How are you feeling?

No matter what I will be drowsy.

Well, let's see... I'm depressed, exhausted and suicidal. Don't see the point of hinging around much longer to be honest.

Family life's nae better. Overheard my cousin say she doesn't like me. Which makes me wonder why she even bothers talking to me if that's how she really feels?

My mum's zoning me out every time I ask her a question or try to talk to her now. Just looks at me blankly then laughs as if I've just said something funny. Or her response is usually always negative, irrational and confusing when I try to make sense of it. Because she can't deal with having to explain her reasons for why she's always so miserable around me. So I've gave up, but I'm used to being ignored.

Ah tried ma best, but it doesnae seem good enough... Ah've got nae reason for living. Other than the hope that I eventually undergo orthopedic surgery to correct some issues relating to my cerebral palsy. Then, following a few months of rehab, ah finally get that f**kin' away from my family.

I notice that I get really itchy all over whenever I get anxious or fearful. I have weird symptoms.

Cold definitely bothers me more than heat, even though the heat gives me migraines. It's just humidity I can't stand.

Time to move!

I love my business partner; she bought us a really nice laptop that I get to play with all day and is taking me out for coffee? Whaaat?! Yeah, my mom is awesome lol.

bbrbgr

Yay I get my own house for a week 😀. My friend is giving me a whole $10 a day to stay at his house and take care f the dogs. I'd do it for free though so I can't complain. I'll probably be bored and lonely but still, it's nice to be completely alone sometimes.

At peace. Part-time work due to rain, acceptance of bodily aches, a good book, healthy dinner, a happy dog, and this forum for inspiration.

I feel like I'm the only one in this world.

Maybe it's because I am.

I'm worried about work tonight. It feels like I am shelled-shocked about people saying unkind things about me. So much so, that if I overhear things said I imagine they are talking about me.

I been blasted by unkindness so many times, I wonder when the next bomb is going to hit.

well I have got the most socially anxious part of the day out of the way, the plumber came over this morning and it meant helping out and having conversations. he asked about me driving, I said i'm still too nervous to get behind the wheel of a car. I got the feeling he didn't like my response.. I don't think people really ever understand how mental health problems affect people in their ordinary lives, restricting them from doing things. he seemed to give me the impression I was just making excuses. I felt like banging my head against a brick wall. never mind, done now.
I have grocery shopping to do later, i'll probably hide under a big hat and sunglasses as I don't like how I look at the moment.

Well that was a crappy day...

"the bells! the bells!"

I feel okay, yesterday could've gone a lot worse.

onehandclapping said: ↑

well I have got the most socially anxious part of the day out of the way, the plumber came over this morning and it meant helping out and having conversations. he asked about me driving, I said i'm still too nervous to get behind the wheel of a car. I got the feeling he didn't like my response.. I don't think people really ever understand how mental health problems affect people in their ordinary lives, restricting them from doing things. he seemed to give me the impression I was just making excuses. I felt like banging my head against a brick wall. never mind, done now.
I have grocery shopping to do later, i'll probably hide under a big hat and sunglasses as I don't like how I look at the moment.

A week ago a plumber came to fix a tap in my apartment. I was so damn nervous about him being there and I felt really awkward. But he was actually nice and easy to be around, and he didn't try to have some stupid smalltalk conversation with me. It's so rare that I have a good experience with people like that.
Making the appointment with the plumber however, was impossible for me. I felt so much anxiety about calling to make the appointment, I kept avoiding it and postponing it for weeks. So my therapist's secretary actually called. Or I wouldn't have done it. I would rather live with a tap that doesn't work properly, than have to call someone.
Yes, people don't understand how much it affects us to have mental health problems.

Nanita said: ↑

A week ago a plumber came to fix a tap in my apartment. I was so damn nervous about him being there and I felt really awkward. But he was actually nice and easy to be around, and he didn't try to have some stupid smalltalk conversation with me. It's so rare that I have a good experience with people like that.
Making the appointment with the plumber however, was impossible for me. I felt so much anxiety about calling to make the appointment, I kept avoiding it and postponing it for weeks. So my therapist's secretary actually called. Or I wouldn't have done it. I would rather live with a tap that doesn't work properly, than have to call someone.
Yes, people don't understand how much it affects us to have mental health problems.

I had the exact same problem booking the plumber to come over. I had to leave an answerphone message, I really don't like doing this because I prefer to talk back and forth with someone to get my thoughts across especially when discussing something I know little about, plumbing and diy is one of those subjects. I feel like I need a checklist of things I need to say when I am prompted by the message service and I end up ruminating because I didn't get every thing I needed to say said in the allocated time. I am also not too good with being put on the spot. I felt like I messed up on the answerphone, I sort of facepalmed and cringed to myself thinking about how terrible I must have sounded.
yea I did the same, I procrastinated with it for weeks before I got around to actually phoning.

i'm glad the actual appointment went well for you, it sounds like you have found a good plumber.:thumbup:

Kinda proud.

Yesterday I sewed something and it came out exactly as planned. Normally I have to settle for 'good enough' with less than elegant seams, bad alignment and shoddy stability.

I feel apathetic these days about pretty much everything.

BlackPuma said: ↑

Kinda proud.

Yesterday I sewed something and it came out exactly as planned. Normally I have to settle for 'good enough' with less than elegant seams, bad alignment and shoddy stability.

I wish I remembered how to sew at all. I made a bunch of pillows in middle school, those are like the easiest things to make right?

Cabin fever anxiety blah crap hopeful tired

Bad dreams last couple of nights - dreamed of being homeless; having a breakdown