Told that I'm socially weak

[OceanMist]

Hey, I'm coming off what may have been the worst night of my life last night. I may have a lot to say, so bare with me.

I've done like 10 different meetings in person with 10 different women after meeting women online but this one was by far the worst.

I asked if she wanted to meet in a bar and she declined and said she'd rather meet at her house with her friend there. Right there, I should have known it was trouble. I remember thinking, why does she want to meet with her friend on what is supposed to be a date?

And you can kind of guess what happened. Both of them team up on me and things went sour really fast. She keeps saying how quiet I am. The first time she says that she sounds disappointed so I ask her, is that a problem that I'm quiet. She says it's okay.

Then she keeps saying I'm quiet, which then turns into calling me a little boy. Her friend then calls me "socially weak," the very non-glorious title to this thread. Now that one got to me. I've been doing a good job of not letting stuff bother me the past year or two, but this time it got inside my head.

They went on to just tag team on me, they teamed up and just were relentless. It eventually just escalated into one giant argument so I just started verbally fighting back and just kept repeating how messed up it was with what she kept saying.

I'm going to make this into two posts because this is long. Hold on.

 

[Raichel]

I asked if she wanted to meet in a bar and she declined and said she'd rather meet at her house with her friend there. Right there, I should have known it was trouble. I remember thinking, why does she want to meet with her friend on what is supposed to be a date?

If I may ask, why did you decide to go after she told you she was bringing a friend? Unless you were allowed to bring a friend also, that seems kind of an odd thing for a date. :thinking:

Really sorry to hear what they said to you. That is incredibly low and nasty, can't believe people can be so rude :s

 

[OceanMist]

The things I want to say that I didn't say are this.

They also called me slow and dumb.

If I'm so socially weak, then where do I get the courage to show up to a woman's house with her friend there? A lot of people would be very uneasy about that. Hell, even outgoing people may have trouble with that. Keep in mind that I didn't know this woman in person before I met her last night.

I was nice enough to let her choose the place to meet and we meet on her home turf with her friend, you'd think a little kindness would be in order.

Anyway, I'm not mad that it didn't work out. I'm happy that it didn't work out. I wasn't attracted to her and her personality was absolutely terrible.

She's one to call me shy. She went on this ego-rambling talk when I talked to her 1 on 1 for a while and made eye contact with me about 1% of the time, and no I'm not exaggerating that.

She just seemed like a bad person. Her friend kind of did too.

We got along when we texted very well, but it was totally different in person.

So, no, I'm not mad that it didn't work out.

I just got shooken up and looking for some support.

I'm very vulnerable right now. I thought about suicide last night which obviously is a bad thing. I haven't been like that in a while.

I just want friends. I know online dating isn't the best way to go about it but I don't know about anything else. I'm injured and can't play sports.

I guess I'm just looking for someone to talk to. I'm not in a good place in my head.

You know, I thought I was improving. Instead, I feel like I just took a big step back.

 

[OceanMist]

If I may ask, why did you decide to go after she told you she was bringing a friend? Unless you were allowed to bring a friend also, that seems kind of an odd thing for a date. :thinking:

Really sorry to hear what they said to you. That is incredibly low and nasty, can't believe people can be so rude :s

Yes! That's exactly what I was thinking.

In a text, she said that it wouldn't be awkward because her friend would be there. Then throughout most of the date she kept complaining about how awkward the meeting was.

To answer your first question, I went because I am in the process of trying to meet people, especially women. I knew it would be tough, but I figured it would be a good way to get experience talking with people to try to overcome my shyness and hopefully gain confidence so I can get friends or a g/f.

does that answer say enough?

PS: I don't have any friends, so I couldn't bring one anyway.

 

[coyote]

i've never had a woman go with me on a date just to insult me

they're usually married to me for a couple of years first

 

[gustavofring]

Damn Oceanmist, what a story. Can't believe there are people out there who would put someone in this terrible position.

Maybe she had a couple of dates that went bad and had developped a skepticism about men on dating sites. So she brought her bitchy friend and they would go Gestapo on the next poor guy that fell into the trap. Don't take it personally.

 

[crazycatlady27]

well that is pretty awful, i hope you do find someone nice i think you deserve it after that.
keep trying though, i met my husband online

 

[jaim38]

This woman is trouble right from the very start. She has no interest in getting to know you better. She’s picking you apart and finding flaws with you, which means she’s judging you even though she doesn’t know you. Avoid people who do this.

Calling you shy, socially weak, slow, dumb - she’s putting on an arrogant attitude. She’s implying that being extroverted is superior to being an introvert, which is so not true (no one is better than the other in my opinion). I’m also glad this “date” didn’t work out because what man in his sane mind would want to hook up with someone like her?

I think you need a break from online dating, since you mentioned that you’re focusing on finding friends at this time. Don't commit suicide just because of one chick with a bad attitude. There are plenty of nicer women in this world that you have yet to know. And next time if I were you, I wouldn't go to someone else's home on the first date, no matter what.

