anybody else here hate their family

[aloneloner]

when i say hate, i dont mean dislike..I mean HATE

edit: how can the people that are supposed to be so close to you..so supportive..just do nothing but push you down further..
is it my fault? do they not care? on one hand i want to write them out of my life, but then on the other hand i want to believe I'm wrong, and that they just dont know how to care..feeling lost again

 

[aloneloner]

I feel like I carry the weight of my whole family.
parents are about to get evicted, the only thing preventing that is me giving them 300 a month, while both my sisters and my brother live here rent free..i'm pretty much the only one supporting my sisters baby..should I just forget about them..let them learn how to take care of themselves...??

 

[mismeek]

pretty much.. some families just dont get it. My sister is exactly like your family. She had a little one and everyone but her is supporting her. My mom was working 70 hr weeks just so she could provide for my sister and her baby....NOT for her self. I finally told my mom she had to cut her loose bc its too the point my mom is having heart problems. She did. and my sister was bitter and struggled for a long time.. but she finally got off her *** and became responsible for herself. Some people just have to hit ROCKBOTTOM before they can pick themselves up. Other ppl (like my father who chooses to be homeless) just enjoy being down on their luck. Either way its not your responsiblilty. you should live your own life.

 

[Lamb]

That sounds like a terrible situation to be in aloneloner, I'm sorry you're dealing with those circumstances. Not sure where you live. Is your sister able to apply for welfare, wic, foodstamps?

As for your parents, if it isn't too personal- what is preventing them from being able to pay?

I can vouch I hate my family. You're not alone. Therapy has helped me to give some perspective as to why they act the way that they do, and what my limitations should be when interacting with them.

 

[aloneloner]

pretty much.. some families just dont get it. My sister is exactly like your family. She had a little one and everyone but her is supporting her. My mom was working 70 hr weeks just so she could provide for my sister and her baby....NOT for her self. I finally told my mom she had to cut her loose bc its too the point my mom is having heart problems. She did. and my sister was bitter and struggled for a long time.. but she finally got off her *** and became responsible for herself. Some people just have to hit ROCKBOTTOM before they can pick themselves up. Other ppl (like my father who chooses to be homeless) just enjoy being down on their luck. Either way its not your responsiblilty. you should live your own life.

everybody keeps telling me that..to live my own life.
I dont know how to deal with that tho..What if they get evicted, what if my sister never gets off her *** and takes some responsibility for her child? the endless what if's..if I can prevent it then is it my fault if it happens?
I hate the way this works, it feels like i have to push them to rock bottom so they can save themselves..
Thanks for the reply i guess it's nice to know im not alone here

 

[Richey]

Hate is a strong word, perhaps disagree with their behaviour or don't get on with is better. Try and soften up your belief on this to "I disagree with their ways" or something like that.

I think that a lot of older and so called wiser people who have been successful in terms of status and achievements or acquisitions, skills, are very smug, meaning, they don't really pass on knowledge in a nice and helpful way, it's usually out of guilt or when they become angry that they'll shout advice at you....when that occurs you don't really want to listen to them because they are in a bad mood, so it's exhausting having to even converse with people like that.

For instance, I wouldn't want someone condescending to me information, because I will not listen. Either be nice and helpful or go away. Is how I see things.

At work or wherever I am always calm and nice when I help people and I think people enjoy that, because they don't feel intimidated, so they are more willing to listen and they won't be afraid to ask me for help, at all. Because I behave on their level, not above.

I think that is the key in life. Respect and make others feel good or at least calm when around you.

Unfortunately I notice a lot of gossipy, smug, condescending, know-it-alls out there and in my opinion they are toxic. They walk around thinking they are these gods or something and if they have a condescending voice then people are scared off by that.

 

[Flanscho]

Hm, no, I don't hate my family.

 

[Kiwong]

I wish my parents were still alive.

 

[FriendlyShadow]

when i say hate, i dont mean dislike..I mean HATE

edit: how can the people that are supposed to be so close to you..so supportive..just do nothing but push you down further..
is it my fault? do they not care? on one hand i want to write them out of my life, but then on the other hand i want to believe I'm wrong, and that they just dont know how to care..feeling lost again

I don't really want to say I hate my family, I think my family is just too opposite from me, and that's why I feel I should belong in another family who will give me the needs my family can't give me. Support and Emotional help. Though, I do feel bad when I say I hate certain members of my family (mom, sister, ect) all they ever done was abuse me emotionally, to try and make me act the way they wanted me to act. They always wanted me to be girly, have friends, be talkative, ect. But what they did wrong was that they did all just did by trying to put me down, making unnecessary crude jokes towards me(even if it was disguised as a joke), they both can't accept I'm quiet unlike them, and just never show me that they truly do understand my problems. They just showed me that they wanted to customize me into a whole new, different person after all of that guilt and pressure being burden on top of me. And my family members always keep telling me the same "helpful"(if i can call it that ) advice to conversing with kids especially:

Be confident

You can't just sit there and not say nothing

You can't just let the other person do all the talking

You can't be miserable/a mute the rest of your life

You don't laugh, you don't say anything and you can't do that

It's good to have some friends, Jame.


