What makes socializing an enjoyable / pleasurable activity for people?

[theslowesthand]

Humans are actually programmed to be social creatures. So when you're socially anxious, it's almost like you're hardwired to go against biology. That's what makes SA so tough. But it also explains why most people actually enjoy socializing. We need it for survival, to gain resources, allies, partners etc. That goes back to the dawn of evolution, and here we are, struggling to avoid it

I think that people who have SA definately have changes manifested in their brain's wiring, but the evolutionary hard-wiring is I think still totally intact. Maybe the SA causes "short-circuits" in the brain, which cause things like the urge to socialise, or the pleasure of socialising, to not be experienced - or something like that. Kind of like repression of stuff.
Or maybe it's as simple as this: when your mind is focussed on negatives/worries/anxieties/costs/stresses, you cannot experience the positives/pleasures/relaxation/rewards that socialising potentially can give.

When I used to enjoy socializing I used to enjoy the banter, the intense debates and discussions and just the feeling of being a part of something. The feeling of connecting with someone is like no other in the world

I can't recall ever in my life that i've "enjoyed" socialising (in real life), even if it was "intellectual" or really interesting. My brain just doesn't seem to have that latent capability in it??? (puzzling, as this directly contradicts the above). People for me are just plain "hard work", and nothing much else. I've never felt any of these "pleasures" that some people on this thread mention. I can only imagine what these things are about. And in fact, prior to this thread, I probably never really "got" that most people experience others (in whatever setting, work or play/socializing) as an enjoyable/pleasurable activity, just like an enjoyable/pleasurable interest or hobby. For me it has always been - a) people/shield-up/stress/work/hassle, or b) alone/freedom/relaxation (& possibly pleasure); ie 2 mutually exclusive options. I thought that why people talk at-length to one another, was either due to practical need, or simply due to habit or impulse (ie no reason, pointless - sort of like chewing gum, just sth to pass the time with). I never realized that people actually gain pleasure from their people-dealings.

 

[LazyHermitCrab]

It's more like a chore. I would rather actually do chores.. however talking online is different

 

[deleted user 1]

You cannot enjoy what you fear, we were created as social beings, there's no getting away from that. Which is why we simply cannot break away from others, it's an integral part of who we are.

 

[madmike]

Name one activity which is as envigorating and as stimulating to the senses as socializing?

I love successful socializing, i'm terrified of the awkwardness which always seems to be there when i'm involved in it. I wish it weren't so...

 

[dutchguy]

I actually enjoy socializing; the exchange of ideas, making jokes back and forth, finding common interests... When things go well, I can greatly enjoy it. Of course, they often don't thanks to my shyness, but that's why I'm working towards bettering myself, to have more of those enjoyable social interactions.

 

[theslowesthand]

You cannot enjoy what you fear

Good point. I fear people like nothing else, so therefore I cannot enjoy people.

Edit: I fear ridicule, so avoid "joking around". I fear intimacy, so avoid eye-contact. I fear people getting to know the real me. I fear showing any feelings when around people ......

 

[theslowesthand]

Name one activity which is as envigorating and as stimulating to the senses as socializing?

For me, something like running around outside in the rain, or swimming at a west coach beach, would be TEN TIMES as invigorating and stimulating to my senses.
In fact, I am struggling with your statement, as my senses have always been sort of "numb" to people. People (in real life) seem "boring" to me, not only mentally-wise, but sensory-wise as well. The only exception might be when somebody "verbally attacks" me (eg a random put-down on the street). THEN my senses are on HIGH-ALERT, picking up EVERYTHING in the environment (not just them). In that scenario, I would then agree that people are VERY "envigorating and as stimulating to the senses"!!! (dry lol)