How are you feeling?

[MikeyC]

All my anxiety came rushing back the minute I woke up this morning. I had such a good 4 days too with hardly any depression or anxiety. *le sigh* Then again, I've started pondering again telling my friend about my SA. A part of me finally wants to, but the other side of me says she'll never believe it and to might as well wait until I go to therapy so it's sort of like "proof" that I have some issues. Foolish thought, I know. The reason why it's so hard to tell her though is because she's so extremely extroverted. I have a really good feeling she wouldn't understand a bit, but then again she has never questioned my extreme shyness and has never tried pushing me out of my comfort zone too much.

If I do tell her, I'm not even sure if I could do it face to face. Only because if I did, I would probably burst into tears and be such a mess since talking about it brings up a lot of raw feelings I've had hidden for years. Even when I told my guy friend it was over text, not in person, but I still practically bawled while doing it.

Bleh, why am I thinking of all this so early in the morning? I just woke up. -.-

Do you think she would be the right person to tell? If you don't know if she's going to react the way you want, she might not be the person to talk to about your social anxiety. I only say this because my best friend is quite extroverted and I know he's not the right guy to talk to about whatever's bothering me.

Of course, you're a better judge of her than I am so if you think it's right, do it. You say you'll burst into tears by saying it - sounds like discussing it is severely overdue and you've been repressing it for too long. Good luck, Phoenixx.

 

[Phoenixx]

Is it important for you to tell her? I'm sure if
she's your close friend she'll understand or atleast will try to understand. If you think she won't though, it might not be worth telling her. Maybe you can email or text her without telling face to face.

^ We've been pretty close now for about 6 years, and I was there for her when her brother died 4 years ago. I guess I just feel she really deserves to know, since she's been pretty open with me yet I've just been sitting here for 6 years hiding the fact I deal with moderate depression and social anxiety. It just feels like I'm hiding half of who I am, you know? And it really sucks because I'm sick of hiding all the time. I'm still pondering telling her though. She really is a caring person, but I know she won't understand 100%, and I don't really expect her to. I'm really just afraid she might treat me differently once she knows how pathetic I truly am. Deep down though, I have a slight feeling she may not.

Do you think she would be the right person to tell? If you don't know if she's going to react the way you want, she might not be the person to talk to about your social anxiety. I only say this because my best friend is quite extroverted and I know he's not the right guy to talk to about whatever's bothering me.

Of course, you're a better judge of her than I am so if you think it's right, do it. You say you'll burst into tears by saying it - sounds like discussing it is severely overdue and you've been repressing it for too long. Good luck, Phoenixx.

^ Like I said above, I think it's time for her to know. The only thing is HOW and WHEN do I even tell her? The timing never seems right, since she's such a busy person between working and socializing, plus she's so bubbly all the time and... well, I'm none of those things. :| I have been repressing all these feelings for 6 - 7 years now. All because of fear. I can't seem to open up or become too close to anyone because I'm afraid of how they'll react or they'll figure I'm making everything all up. I'm honestly more open on here than I am in person and with the people around me. It's sad, but true. :/

 

[KiaKaha]

So I have come to realize just how unremarkable I really am. I am so desperate for work that I have sent hundreds of applications off since February and the only response I have had in my favour is for the same kind of work that I did nearly 6 years ago... On a casual basis.

I havent had full time work for 5 years - its difficult trying to answer the question "what have you been doing all that time?"

Been an anxious ridden depressed second class citizen is what.

My study options are limited too. I can no longer receive a study allowance. In a world that only seems to acknowledge the best... I am doomed to a life of mediocrity and minimum wage. My youth is waning - I have nothing to show for my life. I see 18 year olds who have lived more than I have, and doing far better. I am failing at life, I really am. No money, no job, no status, no qualifications, no friends. I feel like a giant, unintelligent, unremarkable loser.

 

[LadyWench]

Not good. The panic attacks and obsessive health fears continue. I'm worrying about one thing right after another. I hate being alone when I'm feeling scared and anxious, so I am currently at McDonald's (where my fiance is a manager) because I didn't want to be at home by myself. Good thing they have free wifi.

I've been obsessing about breast cancer today, for some reason. I always find SOMETHING to worry about. F*cking lovely. My mind never rests.

 

[Nathália]

Hi SkellaMoon welcome to the site. Aww, I've been in situations like that before to, It really is hard to speak up at times and think of things to say. I try to fake it the best way I can, but it's still not fun. Get better, this will come to pass.

