Pleased with myself.... I did a little weight training today (exercise regime proper starts again tomorrow)... only 100 reps each of chest presses, chest flies and bicep curls, with 2.5kg weights, but still... Arms feel a little on the strange side, but nothing particularly bad.
Kinda proud. I am looking quite ripped and strong - my abs are finally starting to show, and I have nice muscular tone to the rest of my body. I know it sounds totally vain and conceited - but hell, I have worked hard - and it makes me feel good.
Happy because I found something that may give me hope in ending my severe SA! I'm excited to have started the first week of therapy. It a cool guide on amazon called Sex Phobia. I hope it works... Something has too....
Nervous nervous nervous. I'm going to go look at a college tomorrow. Just a community college, so it really isn't a big deal, but I've had to put this off due to my neurological issues and social issues. Eventually I will transfer somewhere else after I overcome more hurdles, but I really want to start somewhere.
I finished the first season of Once Upon A Time today, which I've been watching on and off for a while now, and I finished the final book of a series I've been reading on and off since last fall. Now I'm bored and I have no idea what to do with the rest of my night.
Been walking the tight-rope of depression for past day/so, falling few times but clinging onto the wire & getting back upright, to continue traversing this torturous walk over the "valley of hell". Amazingly i seem now to be reaching close to the other side.
I'm really tired, and I'm afraid it's probably just going to get worse, because this week is the first of two weeks of starting new things: I start my second job and my son starts Kindergarten this week. Then next week, I go back to college full time. If we can survive August, we'll be fine. Between my two part-time jobs, I'll be working about 40 hours a week, so it won't be much different than having a full time job, so I can't complain too much...
Sorry to keep bringing this up - but the girl who wants to 'just be friends' texted me today to see if I wanted to go and have a spa with her. Sigh - how much more intimate can one get.
Gosh - its all so tantalizingly out of reach isnt it. It is not making me feel very good. I am too terrified to respond in case whatever I say is the 'wrong' thing....
Sorry to keep bringing this up - but the girl who wants to 'just be friends' texted me today to see if I wanted to go and have a spa with her. Sigh - how much more intimate can one get.
Gosh - its all so tantalizingly out of reach isnt it. It is not making me feel very good. I am too terrified to respond in case whatever I say is the 'wrong' thing....
Personally, I can't think of anything much worse than going to a Spa... But you could always just tell her that it's really not your sort of thing if it will bother you too much to go along.
Also, and clearly I'm wrong here, but I would have thought going to a spa was the sort of things girls generally did with other girls, or men who they are actually involved with? But then, what would I know?
I don't know what advice to offer, but *Hugs* I hope you decide what to do and are happy with you answer, not to mention, I hope you feel better about it all!
Personally, I can't think of anything much worse than going to a Spa... But you could always just tell her that it's really not your sort of thing if it will bother you too much to go along.
Also, and clearly I'm wrong here, but I would have thought going to a spa was the sort of things girls generally did with other girls, or men who they are actually involved with? But then, what would I know?
I don't know what advice to offer, but *Hugs* I hope you decide what to do and are happy with you answer, not to mention, I hope you feel better about it all!
Well thats what I sort of mean - if a girl asks you to go to the spa with them, is that implying a sense of intimacy?
I really dont know anymore. I mean apparently if someone kisses you it may means they dont actually like you.
I do want to go along, I dont care what it is - I am just scared that anything I do will be the wrong thing to do - it always seems that way these day. Its...too volatile.
I will just ignore it I think. I cant handle the anguish. I would rather deny all opportunity of potential happiness than go through all that confusion and frustration again.
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