theslowesthand
Banned
feeling like a complete and utter failure
Yep, same here, for sure. But i usually avoid thinking about it. I just try to be happy in the moment, & try to endure my suffering as best as i can.
feeling like a complete and utter failure
^that is me. The idea of going to sleep and never waking to this reality.
I have longevity in my genes which is the biggest Cosmic Joke!!!!
I am more depressed now than ever in the morning because my dreams/REM sleep take me away from all this awfulness of living. Even my bad dreams are a respite to the everyday awfulness of existence.
Nothing seems to dull or numb the pain anymore either.
I have fought this feeling since I was little. I knew it was potentially going to drive me to my grave early. I fought more when I had hope and when I was naive. Anymore I just give in to not caring about myself. I have become apathetic. It is almost a relief to not care though-though some days I am stricken with self pity like today. Some days I feel like I have wasted my life though I know I never had much to begin with.
I had such a wonderful dream. I was happy and felt free of all my burdens. I remember yelling in my dreams "THIS IS PARADISE....THIS IS TRUE HAPPINESS"......then I woke up to reality. I was filled with the opposite of what I felt in my dreams. If I could have stayed in that dream forever, then life would just be amazing. It was so peaceful and calm. When I woke up, I was miserable again as I knew what my day was going to be about. I'm just so tired of it all that any relief I can get, real or not, I will take it.:sad:
I can relate. I was dreaming of Matt Dillon (where did that come from lol) just giving me a sexy look like he wanted to sleep with me and that took away some of the pain of existence for a bit. Yep I would have liked to have stayed in that dream but they never turn out that great either. I have to get some lucid dreaming skills before I die.
I really feel like giving up tonight.
Mastering lucid dreaming would be amazing.
I really feel like giving up tonight.
I was going so well, for the last few months, until this week. The depression returned, for no apparent reason. These are the times when you're like 'what the hell, just go and top yourself already'. If only it were that easy... :sad:
I feel as if I am in the pits of hell....I AM NOT OK....MAN THIS S**T JUST DOESN'T GET ANY EASIER...WTF AM I SUPPOSED TO DO...............MAKE IT STOP....MAKE THIS PAIN STOP:crying::kickingmyself: