I need someone to love. Two legs and ladylike? Four legs and furry? I'm open-minded on that point. No urges involved here—I'm just goddamned lonely and it hurts. :sad:
Go to a shelter and save someone to love :thumbup:
It is a double bonus, you get someone to love who will love you back, and you know that you have saved not just their life, but the life of the animal who gets their spot in the shelter
Very numb.
That was about the least Christmassy Christmas I have ever had. :idontknow:
Could have been any other lunch on any other day.
Whoopy doo.
Does anyone else not feel at all Christmassy this year?
Oh aye. I feel the same way, but then I have for a few years now. Cannae be arsed with it :thumbdown:.
Just got woken up by my sister (the middle child) & brother-in-law huvin an shouty argument. A big rammy, like. Jesus! Ah don't know if ah even want to sit at the table after overhearding it. An ma mum in tears - the pare wummin - trying keep family together. :sad: :crying: Don't how she copes? Cuz they're like this everytime they come to visit.
Is it so wrong to actually prefer being by oneself than the company of people? Ah mean sorry if ah sound like a **** here, but, whenever I'm around people I just feel so depressed.
And being told and forced speak when ye huv nuthin' to say - ah mean whit tha f**k am I - a ventriloquist dummy or summit?. :kickingmyself: :sad:
Oh, how I wish you knew how difficult my life truly is as a disabled person in this ego-driven, judgemental modern culture. Cuz mibbe then you'd treat me with some compassion. But then again, that along with respect, empathy and understanding seem to values that seem to woefully lacking nowadays. So ye cannae really blame for being distant and stand-offish.
Relieved that ma older sister, her hubby an their hypyeractive bairn huv fecked off back to Ireland without saying goodbye. Good f***in' riddance mair like... Huv'nae slept a wink aw week. :kickingmyself:
Ah just hope they don't bother coming back for ma 28th next year. Cannae be daein with tha arguments an snarky remarks directed me... Just f**k right off! Leave me alane :thumbdown:
An if she does decided to pay a visit, am gan to book myself intae a hotel for a few weeks - no jokin' aboot that either. Ah'll sleep like corpse the nicht, fur sure.
Pass the wine and the mashed potatoes, please. Shut out the world with temp food bliss.
Haha...Luckily my mashed potatoes came out ok this year. One and 3/4 sticks of real butter is the secret ingredient....shhhh...don't tell anyone. :thumbup:
It's amazing how I go from feeling good or okay to feeling only doom & darkness, wishing for a painfree death to save me from the unbearable emptiness that is my life.
I remember feeling really good a few days ago. But it never lasts very long. I always fall down and start to remember all these stupid circumstances, the loneliness, the boredom, the longing for greatness, the inability to connect with people. I ruin everything with my own darkness.
All it takes is a missed phone call to put me into an anxiety tailspin.
Why didn't they leave a message? Why didn't they say what the call was about? Is someone going to come out to my home tomorrow? Are people going to be pounding on my door?
Why? Why? Why?
I'm so sick of being this way.
How can someone have a life or even start to build anything worth a damn, when all it takes to completely ruin their state of mind is something so small like this?
It's amazing how I go from feeling good or okay to feeling only doom & darkness, wishing for a painfree death to save me from the unbearable emptiness that is my life.
I remember feeling really good a few days ago. But it never lasts very long. I always fall down and start to remember all these stupid circumstances, the loneliness, the boredom, the longing for greatness, the inability to connect with people. I ruin everything with my own darkness.
Is there a common factor that is present on the good days?
:sad: Feeling low. Feeling restless. Like I need to change.
I want so badly to climb out of this hole I dug myself into, but the more I struggle to find a foothold, the more the walls cave in and bury me.
:sad: Feeling low. Feeling restless. Like I need to change.
I want so badly to climb out of this hole I dug myself into, but the more I struggle to find a foothold, the more the walls cave in and bury me.
Sorry to read you are struggling with this, megalon. :sad:
I know how frustrating it can be, I can relate to what you described. Whatever you do, never give up trying to "find a foothold".
If you let yourself get to the point of giving up, things just get worse from there. Just keep trying a different approach, even if it is just a tiny variance on a previous attempt, it is better than giving up. Keep trying, megalon. 🙂
All it takes is a missed phone call to put me into an anxiety tailspin.
I know exactly how it feels. I freak out when my doorbell rings or my phone rings. And if nobody is there when I open the door, or if I don't find out why someone called, I get paranoid and start thinking that someone wants to tell me something bad or complain about something I did.
I'm actually paranoid most of the time.
Is there a common factor that is present on the good days?
It's more like I have good moments or good hours, not whole days.
Sometimes I feel really good and happy, if I'm doing things that take my mind off of worries. Just small things like cleaning or running errands.
And I feel good when I'm with people that I like being around and I'm having good time with them. Or just having plans with someone and looking forward to it.
But my mood just changes and I sink into darkness, when I realize that those good moods don't last and don't change my life. They're just like small glimpses of happiness that tease me and remind me that I can never be like those people that have solid friendships and interesting things to do.
Depression and anxiety make it impossible for me to have solid friendships or interesting things to do.
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