Why I Am Invisible

[Silatuyok]

1. My partner and I are buying a house next week. People on Facebook keep congratulating HIM and not saying ANYTHING to me, and I'm starting to feel like they don't give a crap if I am going to be living there with him or not. *poof* I'm invisible

2. I make a big effort to help out with a problem at work, communicating with people and going the extra mile, then in the end they make all these changes and don't even bother to update me as to the status of the problem. *poof* It's like I never existed in the first place.

3. I email someone about something important that I need help with, or just to say hi. NO RESPONSE..EVER. *poof*

4. I don't even have a cat to cuddle with right now. They are all off somewhere forgetting that I exist. ::

5. There are so many people in the world that I just want to love me and shower me with affection, but even if they all did it wouldn't ever be enough because 95% of the time I don't even like myself.

The End.

*poof*

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Well... don't worry about being invisible here, Marie.


I'm thinking about this subjectively... trying to figure out why people could just overlook you in all of your examples and I can't rightly think of a reason why.
...They're busy with things, so it takes them a long time to respond to emails?
...You're not 'in their FACE' enough for them to notice the things you do?
I just can't figure it out.

So, I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

 

[NP88]

1. I wonder if you know these people well enough for them to ackowledge you. People tend to be very guarded and don't often extend beyond their comfort zones. If a congradulations is expected because you have some kind of relationship with them and they havent. Well they're just being rude.

2. I dont know if this is you but quieter people tend to be overlooked. Even if they speak up and take control for a time. As Weirdy says in a way you have to be in their face and attatch yourself to the situation in their minds.

3. Aside from an email not going through or people not regularly checking them it would seem that the person on the other end doesn't deserve to get them in the first place.

4. Borrow the neighbours cat... (You know your cats love you.)

5. Try and find some self worth, I knows it's not easy. Im working on it myself. Though I've come to the conclusion that, as you said, no matter how many people love you it will never be enough. You need to love yourself and be happy with who you are and that feeling will return as a rational want for affection from others and not a compulsary one.

Sorry for having such a logical approach to this. Was never very good at emotional support. Anyway hope ya feel better. Your definatly not invisible.

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

Oh, girl, I hear you.

Sometimes people are too involved in their worlds to pay attention. And like NP88 said, us quiet types have to make extra noise.

Congratulations on buying a house though. That is huge! Whoo!!

I'd let you borrow one of my cats for cuddling!

 

[brainfog]

As everyone above has mentioned, quiet people do tend to get overlooked, especially if they don't have a strong relationship, I deal with that everyday. I send texts, and get replies hours if not a day or two later, people may be busy, or they may just lose track of texts/emails that they get from other people, so don't think your invisible, your too pretty for that

If anything thy may be jealous, that You have a boyfriend/future husband who undoubtedly cares for you, and your both starting a new life together in your new home, you are definitely NOT invisible, especiLly to your bf/husband

 

[MikeyC]

Sweet Marie, you're not invisible here, that's for sure. I know how you feel about being invisible, but maybe it's just your mind thinking catastrophically at the moment. Keep doing what you're doing and people are sure to notice you. If you feel you're being neglected for no reason (for example, your work, as you mentioned), speak up. Don't let people take advantage of you.

Buying a house is a massive deal - probably the biggest deal in this life - so that's an achievement unto itself! Congratulations on making the biggest purchase of your whole life!

 

[Sora]

I feel this way almost all the time in most things I do / most things in life. It's rare if I get noticed. Usually it's when I decide to go out and do what most people do and drink...then people seem to want to talk to me and hang out!

You're not invisible! Especially here and if it was real life there is no way I would ignore you.

 

[Agent_Violet]

Sounds like you're just feeling completely abandoned on all counts today. I get that way too. I think sometimes though it's just a matter of not thinking about the whole picture...if you're quiet people just accept that you're there and they don't have to fuss over you to maintain a relationship with you. It's not that you're invisible, it's just that the squeaky wheel gets the oil...the loud,complaining people get the attention basically.

Sometimes people get so focused on their own thoughts and such that they forget about others.

As for the facebook thing, perhaps people are congratulating him because they feel he's the 'go to' person in the relationship? I get that with my husband a lot. People always speak to him when it comes to party invites, congratulations,ect... because he's the one they feel at ease with...i tend to put people out of their comfort zone for whatever reason. maybe that's what's happening to you?

 

[YellowBird]

sometimes we are not able to understand our behavior and for us body language or the fear on our faces gives us away,not that they critize us negatively like 'what a snob',but I think they are able to recognise our inconvenience and try not to put too much pressure on us and as you say that you don't like yourself there's a good chance that an incident similar to this has occured: -You look pretty today -Naaah,I'm a mess,I just woke up.If you don't accept positive comments,it gives people negative feedback so they are unlikely to repeat it or keep trying to approach you.

