The best way to approach Girls

[Felgen]

It's the social norm to think guys should make the first move, make them seem more confident and more appealing (who knows?)... I think maybe we just think that way due to the influence of tv programs and mass media, as well as in science term that men are seen as the dominate species as oppose to female.

But technically that's not true, I have known girls who make the first moves and asked guys out. I wondered many times why the guy I liked never asked me out as it was plain obvious I liked him, so I asked him out. Turns out he fears rejection. Is that what all of you fear? Is that why you don't ask them out or make the move? I think a lot of people need to get over that, if it doesn't work out, it just doesn't, there's nothing to be ashamed about. I'd be happy to know a guy liked me even if I didn't return my feelings.

And best way to approach a girl? Just casually say "hi, nice to meet you, my name is..." Less awkward in my opinion, it just shows you're friendly... Or comment on something she has, something like "Oh, that book, I read it before..."

I'm more scared of beeing humiliated in public more than I am of rejection. Also, I'm scared of beeing gossiped about.

 

[coyote]

I'm more scared of beeing humiliated in public more than I am of rejection. Also, I'm scared of beeing gossiped about.

yeah, those, too!

 

[NathanielWingatePeaslee]

i dont think its good for a woman to apporach a man, first thing comes to mind is damn she is desperate.

To your mind perhaps. That is, however, an assumption.

 

[shore_of_glass]

ok, I shall enumerate.

1 - Fear of how I'll be looked by who I'm asking out. I feel I'm not good enough for anyone. And I'm not.

2 - Fear of how others will look at me if I ask someone out. Even worse if I get rejected.

3 - Fear of rejection.

4 - As I have never asked a woman out, never went on a date and never even got close to a woman, my head is a big, BIG mess.

 

[ありがとう]

Yeah I know it's easier said than done (people tell me that all the time -_-), but they can only be overcome by actions and not words, you'll need to get through that stage otherwise you'll regret holding back. I think letting a person know how you feel is a great accomplishment, you should be proud even if you're rejected. I know being rejected bungs you down, but you can finally know how this person feels about you in order for you to let go and learn to love someone more special (instead of lingering around for months). It's fine if you don't follow me, it's just my opinion though.

And humiliation in public? What do you mean by that? Obviously you'll ask someone in private. But if you mean if the person would spread the gossip around or if they themselves would tease you then you obviously didn't choose a nice person, trust in the people you like, most people won't do such things though.....

 

[mrb]

does anyone listen to me oi im older and wiser you youngsters

 

[Newtype]

The best way to approach a girl is just be yourself, be polite and quickly find a subject that you can talk about. It's better to be rejected than having to reject. I wish I never have to reject anyone, lol.

 

[shore_of_glass]

Yeah I know it's easier said than done (people tell me that all the time -_-), but they can only be overcome by actions and not words, you'll need to get through that stage otherwise you'll regret holding back. I think letting a person know how you feel is a great accomplishment, you should be proud even if you're rejected. I know being rejected bungs you down, but you can finally know how this person feels about you in order for you to let go and learn to love someone more special (instead of lingering around for months). It's fine if you don't follow me, it's just my opinion though.

And humiliation in public? What do you mean by that? Obviously you'll ask someone in private. But if you mean if the person would spread the gossip around or if they themselves would tease you then you obviously didn't choose a nice person, trust in the people you like, most people won't do such things though.....

yes, it's MUCH more easier said than done. Believe me. And I wish I wasn't such a coward and actualy did something. Although what we're talking about here is asking out someone we don't know mostly based on their looks.

Humiliation in public might be avoidable, but gossip isn't, even if it's meant with no harm.

 

[coyote]

Yeah I know it's easier said than done (people tell me that all the time -_-), but they can only be overcome by actions and not words, you'll need to get through that stage otherwise you'll regret holding back. I think letting a person know how you feel is a great accomplishment, you should be proud even if you're rejected. I know being rejected bungs you down, but you can finally know how this person feels about you in order for you to let go and learn to love someone more special (instead of lingering around for months). It's fine if you don't follow me, it's just my opinion though.

