How are you feeling?

On the verge of tears.

GraybeardGhost said: ↑

Suddenly, not so good.

Rather bad, actually.

I should be punished in horrible, violent ways.

I have to ask.. why?

What have you done to deserve that mate?

Couldnae tell ye... Wonderin' why ma mum wus'nae sterilised in 1984, as she probably should've been? An awful thing to think, but ah wouldnae huv to pit up with the dysfunction if she had done.

Oh, and ah think ah might huv Post-Psychotic-Twats-Disorder a wee bit. Huv'nae slept right at all since my older, batshit-crazy sister visted for Xmas. Or Scary Spice, as I have since nicknamed her. :bigsmile:

MollyBeGood said: ↑

Craving. Hungry for a hot, buttery, cheesy, grilled cheese sandwich with ketchup on the side. Yum.

OMG yes!!

My mouth is watering now.. lol

Didn't have such a bad xmas, despite one violent verbal alcohol-fueled paranoic outburst & a short spell of anti-soc1alism in the latter part of a get-together. So yep, overall a success :bigsmile:

Now am wondering if i "should" do sth for new year's (ie involving outing + people i guess). If i don't get "blind drunk" i might be too anxious/etc, but if i DO then possibly i could stir some pretty major shite up. I have an opportunity hence why am thinkin about it. Maybe could do the fireworks off sky tower? ANY IDEAS people??? (i need to think pretty quick on this, as only a couple day left!)

Or maybe i should just stick to meself for the night, like i do for 350+ days per year. Keep away from trouble. Zero risk or "excitement". Quiet introspection upon the turn of the year.

But due to the past few days dramas, i am seriously starting to consider NEVER EVER drinking again when i'm with people, as the booze seems to push me right towards the edge of major emotional reactions/outbursts (when normally i can "suck all the shite up" internally). My latest theory on alcohol is that, due to it "shutting down" the conscious mental processes, it therefore makes the unconscious/emotional part more active - which is very dangerous imho (okay, it opens one up to more beauty/etc, but also to the converse ... and which side of the coin prevails, well thats a complete coin toss it seems)

I feel like I have entered the Twilight Zone. Nothing seems real anymore. I feel as if at any moment Rod Sterling's voice is going to come on and start narrating a scene from my life... Mind you, it would be one of the most boring episodes you ever saw, but you would keep watching just to see how bad of a train wreck this is going to be.

I'm ready for my pesky neighbor to go back to her house at the beach. She just uses the apartment next door to crash when she's in town, but since she's a teacher she's off all week for Christmas. 🙁

PugofCrydee said: ↑

I have to ask.. why?

What have you done to deserve that mate?

:omg: Sorry about that. I was changing the filter and some stuff leaked out. Don't worry—I mopped it up.

I feel like shit.

Ah feel great at the moment... Mind you, I am sippin' oan a wine bottle whilist weightlifting 20kg dumbbells. :bigsmile: :omg:

Still kinda in denial about the news that Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead died last night. :sad:

Graeme1988 said: ↑

Still kinda in denial about the news that Lemmy Kilmister from Motörhead died last night. :sad:

Ouch. This is the first I've heard of it.

MollyBeGood said: ↑

I feel like I have entered the Twilight Zone. Nothing seems real anymore. I feel as if at any moment Rod Sterling's voice is going to come on and start narrating a scene from my life... Mind you, it would be one of the most boring episodes you ever saw, but you would keep watching just to see how bad of a train wreck this is going to be.

The last 3 days me too. I'm in the zone. Going to sleep way too late. Today woke up at noon. Wanted to fall asleep again, because stupid life, emptiness and nothing to be awake for. So I slept more and got up at like 2pm.
I contemplated the possibility of staying in bed and starve to death. Why not. But of course, the ever present survival instinct made me get up and go about my day. And stay alive. I don't agree with the concept.

FountainandFairfax said: ↑

Ouch. This is the first I've heard of it.

Yep, made even more tragic when you realise it was 4 days after his 70th birthday. And he just got a cancer diagnosis on Boxing Day. :sad:

Medicated with a good mix of caffeine and Klonopin.

Stuffed myself at a buffett and I still feel full six hours later. I feel sick. Why did I do it?!?!

Uncomfortably numb. I should be doing stuff, but . . .

this_portrait said: ↑

Medicated with a good mix of caffeine and Klonopin.

I wish I had klonopin. Or valium.

Anxious, nervous, slight paranoid about this pending surgery I'll be undergoing on Wednesday. :sad:

I left my therapy session feeling like sh*t about myself and more alone than ever.