 

[coyote]

people treat us the way we teach them to

the way they treat you affects their karma - the way you react to it affects yours

 

[Silatuyok]

Thanks everyone. I think the main thing I am upset about is my boyfriend's sister. For about a year now, she has shown those typical signs of jealousy over someone taking over the life of the brother she adores. At least, it seems like she sees it that way. I have wanted to be friends with her, have given her gifts, tried to reach out to her, but I feel like the most I've gotten back from her is civility, out of respect for her brother. Every time he posts anything about the house on his facebook page, she is all over it, congratulating him (and him alone) and wanting to know about it. But I have also posted several updates about packing, getting ready to move, being excited, etc., and even posted a photo of our new house....and have not heard a single peep out of her. I get it; I understand why she is doing it and I don't hold it against her...but it still hurts and I don't know how to deal with it. My boyfriend will swear up and down that she likes me, but I'm certain he either doesn't see her coldness toward me, or is denying it in order to spare my feelings. It is making me feel very small, and I just don't know how to shrug it off like any self-confident person would.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

Do you think it would help if you asked her about it? Maybe she's not entirely aware of how she makes you feel. Sometimes "naming the game" works wonders.

I get it; I understand why she is doing it and I don't hold it against her...but it still hurts and I don't know how to deal with it.

Maybe if you said something like that to her, it would bring things out-in-the open and she'd realize the effect it's having on you. At the very least, you'd know that you did your-part to try and make things right.

 

[Nanita]

Thanks everyone. I think the main thing I am upset about is my boyfriend's sister. For about a year now, she has shown those typical signs of jealousy over someone taking over the life of the brother she adores. At least, it seems like she sees it that way. I have wanted to be friends with her, have given her gifts, tried to reach out to her, but I feel like the most I've gotten back from her is civility, out of respect for her brother. Every time he posts anything about the house on his facebook page, she is all over it, congratulating him (and him alone) and wanting to know about it. But I have also posted several updates about packing, getting ready to move, being excited, etc., and even posted a photo of our new house....and have not heard a single peep out of her. I get it; I understand why she is doing it and I don't hold it against her...but it still hurts and I don't know how to deal with it. My boyfriend will swear up and down that she likes me, but I'm certain he either doesn't see her coldness toward me, or is denying it in order to spare my feelings. It is making me feel very small, and I just don't know how to shrug it off like any self-confident person would.

I know what that feels like... At some point there´s not really much more u can do to try to be friends with someone who treats u like they don´t like u... Oh and it´s so typical when other people try to assure "she really does like you"...
My boyfriend and I are "friends" with a young married couple, well I´m not so much friends with them as he is, because the woman in the couple acts like she really doesn´t like me she treats me differently .. it´s getting ridiculous! Everytime I say something or ask her something, she answers with just one or two words. She acts perfectly normal towards other people though. I have been going out of my way to create some sort of friendly relation with her, but I have given up now, I´m done trying to talk to her... That feels kind of liberating...

 

[AsTimeBurns]

Who said that?

 

[da_illest101]

the fact that you have a bf makes you less invisible then you think

 

[pavnaxtion]

I feel the same way. It'd be nice to be acknowledged more often. I don't really like dating outgoing people for that reason you mentioned: through their successes they indirectly remind you of your own social failings.

I wonder, though, if it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like we see ourselves as lonely people and so that's how people treat us. Also, because we see ourselves as lonely people we think we need to get people in our lives to be happy, but maybe we don't need them persay, just want them because they would enrich our lives not sustain them.

 

[Silatuyok]

the fact that you have a bf makes you less invisible then you think

I hadn't thought of it that way, but yeah, I guess there is some truth to that.

 

[Silatuyok]

I feel the same way. It'd be nice to be acknowledged more often. I don't really like dating outgoing people for that reason you mentioned: through their successes they indirectly remind you of your own social failings.

I wonder, though, if it's a self-fulfilling prophecy. Like we see ourselves as lonely people and so that's how people treat us. Also, because we see ourselves as lonely people we think we need to get people in our lives to be happy, but maybe we don't need them persay, just want them because they would enrich our lives not sustain them.

I have the hardest time stifling the envy I feel toward my boyfriend's ability to make and maintain friendships. He thinks it's jealousy, that I don't want him hanging out with other people, but really it just makes me feel like such a loser that I don't have anyone who calls me up or wants to hang out with me.
Bleh.

 

[SPV]

1. My partner and I are buying a house next week. People on Facebook keep congratulating HIM and not saying ANYTHING to me, and I'm starting to feel like they don't give a crap if I am going to be living there with him or not. *poof* I'm invisible

2. I make a big effort to help out with a problem at work, communicating with people and going the extra mile, then in the end they make all these changes and don't even bother to update me as to the status of the problem. *poof* It's like I never existed in the first place.

3. I email someone about something important that I need help with, or just to say hi. NO RESPONSE..EVER. *poof*

4. I don't even have a cat to cuddle with right now. They are all off somewhere forgetting that I exist. ::

5. There are so many people in the world that I just want to love me and shower me with affection, but even if they all did it wouldn't ever be enough because 95% of the time I don't even like myself.

The End.

*poof*

These people are crazy.

You should at least try to draw some attention to yourself, one thing I've learned is that people don't give attention to other people unless, 1. they're friendly, 2. They give the attention first.

Don't make yourself invisible, get out there and let them all see you! Say something like, "HEY PEOPLE! DID YOU FORGET THAT I AM ALSO MOVING INTO THAT HOUSE OR WHAT??"

 

[Hamelech]

I'm rather invisible too, but I got used to be a modern Diogenes in front of my PC, and sometimes I feel I like it, I must admit.