And humiliation in public? What do you mean by that? Obviously you'll ask someone in private. But if you mean if the person would spread the gossip around or if they themselves would tease you then you obviously didn't choose a nice person, trust in the people you like, most people won't do such things though.....

Yes, the fears are irrational - easy to dismiss up until the moment I'm actually in the situation. Then, no matter what i've told myself before, the fears present themselves and it's fight or flight time. Flight usually seems the logical choice when it's about a girl. It's easier to be alone than to fight the fear.

I am working on this - getting better really.

The key is being able to stop and think clearly right at the moment you're in the situation that scares you and examine your fear. It's not easy, but it works.

 

[coyote]

does anyone listen to me oi im older and wiser you youngsters

no one listens to us old farts - we might as well be their parents

 

[mrb]

no one listens to us old farts - we might as well be their parents

init but no one takes any notice of there parents anyways , the sad thing is we can fix bikes cars but they can type and out think us most of the time .... were old mate lets just give up relax in our rocking chairs and let them get on with it

 

[Why]

i wish more girls just approached me, NOT asked me out or whatever, that way i see some interest and i feel more comfortable to ask HER out

 

[overcome.]

I'd think that being yourself is a very good move. Try to find a common ground. That way, you'll have something to speak about. You work from there, perhaps more common grounds will surface. Before you know it, you've been talking for a little while.

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

agree, not fair on guys. but they should STILL always make the first move. it's not fair on women

I understand,But why do I have to take the initiative and put in the time and effort to be with someone I like if they don't so even begin to return that favor back?.It's fair on women because they control men anyway,naturally it is like that but it doesn't have to be that way.Why can't the girl stop playing hard to get and promote interest as well as the guy?It's troublesome and nervewracking of an ideal that needs to be forever thrown into the trash can and replaced with an ideal that is compassionate for both sexes.

It's not cool,man.

 

[718]

sorry to be so blunt

the fact that you're posting a question like this on spw tells me you're probably someone girls don't want approaching

stick to meeting girls through friends

 

[Newtype]

sorry to be so blunt

the fact that you're posting a question like this on spw tells me you're probably someone girls don't want approaching

stick to meeting girls through friends

Why? I don't see what's wrong with his question.

I'll take a wild guess here, but I'm guessing you're not getting much female attention yourself, at least not with that crappy personality.

 

[Luke1993]

sorry to be so blunt

the fact that you're posting a question like this on spw tells me you're probably someone girls don't want approaching

stick to meeting girls through friends

That's because he, like many of us, doesn't know the best way to approach girls. You have no way of knowing if he is desirable to the opposite sex or not!

 

[BlackKids]

sorry to be so blunt

the fact that you're posting a question like this on spw tells me you're probably someone girls don't want approaching

stick to meeting girls through friends

I'm so glad I've spent the last year working on my self esteem and confidence as comments like this properly wouldn't of helped.
I posted the question because the last crush I had I just went straight for it with no luck. We're friends like but I just wondered if maybe holding back and becoming better friends could of made the difference.

 

[TheManWhoUpholdsHonour]

That's because he, like many of us, doesn't know the best way to approach girls. You have no way of knowing if he is desirable to the opposite sex or not!

Well you could look into his personality and words through depth,find some way to know the people around him,learn his family history,take note of his behaviour,take into account of how and when he does things,don't overestimate-don't underestimate.take into account of ALL possibilities and most importantly-keep it clean.

PS:do the same for his love interests/interest and do the math

 

[Da Kid]

What I am trying to do now is just be me, and see what happens. Whenever I see a girl who I think is attractive, I usually try to make eye contact and work from there. I've had limited (none) success, but I believe it's more bad luck then technique.