What caused your Social phobia?
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Kat
Well-known member
I can’t finger point exactly what caused it, I know I am obviously prone to anxiety because there’s people including my parents that have been abuse victims and didn’t develop social anxiety, but my dad in particular has some dysfunctional ways about him.
There are several factors that may have contributed towards me developing social anxiety
Bullying, not being the favored child is a difficult thing to grow up with, moved around allot. My mum would get stressed out a lot about the house being clean when people were coming over. I’d say that’s a pretty normal thing to feel but it may have contributed to some bad anxiety habits.
I started school when I was about 4 years of age and I would run away when ever I had the chance. That’s the earliest I can remember signs of social anxiety.
There are several factors that may have contributed towards me developing social anxiety
Bullying, not being the favored child is a difficult thing to grow up with, moved around allot. My mum would get stressed out a lot about the house being clean when people were coming over. I’d say that’s a pretty normal thing to feel but it may have contributed to some bad anxiety habits.
I started school when I was about 4 years of age and I would run away when ever I had the chance. That’s the earliest I can remember signs of social anxiety.
skins
1
mine was a combination of things....i blame some of it on my mum as being a critical/overbearing parent when i was young... I blame some on High school bullying...but i also blame a little on my genes as being born with shy traits, but i also know that i was never as shy when i was say 7-12yo, then older years, so there is deffenitly some environmental factors at play IMO.
Hastings & Main
Well-known member
Think it hitched a ride with the chemical imbalances that everyone goes through in adolescence. All of my brainular thingies didn't go back where they should've in the teen years.
No trauma from childhood to cause anything, so I'm going with the 'shafted by nature' clause.
No trauma from childhood to cause anything, so I'm going with the 'shafted by nature' clause.
Dj SL
Well-known member
Social phobia is caused by biological factors: as with emotion or personality trait, genetics, brain activity, and alterations in the levels of certain neurotransmitters in the brain.
Psychologycal factors: people's experiences, beliefs, learning.
First, experiencing a trauma or some negative consequense in a particular situation can lead to fear.
Second, observing other people who are afraid of a situation can teach a person to be nervous.
Finally, hearing or reading about the dangers of a particular situation can help to cause or maintain a person's fear.
Psychologycal factors: people's experiences, beliefs, learning.
First, experiencing a trauma or some negative consequense in a particular situation can lead to fear.
Second, observing other people who are afraid of a situation can teach a person to be nervous.
Finally, hearing or reading about the dangers of a particular situation can help to cause or maintain a person's fear.
EscapeArtist
Well-known member
Ok I got pretty in-depth in here.
It's really beneficial to lay it all out for once
1. (I parents) Observation and a highly sheltered environment.
My mom has SA herself severely, as well as both parents having depression. Also I was emotionally neglected and never given any 'physical touch' from the parents. I think this definitely contributed, if not caused, my fear of intimacy and human touch. My mother was also extremely cautious and paranoid and still is. So somehow along with being neglected, I was very sheltered when I did go out.
2. Exclusion.
I moved when I was 10ish from a place that I fit in wonderfully and felt like I had friends that were family to a place where I was regarded as a fat frizzy freak and left out. I was also excluded from my own family, which leads me to
3. Taunting, mockery.
My family would gather around and basically laugh about all the things that were "wrong" with me. I guess it was their way of bonding. Sometimes I would try to break it up and then they would mock me for trying to be 'a peacemaker'. Most of the time they would just insult the way I did everything I did around them, or they would all laugh about how slow I was. One day I had a grand realization. I realized that when one of them targetted me, or when they all targetted me together, if I were to agree with everything they called me, that they would get no fun out of it anymore. It didn't really work, they instead made fun of me for agreeing with them, but I believe I actually grew to believe all that they said, especially because I was now reinforcing it to myself by saying outloud.
Also the school children in the new school I moved to made fun of me a lot. Lucky for me I was very very oblivious to it, the exclusion definitely affected me more than what that bunch said.
4. (II Parents') High Expectations
This ties into the first reason. the parents. My parents needed me to be the best, and even that was not good enough. I was making model airplanes for my 3rd grade class out of twigs as unasked for extra credit and amazing efforts like that, but I did not receive any direct praise. Instead, the expectations were set higher, and when I 'performed' at life any lower I would disappoint my parents.
