Told that I'm socially weak

[sullyS25]

Obviously this girl and her friend aren't very healthy mentally themselves.

People that throw around insults like that do it because they themselves feel weak and need to bring others down to make themselves feel better. I mean, if they are so socially superior to you then why were they on an online dating site in the first place? Because according to societal norms (which are ridiculous in the first place), people on online dating sites are socially inferior because they cant meet someone online (once again that is total BS but that is how a lot of people feel).

Not only that, this girl needed her friend to be there to meet you....Whaaaa? that is ridiculous. If she didnt feel comfortable meeting you she should have waited it out and talked to you more until she did feel comfortable.

I know it is easier said than done man but dont take that **** personally, it has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them and their own issues.

 

[Sial Axetder]

Oceanmist, tough stuff. If you believe in karma; what goes around comes around.
If you're like me... revenge is sweet. Karma, she will, no, they will get what's coming to them.

Perhaps write something about your hellish encounter? I have done this and it helps. A story, thoughts or an irregular poem.

 

[gummybear22]

I know when I say I should just give up nobody will agree with me, but it is an option to ponder. Maybe I just don't like talking to people like 99% of the time that I'm around people. Maybe that's something that will never change.

why not try doing stuff with people that involves little to no talking? the only things i can think of right now are chess tournaments and going on a date that you two just lie down on the grass looking at clouds or both lie in a hammock and snooze, though those are rather what you'd do with a gf rather than a stranger. but there are other things in the world that don't involve much talking but are interaction, even if it's just low level. find someone who doesn't mind silence

and that girl and her friend are just bullies. they have junk going on and were trying to feel better by putting you down. try talking to someone more before you meet them, and make sure they are completely fine with your being quiet/shy alot of the time.

 

[hardy]

Hey oceanmist...i applaud your courage in meeting the girl and her friend alone. You should have taken a friend with you too....it always gets nasty when 2 people get along and start being judgmental against 1. You should have seen it coming when they started insulting you and left them. Always good to avoid judgmental, gossipy people.

I once gave a bad time to a person and i remember why i did it. He was too bossy and i didn't like him. So i brought a partner who had similar feelings for that man and started insulting him. It wasn't a good thing to do....but he wasn't polite to me on a few occasions.

Why i tell this is:: here is my point of view...you are a boy, girls will have doubts whether the date is a psycho/creep and might want to be safe. Hence the date at home and with a friend.

You said you were quiet... did you expect the girl to like that attitude? People look for an interesting person who would be the life of a party...and you were all quiet. First impression does have it's effect.

Instead of telling politely that she is looking for a talkative, more fun to be with guy she gave you a hard time. I am sorry for this.

Next time...you could be more discreet by being more honest with a girl about your introvertedness and also learning to say bye when you think things are getting out of hand. I guess the problem came when she saw something which she did not like.

I don't want to say you will 'get over it' and become normal again and blah blah....but have you considered this experience might be a good learning experience and a lesson in what to do and what not to do the next time? The 2 girls however sad they might be, taught you a lesson that you can't be too quiet and expect a girl to like you.

If you are socially weak....you are socially weak. Why bother so much about it? The girl is not so attractive...and she will be ugly her whole life....while you can develop your social manners in this life. Be happy for it....and believe me friend, an introvert has nothing to be ashamed of. Introverts can be more polite, caring people.

Thank the girl for being honest with you....unlike people who say good things in front of you and spill the beans once you are gone.

 

[MollyBeGood]

Perhaps one of them had the same thing done to them by two men and they wanted some sort-of payback to the male gender and you just happened to be an innocent in the mix.

Not that that excuses what they did to you at all with the name-calling to your face. I am really sorry that happened to you. I can never imagine being that insensitive to someone I just met.

 

[MollyBeGood]

i've never had a woman go with me on a date just to insult me

they're usually married to me for a couple of years first

:kickingmyself:h:

 

[theslowesthand]

The question is, do I keep risking failures like this to try to meet women?
Because as bad as this was, I have to learn to risk rejection and then learn to deal with the rejection when it happens, right?

