The "jOkEs" Thread (let's have a little laugh)


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A grandpa enters a store and says: "give me 10kg of bread". The employer looks at him and says: "but sir... it's going to get hard as a rock", then the grandpa replies with: "Give me 10 more kg!"


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What the difference between a moist pie and a wet beaver?.. PHRASING.



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What is the largest size bra?

Hint: It's not E!

Highlight the next line to reveal the answer below:
It's a zebra! Get it - ze-bra!


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Two Jewish men, Sid and Al, were sitting in a Indian restaurant in New York
.. Sid asked Al, 'Are there any Jewish people of our faith born and raised in India ?'

Al replied, 'I don't know, let's just ask our waiter.'

When the waiter came by, Al asked him, 'Are there any Indian Jews?'

The waiter said, 'I dont be knowing, I ask cooksaheb..' He returned from the kitchen in a few minutes and said, 'No sir, no Indian Jews.'

Al wasn't really satisfied with that and asked, 'Are you absolutely sure?'

The waiter, realizing he was dealing with 'foreigners' gave the expected answer, 'I check again,' and went back into the kitchen.

While the waiter was away in the kitchen, Sid said, 'I find it hard to believe that there are no Jews in India . Our people are scattered everywhere.'

The waiter returned and said, 'Cooksaheb say there is no Indian Jews.'

'Are you certain?' Al asked once again, 'I just can't believe there are no Indian Jews!'

! Listen, I asked EVERYONE,' replied the frustrated waiter.
'All we have is Mango Jews, Pineapple Jews, Orange Jews, Cococnut Jews &
Tomato Jews! - No Indian Jews !!!'


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One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts like hell. I guess I'd better see a doctor."

"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies

"There's a diagnostic computer down at Costco. Just give it a urine
sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about

It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars - A lot cheaper than a

So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Costco.

He deposits ten dollars and the computer lights up and asks for the
urine sample.... He pours the sample into the slot and waits..

Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:

"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy
activity.. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @

That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe
began wondering if the computer could be fooled.

He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from
his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample from himself for good measure.

Joe hurries back to Costco, eager to check the results.. He deposits ten
dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results .

The computer prints the following:

1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. (Aisle 9) 2. Your
dog has ringworm.. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.. (Aisle 7) 3.
Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4.. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours... Get a lawyer.
5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get

Thank you for shopping @ Costco!


I'm not being condescending. I'm too busy thinking about far more important things you wouldn't understand.


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My grandmother gave me the cold shoulder during her birthday last monday, it was super awkward. But in hindsight I guess there are better gifts to give an 80 year old Jewish woman than an easy bake oven.

Bonus: How many infants does it take to paint a room 36 x 30?

A: It depends on how hard you throw 'em.