How are you feeling?

Megaten

Well-known member
I can't take it anymore....I just can't take it anymore. I'm forced to be here and suffer so others won't have to suffer if I died. But I am worse by the day so I don't know how much longer I can hold out.

Are you engaged in any type of talk therapy? You dying would also rob you of any chance at a better life. To you right now it may seem like thats already the case, but there's a huge difference of it seeming like theres no better life to there being no life to improve.
 

defiance

Well-known member
Are you engaged in any type of talk therapy? You dying would also rob you of any chance at a better life. To you right now it may seem like thats already the case, but there's a huge difference of it seeming like theres no better life to there being no life to improve.

Therapy is out of the question. I won't go into details in regards to that but it just is not an option. It's true if I were to die I would rob myself of possibly having a good life, I genuinely don't enjoy life even when I am trying to get myself out there and have a good time or enjoy anything for that matter. I am only here so others won't suffer but I don't know how long that will hold either. Just trying to take it one day at a time. It's all I can do. Who knows maybe one day things will turn for the better. I'll stick around long enough to see if something like that is going to happen. I mean if it doesn't within the next five to ten years then just forget it. Although I will have rare days when I am ok. I am hoping those will become more common but only time will tell.
 

Megaten

Well-known member
Therapy is out of the question. I won't go into details in regards to that but it just is not an option. It's true if I were to die I would rob myself of possibly having a good life, I genuinely don't enjoy life even when I am trying to get myself out there and have a good time or enjoy anything for that matter. I am only here so others won't suffer but I don't know how long that will hold either. Just trying to take it one day at a time. It's all I can do. Who knows maybe one day things will turn for the better. I'll stick around long enough to see if something like that is going to happen. I mean if it doesn't within the next five to ten years then just forget it. Although I will have rare days when I am ok. I am hoping those will become more common but only time will tell.

Im sorry to hear that. Im almost certain I wouldnt still be here were it not for some sort of counselling. My thinking was way too unrealistic for me to function in this uncertain world. Im not cured, but Im not about to meltdown either.
 

defiance

Well-known member
Im sorry to hear that. Im almost certain I wouldnt still be here were it not for some sort of counselling. My thinking was way too unrealistic for me to function in this uncertain world. Im not cured, but Im not about to meltdown either.

I'm glad to hear that counselling helped you out. At least to the point where you won't have a meltdown. Hope everything continues well for you. As for me I just have to keep at it, even though it hasn't helped at all thus far. I hope that at some point, hopefully sooner rather than later, I can start posting positive things and maybe discussing strategies that worked for me that might work for others. That would be great if it ever happened. In the meantime I will take it one day at a time. It's all I can do I guess.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
Well, ma dad was quite intidimating looking, physique wise - like me. We had the exactly same opinions / views on birthdays and Christmas being a waste of time. My dad was also someone who didn't like people wasting his time nor did he suffer fools gladly, shall we say. And I'm like that as well.

So from the time you seen him you picked it up you were like him right?


Oh I figured that.

Wouldn't say very well, but I'm somewhat decent.

Oh, can you play songs on there?

Don't know, ah giuess more to do with the sound of the accent, more than anything.

Oh.

Progressive rock is subgenre of rock music, quite popular in the late 60s to about mid-70s. Self-indulgent shit to those who hate it. But basically, it just rock music that uses different rhythms, time signatures. As well as instrument not always associated with rock music. Kinda hard to explain that genre to someone who's not familar with the genre.

?

Why is self-indulgent to those who hate it?

Alternative rock are just a genre label mainly associated with most of the rock bands that were popular in 1990s. Folk and bluegrass music are kinda off-shoots of country and western music.

?

I haven't really listened to music in the 90s because I was kid so idk but I know now though.

Couldnae give ye an answer to that question. It's just how Scots are - that whole stiff upper lip mentality. Keeping yer vunerability interalise.

Doesn't that cause emotional problems with men?

