Undermedicated. I forgot to take my medicine this morning.
h: I guess that's where my headache is coming from.
How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
- Start date
Undermedicated. I forgot to take my medicine this morning.
h: I guess that's where my headache is coming from.
MikeyC
Well-known member
This still sounds like a good thing!
vj288
not actually Fiona Apple
Sick of myself.
Today before work I decided I was going to ask for food because every shift we're allowed to get one meal free (I work in a restaurant). For whatever reason stupid little things like this are impossibly hard for me, but I wanted to do it today since usually I don't. I waited until the right time, and then for the opportunity to ask the person I wanted to. I had three or four chances to ask and let them go past. Nothing new.
But then someone asked me if I wanted any food, and immediately say no. She asks three or four more times that I'm sure, and I insist I am. Usually I'm not asked, and when handed the opportunity on a silver platter I lose it. When someone starts talking to me I just go into cruise control or lockdown mode or something and can't function at all, I just act in the way that comes naturally and it't rejecting what I want.
Then after that someone else comes over asking the same thing, being as adamant as the last person about it. I give the same uncontrolled response. It's like I had to keep the false claim alive that I didn't want anything when I did. Then someone else asked if I wanted food, and I get a little snippy or I don't know with him, mostly for being mad with myself. I just hate that once I get stuck I can't get out of a stupid groove.
Then all through the shift people continue to offer me food, but these times they just bring it to me, and I accept that but at that point feel I'm being pitied. And I don't blame them for being nice I just hate that I've become a person pity-worthy. I just hate being me right now, I just can't do anything social at all and I'm so sick of it. At the end of the shift I was offered to go out for drinks and was going to go but got out too late, but really I would have probably wimped out anyway. And if I did go it would have gone horrible, I don't know why they invited me anyway. Probably, again, out of pity. Not that they aren't nice people too, pity can be an extension of kindness, which I think this was.
I don't know what's changed more recently. Or why I needed to make a super meaningless long post about it.
Today before work I decided I was going to ask for food because every shift we're allowed to get one meal free (I work in a restaurant). For whatever reason stupid little things like this are impossibly hard for me, but I wanted to do it today since usually I don't. I waited until the right time, and then for the opportunity to ask the person I wanted to. I had three or four chances to ask and let them go past. Nothing new.
But then someone asked me if I wanted any food, and immediately say no. She asks three or four more times that I'm sure, and I insist I am. Usually I'm not asked, and when handed the opportunity on a silver platter I lose it. When someone starts talking to me I just go into cruise control or lockdown mode or something and can't function at all, I just act in the way that comes naturally and it't rejecting what I want.
Then after that someone else comes over asking the same thing, being as adamant as the last person about it. I give the same uncontrolled response. It's like I had to keep the false claim alive that I didn't want anything when I did. Then someone else asked if I wanted food, and I get a little snippy or I don't know with him, mostly for being mad with myself. I just hate that once I get stuck I can't get out of a stupid groove.
Then all through the shift people continue to offer me food, but these times they just bring it to me, and I accept that but at that point feel I'm being pitied. And I don't blame them for being nice I just hate that I've become a person pity-worthy. I just hate being me right now, I just can't do anything social at all and I'm so sick of it. At the end of the shift I was offered to go out for drinks and was going to go but got out too late, but really I would have probably wimped out anyway. And if I did go it would have gone horrible, I don't know why they invited me anyway. Probably, again, out of pity. Not that they aren't nice people too, pity can be an extension of kindness, which I think this was.
I don't know what's changed more recently. Or why I needed to make a super meaningless long post about it.
DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
You're not pathetic, that's for sure, but why are you feeling that way?
springk
Well-known member
Srijita. You are not pathetic you are a wonderful person , I know that. You have a beautiful heart dear and whenever you feel worthless just think of the numerous ways in which you have tried to help people on here.
Hugs
(there is no smiley for it!)
MikeyC
Well-known member
Maybe next time, just say yes. Go against every instinct you have and accept food. Once you do it once, it'll be easier to do it a second time, and so on after that. You don't have to go out and socialise with these people after work, but accepting food is okay.
This can't be true. What's wrong, Srijita? You're a beautiful person.
Srijita52
Well-known member
Thank you Spring, you're very kind yourself.Srijita. You are not pathetic you are a wonderful person , I know that. You have a beautiful heart dear and whenever you feel worthless just think of the numerous ways in which you have tried to help people on here.
Hugs
(there is no smiley for it!)
Thank you both. Eh, its just I think I got too involved with someone who wasn't ultimately worth it. Now that I can see it, I'm sure I'll be able to move on. Still hurts though.
Kiwong
Well-known member
I concur with the others, no way you're pathetic.
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MikeyC
Well-known member
I understand it hurts, but you deserve someone who's going to treat you like the princess you are. Don't settle for less! I'll be here if you ever want to chat about it.
Srijita52
Well-known member
Kiwong
Well-known member
Perhaps Julius Sumner Miller could help us some of life's big problems.
Why is this so?
Julius Sumner Miller - Why Is It So? - YouTube
Why is this so?
Julius Sumner Miller - Why Is It So? - YouTube
springk
Well-known member
I am lost as to what to do. Looking at old diaries and papers and some poems( not exactly poems but just my rambling) i realize how useless all this past years have been. If i could only go back in time i would do things differently.
Thats the power of time..it doesnt turns back ..it doesnt waits for anyone. It will not wait for me. It will not let me change my past.
What it will allow me is to change the present.
Arhh i need help!! All this is too much. It is so difficult to forget and change .
Thats the power of time..it doesnt turns back ..it doesnt waits for anyone. It will not wait for me. It will not let me change my past.
What it will allow me is to change the present.
Arhh i need help!! All this is too much. It is so difficult to forget and change .
Srijita52
Well-known member
Change is always hard. But sometimes its worth the trouble. Pushing yourself is never easy, I know because I've been putting things off for years. But once you do and start a new routine, it gets much easier.
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Depressed. Frustrated. Pissed off. :kickingmyself:
Srijita52
Well-known member
Graeme1988
Hie yer hence from me heath!
Whoa! Well... ma family see nothin' wrong with makin' a mockery, like collectively ah mean. If ye get what am sayin'? Ma oldest sister still finds it effin' hysterical. Aye, ma cousin was up visitin' for a few days - along with ma uncle - and ma cousin called me "weird" because of ma musical tastes - much to the hilarity of ma oldest sibling who laughed out loud. Aye, real nice, eh? And they wonder: Why does he (me) no talk? :idontknow: But ah just respond in agreement, diggin' masel' intae a bigger hole. But then, ah think: F**k it! Why bother sayin' anyting? Am use tae them aw makin' fun o' me now. They never take me seriously, anyway. Nae point ruinin' the fun, just because it's at ma expense! :sarcastic: Easier tae just play along at times, passively. Nevermind if yer condesended to on an almost regular basis by yer oldest sibling, but am "too nice" be an arsehole.
Because me sayin' what ah really think and feel would make me the c*nt! Not that am much of a nice person, if am honest... Too passive aggressive! Of course, sayin' what ye really think in ma family tends tae spark a verbal riot! Or in ma case, hysterical laughter! Should probably persue a career in comedy now, huh?!