Avoiding things that eventually leads to huge problems in your life.
- Thread starter TheNewZero
- Start date
gustavofring
Well-known member
Yeah I have this too, as I stated in other threads. It's like I just say to myself "Oh I'll do that tomorrow". And so days/weeks/months go by that I can't account for. This is exactly where it goes wrong.
One thing that I do recently if I am being avoidant of something I HAVE to do is having a a bit of a rage moment. I clench my fists, increase blood flow to my head, and grunt, sort of pretending I'm the Hulk. "COME ON MAN! JUST DO IT ALREADY" This is ridiculous, but it sort of feels like I am kicking my own ass. At the end of the day I know I will be much happier and satisfied if I have positive work done, so it's necessary.
Honestly, I don't know why most people are able to do things without any sort of motivation. They just make the calls, write the letters, do all their grownup things, seemingly without any effort. Maybe it's because they've created a momentum, they're used to it, so it doesn't require much effort anymore.
I read an interesting book and it talks about the things we MOST have to do to progress in life, is the things we have most RESISTANCE to. Anything that can take us to a new level will always meet a lot of subconcious resistance because we are somehow afraid to grow and expand ourselves.
One thing that I do recently if I am being avoidant of something I HAVE to do is having a a bit of a rage moment. I clench my fists, increase blood flow to my head, and grunt, sort of pretending I'm the Hulk. "COME ON MAN! JUST DO IT ALREADY" This is ridiculous, but it sort of feels like I am kicking my own ass. At the end of the day I know I will be much happier and satisfied if I have positive work done, so it's necessary.
Honestly, I don't know why most people are able to do things without any sort of motivation. They just make the calls, write the letters, do all their grownup things, seemingly without any effort. Maybe it's because they've created a momentum, they're used to it, so it doesn't require much effort anymore.
I read an interesting book and it talks about the things we MOST have to do to progress in life, is the things we have most RESISTANCE to. Anything that can take us to a new level will always meet a lot of subconcious resistance because we are somehow afraid to grow and expand ourselves.
Barrier
Well-known member
I'd love for things like those not to require any (or much) effort. I have to find courage and talk myself into doing it and that sometimes works. When I don't postpone it till the next day.
gustavofring
Well-known member
Nike is wisdom.
crystna85
New member
This is so me,its ridiculous. If I can avoid something i do,lol. Part of the avoidance is not letting the other person know that it really has nothing to do with them. That's what leaves them confused and upset. I'm gradually working towards communication with the people that i avoid in my life,at least letting them know it has nothing to do with them. that will kinda leave the communication lines open and they will understand me better.
miserablecow
Well-known member
I am currently doing it...I don't know how to break this cycle, as I always do it. It's really effecting my progress in trying to have a career.
Barrier
Well-known member
Yes, this. And the longer it takes the harder it gets and I start to feel I am not employable anymore which makes it take even longer cause why bother etc. Stupid cycle. :kickingmyself:
mikebird
Banned
OK
I spend a lot of time pondering over what to say at my Dad's funeral, after being quiet after other funerals. I urge myself to boldly stand up in front of the crowd and be the first to speak. My nieces made a presentation and sung a song to their grandmother. I want to be that person who says something nobody else would have thought of - everyone is so simple and basic, following what everyone else does and say.
If I try it, I might show all the family what a fool I am. I might do better by ignoring the chore. Swallowing a litre of vodka at the ceremony might give me some verve to announce something unusual, which would suit my taste, but might no go down well with others.
I guess I might talk all about me, and how I got on with Dad, and not keep the topic to just Dad and nothing else. Most of the super-social successful people in my family kept clear of Dad, thinking of him as the SA person, like me. Dilemma for me. I have plenty of thoughts to convey. We'd all be on a different level
I spend a lot of time pondering over what to say at my Dad's funeral, after being quiet after other funerals. I urge myself to boldly stand up in front of the crowd and be the first to speak. My nieces made a presentation and sung a song to their grandmother. I want to be that person who says something nobody else would have thought of - everyone is so simple and basic, following what everyone else does and say.