5. (III parents) My Mother's Own Problems.
This sounds like I already mentioned it but this played a huge role in my SA. My mom had, and still has a bit of, severe ADD, depression, paranoia, some OCD, high anxiety levels and social anxiety, and extreme fatigue all the time. We have discovered this was a part of a food intolerance but she still refuses to give up the food that is doing it.. Anyway. She put her problems on us all. If she was talking to somebody and we interrupted, she would blow up at us because of her ADD. She was so paranoid that when we laughed in the backyard, she would think we were plotting against her to bug her in the kitchen, so that was banned.. laughter I mean. Even a glance at my sister, and my mom would think that I was "plotting to annoy her". So we were scolded for every single word we said around her, every movement we made, every thing we left behind, every action that allowed her to see that we existed and that we 'interrupted' her ADHD life. I remember learning just not to speak because then I wouldn't get in trouble when tried to pick fights with me. But even then I'd get in trouble for not speaking! Anyways now i'm just ranting but it's good to get out of the system...
6. Avoidance, spurring from depression, and escapism.
Been depressed since childhood, and have had very strong fatigue since childhood, so I gave up easily and just started avoiding. I did this by hiding in early escapes. Novels, computer games, they were my life for years and years.
7. Raised isolated
I was literally raised in front of a computer, TV and books. But mainly the computer. I have been on the computer and other game systems 10+ hours a day since.. birth! It was a set-up by my father who was a computer technician, apparently it was so he didn't have to deal with me, or so my mother says that he admitted
8. Genetics, AKA... Genetic Food intolerances
Caused a lot of my anxiety/depression, caused all of my suspected "add" as well as psychosis/visual distortion and chronic fatigue syndrome. All the problems my mother has as well are caused by certain foods that she still eats, she knows it.
It's really beneficial to lay it all out for once
1. (I parents) Observation and a highly sheltered environment.
My mom has SA herself severely, as well as both parents having depression. Also I was emotionally neglected and never given any 'physical touch' from the parents. I think this definitely contributed, if not caused, my fear of intimacy and human touch. My mother was also extremely cautious and paranoid and still is. So somehow along with being neglected, I was very sheltered when I did go out.
2. Exclusion.
I moved when I was 10ish from a place that I fit in wonderfully and felt like I had friends that were family to a place where I was regarded as a fat frizzy freak and left out. I was also excluded from my own family, which leads me to
3. Taunting, mockery.
My family would gather around and basically laugh about all the things that were "wrong" with me. I guess it was their way of bonding. Sometimes I would try to break it up and then they would mock me for trying to be 'a peacemaker'. Most of the time they would just insult the way I did everything I did around them, or they would all laugh about how slow I was. One day I had a grand realization. I realized that when one of them targetted me, or when they all targetted me together, if I were to agree with everything they called me, that they would get no fun out of it anymore. It didn't really work, they instead made fun of me for agreeing with them, but I believe I actually grew to believe all that they said, especially because I was now reinforcing it to myself by saying outloud.
Also the school children in the new school I moved to made fun of me a lot. Lucky for me I was very very oblivious to it, the exclusion definitely affected me more than what that bunch said.
4. (II Parents') High Expectations
This ties into the first reason. the parents. My parents needed me to be the best, and even that was not good enough. I was making model airplanes for my 3rd grade class out of twigs as unasked for extra credit and amazing efforts like that, but I did not receive any direct praise. Instead, the expectations were set higher, and when I 'performed' at life any lower I would disappoint my parents.
5. (III parents) My Mother's Own Problems.
This sounds like I already mentioned it but this played a huge role in my SA. My mom had, and still has a bit of, severe ADD, depression, paranoia, some OCD, high anxiety levels and social anxiety, and extreme fatigue all the time. We have discovered this was a part of a food intolerance but she still refuses to give up the food that is doing it.. Anyway. She put her problems on us all. If she was talking to somebody and we interrupted, she would blow up at us because of her ADD. She was so paranoid that when we laughed in the backyard, she would think we were plotting against her to bug her in the kitchen, so that was banned.. laughter I mean. Even a glance at my sister, and my mom would think that I was "plotting to annoy her". So we were scolded for every single word we said around her, every movement we made, every thing we left behind, every action that allowed her to see that we existed and that we 'interrupted' her ADHD life. I remember learning just not to speak because then I wouldn't get in trouble when tried to pick fights with me. But even then I'd get in trouble for not speaking! Anyways now i'm just ranting but it's good to get out of the system...
