How are you feeling?

[Graeme1988]

No clue as to what could be causing it. It has just been that way. It is almost as if my true self is reminding me that I am supposed to be miserable and happiness is not a part of my life.:idontknow:

:sad: Oh! Ah don't know whit tae say... Ah wish ah could say summit that would lift ya outta yer current mood. ::

 

[Phoenixx]

Pissed off. Worked with the most toxic person tonight. She was as toxic as they come. I'd actually like to report her for some of the things she did, but unsure if anything would even be done about it. Also managed to piss off the bf too. Man, **** this. I'm going to bed.

 

[Graeme1988]

Another year older and closer to the grave

To quote a line from a Bruce Springsteen song. Basically it's ma birthday today, a fact which ah couldnae give a f**k about. 28 years old, yet ah still get treat like a kid cuz am the youngest in the family.

 

[PugofCrydee]

Like it's all not worth it.

People in general are shitty.
I currently don't like myself.

I guess the black dog is following me again.

 

[Graeme1988]

Like it's all not worth it.

People in general are shitty.
I currently don't like myself.

I guess the black dog is following me again.

Aye, that's how ah feel anaw. :sad:

 

[Graeme1988]

Another year older and closer to the great porridge pot in the sky

To quote a line from a Bruce Springsteen song. Basically it's ma birthday today, a fact which ah couldnae give a flying-arsed kipper about. 28 years old, yet ah still get treat like a kid cuz am the youngest in the family.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FQwdy2wPpjU

:thumbup: Thanks for that, kihira. Like the edits ya made tae ma original post. Porridge pot... flying-arsed kipper - very funny :bigsmile:

 

[Marc7]

Fair point there, Marc. But ah never actually asked ma Dad which part of Africa he wus from. And ah rarely asked ma Mum about him cuz she’s just start rant about how shitty he was as a person. Though, ironically, it wus ma Mum that telt me which part of Africa ma Dad wus from, short after he passed away.

I get it, you don't know where your father is from because you never asked him.

:idontknow: F**k knows, pal. But ah’ve always taken it to mean that am quite knowledgeable aboot things, an take an interest in things that don’t interest the rest o’ ma family. Therefore, I’m apparently smarter than them.
Despite no being entirely sure of ma ain intelligence at the best o’ times, masel’. Ah always get the feelin’ that ma family look at me an think:
Ha! Look it him… Sittin’ there. Readin’ book, watch documentaries, listening tae classical music. As well as teach himself the guitar. See that, that’s a brainy c**t right there.

What does "Despite no being entirely sure of ma ain intelligence at the best o' times, masel'" mean? So they resent you for your intelligence?

Ah don’t follow the news for much the same reasons as you, Marc. Also, it’s quite depressing a lotta the time, too. And it quite repeative nowadays, with these 24-hour news channels. And ah don’t huv a clue whit they’re going on about when it comes tae certain economic and business issues. Mainly due to being shite at mathematics, myself. Ah prefer to read about it online most of the time. But even then ah don’t think ah should give ma opinion on it in case I’ve misinterpret the story or there’s not enough info to make a judgement on it. And when am asked for ma opinion ah normally bluff ma way through ma answer. Going for the most sensible perspective, even if I’m totally wrong.

Do you have avpd? I think I have that because I feel inferior to certain people? So, you read the news online?

Nope. I don’t have the money to afford going private with my health care. Though, there’s probably some perks to it. Though, every operation, injection or medication would probably be getting paid for by me if ah went private? And ah don’t think ma disability benefit allowance payment would even come close to paying for it, either.

Oh.

If you consider being laugh at for whit ye say and how ye say it. Then, aye, they still make of me. But I'm used to it, the being the youngest of 3 siblings.

Why did they make fun of me?

:bigsmile: Naw, stammer is just another word of a stutter. Definitely not Scottish slang or everyday talk here, as it’s used in other parts of the UK.
Believe me, Scottish slang is only exclusive to Scotland for the most part. Though, in the North of England they use some Scottish words an phrases, mainly in Newcastle. Oh, and Ireland use some Scottish expression as well. But then the Scots were original an Irish tribe, so that would probably explain the commonality between the Scots and Irish.