I am feeling frustrated at myself and a coworker. I was in a conference call meeting today where the 'leader' called out every single person to speak individually but passed over me. I didn't say anything because I work in a team with someone else and she pretty much summed up all we had to say. So I didn't feel like I had anything to add. But then as soon as the call was over, another coworker said, "Well you were quite quiet, missy!" My team-coworker who spoke for us in the meeting stood up for me. I am frustrated at myself for not at least saying something, and I'm annoyed at the guy who had to point out my quietness. Anyway, I took an early lunch and came home to cry. I was already feeling disappointed that I didn't say anything and he [unknowingly] rubbed it in. Anyway, that's how I'm feeling today.

Me, sadly it was my first time going inside a store since January, I even got something to eat. I was very nervous looking down with my arms folded, but I got complements from people, they liked my hair, I started to smile and became less shy after that. I haven't seen civilization in 5 months. It really did make my day because I didn't like my hair or the way I looked. I still rather hide though, I wish I wasn't scared to go places.

 

[chibiXphantom]

feel like im going to break..

 

[MikeyC]

^ We've been pretty close now for about 6 years, and I was there for her when her brother died 4 years ago. I guess I just feel she really deserves to know, since she's been pretty open with me yet I've just been sitting here for 6 years hiding the fact I deal with moderate depression and social anxiety. It just feels like I'm hiding half of who I am, you know? And it really sucks because I'm sick of hiding all the time. I'm still pondering telling her though. She really is a caring person, but I know she won't understand 100%, and I don't really expect her to. I'm really just afraid she might treat me differently once she knows how pathetic I truly am. Deep down though, I have a slight feeling she may not.

^ Like I said above, I think it's time for her to know. The only thing is HOW and WHEN do I even tell her? The timing never seems right, since she's such a busy person between working and socializing, plus she's so bubbly all the time and... well, I'm none of those things. :| I have been repressing all these feelings for 6 - 7 years now. All because of fear. I can't seem to open up or become too close to anyone because I'm afraid of how they'll react or they'll figure I'm making everything all up. I'm honestly more open on here than I am in person and with the people around me. It's sad, but true. :/

If you have to repress, then that's what you have to do. I repressed for a very long time myself. Only tell her when you feel the time is right, and if that time is now, then go for it.

How to tell her is difficult. It's not something you can magically slide into a conversation. I hope you can do it, Phoenixx. I believe it'll be a nice weight off your shoulders.

 

[MikeyC]

So my drumming teacher/best friend calls me up this morning. Apparently he's really sick with some flu that he's caught. My lesson is today and it doesn't look like he'll be teaching me. He asked me if I wanted to do it. $125 for 5 hours work. I immediately screamed in my head, "HELL NO," because I would have to teach strangers about drumming. I got anxious thinking about it, and I'm anxious now typing it out. Needless to say I declined.

The reason I declined is because I have plans tonight. A friend - who I haven't seen in some time - is having a huge birthday party. He's organised a "party bus" where there's going to be lots of drinking and hollering on this bus. There will be about 40 people there. I will know about 5, if I'm lucky. I'm absolutely terrified of this and I don't want to go, but I've already told him that I will, so I can't back out. I might have to have a few drinks just to relax.

 

[Silatuyok]

The reason I declined is because I have plans tonight. A friend - who I haven't seen in some time - is having a huge birthday party. He's organised a "party bus" where there's going to be lots of drinking and hollering on this bus. There will be about 40 people there. I will know about 5, if I'm lucky. I'm absolutely terrified of this and I don't want to go, but I've already told him that I will, so I can't back out. I might have to have a few drinks just to relax.

Picturing this party bus makes me laugh a little. I have never been anywhere near a party bus, and I can't imagine how ridiculous it could get. If I were in your situation I think I would just sit back and laugh about it. Better to be amused than terrified! And you can come back and tell us more about it, and I'll be sure to laugh more.

 

[Silatuyok]

I'm feeling great. Had a day off and got a ton of stuff done around the house. I also planted a flower garden at my mom's house and went out to dinner with her. Now I'm packing for a weekend in Chicago. Gonna enjoy this good mood to the fullest while it lasts!

 

[MikeyC]

Picturing this party bus makes me laugh a little. I have never been anywhere near a party bus, and I can't imagine how ridiculous it could get. If I were in your situation I think I would just sit back and laugh about it. Better to be amused than terrified! And you can come back and tell us more about it, and I'll be sure to laugh more.

I'm glad you're laughing.... I'm so anxious. So, so anxious. I will come back and let you know tomorrow.

 

[knowlife]

lonesome but thats pretty much all the time.

 

[Phoenixx]

I'm feeling great. Had a day off and got a ton of stuff done around the house. I also planted a flower garden at my mom's house and went out to dinner with her. Now I'm packing for a weekend in Chicago. Gonna enjoy this good mood to the fullest while it lasts!

