41 and still have not experienced a sexual relationship..
- Thread starter BlueRose
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Onedaymaybe
Guest
Well, if it's any comfort to you, I'm 47 and in the same boat. Don't know how it came about, but that part of life just seemed to pass me by. God knows I've tried to start relationships, but it seems every time I approached a girl I was given the cold shoulder. I began to think there was something wrong with me, that I was abnormal or something, but in the end I guess there's a few of us who just never enter those waters. These days it's not so bad, I haven't got the sexual urge I used to have, and I can channel my energies into other things, but I do wonder what I missed?
anomicdeer
Well-known member
I don't like to be asked that type of question..
You must not really understand the question.
you can't say you don't like sometimes if you havent done it. Or whatever.
bleach
Banned
Comparing yourself to others is exactly the worst thing to do. No one in the history of the world has ever lived the same conditions as anyone else. Focus on your own life because wishing you were someone else gets you nowhere and it's unfair to yourself--your life doesn't need to be validated by comparing it to someone else.
Hiding your feelings also gets you nowhere. If people are talking about their relationships, you are free to talk about how you'd want a relationship as well(although try not to do it in a bitter or depressive way). Many people love playing matchmaker and odds are good that most will have at least one single friend.
Hiding your feelings also gets you nowhere. If people are talking about their relationships, you are free to talk about how you'd want a relationship as well(although try not to do it in a bitter or depressive way). Many people love playing matchmaker and odds are good that most will have at least one single friend.
Perfidion
Well-known member
What type of question? One that you can't answer? Anomic's right. It's like me saying I hate roller-coasters when I've never actually been on a roller-coaster. No offense.
Danfalc
Banned
I understand what your saying Perf,but lets leave this before it turns into an argument
Bluerose has said she didnt mean to offend anyone and that she doesnt feel comfy talking about it.
Ashiene
Well-known member
I am set to be an 80 year old virgin in a few decades, but by that time, there will be robotic sex dolls that look and behave exactly like real people, so it'll be a question of whether losing virginity means having sex with a real person or an artificially intelligent doll that looks completely like a real person.
I love philosophical questions like this!
I love philosophical questions like this!
Perfidion
Well-known member
I understand what your saying Perf,but lets leave this before it turns into an argument
Fine by me. I'm not looking to start an argument --I thought it was funny more than anything.
meatcake
1
Danfalc
Banned
Thanks,its appreciated.
this_portrait
Well-known member
Agreed, although there are times when I feel just like a lot ofother people on here who are sad that they haven't had any sexual contact (yet).
I think a lot of these sexual dilemmas stem from societal b/s, personally. If you're young and attractive and a virgin, you have people gasping at you like all hell has frozen over, because heaven forbid we have any pretty girl or handsome guy the age of 21 and still a virgin!
And then if you're over 30, and you're still a virgin, it's like people frown upon you because you're not with the "in"-crowd, and some even go so far as to say you're denying a natural part of yourself. It's like all the high school popularity pissing contests taken to an adult level.
I'll admit that most of the times when I've been down in the dumps because of not having a boyfriend were spawned from watching the couples around me, and being jealous because I don't have that, and can't seem to find a way to get it either. Then I wake up and realize that I'm too introverted to let anyone, especially a guy, get that close to me. And knowing me, I would get unlucky and end up with some needy guy who would constantly bother me and never leave me alone.
Whenever I think I'm missing out on something because I feel like the only virgin in my age group, I start preoccupying myself with the things that I really like to do, and I forget about it. I find more pleasure in doing what I'm passionate about than being with some guy who would probably only cause me problems anyway.
Really, I shouldn't feel guilty about not ever having an official boyfriend or being a virgin when I'm too introverted to even let any guy get that close to me. =/
freestylemonster
Banned
wow this thread has really cheered me up! I'm almost 19 and the last few days I've been super depressed at the fact that I've never had a real girlfriend. But after reading this thread I've realized that it doesn't matter! And there are tons of people that don't get a girlfriend/boyfriend until they're into they're late 20's or even 30's!
As for the sex thing, it's just one accomplishment (that's extremely easy to accomplish for most people) out of about a million other things you can gain tons of respect for! I have only done it once, and I didn't even finish...BUT I have a blackbelt in karate, which (in my opinion) is MUCH more impressive than being not a virgin...