For myself there really is no question. Simply put, my personality "CANNOT HANDLE" rejection. By that i mean my feelings & reactions. Maybe i wouldn't get suicidal over it, but i would feel just as bad, and it would last for DAYS afterwards. Basically it would TOTALLY f*ck me up, emotionally-wise, as often does people stuff; i would become a temporary "emotional basket-case". So it stirs-up some real bad deep sh*t in me that i usually try to avoid/supress. And usually at some point my rage surfaces. So naturally i need to avoid those triggers at all costs.

So therefore i never need to decide on whether to risk rejection nowadays, as i have LEARNT that i just cannot even remotely handle it.

 

[aNOTfox]

I think, because you met on a website, that she has her kind of "checklist" for you in her head. People don't relise that people usually have completely different personalities in real life even if they've been talking for a while.

I think the reason she had a friend with her is probably for saftey reasons, if ever i was to meet someone in real life that I'd been talking to online, I would bring a friend with me in case they turned out to be a psycho.
Still thats no exuse for rudeness on her part and I think its safe to say you had a lucky escape.

 

[laure15]

For myself there really is no question. Simply put, my personality "CANNOT HANDLE" rejection. By that i mean my feelings & reactions. Maybe i wouldn't get suicidal over it, but i would feel just as bad, and it would last for DAYS afterwards. Basically it would TOTALLY f*ck me up, emotionally-wise, as often does people stuff; i would become a temporary "emotional basket-case". So it stirs-up some real bad deep sh*t in me that i usually try to avoid/supress. And usually at some point my rage surfaces. So naturally i need to avoid those triggers at all costs.

So therefore i never need to decide on whether to risk rejection nowadays, as i have LEARNT that i just cannot even remotely handle it.

Yeah, I also can't handle rejection, maybe it's a part of my personality. I've been ganged up by groups of people before and these sorts of bullyings have left a deep scar on me. I wouldn't want to put myself through such situations ever again.

 

[JackOfSpades]

Sometimes I look at the improvement I've made recently, and feel like how can I complain or call myself socially phobic when I'm able to function how I do. But the fact is I have a loooong way to go, and stories like yours and posts like yours only highlight that even more to me. I have terrible fears of having the kind of night you just had, but my fears keep me from doing as much as you've been able to. And the courage, and ability to push yourself, to go to her home and walk through her door, to go on all those online dates while I still ponder on taking steps to my first, and to go to the bars like you've done is something that to me is remarkable and inspirational.

 

[Ignace]

Faith in humanity depleted ..

 

[OceanMist]

Perhaps one of them had the same thing done to them by two men and they wanted some sort-of payback to the male gender and you just happened to be an innocent in the mix.

Not that that excuses what they did to you at all with the name-calling to your face. I am really sorry that happened to you. I can never imagine being that insensitive to someone I just met.

I highly doubt this was the case.

As I said before, it wasn't 100% planned, their entire intention wasn't to reject me and call me names. The thing was, if I wasn't her type, then yes, their plan was to get rid of me so they gossip about everything they both saw in person.

It was just an evil woman with her troll friend that was the total opposite of me. It was bound to end badly.

 

[OceanMist]

If it means anything, I'm doing much better. I'm using this as a learning experience and I now feel like this big rejection has made me less afraid to get rejected.

In a weird, f'd up way.....I feel more humble after going what I went through.

As Hardy said, this may have been a character building experience.

After going through it, I am now starting to realize that rejection is normal for a man and happens often if a guy attempts to get with women. I think that is a huge thing to learn from experience so one already knows how it feels to fail so he can keep stepping up the plate.

I came, I endured, and I'm still alive. I know I can do it again.

 

[Opaline]

If it means anything, I'm doing much better. I'm using this as a learning experience and I now feel like this big rejection has made me less afraid to get rejected.