^ Sounds like you had a fantastic day, Marie. Have fun in Chicago!

 

[superfluouslyme]

I've decided not to take the Walmart job. I may take the interview just for practice. When I woke up this morning, my first thought was "I can't work at Walmart, what the hell am I thinking?!?" I'm trying to force the job issue. I'm so desperate to no longer be a burden on my family and to gain my own dependence that I'm grasping at any offer thrown my way. I'm not comfortable with the position and I just know that it is going to be the Target situation all over again. My dad was concerned from the word go and both my mom and sister told me today that they thought it was possibly a bad idea. It's not that I don't think I can do it. It's that I keep setting myself up for failure and my self esteem is just plummeting off a cliff each time. I can't keep doing this to myself. I need to be smarter about my job choices and realize that I have limitations.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I've decided not to take the Walmart job. I may take the interview just for practice. When I woke up this morning, my first thought was "I can't work at Walmart, what the hell am I thinking?!?" I'm trying to force the job issue. I'm so desperate to no longer be a burden on my family and to gain my own dependence that I'm grasping at any offer thrown my way. I'm not comfortable with the position and I just know that it is going to be the Target situation all over again. My dad was concerned from the word go and both my mom and sister told me today that they thought it was possibly a bad idea. It's not that I don't think I can do it. It's that I keep setting myself up for failure and my self esteem is just plummeting off a cliff each time. I can't keep doing this to myself. I need to be smarter about my job choices and realize that I have limitations.

Might not hurt to do the interview for practice, but if you're already having bad feelings about the job, it's most likely not the one for you. I really believe in trusting your instincts - they're usually right!

 

[SilentBird]

 

[this_portrait]

^ But it's so kyuuute~

I seem to always feel great whenever I pamper myself after a shower. Putting the blow dryer on the 'Cool' setting also gives me a wonderful feeling.

 

[Srijita52]

^ We've been pretty close now for about 6 years, and I was there for her when her brother died 4 years ago. I guess I just feel she really deserves to know, since she's been pretty open with me yet I've just been sitting here for 6 years hiding the fact I deal with moderate depression and social anxiety. It just feels like I'm hiding half of who I am, you know? And it really sucks because I'm sick of hiding all the time. I'm still pondering telling her though. She really is a caring person, but I know she won't understand 100%, and I don't really expect her to. I'm really just afraid she might treat me differently once she knows how pathetic I truly am. Deep down though, I have a slight feeling she may not.

It might be hard for her to understand since she's the opposite of you. I've a friend like yours, I'm not sure if I want to tell her about my problems though. But if she's a caring person like you said I'm sure she'll try her best. I agree with Mikey, tell her when you're absolutely ready. Good luck.

So my drumming teacher/best friend calls me up this morning. Apparently he's really sick with some flu that he's caught. My lesson is today and it doesn't look like he'll be teaching me. He asked me if I wanted to do it. $125 for 5 hours work. I immediately screamed in my head, "HELL NO," because I would have to teach strangers about drumming. I got anxious thinking about it, and I'm anxious now typing it out. Needless to say I declined.

The reason I declined is because I have plans tonight. A friend - who I haven't seen in some time - is having a huge birthday party. He's organised a "party bus" where there's going to be lots of drinking and hollering on this bus. There will be about 40 people there. I will know about 5, if I'm lucky. I'm absolutely terrified of this and I don't want to go, but I've already told him that I will, so I can't back out. I might have to have a few drinks just to relax.

Good luck Mikey! I hope you have a good time

I'm feeling great. Had a day off and got a ton of stuff done around the house. I also planted a flower garden at my mom's house and went out to dinner with her. Now I'm packing for a weekend in Chicago. Gonna enjoy this good mood to the fullest while it lasts!

That's awesome

 

[Srijita52]

Aww its indeed super cute!

I've decided not to take the Walmart job. I may take the interview just for practice. When I woke up this morning, my first thought was "I can't work at Walmart, what the hell am I thinking?!?" I'm trying to force the job issue. I'm so desperate to no longer be a burden on my family and to gain my own dependence that I'm grasping at any offer thrown my way. I'm not comfortable with the position and I just know that it is going to be the Target situation all over again. My dad was concerned from the word go and both my mom and sister told me today that they thought it was possibly a bad idea. It's not that I don't think I can do it. It's that I keep setting myself up for failure and my self esteem is just plummeting off a cliff each time. I can't keep doing this to myself. I need to be smarter about my job choices and realize that I have limitations.

If you think this job is not for you, then don't do it. But I agree, the interview might be a good practice.

 

[Phoenixx]

^ !
Look at those little whiskers! And those paws! Ohmygodit'ssocute! :3 *dies from cuteness overload*