How are you feeling?

defiance

Well-known member
Your demons deserve a hard b*tch slap upside the head...if you can't do it I hope someone does it for you in the future, for your sake :(

Yeah I know what you mean. But if it were possible, I'd like to do way more than that. I'd torture it to death the same way it's been doing it to me.
 

defiance

Well-known member
It maybe seems comical, but i can tell your pain is genuine, and that pain is NEVER EVER comical.

I agree. You know what else is comical in a not funny way? The fact that I keep telling myself that life will get better for me overtime as long as I continue to do all the right things to make those changes. I do what I can but as I get older, I am getting worse and it is getting harder and harder for me to stick around. The thought of of shutting my mind off for eternity sounds really appealing. I don't know I'm rambling again so ill just leave it here.
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Why bother?! :idontknow: It would appear, in my family, if ye express how yer feelin' ya get scorned and berated for showing that yer actually human being. :crying:

Yet, ah just got validated yet again, by my older sister when I pointed out that our middle sister, who's well into her 30s, hasn't actually changed in 15 years. Has matured one bit, she still behaves like a teenager, thinking she's centre of attention. Throwing tantrums when things go wrong, being a ungrateful little bitch. :thumbdown: :veryangry:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
it's hard going through what I'm going through and not having enough of what I would like to have in my life in terms of people and being very nice but the other is not.

What do you mean by "...and being very nice but the other is not."? Sorry, my brains all over the place after a huge family argument, are saying people aren't very nice to you despite you being nice to them, yourself? If so, I can definitely relate there. :sad:
 
lonely again but still writing even though no one i can find on here i can relate to enough or cares or has the time for me. i just think about the God who loves me the way he does and that i love myself too much to put up w/ bullsh!t

Socialphobiaworld is here for you mate! :)
 
and now for some more depressing stuff that no one wants to think about...ever..


Sorry.. but SOMEONE has to read about this kind of stuff.


Very poignant article though. You can tell the author was really trying to show you the heart of the situation. No sugar coating, just went straight to the point.

https://www.theguardian.com/world/2017/jul/25/slaves-of-isis-the-long-walk-of-the-yazidi-women

Thanks for that article. I'm finding it to be an enjoyable read :thumbup:
(i'm reading it in stages, as my attention span isn't that great & its a LONG article! :giggle:)
 
Slightly hung over. I went out with some friends last night and we ended up going to a few bars. Going out made me feel worse about myself than I already do. My friends and I got cat called a few times, but it was never directed at me (not like I want to date someone who does that). I just can't fight these feelings of extreme ugliness. Every other girl at the bar was prettier than me and no one was interested in me at all. I feel gross.

Do some people go to bars/pubs to find partners? I thought that they go just to find sex. But the majority of people go just to have a drink, either alone or with friends, am i right? Is Coronation Street's pub the reality of what pubs are like these days?. I'm too scared to go to pubs (i'd have to be blind drunk, like i used to).
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Just wondering what ah should do now? Apologise for telling it how I see it, and say: "I'm sorry, ah didnae mean it" ? :sad: Or just disown my family and get on with existing? Sure, I'd be lonely, but at least, I'd huv some peace and quiet. :idontknow:
Ultimately, am pissed off with always being right when it comes to seeing the worst in people. :kickingmyself: :thumbdown:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Well, ah wus right to be worried about my mother's health. :sad:
We're probably going to lose her afore this years out? :idontknow: It sure seems likely with the way things huv been going lately. :crying:
Yet, if ah do, I'll be guilty that ah didnae do more to help her. Rather than let her doing everything for me just so she has a reason to be. ::(:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
What's wrong with your mother's health?

Let's see...

  • Dizzyness
  • Sickness (vomitting)
  • Light-headed
  • Sore hip

She never ate a thing yesterday. Has stopped take her steroid tablets because she's got a course of anti-biotectic from the doctor. She groaned about being in agony, and gripped my right-hand when came and asked her if she wus okay this morning. Then groaned some more when ah asked: "What is it, what's wrong?"

Then my oldest sister went feckin' postal and snapped at her cuz she wouldn't eat the toast and tea our Mum had asked for, repeatedly saying she "...cannae (can't) move. Ma hip's too sore. Yer naggin' me!". Then Mum literally broke down in tears and pleaded not to be taken to hospital when my eldest sis threatened to phone for an ambulance. :sad: And then she goes: "Ah feel sick..." and instead of actually vomitting, starts dry heaving to try make herself sick. :eek:mg: Like really over-playing it with the noises and that. To the point where it's almost comical.

Ah dread to think how she'll cope when our Mum finally get that hip replacement surgery in a few years time. :idontknow: Because she's constantly been put it off and put it off - making excuses to not get it. Don't get me wrong I care about her, deeply, but I'd have more empathy for her as her disabled son, who also deals with pains in my hip due to my disability, if she stopped playing up this "Oh-woe-is-me!" self-pitying, always the victim mentality. :thumbdown:

And she wonders why she's always getting ill, nevermind why me and my sisters are always getting on at her for not taking care of herself.
 