6. Avoidance, spurring from depression, and escapism.
Been depressed since childhood, and have had very strong fatigue since childhood, so I gave up easily and just started avoiding. I did this by hiding in early escapes. Novels, computer games, they were my life for years and years.
7. Raised isolated
I was literally raised in front of a computer, TV and books. But mainly the computer. I have been on the computer and other game systems 10+ hours a day since.. birth! It was a set-up by my father who was a computer technician, apparently it was so he didn't have to deal with me, or so my mother says that he admitted
8. Genetics, AKA... Genetic Food intolerances
Caused a lot of my anxiety/depression, caused all of my suspected "add" as well as psychosis/visual distortion and chronic fatigue syndrome. All the problems my mother has as well are caused by certain foods that she still eats, she knows it.
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vernski
Member
I think mine is due to a number of traumatic experiences I've had. One of which being when my mom deserted me at the age of 9. It also gave me a good dose of severe abandonment and trust issues. Another one was losing my grandfather at the age of 15. I had a very tight bond to him. It's kind like my brain can't get over these things and keeps playing them over and over in my head.
Snowdrop
Well-known member
This is a question I ask myself almost every single day. About 5 years ago my life was pretty much normal, I had a normal family, a nice group of friends, I wasn't popular or left-out but I was happy and content with who and where I was. I didn't question everything in my head like I do now.
I can cofidently say that I was 'happy' but now even trying to work out what that means gives me a head and a heart ache :/
It feels like back then I was being somebody and was living as a person, but now it feels like I have no personality, I am just a complicated, warped mind going through life without taking anything in, and I can't seem to do anything to change that.
I'm on here now because I hope to realize someday that I am not all by myself in this. There are other people who suffer just as much or even more so than me, and I need to break out of this shell of mine. I also hope to make friends who understand what I'm going through. I want to be released of this more than anything...I want to discover who I am.
I can cofidently say that I was 'happy' but now even trying to work out what that means gives me a head and a heart ache :/
It feels like back then I was being somebody and was living as a person, but now it feels like I have no personality, I am just a complicated, warped mind going through life without taking anything in, and I can't seem to do anything to change that.
I'm on here now because I hope to realize someday that I am not all by myself in this. There are other people who suffer just as much or even more so than me, and I need to break out of this shell of mine. I also hope to make friends who understand what I'm going through. I want to be released of this more than anything...I want to discover who I am.
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Rembrandt Broam
Well-known member
Nothing caused my SA, as it's just the way I am. It's how my personality is, which is why I'm not looking to "cure" it.
I'm on this site because I happened to stumble across it (I can't even remember how now) and there are some really great people on here.
I'm on this site because I happened to stumble across it (I can't even remember how now) and there are some really great people on here.
Horatio
Well-known member
Hard to tell if it is even something that happened due to circumstance or if it was always going to happen anyway.
I was a very confident youngster, used to win speech competitions at school, sang solo on stage and very active in the theatre. Was very happy and confident but that all went downhill when I was bullied severely over many years.
Maybe I would've turned out this way anyway. Im sure the bullying would've had a significantly negative long term impact on my life anyway but who is to say if I wouldn't be the loser I am now regardless.
I was a very confident youngster, used to win speech competitions at school, sang solo on stage and very active in the theatre. Was very happy and confident but that all went downhill when I was bullied severely over many years.
Maybe I would've turned out this way anyway. Im sure the bullying would've had a significantly negative long term impact on my life anyway but who is to say if I wouldn't be the loser I am now regardless.
My causes:
1) parents
My dad was very judgemental/overprotective & always putting us down and he never once hugged us or showed us any affection never gave us compliments etc
my mum was a stresspot always obsessing over cleaning the house and nagging at us! She would always be below my dad.
