How are you feeling?
- Thread starter Remus
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Opaline
1
I think I feel kind of dead. Not in a completely hopeless way, or at least I don't feel absolutely horrible, but I feel like I'm trapped in this routine dominated by work and fear - especially the latter - and naturally it's causing a feeling of pointlessness. I want something deeper - a few good friendships, or getting to know a new person really well, or accomplishing something profound. But instead I have avoidance, depression, errands, drinking, distractions, comfort food, feeling guilty, procrastinating... and no real social connection aside from my family. I feel trapped.
Nothing new, just wanted to say it.
Nothing new, just wanted to say it.
Lavinialuna
Well-known member
I feel TOTALLY FRUSTRATED that I seem to have poisoned myself (again) with MSG (I am allergic) and am now having a reaction. I was so careful, I made tacos from scratch and I thought I knew what I was eating, but it was a new brand of pinto beans (I thought they were all the same?) Now I will likely feel like garbage for a few days. Totally sucks, I have enough to deal with without this.
Em... dunno if should say something or not. I dont want to be all know it all-y and maybe you already know...but if you don't know and I dont say then thats not helpful of me. I did a module in food science last year, did a good bit on food additives which was really interesting and might shed light on your taco problem.
MSG is content in very high levels in tomatoes and cheese..the kind of things one might put in a taco for instance. If you look at a table of glutamate content, you dont need to avoid everything (itd be impossible) but notice the mg/100g ...youre not gonna use 100g of soy sauce but you could easily use a can of tomatoes (400g)
Also here are some links which might help you avoid it in future. Hope that helps
Questions and Answers on Monosodium glutamate (MSG)
13 Foods With Natural Umami | Reader's Digest
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
I'd rather starve than get ripped apart.
I've just came off a major alcohol infusion to relieve a major breakdown due to things happening all at once. Having to be a witness in trial but it was settled still I lost all confidence after a pretty good 6 years stretch of healing. Alcohol makes anxiety 10x worse so I have no choice but to stop. I don't want to do anything but I am a alive person unfortunately who has to communicate with people who have no idea what hell there is here on earth for some. I think if most people knew it would be better, it's accepted better now than ever. I will drag my body around until hopefully fate will give me the ultimate cure. I found my Mom after 25 years totally separated due to the State moving me to another State after I was found, I was held against my will for 3 years at 10 they charged me with truancy! and sent me to my dad who had no idea so any hope to prosecute or get help for that was gone as was any communication from my Mom ,it was not her fault. My Mom died a few years ago, 1 year after I found her, from 2 deadly infections, how could that happen to someone who was fine just 2 months before it started? I don't even care anymore which actually has helped my anxiety some. Nice life. Anyway just a vent
Lavinialuna
Well-known member
Thanks for the info. I can always use it. What I read was that most naturally occurring glutamic acid is attached to a protein, so it passes through your system okay because the protein is large and can't penetrate into the cells the same way free glutamic acid does. It's free-glutamic acid that can penetrate the blood-brain barrier causing a reaction, and in order to be
"free" it has to be processed. I have never had a reaction to fresh foods (meat, cheese, veggies) it's more like canned or processed foods that get me. They like to hide it in everything. Although you can make it in our own kitchen if you leave something in a crock pot all day, that can break it down to the point where it frees it from the protein.
I always have an instant reaction to it, my mouth starts burning and I get red and tingle around the mouth, slowly my face gets red and down onto my neck. I get really sleepy and then have joint pain and flu like symptoms for a couple of days. If it's a large dose, I get a migraine. Not sure why I am so sensitive to it, but I avoid it all costs. It started happening after the autoimmune disease kicked in and I also became sensitive to other chemicals as well. It really stinks because I can't eat out or eat at friends houses. Makes life difficult.
It's especially frustrating when I think I got it all right and suddenly- whoops. :kickingmyself:
FountainandFairfax
in a VAN down by the RIVER
Well, you've got plenty to vent about, my friend. You've survived a lot. I couldn't imagine enduring all that you have, feel free to talk it out.
I'm not sure what to do. I was at my grandma's funeral rites and just as expected, there's this cousin who kept talking sh*t about me. She kept badmouthing me to other people, saying things such as "I don't like her" and "nobody likes her", which I know NOT to be true at all since I know I have parents, friends, and acquaintances who like/love me. She doesn't even know my name, much less me! I'm also not faultless either because I know I've said something in the past that made her and her sisters dislike me. I said something along the lines of "I only went to their house for the food" and I was talking to someone else. They got angry and started being passive aggressive against me from then on. They pointed out every flaw I have, making sure that other people notice and engage in the same passive aggressive behavior. Some of my other cousins copied their behavior and started hating me, even though I did nothing to them. It hurts having my reputation ruined and for them to keep holding this long grudge against me. I have done some acts of resistance, including intentionally ignoring them just to piss them off, just to let them know I won't stand for it.
I am still trying to be strong when I overheard her dissing me in front of my other aunts and uncles. I have to give myself props for that for not losing control. She's not perfect either, and there are certainly people talking behind her back about her attitude. Same for the other cousins.