 

[OceanMist]

[QUOTEjaim38673707This woman is trouble right from the very start. She has no interest in getting to know you better. She’s picking you apart and finding flaws with you, which means she’s judging you even though she doesn’t know you. Avoid people who do this.

This paragraph helped me so much. I was sort of thinking this but you put it more eloquantly. Thanks so much.

I was trying to tell her that. She saw me for one hour and that's it. She replied with "I've seen enough."

Calling you shy, socially weak, slow, dumb - she’s putting on an arrogant attitude. She’s implying that being extroverted is superior to being an introvert, which is so not true (no one is better than the other in my opinion).

Can you explain why you think no one is better than the other?

Because socially, extroverts tend to have more success, which would mean they are superior socially. I kind of agree with that girl, sadly.

I’m also glad this “date” didn’t work out because what man in his sane mind would want to hook up with someone like her?

I laughed at this and I totally agree. I left the date saying a pretty regular thing that comes to my mind when a woman acts in a bad manner during a date, and that thought I think in that situation is no wonder they are single.

I think you need a break from online dating, since you mentioned that you’re focusing on finding friends at this time. Don't commit suicide just because of one chick with a bad attitude. There are plenty of nicer women in this world that you have yet to know. And next time if I were you, I wouldn't go to someone else's home on the first date, no matter what.

Yeah, I'm not sure what I'm going to do.

I have met nicer women, so I know what you are saying.

The question is, do I keep risking failures like this to try to meet women?

Because as bad as this was, I have to learn to risk rejection and then learn to deal with the rejection when it happens, right?

 

[OceanMist]

i've never had a woman go with me on a date just to insult me

they're usually married to me for a couple of years first

Well, I'm sure she didn't go on the date with the intention of insulting me. It just naturally happened due to the clash of extroversion vs. quiet shy guy.

 

[OceanMist]

Damn Oceanmist, what a story. Can't believe there are people out there who would put someone in this terrible position.

Maybe she had a couple of dates that went bad and had developped a skepticism about men on dating sites. So she brought her bitchy friend and they would go Gestapo on the next poor guy that fell into the trap. Don't take it personally.

Yeah, who knows. It was so weird, wasn't it? I mean who brings their friend along on a date? That's so unfair to the guy in that situation. He's forced to impress her friend and a date at the same time the first time they meet.

The worst part about it was they mainly just spoke with eachother. There were a few times when they made gestures with eachother without saying a word. I wonder if that was the "get rid of him" signal. It very well might of been.

I never really felt like a guest in their house. I felt like I was being judged by judges.

God forbid things go bad, which they definitely did.

I did learn something. Next time a date is going that badly, get out ASAP.

 

[ImNotMyIllness]

Ouch! I feel for you. That environment would be uncomfortable for most guys not to mention someone having SA. She definitely has SA issues of her own. She didn't even have the courage to meet you one on one or give you eye contact-both of which I understand but very hypocritical to insult you as being emotionally weak.
Some people get ulcers while others give them. She and her troll friend fall in the latter category.

 

[OceanMist]

Ouch! I feel for you. That environment would be uncomfortable for most guys not to mention someone having SA. She definitely has SA issues of her own. She didn't even have the courage to meet you one on one or give you eye contact-both of which I understand but very hypocritical to insult you as being emotionally weak.
Some people get ulcers while others give them. She and her troll friend fall in the latter category.

Yes, that right there is a key sentence.

It gets me to thinking, how am I the "too quiet, socially weak" individual in that equation last night?

If ask me, that's pretty socially weak on her part to not be tough enough to meet me one on one outside of her house without her friend to back her up.

I agree with everything you said.

 

[Opaline]

Wow, that is... wow. Seems to me she was looking for someone she could pick on to make herself feel better. If I were you, I'd have walked right out that door the moment she insulted you, or at least after a few more times. She didn't deserve your continued presence.

Some people really are that malicious. It's not news, but when I hear about it my faith-in-humanity meter slides down a few notches.

 

[jaim38]

Can you explain why you think no one is better than the other?

Because socially, extroverts tend to have more success, which would mean they are superior socially. I kind of agree with that girl, sadly.

So many people have the misconception that extroverts have better social skills and communication skills than introvert, which isn’t true. Social skills and communication skills can be learned by both introverts and extroverts. The only difference between an introvert and an extrovert is that the extrovert gets his/her energy by hanging around other people but the introvert recharges by having some alone time every now and then. That’s the only difference. Whether you’re introverted or extroverted has nothing to do with social skills, communication skills, social phobia, etc. Though it’s true that many social phobics are introverted, some introverted people do not have social phobia. And it’s also true that some social phobics are extroverted while the others aren’t.