In a weird, f'd up way.....I feel more humble after going what I went through.

As Hardy said, this may have been a character building experience.

After going through it, I am now starting to realize that rejection is normal for a man and happens often if a guy attempts to get with women. I think that is a huge thing to learn from experience so one already knows how it feels to fail so he can keep stepping up the plate.

I came, I endured, and I'm still alive. I know I can do it again.

I agree with every word of this. I am afraid of rejection too, and realize just how much I am every time I have a bad experience (with both genders, but especially the opposite sex). I have had rejection in the past, and I let it defeat me. Perhaps I could benefit from your attitude. Everyone experiences rejection, and if you have the right attitude about it, it makes you stronger.

Glad you're feeling better

 

[jaim38]

Many years ago, I confessed to a former classmate on IM but he rejected me, coldly. I cried buckets for several nights, and I screamed my heart out. I'm sure the people around me probably think I went insane. But, eventually, I got over it. It was my first rejection. I'm glad to hear you're doing well. Keep up that endurance!

 

[coyote]

I came, I endured, and I'm still alive. I know I can do it again.

:thumbup:

this is why it's important for us to get out there and face our fears

the more we do something and realize that even failing at it is not as catastrophic as we thought, the less we will fear doing it

the only way we we can win these assurances for ourselves is through action, not avoidance

 

[twiggle]

:thumbup:

this is why it's important for us to get out there and face our fears

the more we do something and realize that even failing at it is not as catastrophic as we thought, the less we will fear doing it

the only way we we can win these assurances for ourselves is through action, not avoidance

Yep, and the more attempts you make the more chances of it going right. Everything can be a learning curve.

 

[THeCARS1979]

The things I want to say that I didn't say are this.

They also called me slow and dumb.

If I'm so socially weak, then where do I get the courage to show up to a woman's house with her friend there? A lot of people would be very uneasy about that. Hell, even outgoing people may have trouble with that. Keep in mind that I didn't know this woman in person before I met her last night.

I was nice enough to let her choose the place to meet and we meet on her home turf with her friend, you'd think a little kindness would be in order.

Anyway, I'm not mad that it didn't work out. I'm happy that it didn't work out. I wasn't attracted to her and her personality was absolutely terrible.

She's one to call me shy. She went on this ego-rambling talk when I talked to her 1 on 1 for a while and made eye contact with me about 1% of the time, and no I'm not exaggerating that.

She just seemed like a bad person. Her friend kind of did too.

We got along when we texted very well, but it was totally different in person.

So, no, I'm not mad that it didn't work out.

I just got shooken up and looking for some support.

I'm very vulnerable right now. I thought about suicide last night which obviously is a bad thing. I haven't been like that in a while.

I just want friends. I know online dating isn't the best way to go about it but I don't know about anything else. I'm injured and can't play sports.

I guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to. I'm not in a good place in my head.

You know, I thought I was improving. Instead, I feel like I just took a big step back.

That whole thing just sounds awful, people are terrible period. Do yourself a favor, dont go to a dating site next time. She dont know what the f ck she s talking about though. And what goes around comes around, Its called karma, she just may meet some guy who's abusive and a jerk to her in the future.

 

[THeCARS1979]

If I may ask, why did you decide to go after she told you she was bringing a friend? Unless you were allowed to bring a friend also, that seems kind of an odd thing for a date. :thinking:

Really sorry to hear what they said to you. That is incredibly low and nasty, can't believe people can be so rude :s

Rude isnt the word, thats bitchy, cruel and just mean. It really makes me think

 

[OceanMist]

Many years ago, I confessed to a former classmate on IM but he rejected me, coldly. I cried buckets for several nights, and I screamed my heart out. I'm sure the people around me probably think I went insane. But, eventually, I got over it. It was my first rejection. I'm glad to hear you're doing well. Keep up that endurance!

This definitely wasn't my first rejection. I've been rejected multiple times, just not in the utterly hostile nature I received it the time that this thread is about.