What I'm trying to get at is just because your love life is in the crapper it doesn't mean the rest of your life has to be!!
As for the sex thing, it's just one accomplishment (that's extremely easy to accomplish for most people) out of about a million other things you can gain tons of respect for! I have only done it once, and I didn't even finish...BUT I have a blackbelt in karate, which (in my opinion) is MUCH more impressive than being not a virgin...
What I'm trying to get at is just because your love life is in the crapper it doesn't mean the rest of your life has to be!!
I know how all of you feel! I have never had a relationship either apart from about three dates (with the one girl). In high school it didn't really bother me....I used to feel happiest when I was by myself. But when I finished high school things changed. I'm 27 now and I long for an intimate relationship so much...every day. I wish I could stop myself from wanting one but I don't think I can. I need to be loved in that special way, to be appreciated, I need to be needed. I also would want that person to be a really really close best friend to share good times. I know I'm supposed to be happy even without one but it sure is hard for me! I did try to meet people but finding dates let alone one that will turn out to be the right person is just so daunting!
I also get jealous. I am vulnerable to feeling ostracised. Sometimes it felt like everybody had a relationship except for me. I'm not even going to attend my second cousin's wedding because I just couldn't bear to have the fact rubbed in my face that they have found their someone and I haven't. That's why its lovely to read I'm not the only one in the same boat!
I was also far too critical of myself. I used to tell myself that I was socially inept. I was so lazy and useless I should die. Then I read somewhere that you should talk to yourself like you talk to a loved one. Well I would never say those things to a loved one. I wouldn't even say them to an axe murderer...why myself? So I'm trying to change! E
I also get jealous. I am vulnerable to feeling ostracised. Sometimes it felt like everybody had a relationship except for me. I'm not even going to attend my second cousin's wedding because I just couldn't bear to have the fact rubbed in my face that they have found their someone and I haven't. That's why its lovely to read I'm not the only one in the same boat!
I was also far too critical of myself. I used to tell myself that I was socially inept. I was so lazy and useless I should die. Then I read somewhere that you should talk to yourself like you talk to a loved one. Well I would never say those things to a loved one. I wouldn't even say them to an axe murderer...why myself? So I'm trying to change! E
krs2snow
Well-known member
I should think that this thread really wouldn't come as a surprise to anyone on this site. Sex is about sharing urself w/someone and SA is about the INability to share urself w/someone. It's natural that we crave it, especially since it seems so elusive to us. As far as being ashamed, I can totally understand where ur coming from. Society places so much importance on the development of a partnership, especially as we get older. If ur not in a relationship, everyone wants to know "whats wrong w/you".
recluse
Well-known member
Out of interest i went on yahoo answers to see what would come up regarding virginity at my age (28) and i was appalled at some of the responces. One girl posted a question regarding a guy she was dating. Apparently this guy was 28 and was still a virgin, she wanted to know why he was still a virgin. The impression she gave was that she was creeped out by the fact that he was a virgin at 28! How can it be fair to be creeped out just because someone for whatever reason is a virgin! I'd say it's a good thing. Wouldn't she have been more creeped out had he been a player who'd slept withe hundreds of women? I'd say one o'r two answers she got were pretty positive but a lot of answers consisted of people telling her to be wary because he was some freak for being a virgin 28 year old guy! I'm just disgusted by some peoples attitudes.
rand0m_guy
Well-known member
Was you really surprised though? I wouldn't have been. There's plenty of numpties out there. Get them behind the anonymousity of the internet and they play up even more.
Take these simpletons comments with a pinch of salt, pity them, and be glad you don't think nor behave like them.
Argamemnon
Well-known member
Frankly, I too think there is something wrong with people who aren't in relationships beyond a certain age, say 30-40. What other people say doesn't change anything. But that's not a reason to disrespect people like us, and treat us differently...
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Take these simpletons comments with a pinch of salt, pity them, and be glad you don't think nor behave like them.
Yeah I agree!
recluse, you have to not dwell on the negative so much, I've seen girls on here flirt with you, you don't seem to respond, I wonder do you notice this? Sometimes we reflect so inwardly with our thoughts, we don't notice the "bleedin obvious" , we "doom" everything in our lives, I think you need to take big steps to tackle this because sometimes I see in your posts a kind caring imaginate your man who would be a pleasure to be around