Inferior, useless, a burden. I have been breaking more and more mentally. I can't stand being a failure every single day. Try as I might but it's groundhog day for me and I can't escape. Will I ever be alright again?
I'm so fuc*ing depressed, I really don't want to be me, I want to die, I really want to die. I'm contemplating suicide more than ever, but I don't think I have the guts to do it. I'm so sad and I have NOTHING to live for. Nothing good enough to fill out my emptiness, will ever happen.
When i'm depressed (such as last week or so) that's how generally i'm feeling. My councellor said i need to find "purpose", and all i can come up with is 'prepare for death'. I mean i know i've completely botched-up my life, and so :. i have a real hatred for (my) life, it's just neverending misery & torture with no end in sight. So i just keep saying to myself 'this will all pass' (which is true, but it doesn't feel like it is). I truly believe that the day i die will be the ABSOLUTE BEST DAY of my life. I've had enuf of all this feckin bullshit. Now, where can i find a gun...I'm so fuc*ing depressed, I really don't want to be me, I want to die, I really want to die. I'm contemplating suicide more than ever, but I don't think I have the guts to do it. I'm so sad and I have NOTHING to live for. Nothing good enough to fill out my emptiness, will ever happen
I'm so fuc*ing depressed, I really don't want to be me, I want to die, I really want to die. I'm contemplating suicide more than ever, but I don't think I have the guts to do it. I'm so sad and I have NOTHING to live for. Nothing good enough to fill out my emptiness, will ever happen.
Lately when I go to sleep, I feel so exhausted, so bone tired. Then I wake in the morning and just feel this despair about who I am take hold.
I just had some cleaners in. They do exit cleaning as well. I probably freaked them out, I'm not sure if one shuddered because I weirded them out, or because it is was cold.
Opening up my world to anyone is the most fearful thing I can face. If I can dig myself out of this hole of a place I live, then it might just be one of the biggest achievements in my life.
I realise the most important thing I have done recently is reach out to family - my sister. She knows me, and will help me. And I need to seek support which is real. Even this is hard. My worse fear is that my anxiety will push my family away. And then I will be lost, because I can't fight this battle alone.
I'm not so sure about self-love. I'm freaking fantastic, I love myself = *******s. A more realistic realisation is to recognise that I am broken, strange and not such a great human being at all , but to keep fighting for myself regardless of my limitations, even when it seems every else has given up on me
I didn't want to go past 7000 posts, so I deleted a couple.
Lately when I go to sleep, I feel so exhausted, so bone tired. Then I wake in the morning and just feel this despair about who I am take hold.
I just had some cleaners in. They do exit cleaning as well. I probably freaked them out, I'm not sure if one shuddered because I weirded them out, or because it is was cold.
Opening up my world to anyone is the most fearful thing I can face. If I can dig myself out of this hole of a place I live, then it might just be one of the biggest achievements in my life.
I realise the most important thing I have done recently is reach out to family - my sister. She knows me, and will help me. And I need to seek support which is real. Even this is hard. My worse fear is that my anxiety will push my family away. And then I will be lost, because I can't fight this battle alone.
I'm not so sure about self-love. I'm freaking fantastic, I love myself = *******s. A more realistic realisation is to recognise that I am broken, strange and not such a great human being at all , but to keep fighting for myself regardless of my limitations, even when it seems every else has given up on me
I didn't want to go past 7000 posts, so I deleted a couple.