I have low self-esteem, no confidence and distance myself from too many people. I was very social up until 33 years old. I am now 39 and the last couple years I disappeared more and more. I'll make plans and then 3 days before the event, I feel anxiety. I'll flake out. I'll make up an excuse because I do not feel good about myself. I feel like everyone will stare at me and judge me. For many years, my mom's side of the family would make me the center of attention. But, they would only point out the negatives. I pretty much got over it, up until I got married and had a child. I received the same treatment from his family. They were judgmental and actually worse than my own family. Basically, married into a mean and evil family. They basically degraded me and treated me like ****. In order to take the focus off of their own messed up lives, they would try to find something about me. Long story short, it must have subconsciously got the best of me. I am so anti-social now. I feel like I am going against gravity every time I have to go into the public. Once I am out there, I talk a lot and make friends. And then I open the door to another relationship and when they want to get close I disappear. What is wrong with me and why does this happen? I was a wild child and partied a lot when I was young. Karma?