PugofCrydee

You want to know how I got these scars?
Dizzyness
Sickness (vomitting)
Light-headed
Sore hip


Graeme, is this why you think she'll die before the years out?
 

grapevine

Well-known member
This website is awesome and Ive been going to it for years- his books are good too. But the articles are so many and worth having a read:

https://www.2knowmyself.com/how_to_deal_with_people_who_play_the_victim

Hip replacement surgery is a big operation but will make a hell of difference afterward. My mum had knee replacement surgery years ago and went from taking what felt like half an hour to walk to the supermarket and back - extra painfully slow - to then oly 2 months later walking like a pro even pushing out the tourists ( her thing lol) and enjoying life again.

With hip replacement, I think its better recovery time if your weight is lighter.
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ok but you made it seem like she was going to die.

Oh, that's just because my mother's making it seems that way. And with her recent outburst to me that she can't wait til she's dead... It's hard not feel that she'll just let herself go downhill, since she rarely does anything to help

So it's not about the arguments? if it is, I'd recommend not to argue anymore, just not talk?

Nope, that was yesterday. And I don't talk much anyway, so not talking comes easy to me. :bigsmile:

Besides, I've said all I've needed to say. And I've been more than validated in my opinion of my older sister, after years of constanly pointing out the wrongs in how she treats us - our Mum, her older sister and I. And our Mum making excuses for her behaviour. Well, she won't after this... I'll tell ya!

I don't even care if she never speaks to me again... ever! Y'know, despite her saying she appreciated my honesty. Well, except when I speak my mind to her. :thumbdown:

Not that we got on much to begin with... But, no, I'm not the one who's going lose any sleep at night over not speaking to my older sis. I just hope her oldest daughter, when she's older, treats her with the same disrespect as she (my sister) has shown our mother.

Because my older sister's behaviour towards us since splitting up with her husband earlier this year has been truly shocking. :eek: :kickingmyself:
 
Do some people go to bars/pubs to find partners? I thought that they go just to find sex. But the majority of people go just to have a drink, either alone or with friends, am i right? Is Coronation Street's pub the reality of what pubs are like these days?. I'm too scared to go to pubs (i'd have to be blind drunk, like i used to).

Finding a partner wasn't the intention of the evening, no. I just like to think that life is weird and I will meet someone by happenstance - like, maybe there's a guy who really isn't into the bar scene (like me), but went out with friends and is actually a good person and we hit it off. I don't exactly have the biggest social circle - I just have school and work (most people at my school are really young).
 

grapevine

Well-known member
I ate wheat. Well, actually I ate about 4-5 cupcakes I made this afternoon. The cakes are fine but the wheat doesnt like me and I can end up with nausea but most of all anxiety attacks and depression a little like bi-polar. Its kinda weird but it happens each time. I havent been on wheat until lately. Its like an opiate to me damn it lol.

I usually would make alternatives, but I made these for other people- but then licked the spoon that lead to the bowl that lead to the cakes.. lol

My diet has been quite different these last few weeks : /
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Hip replacement surgery is a big operation but will make a hell of difference afterward. My mum had knee replacement surgery years ago and went from taking what felt like half an hour to walk to the supermarket and back - extra painfully slow - to then oly 2 months later walking like a pro even pushing out the tourists ( her thing lol) and enjoying life again.

With hip replacement, I think its better recovery time if your weight is lighter.

Did I say hip replacement? I meant to say knee replacement surgery, that's what my Mum's been holding off on. Though, I think she might need hip surgery as well? :thinking:

In which case, going by what you said, grapevine, she going to struggle with the recovery because she has really let herself go since she had me. She's overweight, high-blood pressure, joint arthritis, all of which she acknowleges, even saying she needs to lose weight. And yet, she doesn't do any to help herself in terms of her health. Just lays on the living couch watching the TV, or lies in bed reading a magazine. She just complains how there's no point in exercising, then bemoans the fact her health is how it is. :idontknow:

And the irony of all this is, my oldest sister would always tell me to try and motivate our Mum to get things done, whenever she was away, and was charged with caring for her. Like showing her how to use my pedal exerciser for a bit. But no, she'd just make an excuse and go back to watch the telly. :kickingmyself:

So, I've kinda given up on her. Nae point trying to help someone, if they're not going make an effort and try to help themselves. Sorry, I know it's my mother, but that's how ah feel. :thumbdown:
 
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Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Dizzyness
Sickness (vomitting)
Light-headed
Sore hip


Graeme, is this why you think she'll die before the years out?

That, and the fact she's not as fit as she used to be, what with getting older.

Plus, she's been running after my older sister and her 2 kids non-stop since my sis moved back home from Ireland, after splitting for her husband who fathered the kids. Hasn't been off her feet since August...

And, on top of all those that I mentioned, she complains about her knee being sore. But "doesn't know which one it is"... :confused: :idontknow:

As for my sister, she's occassionally done the ironing, hasn't bothered helping beyond that like. :thumbdown:

Me? I'm just keeping outta the way and doing things when asked. Though, only if I'm asked politely and in calm tone of voice. Won't tolerate "Huh! Do this now!" mentality. :no:
 

Graeme1988

Hie yer hence from me heath!
Ok I'm sorry for all your distress.

Thanks for those understanding words. It's been a difficult day with my mother endless complaining about her hip being sore. :sad:
Now we need to wait for 4 hour until someone from the local hospital comes to visit. :thumbdown:
 
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