Anyone else feels like they are not meant to be in relationships?

[Kat]

Being single is the norm, I wouldn’t be surprised if statistically that was higher than being in a relationship.
A long lasting couple seems to be going the way of the dinosaurs.

And as unique and special as we all are there are many like-minded individuals all over the place. Better not embarrasses anyone though.::

 

[da_illest101]

Just realized that I should have not said "meant" but able to withstand being in relationship.

I think our biggest problem is that we are too different from the norm, so we get people that just doesn't get us or too different. That's probably why I don't care as much as I want to, they are just not the right type of person. We keep on looking, but what we want or need isn't easy to find

 

[Iluv]

Sort of. I hate romance to begin with I find it so boring. But for some reason that attracts guys ! As for a relationship kind of girl I'm gonna ride solo for a while.

 

[bsammy]

^^me too i find romance to be tedious and boring..simply not enjoyable at all for me.

the way im built i seem to have little reason to be in a relationship

1-i have hobbies and basically all of them are solitary, i prefer to do them by myself

2-im very introverted and need alot of alone time.most mats are going to want to talk to you often and be with you..this is exhausting to me.my ideal relationship scenario is to talk to the woman maybe once a week on the phone and maybe see her once on the weekend.

3-i have very little motivation to go out and do things.i have a very simple life.i also seem to have very little energy to maintain a relationship.

4-i dislike romance and sex isnt a big deal to me.

u add these things up and u will know why im single.

 

[Andwhat]

i havnt bin in a relationship since i was in high school. ive "talked" to a few girls over the years but i would get somewhat annoyed when they would call wanting to hang out or talk when i wanted to be alone. Not to mention the drama that was being brought into my life.. i feel like i dont need a relationship at the moment but i defiantly want to get married and have kids one day.... most of the girls i meet i cant stand but im probably meeting them the wrong way since the only time i go out besides to work is to party and if im not partying i have no social life whatsoever so i guess that gives me no chances of making any real connections.


My parents have one or 2 friends each that they keep in touch with, they never go out anywhere unless they have to but they seem happy just having each other.. so maybe there is still hope? but for now i can say im not meant to be in a relationship.

 

[Shyangel]

This conversation more than most has spoken to me in a very real sense.


What you are all talking about here is something I think very few 'normal' people understand. Yes, we all want some form of intimacy, but most of us don't seem to be very comfortable with the idea of a 'relationship'. I don't know about the rest of you, but that label freaks me the hell out. Relationships have negative connotations for me, is that true for anyone else?

The ideas of intimacy, sex, companionship, are all good things in isolation, and are things I would want in my life. But when you need to swish them all up together in a big glass called a 'relationship', that creates problems. At least in my mind, but also in my experience. I'm just not interested in the stress.

And yet, by rejecting that relationship stress, this other kind of stress is placed upon me. That "society says you must have a girlfriend in order to belong" kind of stress. Does anyone else feel that? Because I feel it INTENSELY. I have plenty of friends and a large family, and many of them are settling down with long-term relationships and having children. And here I am, coming up quick on 30, and haven't had a girlfriend in nearly 5 years. But the ONLY thing that bothers me about this fact is that society tells me I SHOULD feel bad about that. And yet, the idea of starting a relationship fills me with dread.

What a catch-22 this is, eh?

How are we supposed to function normally in a society that says we are not normal?

Incredibly well put and I agree with you 100%

 

[KiaKaha]

Honestly, I just havent met anyone who I feel I can connect with. I know how awful this is going to sound but I always feel that its just a matter of time before it inevitably ends... so why bother? Isnt that just an awful way to think?
Besides... despite a yearning for intimacy... I dont exactly have a lot to offer. I dont have any money, pretty average looking (at best) and I am shy and lack confidence and I am terribly awkward around people - not appealing traits.

I would be open to it if it happened but I am so used to being alone and not connecting with anyone that I am not going to go out of my way to find it. I dont conform in the way that most women would like (I think) so I would rather be alone than be with someone that doesnt get me.... nor I her.

I am also completely terrified of hurting people emotionally. I have done it before and it makes me feel completely rotten. There is no escape from it when it comes to relationships... I cant do that to her or myself. I am scared of that happenig... the inner turmoil lasts for years.

relationships.... they are just more trouble than they are worth half the time. IMO.

So at which point did you stop reading?

 

[Kiwong]

I don't think I would be open to it even if the opportunity ever came about. Relationships even platonic ones are so complicated.

 

[MikeyC]

I'm just wondering how old everyone is here and if the reason why you want to stay single is because you don't have anyone at the moment ie your young and have no interest yet?

I'm 25 and I think I'm too young to settle down, but that's based on me only. I know a 19-year-old who's already married. I have too much crap going on in my life to have a relationship and settling down with someone seems too foreign.

Maybe when I hit my 30's I'll want to settle down and meet someone I can connect with on a deeper level, but not now. I hope you find your special someone.

I am also completely terrified of hurting people emotionally. I have done it before and it makes me feel completely rotten.

Yeah, I've done this, too, and I hate it.

 

[lonely_drummer]

I've been in a few but not in a long time. I just feel I don't deserve that right now.

 

[1BlackSheep]

most mats are going to want to talk to you often and be with you..this is exhausting to me.my ideal relationship scenario is to talk to the woman maybe once a week on the phone and maybe see her once on the weekend.

Well, yes...if you refer to your women as "mats", the relationships are likely going to be exhausting!

I want the whole romance thing and would rather be alone than with someone who isn't on the same page. It does get really annoying that other people seem to be bothered by my "singleton" lifestyle when I'm ok with it!

