Feeling kind of bad today. I cried in class. I try so hard to stifle my tears but I could feel my face getting red hot and accidentally let some tears roll down before wiping them. Thankfully, I sat at the last row so I hope people didn't notice. I'm not sure what caused me to cry, because I didn't cry the last time I came to class. I think it's because I got tired of being around people, especially strangers. I'm an introvert so derive no pleasure from being around people in general. Rather, I feel my energy being drained.
I'm not kidding when I say that a mere greeting from someone can cause me to cry. This actually happened several years ago. I was sitting in the hallway of a school, typing on my laptop, expecting people to leave me alone. Then, some woman came over to me and spoke with me. She asked me where I got that bag and I said I got it from my former school. Then she said she's seen it before, blah blah blah, and finally left me alone. Afterwards, I search for an empty bathroom and cried in there.
What happened today was similar to the above. We had to form teams and we had to introduce ourselves to each other. I had several people speak and shake hands with me. I also heard someone laughing. People were talking everywhere. Then I started crying silently. At first, I did not realize it, until I feel the tears. It was awkward because I'm trying to stifle my tears but I also want to run out of the classroom but I can't because of my SA. So I sat glued to my chair, hoping no one noticed my crying.
No one bullied me today, so I'm pretty sure bullying did NOT cause my crying. I'm not sure why I cried, but I think being around strangers and interacting with them is a factor.
I feel like I ignored someone today. I have spoken with her before but at that time, she was wearing glasses and had her hair tied back so I didn't recognize her. I also was afraid to look her in the face. So today, when she sat next to me again, I absolutely didn't greet her at all. I thought she was somebody else named Kim. It was after she wrote down her name on the contacts list that I realize she's the same person I spoke with last time! I just didn't get a good look at her face last time.
Ended a relationship recently so it has me feeling depressed, which kicked up a poor eating pattern again. I'm not really close to anyone, that was pretty much my connection to the social realm and some sense of sanity.
Also working a job which involves being around family members whom I am not fond of, and purposely push my buttons. Find myself itching to visit my therapist every week just to unleash stressors. Thank you for asking, Planemo.
Ended a relationship recently so it has me feeling depressed, which kicked up a poor eating pattern again. I'm not really close to anyone, that was pretty much my connection to the social realm and some sense of sanity.
Also working a job which involves being around family members whom I am not fond of, and purposely push my buttons. Find myself itching to visit my therapist every week just to unleash stressors. Thank you for asking, Planemo.
I'm sorry to hear that. People say that time heals.
Ended a relationship recently so it has me feeling depressed, which kicked up a poor eating pattern again. I'm not really close to anyone, that was pretty much my connection to the social realm and some sense of sanity.
Also working a job which involves being around family members whom I am not fond of, and purposely push my buttons. Find myself itching to visit my therapist every week just to unleash stressors. Thank you for asking, Planemo.
So far so good: survived my third day at school. Haven't felt stressed out or terribly anxious yet. I was able to make some small talk to the people who were sitting next to me during class (again without experiencing too much anxiety). Though I haven't really spotted any potential friend 'material' yet. ...derp. Profs seem pretty nice, study programm doesn't look too complicated, sooooo yea. Imma just try my hardest to get a qualification this year.
So far so good: survived my third day at school. Haven't felt stressed out or terribly anxious yet. I was able to make some small talk to the people who were sitting next to me during class (again without experiencing too much anxiety). Though I haven't really spotted any potential friend 'material' yet. ...derp. Profs seem pretty nice, study programm doesn't look too complicated, sooooo yea. Imma just try my hardest to get a qualification this year.
Ended a relationship recently so it has me feeling depressed, which kicked up a poor eating pattern again. I'm not really close to anyone, that was pretty much my connection to the social realm and some sense of sanity.
Also working a job which involves being around family members whom I am not fond of, and purposely push my buttons. Find myself itching to visit my therapist every week just to unleash stressors. Thank you for asking, Planemo.
I'm sorry Lamb. You can always post on here to let out your feelings.
Um I'm mad that i might have little high blood pressure and high cholesterol and plus my body doesn't look in shape(might be a result of medication, lack of exercise, lack of eating healthy). I try to eat healthier food everyday and i not in shape. Btw my body bothers me everyday.
Am no' good at daein' confrontations or arguments, especially wi' family. More so older siblings. Ah don't think ah can maintain ma composure, given ma Scottish temper. And we Scots huv a tendency tae yell when we're really angry. As well our tell-it-like-it-is honesty and cruel humoured insults. Am afraid it's a case o' should or shouldnae. And ah huv'nae a f**kin' clue... :sad:
Am no' good at daein' confrontations or arguments, especially wi' family. More so older siblings. Ah don't think ah can maintain ma composure, given ma Scottish temper. And we Scots huv a tendency tae yell when we're really angry. As well our tell-it-like-it-is honesty and cruel humoured insults. Am afraid it's a case o' should or shouldnae. And ah huv'nae a f**kin' clue... :sad:
I'm sorry Graeme. I think it will be better if you just stop confronting anyone at home. I've made the decision not to confront them, and to hold in my anger, and its made things a bit better. It's not easy and I still struggle with it, but try.