If I try it, I might show all the family what a fool I am. I might do better by ignoring the chore. Swallowing a litre of vodka at the ceremony might give me some verve to announce something unusual, which would suit my taste, but might no go down well with others.
I guess I might talk all about me, and how I got on with Dad, and not keep the topic to just Dad and nothing else. Most of the super-social successful people in my family kept clear of Dad, thinking of him as the SA person, like me. Dilemma for me. I have plenty of thoughts to convey. We'd all be on a different level
CaptainArgh
Active member
Hey mike,
Think about the positive things your dad did, and times he made you and others feel good? People want to remember the good?
Yes, I agree with the thread title, avoiding people has led to big problems in my life, it just solves one problem and creates another, though at the time, its too tempting to resist avoidance.
Because my narcissistic housemate who seemed to love treating me like a joke, manipulating me, making constant digs at my already waning confidence and making me feel utterly crap and useless all last year, I now completely avoid her, which is a constant challenge, as whenever she's at home, she always leaves her door open, so there are some days where I can't even leave my room to go to the bathroom or kitchen because she's there and there's been the odd day where I was so scared of going home and seeing her, that I sleep in my car. Sure its uncomfortable and cold and I hardly sleep, but at least I'm spared of that horrible anxiety going through the front door for another night, which just shows the lengths I'll go to avoid situations that make me feel very uncomfortable, as whenever I unexpectedly see her, I panic and I was always forced to talk to her whenever I went through the door last year, and conversations were always the same, she'd go on about how amazing her day was for ages and then turn on me and find something to pick on.
And in avoiding her, it was near impossible not to avoid the rest of the house, so I avoid everyone now, including the last person here that I actually got on with, so I now go days and days without speaking to anyone and the isolation is sometimes painful and I feel so trapped either in or outside my room, yet I know I just need to keep going however painful it gets as I'm only a few months away from graduating. So, while avoiding people means I avoid getting hurt any further and I don't have all the social anxiety that goes with having friends and nights out, I'm left depressed and isolated instead, so avoidance in my case has created more problems unfortunately, I've just dug a great big hole for myself.
Because my narcissistic housemate who seemed to love treating me like a joke, manipulating me, making constant digs at my already waning confidence and making me feel utterly crap and useless all last year, I now completely avoid her, which is a constant challenge, as whenever she's at home, she always leaves her door open, so there are some days where I can't even leave my room to go to the bathroom or kitchen because she's there and there's been the odd day where I was so scared of going home and seeing her, that I sleep in my car. Sure its uncomfortable and cold and I hardly sleep, but at least I'm spared of that horrible anxiety going through the front door for another night, which just shows the lengths I'll go to avoid situations that make me feel very uncomfortable, as whenever I unexpectedly see her, I panic and I was always forced to talk to her whenever I went through the door last year, and conversations were always the same, she'd go on about how amazing her day was for ages and then turn on me and find something to pick on.
And in avoiding her, it was near impossible not to avoid the rest of the house, so I avoid everyone now, including the last person here that I actually got on with, so I now go days and days without speaking to anyone and the isolation is sometimes painful and I feel so trapped either in or outside my room, yet I know I just need to keep going however painful it gets as I'm only a few months away from graduating. So, while avoiding people means I avoid getting hurt any further and I don't have all the social anxiety that goes with having friends and nights out, I'm left depressed and isolated instead, so avoidance in my case has created more problems unfortunately, I've just dug a great big hole for myself.
ImNotMyIllness
Well-known member
Sorry you have to go through all that. Your housemate sounds awful but it's not right or safe that you have to sleep in your car. Try your best not to worry about her, she picks on you because she has major self esteem issues herself!
Thanks for replying. Though no matter what I do I can't not worry about her and haven't been able to go home tonight either, I've returned to uni and I don't even think I can stand to be in the same house as her again, my avoidance has gone that extreme:sad:
And I don't know what her problem is, on the outside it seems like she's got a perfect life and she makes it out that way, top grades, plenty of friends, happy relationship etc, yet for some reason has a constant need for approval and praise, always has to get her own way and has a thing where she acts like a kid and puts on a stupid voice all the time, so I do wonder about her tbh.