Anyone else feels like they are not meant to be in relationships?

[The Lost]

Yep. I can't handle letting people in. When someone shows interest in me, even on just a friendly basis, I have to distance myself from them, sometimes cutting off contact altogether. The more I like them, the more avoidant I am to ensure I don't get involved with them.

 

[Rembrandt Broam]

I can see myself in a relationship. I think I would be a great girlfriend. I would really like someone who I could do sweet, thoughtful things for. Even just someone to text silly things to to give 'em a laugh.

I get that it's hard for shy guys, because the men are obviously the main ones in our society to have to initiate relationships. But I think it's hard for shy girls, too. We practically just have to sit around waiting for a guy to ask us out. And forget about that happening if you're not a traditionally beautiful female with long flowing hair, big tits, and killer legs. Basically, I'm gonna be sitting around waiting for a guy to ask me out for all of eternity.

But if that were true then only girls who fell into that particular stereotype would be in relationships, and that isn't the case. You only have to to look around to see girls of all different types with boyfriends and husbands. Different guys find different things attractive. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who find you very attractive.

At least a shy guy can work up the courage to try and take the initiative and ask someone out. I feel like I've sort of recognized that, as a female, I need to take the initiative in finding a guy, but I still feel like it's deemed odd in our society for the female to take the initiative like that.

I don't think you have to outright ask a guy out (not that there's anything wrong with a girl doing that if she wants to) but just talking to a guy that you might be interested in could be enough to start an interaction that could lead to something further.

 

[OceanMist]

And forget about that happening if you're not a traditionally beautiful female with long flowing hair, big tits, and killer legs.

Most women don't look like that. Most people in general are average looking.

Especially here in the USA, with our overweight people creeping towards the 1/3 of the country mark.

I think you'd be surprised how many guys are willing to date you. You are obviously well read and intelligent. That alone is enough to attract many intellectual guys.

 

[Aletheia]

this

princess in a tower high

 

[Aletheia]

but it's not just rescue fantasies

As soon as it becomes a Relationship, I feel overwhelming that I need to fit a role as girlfriend, even if I don't know what that is. And I feel I never do, fit. And I run.

I need to find another way to relate.

 

[Aletheia]

room to grow

I need to find another way to relate.

With space to breathe.

 

[PhantomPod]

But if that were true then only girls who fell into that particular stereotype would be in relationships, and that isn't the case. You only have to to look around to see girls of all different types with boyfriends and husbands. Different guys find different things attractive. I'm sure there are plenty of guys who find you very attractive.

I don't think you have to outright ask a guy out (not that there's anything wrong with a girl doing that if she wants to) but just talking to a guy that you might be interested in could be enough to start an interaction that could lead to something further.

Most women don't look like that. Most people in general are average looking.

Especially here in the USA, with our overweight people creeping towards the 1/3 of the country mark.

I think you'd be surprised how many guys are willing to date you. You are obviously well read and intelligent. That alone is enough to attract many intellectual guys.

Yeah, you guys are right, thank you for the comments and advice. I think I just need to work on opening up more and actually talking to people I like in order to show that I'm interested. Often times I do just get super quiet around people that I'm starting to have a crush on, so that of course doesn't help me express my interest to them. I don't think I'm the most unattractive human being on planet Earth, but sometimes it's annoying feeling like no one is probably attracted to me.

 

[sunboy400]

I just simply don't see myself in a romantic relationship with anyone, because I never feel like I could love someone they way they deservesl. Don't get me wrong I had plenty of crushes and all that, but I always feel like I'll just lose interest sooner than later. And when someone get close or I let them close, I always push them away.

anyone else like this?

Same here that's exactly how i used to be until i found a special person hat i truly loved and she broke my heart maybe that's ????e reason why i have always pushed people away and always been single for a very long time.

 

[A friend]

Ironically, I feel I'm meant to be in a relationship, but at the same time, I doubt that will ever happen.

That's why I posted this.

 

[MikeyC]

Same here that's exactly how i used to be until i found a special person hat i truly loved and she broke my heart maybe that's ????e reason why i have always pushed people away and always been single for a very long time.

Getting your heart broken is a traumatic experience, and people deal with it differently. Some can go straight back to dating, while others will never trust again. You seem to be in the latter, which is very unfortunate. Here's hoping there's a lady out there that can get to your heart again.

 

[Aletheia]

Re: but it's not just rescue fantasies

None of these roles and conventions, just two people who enjoy being together.

This.

So you can find out what enjoying being together looks like.

 

[skins]

I've had people ask me if I'm one too.


In my case the accusations came from guys I had turned down, so I think they were just trying to save some face. They can't accept that their sappy, textbook advances weren't enough to get me into bed (I don't mean to sound so bitter, just that I really don't like the guys in question and so it still makes me feel a bit angry. And that is the main thing they were after.)

haha this made me smile a bit, i just love the thought that there are these confident, cocky guys out there who think they are 'all that', getting turned down on their advances when they are probably used to charming their way into cheap sex with other shallow twits with a few choice rehearsed lines that seem to work for them most of the time. its guys like these that make it so hard for guys like me to find someone

 

[Griffin]

I am interested in having a long term girlfriend. I've been single all my life, so I'm just going on a feeling here. ::

The thing is, I'm just not that confident around women that I find attractive. I can talk to them and converse with them, but as with anyone else, I sometimes find it difficult to keep the interaction going. Socially, I respond best when the other person drives the conversation, and then I respond to what has been said.

