on wikipedia. Also found out that the great Billy Connolly was his bandmate, in the group The Humblebums!

Aye, a lotta people forget, or are unaware, that Billy Connolly got his start as a folk singer/guitarist. Since most people associate him with his comedy career. Though, his contribution to The Humblebums, as far as song-writing credits goes, was minimal compsred to Gerry Rafferty.

 

[Hot_Tamale]

I gave a presentation today in front of 20 students, it was so difficult and I started sweating but the longer it went the easier it got. It was like ripping off a band-aid. I still fumbled for words but I still managed myself well!

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Good job, Tamale.

 

[Graeme1988]

Well i'm glad that i used it right! I can recall you've used sth like 'ya buckin dancer!!!' before, in a congradulatory manner, and it just occurred to me that it may be suitable to be used for this instance.

btw I'm presuming it's scottish slang, right?

Aye, Glaswegian Scots in origin, but it's become more commonplace in the central and southern regions of Scotland. The meaning isn't really known, but the phrase is commonly heard in response to good news, or when something goes well.

 

[Graeme1988]

I would say the reason why they say you're wrong, is because you do or say sth that they "disagree" with, or sth which they react to (feelings-wise); so anything like that they tar with the "wrong" label, which happens to have much guilt automatically attached to it (ie it's an "emotionally loaded" word or label). Perhaps they even use the word to get back at you? (ie to make you feel guilty about sth you said or did). Or perhaps they use it as a way of controlling you?

Well, I'd say it more controlling on their part. Since they tend to always want to discourage me from doing things my way, or on my terms.

But i'm guessing they sometimes just imply you're in the wrong, without telling you straight?

This is how my mum is 99% of the time.

You need, i think, to find a way of turning such things into a positive .. as it will always happen .. so might as well put it to good use rather than bad use, eh?

How, exactly? Kinda difficult seeing the postive in trying to reason with someone who insist that they're in the right and your perspective because it doesn't match theirs is automatically wrong. And this isn't up for debate and reasoning with. Because my mum is exactly like this. Her way or no way... Ma dad wus the same. Where's the positive in that?


Plus, my family will constantly tell me that I'm more capable than I let on, as way of building my confidence. But then, everytime I attempt prove this, they insist upon helping me - when I don't need help. And get overly concerned about me to the point where I'm not even allowed outta the house on my own. :kickingmyself:

 

[Graeme1988]

I gave a presentation today in front of 20 students, it was so difficult and I started sweating but the longer it went the easier it got. It was like ripping off a band-aid. I still fumbled for words but I still managed myself well!

Good job, Tamale.

Agreed! Good on ye, Tamale. Well done. :thumbup: