How are you feeling?

avaldezbus

avaldezbus

Member
PugofCrydee said:
I often have suicidal thoughts. Along the lines of 'why am I fking here?', or 'what does it matter being here?'.

But I keep on being here in the hope I'll find some form of being content and happiness one day.
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You're not alone. I think about suicide every single day. I'm on 3 antidepressants: Trintellix, Remeron, and Wellbutrin XL, plus Lyrica and clonazepam for anxiety. And I'm getting ready to request to my psychiatrist that he takes me off of any of these meds he wants to, and put me on Nardil, a monoamine oxidase inhibitor. The the antidepressant combination is helping me out somewhat with my depression, it's really not cutting it. I'm at the maximum recommended dosage of Remeron and Trintellix. And we had to lower my Wellbutrin XL cuz I was feeling edgy and too revy. I wish you the best. And hopefully Nardil will do it for me.

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avaldezbus

avaldezbus

Member
Graeme1988 said:
Well, that's depressing... Sorry, but it just is. :sad: Is your family cursing (swearing) at you as well? Cuz mine are. [emoji107]
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My parents are not cursing at me. However, they do make frequent negative comments to me and criticize me for not bringing in enough money to help them out, which I understand I should. It's just so difficult for me. I'm in sales. And I'm really trying so hard to pull myself together and motivate myself. But at the moment I'm really struggling.

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FountainandFairfax

FountainandFairfax

in a VAN down by the RIVER
I bit my top lip yesterday so all day it's been numb.

It feels like a thick piece of bologna is stuck in-between what should be my upper-lip and my gums.

I keep catch myself trying to spit it out.
 
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Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Sh!t... as per feckin' usual! Everything's sh!t! People around me are full o' sh!t! My life's sh!t! But, somehow, I'm the c*nt for calmly telling a bloody wummin - who just so happens to be my mother - "Awrite... just wait a sec, and I'll do as ye asked. Be patient". To which, she snaps: "But ah've not got a second!!" :kickingmyself:

Why is it always me?! Ah get blamed for almost everything in my family. :crying:
 
defiance

defiance

Well-known member
It is almost comical how many times I have said this on this forum but here is one more because it is honestly how I feel. I WISH I was never born. My demons have destroyed me day in and day out. I stick around so I won't hurt my loved ones. But sometimes the pain is so bad that even they are not enough for me to want to be here. I just want out. The odds of me not being born statistically were astronomical and yet I still managed to lose with those odds and came into existence only to suffer.:kickingmyself:
 
H

Hot_Tamale

Well-known member
defiance said:
It is almost comical how many times I have said this on this forum but here is one more because it is honestly how I feel. I WISH I was never born. My demons have destroyed me day in and day out. I stick around so I won't hurt my loved ones. But sometimes the pain is so bad that even they are not enough for me to want to be here. I just want out. The odds of me not being born statistically were astronomical and yet I still managed to lose with those odds and came into existence only to suffer.:kickingmyself:
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Your demons deserve a hard b*tch slap upside the head...if you can't do it I hope someone does it for you in the future, for your sake :(
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Like I've got this black cloud raining down upon me. :sad:
Wish things would hurry up and get back to being less stressful. :kickingmyself:
 
theslowesthand

theslowesthand

Banned
defiance said:
It is almost comical how many times I have said this on this forum but here is one more because it is honestly how I feel. I WISH I was never born. My demons have destroyed me day in and day out. I stick around so I won't hurt my loved ones. But sometimes the pain is so bad that even they are not enough for me to want to be here. I just want out. The odds of me not being born statistically were astronomical and yet I still managed to lose with those odds and came into existence only to suffer.:kickingmyself:
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It maybe seems comical, but i can tell your pain is genuine, and that pain is NEVER EVER comical.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
jinxed said:
lonely again but still writing even though no one i can find on here i can relate to enough or cares or has the time for me. i just think about the God who loves me the way he does and that i love myself too much to put up w/ bullsh!t
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Sorry to hear that, jinxed. I guess I'm just used to be alone that I don't really get lonely? :idontknow: Either that, or how my family treated has made me jaded about people? :sad: But, at least, you love yourself enough to not tolerate BS... I wish I were like that. :thumbup:
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Trying to optimist, but it's not easy when those around you constantly try to bring you down, and make ya feel like crap. :veryangry:

I think I might be messed up beyond repair? Every time I do what's right by me, my family insist I'm both wrong and selfish. After telling me to justify my decision. Ah cannae even ask them to do something for me without get attitude from them, they'll start behaving n' acting like teenagers. Sulking, speaking in this passive aggressive tone. Yet, it's different when I'm in a bad and can't be bothered. :thumbdown:

I'm feeling conflicted about the prospect of moving away from home. :sad: Though, not because I'm going to miss my family, but if I'm asked why and expected to give an honest answer, they'll flip out, and get angry. Thus, proving me right... :kickingmyself:
 
Lionhearted

Lionhearted

Well-known member
Graeme1988 said:
Trying to optimist, but it's not easy when those around you constantly try to bring you down, and make ya feel like crap. :veryangry:

I think I might be messed up beyond repair? Every time I do what's right by me, my family insist I'm both wrong and selfish.
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Please don't think you're messed up beyond repair. I can relate to how everyone calls you selfish and wrong, and all that. I still remember actually giving in and actually believing that I was indeed wrong and idiotic. The same things were told to me by my brothers. The result was, I actually ended up questioning whatever they hurled at me, and now I know that I'm just as equal as them.

It's hard to forget it when your most closest family members just try and make you look like the silly guy, and it can actually have a really bad consequence. As a third born, I think it's more common for elder siblings to use the younger ones as trash cans.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Lionhearted said:
Please don't think you're messed up beyond repair. I can relate to how everyone calls you selfish and wrong, and all that. I still remember actually giving in and actually believing that I was indeed wrong and idiotic. The same things were told to me by my brothers. The result was, I actually ended up questioning whatever they hurled at me, and now I know that I'm just as equal as them.
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No offence, but it's rather difficult not think that way. Especially when yer so scared of how yer family will react that you can't even ask them a simple question or ask them, nicely to do something for you, with them yelling at you. Since they usually response by giving me attitude, as if to say I'm a burden to them, without them saying that, outright.
 
Graeme1988

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Lionhearted said:
It's hard to forget it when your most closest family members just try and make you look like the silly guy, and it can actually have a really bad consequence. As a third born, I think it's more common for elder siblings to use the younger ones as trash cans.
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Or, an emotional punching bag in my case. As my mother and older siblings have scapegoated me for just about everything. My Mum's taken out all her angry and my dad and the fathers of the my 2 older sisters on me. Project a lotta her bitterness for them onto me. Even going so far as to tell me more than once that I'm just like my dad, which hurt.

My older sister throws a violent tantrums - slams doors, shouts n' swears whenever I say "the wrong thing". Though, she like this with our Mum and oldest sister. So, none of us spared her wrath. She's in her 30s by the way. Still acts like a teenage brat... :eek:mg:

And the my oldest sister once claimed, in argument that didn't even justify her saying this, that I'm utterly ungrateful for all that anyone in the family has ever done me. :confused:

Apparently me doing whatever is asked me, or fixing my sisters' laptops, or helping our Mum with the housework, and going: "No problem!" :thumbup: Or, me saying: "Aw, cheers!" or "Thanks, much appreciated" whenever they bring or buy me something that I might not have asked for initially, doesn't count as gratitude? :idontknow:
 
S

Sarah_M

1
Slightly hung over. I went out with some friends last night and we ended up going to a few bars. Going out made me feel worse about myself than I already do. My friends and I got cat called a few times, but it was never directed at me (not like I want to date someone who does that). I just can't fight these feelings of extreme ugliness. Every other girl at the bar was prettier than me and no one was interested in me at all. I feel gross.
 
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