Sex

[Mokkat]

I spent the last 7 years of my life obsessing over girls and getting depressed over not having had a girlfriend and sex like "everyone else".
Last year, after a party with heavy drinking, I ended up in bed with a girl I knew from school. Neither of us were really interested in each other, but we did had a bit of chemestry after alot of beer. It was nothing like I had imagined it + despite being so drunk, I had an anxiety attack. The whole thing was pretty embarassing and I regret it alot...

I have realized that I don't really care about sex - if your instinct tells you youre horny, you can just masturbate. Its a girlfriend I really want, a girl who is as interested in me as I in her, that I can share my feelings and experiences with, a girl who can fall asleep in my arms at night.

Goddamn anxiety!

 

[iamthenra]

I spent the last 7 years of my life obsessing over girls and getting depressed over not having had a girlfriend and sex like "everyone else".
Last year, after a party with heavy drinking, I ended up in bed with a girl I knew from school. Neither of us were really interested in each other, but we did had a bit of chemestry after alot of beer. It was nothing like I had imagined it + despite being so drunk, I had an anxiety attack. The whole thing was pretty embarassing and I regret it alot...

I have realized that I don't really care about sex - if your instinct tells you youre horny, you can just masturbate. Its a girlfriend I really want, a girl who is as interested in me as I in her, that I can share my feelings and experiences with, a girl who can fall asleep in my arms at night.

Goddamn anxiety!

The shrinks and therapists have told me that I have "sexual obsessive compulsive disorder".... And in my mind that is just a way to sugar coat someone being called a pervert. I do believe that it is human nature to greatly desire something that you have never had. Now that I am over 40, something else has entered my thought process. That I will probably die before getting my first girl friend, having sex or whatnot... I keep trying to accept this fact, but I always fall victim to my own obsessive thoughts about sex...

What I snicker at, is when others tell me: "It will happen, when you least expect it..." Over half my life is over, so when will Merlin wave his magic wand and get me this enchanted nympho girl friend that I have always wanted? LOL There just comes a point in time that you just know deep down that some things are just not going to happen, and you have to swallow the cold hard truth of it all, and accept it, and try to move on...

You are 100% correct in saying "Goddamn anxiety"... So very very true indeed!

 

[Lunarsoldier]

Just be patient about sex. There's no rush.

 

[Imhotep]

What I snicker at, is when others tell me: "It will happen, when you least expect it..."

What these people are saying is that if you calm down and stop stressing about it, you will get a girlfriend. This of course doesn't really work unless you make some fundamental changes in attitudes and work on your confidence and self-esteem, so it's rubbish advice on its own.

But it can actually happen when you least expect it to. Happened to me once, anyway.

 

[Noca]

Question to all you "virgin sex seekers", what will you do after you have sex? Will it have made your life any better? Will you suddenly drop depression/anxiety like a sack of potatoes?

Its really a let down, especially for guys IMO. After I orgasm I get depressed and left thinking "now what?". I think this is the reason why many guys leave in the middle of the night after a one night stand. I dont know if this is true for other guys but I know its not true for woman. Woman can have endless orgasms in a row theoretically.

 

[iamthenra]

Question to all you "virgin sex seekers", what will you do after you have sex?

That would be one less thing that I HAVE to experience before my death.

Will it have made your life any better?

Yes, it would make my life better to know what it's like rather than not knowing.

Will you suddenly drop depression/anxiety like a sack of potatoes?

Doubtful, but I do believe that it will help a little bit with this. I think for me it's more "deeper" than just having sex.... Yes sex is a part of it, but for me the "big picture" is to have a loving relationship first and foremost.... Because I need someone who is loving and understands me and all my issues who will be patient and allows me to make obvious mistakes... But most of all, someone who loves me....

 

[Skatergirl]

To be honestly, I don't care much about sex.
Maybe it's because i'm a girl, i don't know.
Of course I want it, I like it, but I don't think it's a big need.
If i would have sex, it would be a very special experience,
And not just sex for fun.
But my advice is,
Try to not focus on sex, and just wait for the day when it is going to happen!!
And try to do other things, which make you happy.

 

[recluse]

I've lost my mojo a long time ago and perhaps it's a good thing!