Most of this advice was said to me by my mother, whom is persistently using all her advice in order to make me feel worse because I have this stupid social problem. :kickingmyself: I can't believe this is all the helpful advice I can get from her since that's all she ever says. In fact, this isn't help. This is confounded nonsense! Also, my opinions almost 95% of the time never be accepted. I'm a vegetarian, some of my family members mock me for it. I like certain types of actors/movies, mock me for it, I say what I don't like about some things, families question and mock me for it. I mean this is the family that is supposed to support me with this anxiety, the family that's supposed to be my true friends who will be there for me, the family that is supposed to not change who I am. I just consider them how the kids treated me back in school, they're just all a bunch of kids and they'll never stop acting like one. I'm sorry if I say that though, I do appreciate all my parents do for me to feed me, take care of me, buy me things, but yet they don't put in enough respect for my personality. I can't believe everything that ever happened to me back then, it's always somehow me that's partly to blame or me at fault, even though none of it should be. I don't understand why my family overlooks all of that and still they treat me like Quasimodo. And the worst of it is, they feel bad I don't have friends. Well, I wish they would stop feeling like that because honestly I don't really care if I ever get friends or not. Not with all this mental and emotional abuse I have to carry throughout out my life.

 

[SmileMore]

No, i don't hate my family. They frustrate me sometimes but i don't hate them. My Mum has done a lot for me.

 

[GhastlyCC]

The only person in my family that I can say without a doubt that I hate...is my brother Matthew.
I seriously wouldn't care if I never seen or heard from him again.
Wouldn't piss on him if he was on fire.

As for the rest of my family,I kind of want to say no....but I honestly feel like I do.
I care for them,but I don't have the best relationship with them.
They're all addicts and selfish assholes and they're getting worse and worse.
I wish that they would get better,but I know that will never happen.

 

[polishgirl]

No, I do not hate them. I just wish they were different, they treated me differently. But I blame myself for that... and I regret that I did not have the overall feeling of acceptance at my house, I think it is so important.

And I blame my relationship with my closest ones for the way I am right now - messed up.

 

[polishgirl]

I feel like I carry the weight of my whole family.
parents are about to get evicted, the only thing preventing that is me giving them 300 a month, while both my sisters and my brother live here rent free..i'm pretty much the only one supporting my sisters baby..should I just forget about them..let them learn how to take care of themselves...??

I really feel bad, it must be so stressful, so hard... but I think you need to think of yourself at times and do what makes you happy. You should start living for YOU. And can your brother work? your sister?

 

[dottie]

I feel like I carry the weight of my whole family.
parents are about to get evicted, the only thing preventing that is me giving them 300 a month, while both my sisters and my brother live here rent free..i'm pretty much the only one supporting my sisters baby..should I just forget about them..let them learn how to take care of themselves...??

it seems like you feel you're being taken advantage of. set appropriate boundaries with them. you can say no and still love them.

consider giving your parents a certain deadline after which you are cutting off the money. this way they have a certain amount of time to find a place they can afford.

consider the same with your sisters. figure out what you want from them (do you want rent? or do you want them to get out entirely?) and then give them a date and let them know they must comply.

 

[jaim38]

I don't hate my family, but I can't help but think I was born in the wrong place at the wrong time to the wrong family in the wrong circumstances. I have social anxiety but my environment is not helping. My mom's paranoid (and seems to have dementia). My brother is more paranoid, agoraphobic, socially awkward, etc. I can't even find the right words to describe my brother because it looks like he has every mental illness there is. I wonder if I had sisters, would I be more charming and sweet? I don't talk to my brother all, because he doesn't want to. It's at home that kids first start to learn how to socialize and talk, but not for me. I have almost nobody to practice my social skills with, at home.

 

[Hellhound]

I used to dislike them until they changed for the better.

The only one I can't forgive is my old brother.

 

[Agent_Violet]

when i say hate, i dont mean dislike..I mean HATE

edit: how can the people that are supposed to be so close to you..so supportive..just do nothing but push you down further..
is it my fault? do they not care? on one hand i want to write them out of my life, but then on the other hand i want to believe I'm wrong, and that they just dont know how to care..feeling lost again

It doesn't seem like you hate them.If you hated them,you wouldn't spend your life making sure they're ok and have a place to live.
The actions of people who hate others look entirely different.

I think you care way too much and the people who are supposed to love you are taking advantage of you.

You resent them deeply for this and I have to say I'd feel the same if I was in your shoes.

It's going to be tough but you really need to start working on firmer boundaries for yourself to keep people from walking over you and taking advantage of your kind heart.

Make a list if you have to in order to identify boundaries that make you feel comfortable.If they aren't willing to step up and be responsible for their own lives then you are more than justified if you step out of the situation.

We teach people how to treat us and you are teaching them that they can be this way and not have any consequences for their actions.

You're a good person who deserves a life filled with appreciation for your good deeds. If they cant see that you deserve and need this then to hell with them.

 

[Richey]

I don't hate my family, but I can't help but think I was born in the wrong place at the wrong time to the wrong family in the wrong circumstances. I have social anxiety but my environment is not helping. My mom's paranoid (and seems to have dementia). My brother is more paranoid, agoraphobic, socially awkward, etc. I can't even find the right words to describe my brother because it looks like he has every mental illness there is. I wonder if I had sisters, would I be more charming and sweet? I don't talk to my brother all, because he doesn't want to. It's at home that kids first start to learn how to socialize and talk, but not for me. I have almost nobody to practice my social skills with, at home.

Yes, I tend to agree with this as well. I think it's also a numbers game, a luck thing. We can always improve on our problems. But some people are born into this world with very distinct advantages over others, and that is just the way it is, unfortunately.

 

[aloneloner]

i guess i don't hate them..just..resent :'(
I don't feel like they are taking advantage of me tho. its more like i think they cant support themselves, and I'm the only one who wants to :/

I put in too much effort to make a connection, and I feel like they couldn't care less about me :/

I've been thinking more about myself these past few days, thanks to you guys lol
Hopefully these new thoughts lead to something great
Thanks to everyone who replied, this has been a stressful month :/

 

[ShadowCookie]

Most people in my family are pretty awful, hence why I don't speak to them at all or have any desire to associate myself with them. Thankfully there are some people I like and can talk to if need be.