2) I believe I have some shy traits because when I was younger I remember being a little shy and sensetive to critisism but I still had fun and I had quite a few friends up untill I was 12
3) bullying for sure and being teased for having bigger calves then most of the girls in high school
4) self put downs, negative thinking/beliefs and intense so called rules that I made for myself it was crazy !!
1) parents
My dad was very judgemental/overprotective & always putting us down and he never once hugged us or showed us any affection never gave us compliments etc
my mum was a stresspot always obsessing over cleaning the house and nagging at us! She would always be below my dad.
2) I believe I have some shy traits because when I was younger I remember being a little shy and sensetive to critisism but I still had fun and I had quite a few friends up untill I was 12
3) bullying for sure and being teased for having bigger calves then most of the girls in high school
4) self put downs, negative thinking/beliefs and intense so called rules that I made for myself it was crazy !!
JosephG
Well-known member
A mix of things really.
I think not being part of a big family or active in team sports hasn't helped. I find people who have been in football teams or are part of large families that regularly have parties and different social events throughout a persons childhood are usually extroverts.
I also was bullied and isolated quite a bit in high school.
I never really kept the same group of best friends throughout high school - I was always chopping and changing and never really dealing with problems within the groups.
My Dad isn't the most social person at home and I think I haven't had chance to learn many social things from him but I also feel this point is a sub-point to the social families point I made earlier.
So yeah a mix of things. But at the moment I am feeling quite optimistic and the past few days have gone exceptionally well.
I think not being part of a big family or active in team sports hasn't helped. I find people who have been in football teams or are part of large families that regularly have parties and different social events throughout a persons childhood are usually extroverts.
I also was bullied and isolated quite a bit in high school.
I never really kept the same group of best friends throughout high school - I was always chopping and changing and never really dealing with problems within the groups.
My Dad isn't the most social person at home and I think I haven't had chance to learn many social things from him but I also feel this point is a sub-point to the social families point I made earlier.
So yeah a mix of things. But at the moment I am feeling quite optimistic and the past few days have gone exceptionally well.
Phoenixx
Well-known member
I think these two things were what mostly caused my social phobia ;
1) Being teased. I wasn't teased so much when I was little as I was teased when I was about 12-13. Family (Mostly my mom and brother), friends, people in high school, they all teased me and called me names. This is probably one of my main contributors.
2) Genetics. I'm literally like a female replica of my dad. Look like him, act like him, etc. I don't think my dad has SA, but he is exceptionally shy. I think I've inherited probably all of those shy traits from him.
1) Being teased. I wasn't teased so much when I was little as I was teased when I was about 12-13. Family (Mostly my mom and brother), friends, people in high school, they all teased me and called me names. This is probably one of my main contributors.
2) Genetics. I'm literally like a female replica of my dad. Look like him, act like him, etc. I don't think my dad has SA, but he is exceptionally shy. I think I've inherited probably all of those shy traits from him.
babegolden20
Well-known member
Visiting New York there were so many ppl i was freakin out
Kiwong
Well-known member
I was shy and sensitive to start with.
Bullying at school, homophobic teasing, even though I'm not gay.
I fell in love with someone ten years ago, but it was unrequited. My intentions towards this person was seen as shallow by some of the gossips, which shattered me.
Continuing gossip, name calling about my 'shallowness' of character that has affected my health very badly.
Bullying at school, homophobic teasing, even though I'm not gay.
I fell in love with someone ten years ago, but it was unrequited. My intentions towards this person was seen as shallow by some of the gossips, which shattered me.
Continuing gossip, name calling about my 'shallowness' of character that has affected my health very badly.
JamesSmith
Well-known member
I've been tense my whole life. The older I've gotten, the more unusual I've been compared to the rest of society. My peers matured socially, and I didn't mature socially due to anxiety and muscle tension.
Mokkat
Well-known member
1: genetics and upbringing: I have always been shy-ish and it gradually got worse through school since my face turned red as rare meat whenever I got in the slightest uncomfortable situation. Also, my father is very conserved, and has always been keeping his life in the safe routine, I definitely learned from him. Hes lucky he met my mother by accident at some ball when he was 21.