Not all extroverts are successful. You see politicians, celebrities, and public figures who seem extroverted but are plagued by scandals that ruined their reputation. Same thing with introverts; some can be successful while others are not. Some famous introverts include Albert Einstein, Mahatma Ghandi, Frederic Chopin, and Isaac Newton, just to name a few. Both extroverts and introverts have their own strengths and weaknesses.

The question is, do I keep risking failures like this to try to meet women?

Because as bad as this was, I have to learn to risk rejection and then learn to deal with the rejection when it happens, right?

Just think of it as another social skill you have to learn, if you want to continue meeting women.

 

[spider04]

If I was you I would leave immediately when receiving the first insult, I'll just end it there nicely and leave.

 

[OceanMist]

I was just thinking about this and wondering if I should just give up completely on having a social life. If you've followed me on here, you'll see that I always have problems. I'm not getting anywhere as I have no friends and no g/f.

What happened last night ruined me for last night and most of today.

I'm not sure if I will give up, but I remember when I didn't care about trying to socialize and always stayed in my house, how I could always avoid stuff like happened last night. The stress of having to socialize is gone, and I can just do what I want without the pressure of having to talk to people.

Granted those people were jerks that I met last night, but to be honest, I've met a lot of people who are jerks, and I will run into them for the rest of my life if I keep trying to socialize. I'm already tired of the stress from having to deal with people. I'm sick of being around people in social settings of any kind that are outside work.

I know when I say I should just give up nobody will agree with me, but it is an option to ponder. Maybe I just don't like talking to people like 99% of the time that I'm around people. Maybe that's something that will never change.

Maybe I'm just better off alone. It's a possibility. Why make life difficult when it doesn't have to be?

I do realize my attitude has done a 180 after this incident, for you people that read my posts.

 

[truffleshuffle]

I can see why can see why she wanted a friend there since she was meeting up with someone from online but at her own house was kinda a red flag for a first meeting. From what you said she was just a mean person looking to tear apart someone. I would not have lasted a hour I don;t think. The first insult set the tone of the date and it just got worse. You have more patience I think than I would have had in that situation, I am a nice guy and I have alot of patience but after a few insults and being called slow and dumb I think I would have ended it right then and there by saying something like thanks for the um evening but I have to leave. Did you let her know how you were from during the talks before you met up? That you were a bit quiet and shy or anything? Maybe she thought you were diffren;t but instide of being a good person about something she just went b***h on you.

 

[OceanMist]

I can see why can see why she wanted a friend there since she was meeting up with someone from online but at her own house was kinda a red flag for a first meeting. From what you said she was just a mean person looking to tear apart someone. I would not have lasted a hour I don;t think. The first insult set the tone of the date and it just got worse. You have more patience I think than I would have had in that situation, I am a nice guy and I have alot of patience but after a few insults and being called slow and dumb I think I would have ended it right then and there by saying something like thanks for the um evening but I have to leave. Did you let her know how you were from during the talks before you met up? That you were a bit quiet and shy or anything? Maybe she thought you were diffren;t but instide of being a good person about something she just went b***h on you.

I didn't tell her anything about shyness before we met. I'm sure she expected a more outgoing guy, because most guys are outgoing, so yeah.

This incident did make me wonder if I should start telling every woman that I'm quiet.

The problem with that is that I'm not always quiet. I have been able to comfortbaly socialize on multiple different dates with different women.

I tend to struggle in groups so this situation was a nightmare for me.

The thing is, once you start telling women you are shy and quiet, that's a big turn off for many women. It makes it that much harder to meet up with a woman, and the problem is I'm not always shy.

It's something to think about, I guess. Out of the 10 dates though, I never had this kind of problem where it was absolute hell.

 

[truffleshuffle]

I didn't tell her anything about shyness before we met. I'm sure she expected a more outgoing guy, because most guys are outgoing, so yeah.

This incident did make me wonder if I should start telling every woman that I'm quiet.

The problem with that is that I'm not always quiet. I have been able to comfortbaly socialize on multiple different dates with different women.

I tend to struggle in groups so this situation was a nightmare for me.

The thing is, once you start telling women you are shy and quiet, that's a big turn off for many women. It makes it that much harder to meet up with a woman, and the problem is I'm not always shy.
It's something to think about, I guess. Out of the 10 dates though, I never had this kind of problem where it was absolute hell.

Thats where I get tangled up at as well telling people more about my self before they actualy got to know me because they automaticly assume stuff. I have never gone on a date from meeting someone online or anything though. I think I would just say I can be a bit shy and quiet until I get more comfortable around someone at least that way they know what to kinda exspect from a first meeting and they should have no reason to tear into you for it. the truth is I think she would have torn into you no matter what though. I think she wanted to do that or she would have not wanted the friend there and would have met you somwhere beisdes her place. It just seemed kinda planned out since both people tore into you like that on a first meeting. That kinda hatefullness sounds like something a girlfriend would do to her long-term boyfriend would do not something you would do on a first meet up.