I was close lol. The Scotts that were in Scotland first were an Irish tribe?

Chalk that doon tae being racially bullied during ma school years, and often gettin’ mistaken for a Pakistani by ignorant school peer and older kids. And the fact am no much of a smilier.

How did they racially bully you?

 

[Graeme1988]

What does "Despite no being entirely sure of ma ain intelligence at the best o' times, masel'" mean?

Translation: "Despite not being entirelt sure of my own intelligence at the best of times, myself". That's just me having some self-doubt about myself. Not being sure of my intelligence since ah don't feel aw that smart or clever, to be honest.

So they resent you for your intelligence?

Ah don't know, but they must to some extent? Why else would they find me intimidating to engage in conversation with - surely that's nothing to do with the fact I'm a big fella? Why would my cousin ask me "Where did ye get yer brains from?" in somewhat genuinely curious, yet jokin' manner? Why would ma family - my Mum, sister and one cousin in particular - scoff at my love of art and music, as well as my preference to read books over watching TV and movies all the time, like they do alot.

Not that I see myself as better than them, just different from 'em.

Ah mean, ma Mum left school with no qualification and went straight into work to raise 2 of the 3 of us. She had me when she was well into her 40s, didnae go to college or university. Whereas I dropped outta school a complete failure, but ah wus actually a bright kid who hud potential. Just didnae receive the proper support ah needed to live up to that potential.

Plus, ah self-taught myself to play the guitar and mandolin - badly I might added but still... And my family aren't all that musicial.

Do you have avpd? I think I have that because I feel inferior to certain people?

Probably. Ah definitely feel inferior around certain, if not most, people.

One ma sisters would still argue that I'm autistic cuz ah don't talk much. So nuthin' ataw to do with being introverted and highly senstive. The latter being more a cure than a blessing for a bloke like me. Or only speaking when spoken to. And possibly, only engaging in conversation with people who don't get on my nerves, and whom ah feel comfortable around.

So, you read the news online?

Aye, mainly just the headlines, though. But ah couldnae go deeper an intellectualise about the issues in the way ye see pundits doing. I'm not brainy enough, nor do ah huv ma heid that far up ma arse, to think like that. :bigsmile:

Why did they make fun of you?

Well, mainly cuz I'm the only male in the family. And being the youngest I was more naive as a child. When ah wus a teen, it's wus ma deep voice an facial hair that were the but of jokes.

Though the one thing they've always mo me for is not sharing the same interests or tastes as them. No idea why, though. Ah guess it's cuz ah wus raised in a terribly conservative, uptight and deeply religious household. Where a healthy mistrust of strangers and anyone who wus different was enforced. And a stubborness to change wus the norm. As well as that all too Scottish of things, never talkin' about yer feelings, for fear of actually saying how ye feel.

I was close lol. The Scotts that were in Scotland first were an Irish tribe?

Ya weren't far off, for sure...

Aye, that's correct. The Scots were an Irish tribe, so the first ones to arrive in Scotland came over from Ireland. Meaning that, technically 2 of the 3 things most associated with Scotland - the kilt an bagpipes aren't actually Scottish after all, but Irish in origin.

How did they racially bully you?

Mainly verbally, yelling racially slurs at me. But there were a few times where ah got battered for huvin the balls to stand up for myself.

Mind you, answering back with an even more harsh insult probably wasn't the way to go. Though, telling the teacher or my Mum never helped in ma case. So, ah guess ah dealt with the bullyin' as best ah could...? :question:

 

[Hoppy]

My cat has cancer. He is still eating well, and affectionate, but sooner rather than later I am going to have to make a very difficult decision.

 

[Graeme1988]

My cat has cancer. He is still eating well, and affectionate, but sooner rather than later I am going to have to make a very difficult decision.

Shit! Geniunely sadden to hear that, Hoppy. :sad: Though, ah know how difficult that decision is.
As well as how devastatin' it is to loss a much loved pet.