2: The way I spend my energy: In lower school I always tried to be the best, because there was nothing else to strive for. The few friends I had "betrayed" me at some point by ridiculing me together, and I was not social and a geek. But, I never made my homework because my computer always overruled my productive work.
I have always escaped through a computer, playing games mostly. Every situation lead to playing: If schooltime ran late and I was tired and bored, I played - when I was happy and had all the time in the world, I played - when my black kitty was run over by a car, I processed and stopped the tears flowing by playing Warcraft 2 for a week.
Nowadays I still spend my time at the computer. I study a little and attend some of the lessons (mandatory to show up), but all other time goes into that. I have no social connection at all at my school, and the only couple of friends I have now I only see once in a while in weekend days, for drinking, playing music and stuff.
Trying to wrap my head around new social situations is a huge drag now.
Another thing: Up until recently Ive spent a ton of energy fantasizing/substituting reality with the thoughts in my head, with girls. Always one girl for years, always a huge crush, and most of the times a slowly developing depression, or if I was lucky, a new phase in life so I wouldnt think too much more about her. Meanwhile, I have NO skills or experience and when I somehow mustered courage to tell the latest girl, it went so bad - I was awkward, almost crying, she was not interested and barely knew if I liked her or not anyway, since I hadnt shown much emotion.
3: Mindset: I think a lot of my problems are based in my behavior. For starters, I've never confessed my feelings to anyone, and with growing up trying to cope, I went through a face of first trying to please everyone with facades, which somewhat went away and turned into great alienation.
I've always been competitive when it comes to knowledge of stuff, so I automatically put in a good effort in class, know a ton about computer hardware/software, guitars/basses and how to play them, etc.
Unfortunately I also end up comparing myself to everyone, because I have no friends to relate to or roots of confidence, so I'll actually depress myself trying to enjoy learning or mastering something - for example, I can nail some Jamiroquai tune on the bass, then find a guy doing it on youtube and start obsessing and procrastinating because he did 1 specific note better than me.
It's sickening and I push people and opportunities away being like this - and worst of all I keep myself from bothering with them because of anxiety that I might do that
2: The way I spend my energy: In lower school I always tried to be the best, because there was nothing else to strive for. The few friends I had "betrayed" me at some point by ridiculing me together, and I was not social and a geek. But, I never made my homework because my computer always overruled my productive work.
I have always escaped through a computer, playing games mostly. Every situation lead to playing: If schooltime ran late and I was tired and bored, I played - when I was happy and had all the time in the world, I played - when my black kitty was run over by a car, I processed and stopped the tears flowing by playing Warcraft 2 for a week.
Nowadays I still spend my time at the computer. I study a little and attend some of the lessons (mandatory to show up), but all other time goes into that. I have no social connection at all at my school, and the only couple of friends I have now I only see once in a while in weekend days, for drinking, playing music and stuff.
Trying to wrap my head around new social situations is a huge drag now.
Another thing: Up until recently Ive spent a ton of energy fantasizing/substituting reality with the thoughts in my head, with girls. Always one girl for years, always a huge crush, and most of the times a slowly developing depression, or if I was lucky, a new phase in life so I wouldnt think too much more about her. Meanwhile, I have NO skills or experience and when I somehow mustered courage to tell the latest girl, it went so bad - I was awkward, almost crying, she was not interested and barely knew if I liked her or not anyway, since I hadnt shown much emotion.
3: Mindset: I think a lot of my problems are based in my behavior. For starters, I've never confessed my feelings to anyone, and with growing up trying to cope, I went through a face of first trying to please everyone with facades, which somewhat went away and turned into great alienation.
I've always been competitive when it comes to knowledge of stuff, so I automatically put in a good effort in class, know a ton about computer hardware/software, guitars/basses and how to play them, etc.
Unfortunately I also end up comparing myself to everyone, because I have no friends to relate to or roots of confidence, so I'll actually depress myself trying to enjoy learning or mastering something - for example, I can nail some Jamiroquai tune on the bass, then find a guy doing it on youtube and start obsessing and procrastinating because he did 1 specific note better than me.
It's sickening and I push people and opportunities away being like this - and worst of all I keep myself from bothering with them because of anxiety that I might do that