Well, not nowadays. But that's the stereotype commonly associated with Scotsmen and kilts. :giggle: Ah huv'nae fully researched the history of Scotland much myself, so don't know if that's true. Though, it probably is. :bigsmile:

Oh, haha but that would be disgusting though haha.

Oh aye, ah'll stand up for myself when need be...

Currently? Because I don't :sad:.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
So from the time you seen him you picked it up you were like him right?

I'd say so. No offense intended, but, I didn't get those traits or ma common sense way of thinking from ma mum or her side of the family. She's very uptight, conservative, deeply religious women, who does like to think too much, or being challenged on her opinions, and she refuses take things seriously. Which can be equally great and annoying.

Oh, can you play songs on there?

Aye, but it takes a lot of practice. As well as listening to the songs and remembering, for example, exactly how many times the guitar riff during the verse is played. Or when the guitar solo starts and ends.

Why is self-indulgent to those who hate it?

I think the main reason is because the musicians are just show-offs. Since the overall playing of the guitars, drums and keyboards is quite complex and technical - not stuff you could do without hours of practice, to the point where you know how to play the parts from memory.

I haven't really listened to music in the 90s because I was kid so idk but I know now though.

Oh, I was born the late 80s, and grew up in the 90s. But my mum is a big fan of rock music - mainly stuff from the 50s up until the late 80s.

Doesn't that cause emotional problems with men?

Aye, of course. But that why talk about those, when you can just pour alcohol down yer neck and forget yer problems? :giggle: Also, men tend to get treated differently once they've admitted to struggling with anxiety and/or depression - speaking from experience.

Currently? Because I don't :sad:.

No, I tend to try and avoid confrontations. They're too stressful. Plus, I don't react unless I'm physically hit or insulted first. But, I don't shy away it, like I used to. Also, with my broad shoulders, big biceps and arms, no-one would dare pick a fight with me.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Happy doesnae even begin tae describe it. Ah finally got back upstairs to ma bedroom last night.
omg.gif


Yesterday being exactly 4 months since ah hud ma orthopaedic surgery done.
yahoo.gif


two-thumbs-up-smiley-emoticon.gif
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
HURRAYYYYYYYYY!!! Well glad that all worked out for you. :thumbup:

Thanks, that's just whit ah needed tae hear today. :thumbup:

Now it's just a matter walking as much as I can and get the strength back in ma legs, but particularly ma right leg which was weaker leg before the surgery.

But aye, not bad progress - considering ah'd only just got ma leg plasters removed in the last week of February. Ma consultant surgeon is going to be proud but also laughing cuz she was right about me getting back upstairs sooner that I thought.

Still trying to adjust cuz my physiotherapy team only made me tackle going up and down stairs last week on ma birthday. Plus, they told me not to rush things. And there's me, within such a short space of time, taken the ball and f**ked off with it. I'm gone, yer no gettin' it back. :bigsmile:

It's amazing whit ye cun accomplish if ye place wee bit o' self-doubt in yer own abilities then set oot tae prove yersel' wrong.
 

this_portrait

Well-known member
It feels like I have a pressure on my chest, probably from stress/anxiety. This job search is really tearing me to shreds. Today marks exactly three months since I lost my last job. It's ridiculous. It all makes me hate my previous employer for laying me off. I wish I could just be injected with tranquilizers every day just to avoid these near panic attacks.
 

defiance

Well-known member
It feels like I have a pressure on my chest, probably from stress/anxiety. This job search is really tearing me to shreds. Today marks exactly three months since I lost my last job. It's ridiculous. It all makes me hate my previous employer for laying me off. I wish I could just be injected with tranquilizers every day just to avoid these near panic attacks.

I know the feeling. It's been almost 2 years for me. My issues make it almost impossible for me to get a job. Even applying scares me to death. I hope you get something going soon. Best of luck to you
 

defiance

Well-known member
I'm feeling scared, ashamed, depressed, suicidal, angry. But it's not just today, it's almost everyday. So yeah a normal day for me I guess.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
I'm the bad yin... again! :kickingmyself: What else is effin' new. And aw because ah refused to repeat the answer ah gave in response tae the same ma mum asked me earlier today. And ma answer wus quite straight-foward. She just make it awkward cuz she'll cut me off mid-sentence with another question.