However, I am tired of this sh*t going on and just want this to end. I want a solution to this. The one I have in mind is me apologizing first, then she apologizes for her actions, but it's very risky because there is a possibility that she might not accept my apology and just deny everything she did. So, I'm not sure what I should do, but I know eventually, I will have to confront her.
I just want to clarify that if I do apologize, it's not because I want to network with her or have any other ulterior motives in mind. I would do it for 2 reasons: 1) to get this long term problem off everybody's chests and end the never ending cycle of passive aggressiveness - mostly they're practicing it, 2) I know my grandma would want to see us reconcile or come to terms with each other before leaving in peace.
I am still trying to be strong when I overheard her dissing me in front of my other aunts and uncles. I have to give myself props for that for not losing control. She's not perfect either, and there are certainly people talking behind her back about her attitude. Same for the other cousins.
However, I am tired of this sh*t going on and just want this to end. I want a solution to this. The one I have in mind is me apologizing first, then she apologizes for her actions, but it's very risky because there is a possibility that she might not accept my apology and just deny everything she did. So, I'm not sure what I should do, but I know eventually, I will have to confront her.
I just want to clarify that if I do apologize, it's not because I want to network with her or have any other ulterior motives in mind. I would do it for 2 reasons: 1) to get this long term problem off everybody's chests and end the never ending cycle of passive aggressiveness - mostly they're practicing it, 2) I know my grandma would want to see us reconcile or come to terms with each other before leaving in peace.
MikeyC
Well-known member
My girlfriend is getting a little bit annoyed because I don't share much of myself. She tells me it's okay and I don't have to say anything I don't want to, but she has also told me it's annoying, in a joking way, but I know it gets to her. I haven't really wanted to open up about my depression and anxiety, but I guess that's unavoidable. She's already seen me nervous and I have a "nervous giggle," so it's not like it's totally hidden. I will open up more, though. I have to.
Apart from that, I feel good and ready for new challenges, and current ones (mainly university, haha). :thumbup:
Apart from that, I feel good and ready for new challenges, and current ones (mainly university, haha). :thumbup:
planemo
Well-known member
I've hit a major depressive wall at the moment. It's day 2 of feeling too terrible to do anything. I've been in bed the entire day. These type of meltdowns are rare these days but they still happen from time to time. I feel so ashamed since I get effected by negative circumstances. I wish I had no feelings at all. :sad:
Feeling like my mind is going crazy. I keep thinking about the problem yesterday and imagining future possible scenarios where I actually confront the woman about what she did. I couldn't even sleep at all last night! I was awake half the time thinking about how I should go about solving this issue. I was very angry and about to go nuts from lack of sleep plus starvation last night. I've also wasted several hours talking out loud to release emotions, so I was disappointed that I wasn't as productive as I should be.
I already rehearsed and created a mini-speech that I plan to say to my cousin. No matter what the results will be, at least I will be proud of myself for speaking up.
I already rehearsed and created a mini-speech that I plan to say to my cousin. No matter what the results will be, at least I will be proud of myself for speaking up.
down
I haven't been feeling good lately. My agoraphobia, and anxiety in general seems to be getting worse and worse as time progresses. I fear driving, and going place alone, which is REALLY terrible for someone who has zero friends. I desperately need to go outside one of these days. I have also been having more panic attacks, or near panic attacks, and those things are the absolute worst. I have lots of thoughts consuming my mind, and every single one of them is negative. Ehh, I just feel like giving up. Don't know what to do really, the usual.
I haven't been feeling good lately. My agoraphobia, and anxiety in general seems to be getting worse and worse as time progresses. I fear driving, and going place alone, which is REALLY terrible for someone who has zero friends. I desperately need to go outside one of these days. I have also been having more panic attacks, or near panic attacks, and those things are the absolute worst. I have lots of thoughts consuming my mind, and every single one of them is negative. Ehh, I just feel like giving up. Don't know what to do really, the usual.
singing-love
Well-known member
I feel awful, I can't remember feeling this bad. I really can't. I hate this, I don't want it.
BlueDays
1
^Yeah, it is extremely difficult for people like us to open ourselves up to a partner. Hopefully you may get to a point where you trust your girlfriend enough to feel safe to do this. And I hope she loves you enough to wait.
^ To those whos minds are tormenting them at the moment.........((((Hugs))))
I am feeling like a sack of potatoes. I hate getting a cold. *sneeze, cough, cough*
^Thank you Bluedays!
At my grandma's funeral ceremony today (yes, we have to go another day), I have never felt more like the black sheep. I took the courage and apologized to my cousin today, and she said it's alright. But, my troubles aren't over yet. Another cousin attempted to make me feel bad. I heard M said she hated me because I was "f*cking stupid". She tried to turn her brothers and sisters against me, told them not to look at me. Earlier, I tried speaking with M and her siblings to break the ice but that didn't work. She just kept on talking bad about me, even yelling at my direction at one time "Nobody likes you" which I know isn't true. It brought me back to college again. I apologized to the first cousin because there is reason to apologize; in M's case, I see no reason to apologize. I didn't wrong her in any way. She's the bully. If I apologize, I would look like a doormat that anyone could step on.
