How are you feeling?

defiance

defiance

Well-known member
Life..........I am not a physically violent person and I never have been.............but if you were a person....I would beat the ever loving s**t out of you. I would torture you as you have tortured me. F**k man this pain is unbearable. There is that saying that life is too short....I say life is not short enough as I have had my fill of its bulls**t.
 
AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
feeling alright for the most part. finished my first day of orientation for my new job a luckily I didnt die. Saw some scary looking inmates and got lost with one of the other officers on the way out of the prison (the place is HUGE.its like a maze) lol. we were joking that we were going to get jumped by some inmates but eventually we found the exit to the parking lot.


before we left for the day the warden came in to talk to our class and said just a few weeks ago an inmate was brought in while high on some kind of drug . he said the guy ripped his own eye ball out of the socket because he was so messed up on drugs....wow....I REALLY needed to hear that on my first day. ..hopefully he was just making up a story to scare the new officers but i have a feeling he was being truthful.
 
FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
AtTheGates said:
feeling alright for the most part. finished my first day of orientation for my new job a luckily I didnt die. Saw some scary looking inmates and got lost with one of the other officers on the way out of the prison (the place is HUGE.its like a maze) lol. we were joking that we were going to get jumped by some inmates but eventually we found the exit to the parking lot.


before we left for the day the warden came in to talk to our class and said just a few weeks ago an inmate was brought in while high on some kind of drug . he said the guy ripped his own eye ball out of the socket because he was so messed up on drugs....wow....I REALLY needed to hear that on my first day. ..hopefully he was just making up a story to scare the new officers but i have a feeling he was being truthful.
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My best friend is a prison guard, he loves it. It was rough for him at first because he made the mistake of taking things the prisoners said to him to heart, but he adjusted rather quickly and now he's the guard no one ever messes with. He's tried to talk me into it, but I know my phobia will never be that manageable, so cheers to you for being able to tackle that kind of job. :thumbup:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Everything's going to shit in ma life. :kickingmyself: Or that's the feeling, at least.

I hate having to live up to someone else's expectations, and do as they say. Since everybuddy but me has freedom of choice in their lives. C*nts! :veryangry:

I'm aldo wondering if my family are manipulating me for their own narcissistic ends? Since they are, more often than not, never following through with things I ask 'em to do. Then when I question them about this, they make it all about them. :question: If they're no willing to help me then why don't they just say so, outright? :idontknow:
 
H

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
My superiors always tell me I'm not allowed to wear jeans to work so I stopped wearing them. My female co worker comes into work wearing tight jeans every work day and no one tells her anything even though her jeans have rips/tears in them. This isn't fair.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hot_Tamale said:
My superiors always tell me I'm not allowed to wear jeans to work so I stopped wearing them. My female co worker comes into work wearing tight jeans every work day and no one tells her anything even though her jeans have rips/tears in them. This isn't fair.
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Double standards are bitch, eh? That's definitely very unfair, indeed.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hot_Tamale said:
*sigh* perhaps it may be unfair because she isn't the only one, but maybe people have been told something and I just don't know that they've been told?
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Possibly. But, if they told you not to wear jeans then, I'd imagine, you're not the only person to have been told this? :question: If it's a dress code issue that applies to all, regards of gender? :idontknow:
 
H

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
Possibly. But, if they told you not to wear jeans then, I'd imagine, you're not the only person to have been told this? :question: If it's a dress code issue that applies to all, regards of gender? :idontknow:
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Yes, indeed...but she is beautiful. I have seen the way customers look at her and other a couple of other female co workers that wear jeans. I think the more attractive you are the more benefits you get in the world. I'm sorry for bringing up such a trivial, nonsense issue...it just sort of bothers me.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hot_Tamale said:
Yes, indeed...but she is beautiful. I have seen the way customers look at her and other a couple of other female co workers that wear jeans. I think the more attractive you are the more benefits you get in the world. I'm sorry for bringing up such a trivial, nonsense issue...it just sort of bothers me.
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Well, there ye go! Also, that's not trivial - I get why that'd bother ya.
That is indeed true, as far as the being attractive thus the more benefits ye get in this world.
 
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AtTheGates

AtTheGates

Banned
FountainandFairfax said:
My best friend is a prison guard, he loves it. It was rough for him at first because he made the mistake of taking things the prisoners said to him to heart, but he adjusted rather quickly and now he's the guard no one ever messes with. He's tried to talk me into it, but I know my phobia will never be that manageable, so cheers to you for being able to tackle that kind of job. :thumbup:
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thanks! being a corrections officer is definitely interesting so far and its only my 2nd day. its strange how I'm not afraid to be around inmates but actually anxious/fearful of social situations, meeting new people(especially women), ect... *shrug*
 
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MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
Sorry you guys are there, too. I just can't help but think things were not supposed to be like this for me. This life I am living seems like such a mistake. I am a real fuk up in my eyes and I am sure everyone else's too.
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
MollyBeGood said:
Sorry you guys are there, too. I just can't help but think things were not supposed to be like this for me. This life I am living seems like such a mistake. I am a real fuk up in my eyes and I am sure everyone else's too.
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Molly I can easily relate to what you have said here. The issues we deal with are immensely difficult enough on just us. However, when you take into account that others around us are affected as well, things get even worse. I feel like the life I have lived and continue to live is beyond a mistake. It kills me waking up in the morning already knowing what lies ahead, pain and misery. I would love, I MEAN LOVE, to go to sleep and never wake up. I fear that I am far to mentally paralyzed to change my fate and that is a scary thought. Someone like me should not be allowed to have a long life as all I did was waste this life and the lives of others......sorry I am ranting a bit now. Hang in there and know that you aren't alone.
 
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MollyBeGood

MollyBeGood

Well-known member
^that is me. The idea of going to sleep and never waking to this reality.
I have longevity in my genes which is the biggest Cosmic Joke!!!!

I am more depressed now than ever in the morning because my dreams/REM sleep take me away from all this awfulness of living. Even my bad dreams are a respite to the everyday awfulness of existence.

Nothing seems to dull or numb the pain anymore either.

I have fought this feeling since I was little. I knew it was potentially going to drive me to my grave early. I fought more when I had hope and when I was naive. Anymore I just give in to not caring about myself. I have become apathetic. It is almost a relief to not care though-though some days I am stricken with self pity like today. Some days I feel like I have wasted my life though I know I never had much to begin with.
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
Just having a few days bed rest, as i've gotten myself into a wee depression. Did feel myself dropping this last week. Being very gentle & positive with my thoughts, so that the depression can go away. It's very much an art to recovering from depression. I guess it's teaching me how i should think better normally.
 
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