Also, I don't have the self-confidence to believe that any woman would want to be with me. I feel awkward with the idea of flirting or trying to be charming. One of my friends told me the problem was that I treat women like I treat men. I think I know what he's getting at.

So, whilst I want and feel ready for a relationship, I don't think it's (currently) meant to be.

 

[totoro]

^Same here except for me it's the other way around cos I'm a girl who feels she'll never find a boy due to the same reasons you have stated.

How will anyone ever like me when I don't even like myself??

I think my main issue is lack of confidence. I just feel unworthy and inadequate - nobody in their right mind could ever find me interesting or attractive (personality-wise). If I find a way to overcome these negative thoughts and improve my confidence it would make a huge difference to my chances of finding happiness (not just in relationships but life overall).

 

[AsTimeBurns]

Yup, I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm always going to be alone. It's difficult, but at least once I accept it, I can remove an aspect of disappointment and depression.

 

[MikeyC]

I think my main issue is lack of confidence. I just feel unworthy and inadequate - nobody in their right mind could ever find me interesting or attractive (personality-wise). If I find a way to overcome these negative thoughts and improve my confidence it would make a huge difference to my chances of finding happiness (not just in relationships but life overall).

Once a boy gets to know you, he will see deeper than the skin and might like it. If he makes you comfortable and you're attracted to him, it's a match. You just need to hold on and wait for that guy.

Yup, I think I'm slowly coming to terms with the fact that I'm always going to be alone. It's difficult, but at least once I accept it, I can remove an aspect of disappointment and depression.

You can never full get rid of the desire to want a partner if that's what you want. I enjoy my single life but there are always times where a girl to cuddle up to would be superb. Always hangs around like a bad rash.

 

[Invisibleman]

Re: but it's not just rescue fantasies

As soon as it becomes a Relationship, I feel overwhelming that I need to fit a role as girlfriend, even if I don't know what that is. And I feel I never do, fit. And I run.

I need to find another way to relate.

I love how you said this because its exactly how I feel. Now ive never been in a relationship but Ive always imagine the same thing except id be overwhelmed to fit the role of a boyfriend.

I dont know if its a thing with girls here but they are so freakin traditional. They want a big,strong, MAN to keep them safe and to be the boss of the relationship and all that and it makes me feel so overwhelmed because im not the conventional man.

Im a completely heterosexual male im into girls yada yada but I do embrace my feminine side. I watch those fashion type shows and stuff, I watch the Kardashians, I love those celebrity gossip magazines. Ive cried watching movies and well...Oprah. I read a poll a person I knew was doing for a Uni sociology class one time "Do you like a man with a feminine side?". 87 percent said no..-_-

I think the relationship should be more like an intense friendship, if that makes sense. None of these roles and conventions, just two people who enjoy being together.

This is one of the big things I look for in a girl,I want her to feel like my best friend in the whole world where we can just sit and laugh at all of the other conventional couples with their flowers and all that jazz. I want a girl who I just enjoy spending time with,who doesnt care if we go to Mcdonalds rather than a big and expensive fancy dinner as long as we get to spend time together that sort of thing. Im just ranting lol::

 

[Agent_Violet]

the fact that I left my husband a few months ago and am divorcing him says I'm not meant to be in relationships.

 

[Agent_Violet]

Oooh, I am sorry to hear that.

So you are single and ready to mingle?

thanks Tino...yes, I am single. The fact that I can't function properly in a relationship probably means I'm no good to mingle with lol

 

[recluse]

I can see myself in a relationship. I think I would be a great girlfriend. I would really like someone who I could do sweet, thoughtful things for. Even just someone to text silly things to to give 'em a laugh.

I get that it's hard for shy guys, because the men are obviously the main ones in our society to have to initiate relationships. But I think it's hard for shy girls, too. We practically just have to sit around waiting for a guy to ask us out. And forget about that happening if you're not a traditionally beautiful female with long flowing hair, big tits, and killer legs. Basically, I'm gonna be sitting around waiting for a guy to ask me out for all of eternity. At least a shy guy can work up the courage to try and take the initiative and ask someone out. I feel like I've sort of recognized that, as a female, I need to take the initiative in finding a guy, but I still feel like it's deemed odd in our society for the female to take the initiative like that.

Very few women look like the bimbo's you see in the media, besides decent men will look past the fact that a woman does not ''look perfect''...Us men have the same insecurities when we constantly have ''hunks'' with six packs, perfect pecs, chiselled jaw lines looking smug on things like aftershave adverts. Insecurity about looks works both ways.

I can never work the courage to ask anyone out. It's not just shyness but it's severe low self esteem which holds me back, all that goes through my head is how ''i'm not good enough, good looking enough, rich enough, funny enough, interesting enough'' for anyone to want me as a boyfriend. Shyness is not bad but when you have non existant self esteem it's awful.