Finally, the icing on the cake: the relatives all decided to go to a particular restaurant to eat. My mom was there when the decision was being made. We were driving to the restaurant and when we arrived, there was no one that we knew there. My mom was wondering, "Where did everyone go? Were we the first ones here, and the others were simply late?" Finally, it dawned on me that we were being tricked. I think we were tricked by those cousins. I had to put 2 and 2 together to realize what had happened. Those cousins must have had a change of plans without informing us, so they dragged everyone else with them except us. We ended up going to the wrong restaurant. Honestly, I feel hurt to be rejected, insulted, harassed, and pranked on, but it was a huge learning experience for me. I eventually went home and cried, just let it all out. I have never met so many mean people all in one place. I have never felt so much like the black sheep. Add to that my brother's insults. On our way home, my brother started calling me stupid. I thought about my cousins helping their own siblings. They stick up for their own kind. Me on the other hand, I feel so alone in my family. I only have 1 sibling, my brother, but he's a bully and kept putting me down. I know that if I was in a showdown with another person, my brother wouldn't come help me at all. He'll just stand there and think I'm incredibly stupid.
In one of my MOOC classes, the professor taught us to rewire our brains to build an entreprenurial mindset. So, here are the positives:
1. Today will probably be the last time I see these relatives.
2. I found out who I can trust and who I can't.
3. Apologizing isn't so hard. It used to be very difficult for me to apologize to people because I thought my pride would get wounded which I couldn't stand for. Now, I am learning to apologize gracefully. Apologies don't have to mean loss of pride, self esteem, reputation, etc.
4. My CQ has increased a bit
5. My hide has grown thicker. "Nobody likes you" doesn't sting as much as it used to.
6. I have survived after falling so low.
7. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't like me. In this world, there are people who like me and people who don't. I can't make everyone like me, and it's OK. I'm sure celebs, politicians, and other high profile figures have fans and haters.
8. Relatives are just that - relatives. We are related by blood, and nothing else. We don't get to choose which families we are born into. Friends, on the other hand, are made by choice. Not all relatives can be friends, and not all friends are relatives.
9. Live to see tomorrow. Life is too short to worry about the past. Leave the past behind and enjoy the present (or at least try to make it a learning experience).
At my grandma's funeral ceremony today (yes, we have to go another day), I have never felt more like the black sheep. I took the courage and apologized to my cousin today, and she said it's alright. But, my troubles aren't over yet. Another cousin attempted to make me feel bad. I heard M said she hated me because I was "f*cking stupid". She tried to turn her brothers and sisters against me, told them not to look at me. Earlier, I tried speaking with M and her siblings to break the ice but that didn't work. She just kept on talking bad about me, even yelling at my direction at one time "Nobody likes you" which I know isn't true. It brought me back to college again. I apologized to the first cousin because there is reason to apologize; in M's case, I see no reason to apologize. I didn't wrong her in any way. She's the bully. If I apologize, I would look like a doormat that anyone could step on.
Finally, the icing on the cake: the relatives all decided to go to a particular restaurant to eat. My mom was there when the decision was being made. We were driving to the restaurant and when we arrived, there was no one that we knew there. My mom was wondering, "Where did everyone go? Were we the first ones here, and the others were simply late?" Finally, it dawned on me that we were being tricked. I think we were tricked by those cousins. I had to put 2 and 2 together to realize what had happened. Those cousins must have had a change of plans without informing us, so they dragged everyone else with them except us. We ended up going to the wrong restaurant. Honestly, I feel hurt to be rejected, insulted, harassed, and pranked on, but it was a huge learning experience for me. I eventually went home and cried, just let it all out. I have never met so many mean people all in one place. I have never felt so much like the black sheep. Add to that my brother's insults. On our way home, my brother started calling me stupid. I thought about my cousins helping their own siblings. They stick up for their own kind. Me on the other hand, I feel so alone in my family. I only have 1 sibling, my brother, but he's a bully and kept putting me down. I know that if I was in a showdown with another person, my brother wouldn't come help me at all. He'll just stand there and think I'm incredibly stupid.
In one of my MOOC classes, the professor taught us to rewire our brains to build an entreprenurial mindset. So, here are the positives:
1. Today will probably be the last time I see these relatives.
2. I found out who I can trust and who I can't.
3. Apologizing isn't so hard. It used to be very difficult for me to apologize to people because I thought my pride would get wounded which I couldn't stand for. Now, I am learning to apologize gracefully. Apologies don't have to mean loss of pride, self esteem, reputation, etc.
4. My CQ has increased a bit
5. My hide has grown thicker. "Nobody likes you" doesn't sting as much as it used to.
6. I have survived after falling so low.
7. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't like me. In this world, there are people who like me and people who don't. I can't make everyone like me, and it's OK. I'm sure celebs, politicians, and other high profile figures have fans and haters.
8. Relatives are just that - relatives. We are related by blood, and nothing else. We don't get to choose which families we are born into. Friends, on the other hand, are made by choice. Not all relatives can be friends, and not all friends are relatives.
9. Live to see tomorrow. Life is too short to worry about the past. Leave the past behind and enjoy the present (or at least try to make it a learning experience).
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