I have little desire for sex but i do desire feeling loved and just getting cuddles.

 

[iamthenra]

I've lost my mojo

Did "Fat Bastard" take it from you?

I put the GRRRRR in swinger baybay yeah!

Sorry... I had to quote Austin Powers... Too funny!

 

[violentvalentine]

Sex is overrated. I know you probably don't believe me cuz you have never had it. I think being social and talking to people would help you out immensely. Don't be afraid to talk to people. Im sure there are people at your work that are really interested in getting know you. Good luck

 

[iamthenra]

Sex is overrated.

I SURE would love to be the judge of that!

 

[this_portrait]

Part of me thinks I just might end up doing it one day, but then I think that I won't ever do it, because I just can't picture getting all physical with someone and trusting him with my body. A little part of me is also dissatisfied with the way I look. =/

 

[Ren Koutaisou]

Haha... a lot of your responses made me laugh. I feel better now first of all knowing I'm not the only one who hasn't had sex yet still wants it. Misery loves company, I suppose. But being more social and able to talk to people is probably next on the list of my long awaited desires.

Speaking of masturbating, I have been doing a lot of that recently. I try to hold back, and I have tried many times to stop completely, but it doesn't last more than about 5 days, especially during summer, and since my hours got cut at work.

Honestly, I don't think I can stop masturbating, but that's a separate issue (maybe).

I've come to realize that a reason that I want to have sex is to test my sexual powers. In the past, I had "friends" that gave me handjobs and commentary that made my mind go wild with thoughts. In a nutshell, it was all positive.

I guess what I'm thinking is that I'm super good in bed, even though I haven't been there.

Is it healthy to think this? I keep thinking I'm so good, or that I can be so good. I can't stop thinking that.

 

[klytus]

Is it healthy to think this?

Well, it'd be worse to think that you aren't 'good in bed'. If only because by being confident, you can't actually fail too badly. Most people appear to have serious problems during their first couple of sexual activities because they don't trust in their natural self and the person they are with.

 

[Remus]

I've turned sex down a few times from an ex in the past as I loathed and detested myself so much that I did not feel worthy to even touch, any kind of affection made my skin crawl. Poor girl having to put up with that eh, what the hell did she see in me????

I've improved slightly since then.

 

[greenpilgrim]

Ren if you're a guy and work in a restaurant all you have to do is get the word out that you're a virgin and one of those waitresses will take it as a challenge, trust me, I know women. It's futile to pretend sex isn't an obsession for most people when they haven't had it. It's in our nature as humans to procreate, plus we all need love. Ideally, you'll find a girl you love but sometimes the need can be so strong we just want it with whoever will give it to us. So don't think it unusual to need it, it's perfectly normal. I wish I knew if you were a guy or a gal. Either way, the need is there. Women love quiet guys, they find them mysterious and challenging. You don't have to pay for it either. Maybe you'll meet someone on the boards who will fill your heart with joy! For me it's easier to write than to talk,it may be the same for you, so meeting people on boards may be the answer. One of my sons(my bashful one) met his wife in a chat room 6 years ago and I tell you a truth, they have the absolutely best marriage of anyone I have ever known other than my grandparents. They get along great and spend a great deal of time in their love shack.

 

[violentvalentine]

^ lmao green pilgrims..ha 'u know women'

 

[Argamemnon]

What I snicker at, is when others tell me: "It will happen, when you least expect it..."

You are over 40 and people still tell you that it will happen when you least expect it? I wonder if they are serious or just trying to be nice. I'm 33 myself and whether I expect something or not, I know it won't happen. It's not my fault though, what can you do when your whole life revolves around anxiety and depression? ::

 

[Argamemnon]

Just be patient about sex. There's no rush.

I agree, I'm only 33. I can have sex when I'm 60 or even 70, so why rush things?

Question to all you "virgin sex seekers", what will you do after you have sex? Will it have made your life any better? Will you suddenly drop depression/anxiety like a sack of potatoes?

No, I will be the same miserable person I have always been.

 

[Argamemnon]

To be honestly, I don't care much about sex.
Maybe it's because i'm a girl, i don't know.

Someone once told me that comparing the sex drive of a woman to the sex drive of a man is like "comparing a firecracker to the explosive force of an atomic bomb".