Avoiding things that eventually leads to huge problems in your life.

[TheNewZero]

One of my biggest problems is that whenever I am faced with an anxiety-provoking situation, I avoid it like the plague even when it has to get done and not doing is going to create a huge snowball affect and get me into an even bigger problem.

For example: Last year I had student teaching for my university at an elementary school, and each student got a sort of mentor that they were supposed to keep in touch with throughout the semester. My mentor sent me an email early in the semester asking to call him. I hate hate hate making phone calls, so I somehow rationalised it in my head that it would be okay if I held off calling him, and just said if he asked that I never got the email. Two months went by and one of the girls in my class who had the same mentor eventually came up to me and said that our mentor was trying really hard to contact me and that he was really upset. I totally freaked out but still didn't call him, and eventually sent him an email two weeks before the semester ended. The whole situation caused him to yell at me and give me a low score, and it kept me up many many nights throughout the whole semester thinking "if I don't call this guy I'm going to be in huge trouble", but yet I still didn't call.

Anyone else have similar stories?

 

[mmmm]

OOOOOHH!! Why did someone have to post this. I am busy doing this^^ right now. I need to sort out my study schedule AND find a new job but my brain is like "well, I won't be able to sort out anything on an empty stomach, better eat chocolate for half an hour.","Oh, my house is a mess. Won't be able to concentrate on anything until I clean up.","Too stressed to think about that right now better go for a walk to calm me down."

I really don't know how to get this done!! The thread title was like a cosmic finger pointing at my face.

 

[coyote]

yes, this is one of my biggest obstacles

and no matter how many times I do it and see the results

I still do it again, and again


on a positive note - I'm having a really good cup of coffee right now

 

[shybutsexy]

Yeah me too

No matter how much you face your fear, you will still be scared of it.

Its like pounching yourself a thousand times, its not gonna hurt less, after a thousand times it keeps hurting

on a positive note - im having one hell of a cigarrette right now

 

[Pacific_Loner]

Yeah story of my "early" life

*runs to make hazelnut coffee*

 

[Sial Axetder]

Fascinating.

Right, I forget what I wanted to say. Nothing important.

I avoid phones when I can. At work, i cannot.

AAAAAAAAAAa, no coffee. Bad! I like tea.

 

[Feathers]

Well, sometimes the only thing that helps is if someone else makes me do it (like my mom, or if I promised someone, or signed up for a course - then I have to go, or I'll look silly.. etc.) If the consequence of NOT doing is greater than of doing it.. Also, if I just get angry with myself - like in the Nike ad: 'Just do it' or more elaborately, 'Feel the fear and do it' (don't wait for the fear to pass!! Fear will pass AFTER you have done it!! You'll feel AWESOME and RELAXED afterwards!! ) So that idea helps too..

I quite hate making phone calls too (and have a bunch to make too..) I've made some, usually because I HAD to (some other thing/other people really depended upon it and made me do it - it helps if you have someone you are slightly scared of, but whom you still admire and want to do good with)

About the mentor - you could've at least written an e-mail and explain the situation, ask if it's okay to just e-mail? People have different preferred modes of communication, some only react to phone/text messages, others prefer e-mail.. A wise person will adapt to other people's mode of communication too, unless absolutely necessary to use another mode..

 

[mictsekk]

I do it a lot. For example in university we were given a group assignment and I was too afraid to contact the other group members (also I just cant work normally in a group) so I decided to fail the course :/

 

[madmike]

I seem to be ok with phone calls on a professional level (even though this didn't used to be the case), and when i know someone else is expecting me to call them. I might get a little bit anxious but i can convince myself its something i have to do. It's personal phone calls i can't deal with, i would literally do anything to avoid having to talk to a friend on the phone lol (with the exception of one friend who seems to be equally hopeless on the phone as me).

 

[Tuukka40]

I think with something like that you just have to jump into it. Don't think about, just do it.

Around where I'm from, people run into the ocean on New Year's Day (with the temperature being below freezing). If you think about it and hesitate, you'll never run in. But if you decide to be brave and just jump in without hesitation or thinking about it, then you will have a much easier time doing it. And I think that relates to something such as calling your mentor. You scared yourself out of doing a fairly simple, school related task by thinking about it way too much.

