What makes socializing an enjoyable / pleasurable activity for people?

[tooshytosay]

It has come to my attention recently that people actually enjoy socializing!

This might sound obvious; but to me socializing has always been seen as a "chore" or a "painful activity" - something to be avoided if at all possible.

So I was wondering, what is it that makes socializing an enjoyable / pleasurable activity for people?

 

[BlueDays]

I must say, this is a very unusual question to find being asked in a forum for people with Social Anxiety.

Do you mean why do we think people enjoy socializing?

 

[ありがとう]

Yeah I agree, it's a strange thing to ask.

Well for me when I socialize with people, I always enjoy the connection I get with them, especially when talking to someone with similar personalities/hobbies etc... It feels like I bonded with them and it's fun to learn more things about them.

 

[tooshytosay]

I must say, this is a very unusual question to find being asked in a forum for people with Social Anxiety.

Do you mean why do we think people enjoy socializing?

Heh I guess it is kinda. As someone with SA myself I have so far "demonised" socializing and only seen it in a bad light (I guess in a self-justifying way because I am not good at it).

But I'm trying to look at socializing in a better light now (kind of like an arachnophobe trying to discover what's lovable about spiders), and was wondering if people could bring up the "good things" about socializing (whether from experience or thought).

 

[vj288]

To be honest, I like the act of talking, using words and trying to interact with others. It's just that stuff the sometimes results from it that's not pleasurable that keeps me from talking almost ever. I may be exaggerating about how much I like to talk, but I definitely can find it pleasurable when I feel safe and comfortable doing so (A very rare thing for me).

It's a little hard to define what makes it pleasurable (or for me to define), but I'll give it a go. Having someone make you laugh, making someone laugh, the feel from saying something smart/clever, the act of debating and arguing about something of interest, talking about something that interests you and learning someone else does and talking more intimately about it.

That's my best way to explain it, not an expert (or even an extrovert) but I think interacting with another human being can make you smile, make you feel good, make you think, make you care. I know it can hurt us too, make us feel stupid or anxious beyond reason, but it can also make us feel great to.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Did it tonight (Dec/23/2010).

Biggest enjoyment? Getting to know more about others. Yeah, I enjoy to socially listen. Then speak my two cents. Incorrect, always think so, then listen why.

 

[Minty]

I have this idea in my head that it should be pleasurable and make me happy and that's why I want to be able to socialize SA-free. But, honestly, there are usually no pros when I hang out, only cons. I usually come home thanking god that it's over. That's probably why I have AvPD.

 

[Liam17]

I love socialising.

It's my shyness, and Anxiety that gets in the way though :/

 

[Kat]

Yeah, I have notice that there is people with sp that do enjoy socializing it’s just their sp gets in the way. I am not one of those people and I wonder if that is more of a personality trait as oppose to it being sp. I definitely have sp but I wonder at times if it was gone, I would still not enjoy socializing.

 

[Aussie_Lad]

Other than already mentioned, there is the the whole "network" thing. When you start talking to other people and opening up to them, you may discover that they can help you in a big or small way with an idea that you have in your mind for the future. It may only be a small idea at first, and one that you have not done much thinking about, but when you start talking, the idea grows larger and may pave your way to a future that is fullfilling and happy.

 

[Kinetik]

Humans are actually programmed to be social creatures. So when you're socially anxious, it's almost like you're hardwired to go against biology. That's what makes SA so tough. But it also explains why most people actually enjoy socializing. We need it for survival, to gain resources, allies, partners etc. That goes back to the dawn of evolution, and here we are, struggling to avoid it.

 

[JosephG]

When I used to enjoy socializing I used to enjoy the banter, the intense debates and discussions and just the feeling of being a part of something. The feeling of connecting with someone is like no other in the world I feel... just a pity I haven't felt like that for over a year or more.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

It's nice finding someone to connect with, but rare. I also feel like chatting is similiar to a chore like you said. Even online socializing can be a drag.. this forum is nice though

 

[kindashyguy]

I work at a cafeteria, so I have to force my self to interact with customer's, I am not really that much social, but a bit, but I Enjoy it, that's what I like about my job, interacting with customer's, rather then being quiet.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

People who meet me often think I am a social person... or I *should* be a social person.
I've been told that I make people feel welcome and comfortable, make them laugh and make them think.

It's nice to make people laugh.
There's nothing bad about being a person who people can feel comfortable around, either... although I never feel comfortable around people.

 

[Sinar_Matahari]

For me it's laughter and bonding. Yes, you don't bond at a very deep level, but it's still meaningful to an extent.

 

[Deus_Ex_Lemur]

I could almost quote everyone here and say "that's what I think/have experienced!"

First, "socializing" is vague. There's many types and levels of socializing. Most ppl I find with SA, want to, and like to, given the good moments, to socialize. SA gets in the way.

But what kind of socializing... I mean... clubs/lots of ppl, I dislike. A small group, I like. I hate when I feel uncomfortable which is usually all the time lol. But WHEN allowed it's great. I am harsh self critic though, so I always look back with a negative spin like "ugh whyd you ask that or DIDNT ask this? Why think of that now to ask in your car ride back home!" and never enjoy the moment as much as I should.

But when I DO relax and go out enough man cant beat that buzz get from good socializing. Again, vague. I dont like going "picking up" at bars, clubs, parties, just so awk for me. A lot of aspects olf socializing I view as a chore because of fear... and yes, sometimes just want to not do anything. A lot of SA are introverts some on a large level. That's okay. Goal is to be happy and accept yourself and socialize how you want to.

 

[Kiwong]

I never have enjoyed socializing it is a minfield of potential misunderstanding.

 

[da_illest101]

I only like socializing with the people I'm used to.

 

[deleted user 1]

I remember the last time I really connected with a person, we talked for hours. It's incredible when you strike up a conversation like that! *sigh* to have that again.