Mikefly
Well-known member
You deserve a pat on the back you big pimp..... LMFAO.
Sex
- Thread starter Ren Koutaisou
- Start date
You deserve a pat on the back you big pimp..... LMFAO.
iamthenra
Well-known member
I'm not picking on any particular person here....but... At what age do you just throw the towel in and give up hope? I know why people say this, to make you feel better, and have hope... But at what point do you just say, it just isn't meant to be. And for the few of us that have morals and values, and won't just sleep around with anyone, what chance do we have? I know, you have to make your own luck and get out there and swallow your SA and depression and just go for it no matter how uncomfortable and painful it is... Well, I am 41 now... I might as well be 71... I don't see things changing at all for me, because it is painful to go out in public and be with people... Sorry, I must have woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning...
I got morals and values and have not slept around, I was lucky when I was younger to meet someone, that did not work out, that did not mean I should give up.
Yeah if you want something you do have to swallow your SA/depression and go for it, sometimes you feel better for the fact you tried, by trying I don't mean try for two weeks then give up, try for years to improve, I'm almost same age as you and I changed from a negative attitude to a more optimistic one, it really is where the problem lies.
If you accept you will never get a GF or don't want to make the effort, then focus your life on other things
iamthenra
Well-known member
Whoa...dude! You're old! Haha!
Seriously, how the heck does one just get past the fear and SA? The depression keeps you down, and obviously more negative. So how do you combat these issues, and become more positive? I feel hopeless because of my mood, the depression keeps me caged like a lion. I am tired of beating this same drum, I do want change in my life. I have tried so many different things, even off the wall things that would seem silly to even consider. But I did, because I was desperate to find a way out of this hell that we all live in. I know you are right, but how do you change? How can you, when you are paralyzed with fear. Like a deer in the headlights...
For me, sex isn't really a specific goal I have for the next few years. I feel embarassed that I'm a virgin, but only because other people would laugh at me for it - I'm quite happy to remain a virgin until I'm married (or find that someone special,) otherwise.
But whatever the case, I'm not going to be taking steps specifically to have sex. Instead I'm focusing on getting myself back to "normal" (or as close as I can ever be to it,) meaning my goals for the next 2 years are to make friends during college and hopefully - if I have the guts - to go out with those friends on Friday / Saturday nights and generally do normal social things for someone my age. Hopefully a girlfriend will be on the cards too, but at the moment girls are my biggest source of anxiety, so we will have to see about that.
I'm going to let sex happen naturally. I feel confident it will be a bi-product of becoming more social in general.
But whatever the case, I'm not going to be taking steps specifically to have sex. Instead I'm focusing on getting myself back to "normal" (or as close as I can ever be to it,) meaning my goals for the next 2 years are to make friends during college and hopefully - if I have the guts - to go out with those friends on Friday / Saturday nights and generally do normal social things for someone my age. Hopefully a girlfriend will be on the cards too, but at the moment girls are my biggest source of anxiety, so we will have to see about that.
I'm going to let sex happen naturally. I feel confident it will be a bi-product of becoming more social in general.
You have to be brave, very brave, face the fear.
Imhotep
Well-known member
Yep. I believe this is EXTREMELY important. A few years ago, I was desperate to get a girlfriend but found it impossible. What I've done since is gained a lot of non-related experiences such as going abroad, doing social activities and unusual things like fencing, murder mystery weekends and stuff. What this has resulted in is a bunch of topics of conversation and humourous anecdotes that I just didn't have before. Now, when I'm talking to women, I'm finding I can be surprisingly entertaining if certain topics come up.
And this obviously increases your chances a lot.
iamthenra
Well-known member
Okay, but easier said than done Remus... Don't get me wrong, I want to in the worst way imaginable succeed with my goal of a g/f. But when I get that nervous or SA is in high gear, my gut hurts BAD... So bad some times I double over in pain. So not only do I battle the discomfort of being around others, my gut can only take it for so long...
Here is a funny story, one that probably doesn't belong here... but I am going to say it anyways. I was about 9 years old. There was this water slide you had to go head first on your stomach. The slide was almost straight down for several yards, and then ramped off to the surface of the water. The kids that went down this slide would be going so fast that they would skip on top of the water, like skipping a flat stone on the water (Hydroplaning) on the surface. Anyways, I got up to the top of the ladder and looked down the slide and I couldn't do it. I let all the kids in line go past me. I stood up there for probably about 30 minutes... Then I went back down the ladder... I did this cycle about 10 times... Then on the 11th cycle of climbing back up the ladder I threw caution to the wind, and I felt like I was going to die, like I was hurdling myself over a cliff committing suicide. So I did do it, and once I did it was allot of fun. Then by that time the pool closed down and I had to leave. This is just an example of the fear very intense fears that I have in me... This was just a slide... Approaching people is by far more worse for me...
I want to succeed, I want a g/f and I would give anything to be married. I just don't know how? Face the fear... I just don't know how?
very easy to say, incredibly hard in practice, I'm still working on this otherwise I would not be hanging around here. I go back ten or twenty years though and I can see how I've come along way
The trick is in pacing yourself, set tasks, try your hardest to achieve them. Look at what you do now, how you could improve your social circle. Even chatting about it on here is a step. maybe chat online to people for practice, use chatbox here, move on to doing something in your local area, volenteer work, I even considered church as its social (I'm not even religious).
You post on here alot, your posts can be amusing, you are not unlikable, focus on those positive aspects, if you were crap and boring no one would even bother to reply
iamthenra
Well-known member
Thank you Remus! I really appreciate it my friend! Cheers!
iamthenra
Well-known member
iamthenra
Well-known member
Whoa.... SWEET! <Clears throat...>
Ladies...I'm a 41 year old virgin!!!! <looks around the room....why is everyone running away?> Haha!
iamthenra
Well-known member
Alright... rub it in... rub it in.... Haha! Some people just don't know how lucky they are!
this_portrait
Well-known member
So I've been fantasizing for the past few days. I've literally been making up this imaginary guy and thinking of all the times I would spend with him. Hell, I even think of how he looks, acts, and treats me! It's as if I'm just living in this complete fantasy land with a dream guy who probably doesn't even exist. @___@
madmike
Well-known member
You could just shout it out of your window at passers by, saves going out. Someones bound to get the hint sooner or later!
Haha, reminds me of a docufilm i watched, A Complete History of My Sexual Failures. The guy goes out in the street after swallowing a load of viagra and begs all the women to have sex with him... i think he actually succeeds lol
Sex is overrated. If you know how to use your hand, chances are you're doing it better than any partner of yours will. Of course, that doesn't help with the whole loneliness/lack of connection thing. The validation that comes from hooking up is really the only reason why the idea of promiscuity appeals to me. Other than that, I don't really need it.
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Rxqueen
Well-known member
lol....I know exactly how you feel. I've named my imaginary boyfriend Derek and he likes long walks on the beach and watching horror movies. I know I'm a loser, and will probably never find the guy for me. This is not just a guy problem, girls have the same virginity issue except its worse because if you pick the wrong guy you could become pregnant or worse infected with a god awful disease. :
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