 

[Phoenixx]

My cat has cancer. He is still eating well, and affectionate, but sooner rather than later I am going to have to make a very difficult decision.

^ Awww, I'm so sorry to hear that. :sad: I worry that my other cat, who still lives with my parents, might have cancer. He's unable to live with me due to his anxiety, so I only get to see him whenever I visit back home, which is about a couple times a month. A few months back I noticed a bump on his ribcage under the skin. It's not rock hard, but it's not soft either, however I can move it back and forth and it hasn't grown at all. I think it might be scar tissue, perhaps he broke a rib at some point since he is indoor/outdoor. But of course I don't have the money right now, nor will my parents pay for it, to take him to a vet to get it checked. He's not sick otherwise, even though he's not the healthiest either as he's always had stomatitis that's been hard to treat no matter what I do (including vet visits). He's happy where he is though, even without me, so that's what matters.

 

[SilentAndShy]

Bit worried - manager who worked with me for a year and who, on the whole, I got on with is leaving to be replaced temporarily by someone else before a permanent appointment is made. Just worried the new person will not see through my errors like my current one did or as supportive..

 

[this_portrait]

My cat has cancer. He is still eating well, and affectionate, but sooner rather than later I am going to have to make a very difficult decision.

I'm so sorry to hear that. My old cat had kidney failure, but we didn't know it until she reached the final stage. It was a very sad time.

How old is your kitty? My old one was nearly 13 when I had to put her down, so she was pretty old.

 

[defiance]

why am I still here? WHY THE FU*K AM I STILL HERE. I CAN'T TAKE THIS SH*T. AND I KNOW MY ENTIRE LIFE IS GOING TO BE LIKE THIS IF NOT WORSE. WHAT'S THE POINT?

 

[Graeme1988]

Wish this really bad cough would get itsel' tae f**k! Feel absolutely hellish an mair sleep deprived than normal.

 

[defiance]

Wish this really bad cough would get itsel' tae f**k! Feel absolutely hellish an mair sleep deprived than normal.

Hope you feel better soon. Nothing more I can say or do really:sad:

 

[nodejesque]

I feel like my waist is mince meat. Ever since I was in an accident a month ago, the lower back pain has been unbearable.

I can't even do my yoga stretches because I feel like my lower back is shattered. Gah. I hope it goes away.

 

[Phoenixx]

I feel like my waist is mince meat. Ever since I was in an accident a month ago, the lower back pain has been unbearable.

I can't even do my yoga stretches because I feel like my lower back is shattered. Gah. I hope it goes away.

^ Oh no. :: I'm guessing you can't afford/are unable to go to a chiropractor to get it checked and set right? I hope you can get help for it soon.

 

[nodejesque]

^ Oh no. :: I'm guessing you can't afford/are unable to go to a chiropractor to get it checked and set right? I hope you can get help for it soon.

Thank you, Phoenix. I did get the opportunity to see a doctor, but all they do is prescribe pain pills. I try to avoid taking pain pills or other medicine that is not absolutely necessar .

Because the pain was so unbearable today, I did take a pill... It helped, but it upset my stomach. I didn't have pain, but the nausea was horrible.

So now I'm just trying to figure out what else I can do.

 

[Phoenixx]

Thank you, Phoenix. I did get the opportunity to see a doctor, but all they do is prescribe pain pills. I try to avoid taking pain pills or other medicine that is not absolutely necessar .

Because the pain was so unbearable today, I did take a pill... It helped, but it upset my stomach. I didn't have pain, but the nausea was horrible.

So now I'm just trying to figure out what else I can do.

^ I'm not sure if you have health insurance or what kind you have at that, but some chiropractors are covered -- or at least that's how my health insurance is, however with a bit of steep co-pay. I would highly recommend seeing one. I think it's a shame that your doctor just prescribed pain pills, tbh. Sure they may help with pain, but there's always the side effects and that's it. It's not solving anything. Hope you can figure out something.