And after writing this I read what everyone else said and I agree with Feathers.

Maybe I should take my own advice lol

 

[Minty]

I do that too. I can't do presentations at all, for example. And at my college, for gen ed classes the typical final is a presentation which is a huge, huge part of your grade. So, I pretty much have a 2.5 GPA even though I do all of the homework, class assignments, etc. and get As on them. Just miss the presentation final, is all.

I wish some of my teachers would catch on but very few of them are educated in basic psychology and understand that social anxiety is, often, a disability. I had an English teacher who flat out asked me "What is your problem?" in front of the entire class. When he caught me after class on the verge of tears, he actually asked, "Did I do something wrong?"

Some people are so incredibly clueless. I think that's one thing I like about having SA. I have a lot of empathy and am very sensitive to others emotions. I know exactly how they're feeling without having to ask and it makes me a tactful, considerate person.

I'd rather have SA than be an insensitive person who hurts others.

 

[mictsekk]

Some people are so incredibly clueless. I think that's one thing I like about having SA. I have a lot of empathy and am very sensitive to others emotions. I know exactly how they're feeling without having to ask and it makes me a tactful, considerate person.

I'd rather have SA than be an insensitive person who hurts others.

I feel the same way

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

Same here in french class. We have to go on skype with our professor once a week. I always hope she doesn't pick up or forget the appointment. It's manditory to call. I was able get through it at first, but last conversation i felt like i was going to have a heart attack, so i decided to pretend to sleep in the last time.

 

[BlueDays]

I can really relate to this.
Sometimes I could just kick myself. Frequently the mental anguish I go through (eg. losing sleep) during the whole time I am avoiding doing what needs to be done, ends up outweighing any stress that doing the act would have caused anyway!::

Its a hard thing to stop.

 

[eek]

I tend to do this over financial issues which lead to very messy problems. My car is suffering most of all. I think there is algae in the air conditioning ducts that leads to water leaking onto my passenger side floor. I know this produces rust and it will rust out the entire bottom side of the car, but in 2 years I haven't gotten the 'will' to go get it fixed.

 

[inconspicuous name]

walking slowly into cold water hurts far more than jumping straight in.

the only problem is the second option is far scarier, we all put things off and we all end up paying for it in the long run.

 

[PhillyFlyersGrl]

I learned the longer you wait to do anything the harder it gets. Like one person said its just better to do it, and right away, don't give yourself time to think.
In the past I used to have a problem just ordering food over the phone, it seems silly to me now, but I understand how you feel about making phone calls.
And with my job now that is what really got me over the fear of making calls to people I don't know. I had no choice, or Id lose my job. I learned to just not think about it and just do it. Also it may help to write down what you want to say so you can collect your thoughts before you make the call.

 

[eek]

walking slowly into cold water hurts far more than jumping straight in.

the only problem is the second option is far scarier, we all put things off and we all end up paying for it in the long run.

i like the water analogy

 

[awkwardamanda]

Oh, I totally understand. My fear of using the telephone has caused me to put off getting an eye exam for far too long. It's been about four years since I've gone. But that's kind of a long story which I don't feel like getting into at the moment.

Also, I've avoided finding a new job for too long now. I dread the phone calls, the interviews, the inevitable rejection, and most of all, what's going to happen when someone is considering hiring me and wants references I don't have. Ugh.

 

[kihira]

walking slowly into cold water hurts far more than jumping straight in.

the only problem is the second option is far scarier, we all put things off and we all end up paying for it in the long run.

I do this at the beach each summer as a direct reminder of 'do now or delay'

Oh, I totally understand. My fear of using the telephone has caused me to put off getting an eye exam for far too long. It's been about four years since I've gone. But that's kind of a long story which I don't feel like getting into at the moment.

Also, I've avoided finding a new job for too long now. I dread the phone calls, the interviews, the inevitable rejection, and most of all, what's going to happen when someone is considering hiring me and wants references I don't have. Ugh.

I had my first proper eye test not long ago and I booked it online, maybe you can? Strange thing happened during it, I went all faint and queasy, the same as I do with injections

Voluntary work is a good way get some recent experience and referees.