 

[Kat]

Yeah, it’s hard for some people to show concern without them placing judgment. I have had people query if I was a lesbian just because I hadn’t had a bf not that that’s bad but neither is being single, and now that I do have one some people are envious and think I’m naive to think it will last. I can understand how people would think sp would be a burden on a relationship and I would be lying if it didn’t shake ours somewhat, but I kind of think just a little bit of kindness and compassion can go along way when it comes to sa. It depends on how severe it is as well, but I think it can make us strong as well and give us the resolve to make a non abusive compatible relationship last. Because there’s a lot of emotional things that get brought up in relationships and we have had a lot of practice dealing with extreme emotions. I don’t think spending time alone is just limited to sp people, but it is ok to be single if you are content with it. I do see a lot of these threads get posted on sp forums and in my mind people with sp are the least likely people that shouldn’t be in a relationship but you have to do what you feel is right for you.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I have had people query if I was a lesbian just because I hadn’t had a bf

This is one of my MAJOR pet PEEVES!!! Why must people assume that you're a lesbian if you don't have a boyfriend??? Heaven forbid you might actually be ok not having a one! I just don't get it!

 

[Kiwong]

I think a whole generation of women have voted no to a relationship with me. Not that I've ever tried that hard.

 

[twiggle]

This is one of my MAJOR pet PEEVES!!! Why must people assume that you're a lesbian if you don't have a boyfriend??? Heaven forbid you might actually be ok not having a one! I just don't get it!

I've had people ask me if I'm one too.

I think people just like to have something to gossip about and another person's sexual orientation is usually a good topic for them, because they don't actually have any evidence for or against and so can drum up whatever crazy theories suit what they wish to be true.

In my case the accusations came from guys I had turned down, so I think they were just trying to save some face. They can't accept that their sappy, textbook advances weren't enough to get me into bed (I don't mean to sound so bitter, just that I really don't like the guys in question and so it still makes me feel a bit angry. And that is the main thing they were after.)

I'm quite open about the fact I like independence and am not looking for a relationship. Most of the time, I enjoy being single. It's harder now that I'm becoming rare in my age group (which isn't even that old - mid 20's) but I don't see the point in trying to hurry anything along. I'm hugely apathetic towards relationships, particularly whilst there's nobody in my life that I like enough to want to be with in a relationship. If I met somebody I really liked in that respect, maybe I'd feel different.

For now it's time to sit back, enjoy life and not have to worry about whether or not he put a x at the end of his text.

 

[1BlackSheep]

I think a whole generation of women have voted no to a relationship with me. Not that I've ever tried that hard.

I think you're likely a diamond in the rough!

 

[1BlackSheep]

I think people just like to have something to gossip about and another person's sexual orientation is usually a good topic for them, because they don't actually have any evidence for or against and so can drum up whatever crazy theories suit what they wish to be true.

I've never understood why people enjoy doing this sort of thing! My mind doesn't work this way and I take no pleasure in making other people feel bad. It makes absolutely no sense to me!

I'm quite open about the fact I like independence and am not looking for a relationship. Most of the time, I enjoy being single. It's harder now that I'm becoming rare in my age group (which isn't even that old - mid 20's) but I don't see the point in trying to hurry anything along. I'm hugely apathetic towards relationships, particularly whilst there's nobody in my life that I like enough to want to be with in a relationship. If I met somebody I really liked in that respect, maybe I'd feel different.

Yes, it gets increasingly more difficult as you get older. Most people just don't understand why anyone would want to stay single. I personally think that you should go out, see the world, and do all the things you dream of doing while you're still young and unattached!

 

[twiggle]

I've never understood why people enjoy doing this sort of thing! My mind doesn't work this way and I take no pleasure in making other people feel bad. It makes absolutely no sense to me!

Most of the time it's to make themselves feel better, than to make others feel worse.

Yes, it gets increasingly more difficult as you get older. Most people just don't understand why anyone would want to stay single. I personally think that you should go out, see the world, and do all the things you dream of doing while you're still young and unattached!

Yep - much better to do it now whilst you've got the chance than to someday think, "I wish I'd made the most of being young". It's something a lot of older people have urged me to do. I'm happy to have it that way. I know people my age who are very happy in relationships and fair enough to them because essentially it's each to their own, but I'm happy with my choice and hate being made to feel odd because of it.

 

[1BlackSheep]

Yep - much better to do it now whilst you've got the chance than to someday think, "I wish I'd made the most of being young". It's something a lot of older people have urged me to do. I'm happy to have it that way. I know people my age who are very happy in relationships and fair enough to them because essentially it's each to their own, but I'm happy with my choice and hate being made to feel odd because of it.

As one of those "older people", I'm glad I did a lot of traveling when I was younger. Being single, I was also more willing to make career moves that I might not have otherwise made, which ending up being good ones! Follow the path your heart leads you on!

 

[twiggle]

As one of those "older people", I'm glad I did a lot of traveling when I was younger. Being single, I was also more willing to make career moves that I might not have otherwise made, which ending up being good ones! Follow the path your heart leads you on!

Thank you It sounds like you have a similar mindset to me. I went travelling 2 years ago and tbh right now I believe I'd actually be quite happy forming a life out of that and charity work and I can easily see myself doing it this way for another 10 years. Those are my two passions and what I'm working towards atm. Sometimes people just don't get it when I explain that love isn't my priority and I start to wonder if there's something wrong with me but you're exactly right, we have to follow our hearts all the time. The more we like something, the better we'll be at it. Same goes for career.
I think one of the best feelings in the world would be to do a job you love. It's where you spend most of your week, afterall.