But hur inability to remember anythin' ah say ma fault, apparently. And I'm the f**ker in ma clan of uptight, temperimental, c*ntservatives who has a lick of common sense. Cuz naebuddy in ma family wants to think too much. Or figuring things out before attempting them. Nah! Just improvise, it'll come to ya as ye go along... Aw aye, that brilliant idea! Nae bother ataw...

Huv ye every built an electric guitar from scratch afore? Naw! How aboot fixin' a computer motherboard? Hi, Me, neither! But let's gie it fair go, eh? Inexperience 'n' all.
:eek:h: :no:

Thank f**k ah be deid and gone afore 40 cuz of the constant burden of huvin bare the responsibility for everybuddy else's mistakes, which always get blamed on me. Go figure... :thumbdown:
 

Louco

Well-known member
It feels like I have a pressure on my chest, probably from stress/anxiety. This job search is really tearing me to shreds. Today marks exactly three months since I lost my last job. It's ridiculous. It all makes me hate my previous employer for laying me off. I wish I could just be injected with tranquilizers every day just to avoid these near panic attacks.

I know the feeling. It's been almost 2 years for me. My issues make it almost impossible for me to get a job. Even applying scares me to death. I hope you get something going soon. Best of luck to you

Five years for me now. Not being able to pick up the phone when your possible next employer is calling particularly makes me want to stab myself to death.

I got my last job from a friend, who was employed in the company for quite some time. Management trusted him and also were in desperate need of more workers so I started just a couple days after asking him if he could get me there, bypassing all those annoying first steps.

Unfortunately I have no other friend or relative in the same situation, and all the progress I had with the phobia have long been erased now.

I don't even know how to explain the way I feel... I kinda just exist... I never thought just existing could actually require an effort...
 

SilentAndShy

Well-known member
Ooo and arring about a job opportunity. I did a job like this I've seen in 2010 but failed miserably due to anxiety and the whole office environment. It's similiar but two years in my current job, I feel I could do it better but I still think I'm at a stage where I'm comfortable with my anxiety or maybe it's fear that's taking over. Maybe staying in my job for a third year might be more wise. Decisions..
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Reliant upon c**ts who are somehow dumber, lazier, more manipulative than me yet it's me who gets a nasty piece o' work.
 

Marc7

Well-known member
I'd say so. No offense intended, but, I didn't get those traits or ma common sense way of thinking from ma mum or her side of the family. She's very uptight, conservative, deeply religious women, who does like to think too much, or being challenged on her opinions, and she refuses take things seriously. Which can be equally great and annoying.
You mean she doesn't think too much and be challenged on her opinions? What do you find great?

Aye, but it takes a lot of practice. As well as listening to the songs and remembering, for example, exactly how many times the guitar riff during the verse is played. Or when the guitar solo starts and ends.

Cool.

I think the main reason is because the musicians are just show-offs. Since the overall playing of the guitars, drums and keyboards is quite complex and technical - not stuff you could do without hours of practice, to the point where you know how to play the parts from memory.

Oh I get it, self indulgent for the musicians.

Oh, I was born the late 80s, and grew up in the 90s. But my mum is a big fan of rock music - mainly stuff from the 50s up until the late 80s.

So you like rock from the 50s to now?

Aye, of course. But that why talk about those, when you can just pour alcohol down yer neck and forget yer problems? :giggle: Also, men tend to get treated differently once they've admitted to struggling with anxiety and/or depression - speaking from experience.

Haha that's what people do? Why do men get treated differently?


No, I tend to try and avoid confrontations. They're too stressful. Plus, I don't react unless I'm physically hit or insulted first. But, I don't shy away it, like I used to. Also, with my broad shoulders, big biceps and arms, no-one would dare pick a fight with me.

Oh. So if someone said something you didn't like or spoke to you in a manner you didn't like you would defend yourself? I probably wouldn't because I scared and due to social anxiety and possible avpd.
 
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