Right NOW, I feel like dying.
- Thread starter 123456switch
- Start date
springk
Well-known member
Great post nicole
I agree with what nicole says. i think you should look for options and ways that you have to make your condition better.
I cant exactly tell you what to do . i dont know exact way through which you can solve the riddle that life has thrown at you. One thing i can say is hope is the way..believe in something..whatever your heart says to you. And act( thats important) I have realized that ACTION is the key.
123456switch
Member
Thanks for your opinions. I think I'm done trying, to be honest.
Since writing the first post I have come to the conclusion that I really don't care to be part of society anymore. I won't kill myself because it's too hard to do so properly. I will just retreat from society, get a job where I don't have to talk to anyone, and go to work everyday until I die naturally.
I am waiting and waiting and waiting...to die. It is all I am interested in. I believe in nothing anymore and have nothing to look forward to at all.
There is no solution in my case except suicide or getting murdered, and neither of those are likely to happen so ill just sit here in misery every day until euthanasia is legalized, or I die, whichever comes first.
Since writing the first post I have come to the conclusion that I really don't care to be part of society anymore. I won't kill myself because it's too hard to do so properly. I will just retreat from society, get a job where I don't have to talk to anyone, and go to work everyday until I die naturally.
I am waiting and waiting and waiting...to die. It is all I am interested in. I believe in nothing anymore and have nothing to look forward to at all.
There is no solution in my case except suicide or getting murdered, and neither of those are likely to happen so ill just sit here in misery every day until euthanasia is legalized, or I die, whichever comes first.
rosewood
Well-known member
I don't know where you live but there are community resources available that most people have no knowledge of. have you approached the local Dept of Social and Health Services? No they may not be able to help this second but they might be able to point you in the right direction of someone who can There is a national clearinghouse on the web for info about homelessness. I am not sure if these will be of help, but I hope it will:
Homeless Assistance/U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD)
Help for Tenants, Homeowners and Homeless Persons | National Housing Law Project
Contact Us About Crime Victims Compensation
this one is for crime victims in wa state, perhaps they have something similar where you are at.
Good Luck
Homeless Assistance/U.S. Department of Housing and Urban Development (HUD)
Help for Tenants, Homeowners and Homeless Persons | National Housing Law Project
Contact Us About Crime Victims Compensation
this one is for crime victims in wa state, perhaps they have something similar where you are at.
Good Luck
MotherWolff
Banned
Suicide won't solve anything at all. You've got to keep fighting. I wish I could be of more help. But please take all this advice you're getting on this forum.
cobalt_bluester
Well-known member
I am so sorry you are having a hard time please try to hang in there. I was just wondering, are there any benefits you could claim to help with your financial situation? Just a thought.
123456switch
Member
Still waiting to die. Still on the verge of becoming homeless. I just sit on the edge of my bed everyday and stare at the wall. I wish someone could tell me ways that I could end my life.
I'd rather die than live. I'd rather die than take medication. I'd rather die than take social assistance. I'd rather die than work. I'd rather die than find an apartment. There is NOTHING that I would prefer to do more than dying. How can I painlessly end my life? I need a method that is not only painless, but immediate. Please advise. I can't find a gun, since I have no friends. If I could get ONE gun and ONE bullet I'd be so happy. Give me a gun at 12:00 pm and Ill be dead by 12:01pm.
I'd rather die than live. I'd rather die than take medication. I'd rather die than take social assistance. I'd rather die than work. I'd rather die than find an apartment. There is NOTHING that I would prefer to do more than dying. How can I painlessly end my life? I need a method that is not only painless, but immediate. Please advise. I can't find a gun, since I have no friends. If I could get ONE gun and ONE bullet I'd be so happy. Give me a gun at 12:00 pm and Ill be dead by 12:01pm.
Pacific_Loner
Pirate from the North Pole
I read your post and I'm pissed off... Because I've been there and I know whatever we tell you won't change anything.
You need to get rid of that depression, that's all you should focus on. Be scientific about it.
You need to get rid of that depression, that's all you should focus on. Be scientific about it.
theslowesthand
Banned
I've been where you are, depression-wise. And these last few days i have been basically bed-ridden with a moderate depression, not wanting to do barely anything, not even eat. And it does help, all that bed-rest, as it allows you chance to get to the root of your depression. Anything except that won't allow you to truly get in touch with this stuff imho. So maybe i would recommend that firstly?
And today, upon coming up with some new thoughts about my depression, i actually felt better & was able to arise!. These thoughts for me were mainly about loss & impermanence (as it was the sad-lonely type of depression). But the thoughts were also about accepting life & especially the present moment as perfect exactly as they are. Basically, pain is due to frustration that things are not as you would wish. So i guess this leads to the question: WHAT is the life you would WISH for? (don't answer from your current perspective, but from your "heart"). You do tend to get what you focus on as well. Also, it's just on the surface of life that is rough/choppy & pain-filled. Deep down, all is calm & unchanging.
Basically what i'm saying, is that one's thoughts (& beliefs) are of the UTMOST, PRIMARY importance. All else is secondary. And also that espeically those who are depressed, they do not have the CORRECT view of life (ie they are not seeing life as it TRULY/ACTUALLY is). But i suppose the same applies for ~99.9999% of the world.
And today, upon coming up with some new thoughts about my depression, i actually felt better & was able to arise!. These thoughts for me were mainly about loss & impermanence (as it was the sad-lonely type of depression). But the thoughts were also about accepting life & especially the present moment as perfect exactly as they are. Basically, pain is due to frustration that things are not as you would wish. So i guess this leads to the question: WHAT is the life you would WISH for? (don't answer from your current perspective, but from your "heart"). You do tend to get what you focus on as well. Also, it's just on the surface of life that is rough/choppy & pain-filled. Deep down, all is calm & unchanging.
Basically what i'm saying, is that one's thoughts (& beliefs) are of the UTMOST, PRIMARY importance. All else is secondary. And also that espeically those who are depressed, they do not have the CORRECT view of life (ie they are not seeing life as it TRULY/ACTUALLY is). But i suppose the same applies for ~99.9999% of the world.
No, you ain't a loser. I once heard somebody say that you have to hit bottom sometimes before things start looking up. There's always one more thing to live for.
123456switch
Member
So I shouldn't die? Ok why not? I have NO interests. I wake up and sit there. Then I eat and sit there. Then I use the washroom. Then later I eat again. Then I sit around. I go out for coffee and smile at women and they look at me as if to say "f*ck off". Then I go home with my coffee and sit there. Then I might watch half a movie. Then I'll turn it off because since I have no interests I find all films boring. Then I play video games but they all suck and don't appeal to me since I have no interest in video games. Then I google "what to do when you're bored" or "how to be more appealing to women". All the answers say to find something you're interested in, and do that and the excitement, and the women will follow. Then I realize that I'm not interested in anything at all, so I will always be bored and single. Then I turn off the computer. Then I go out for another coffee and smile at more women only to have them look at me with disdain. Then I go home and sit there. Then I eat dinner and use the washroom. Later, after sitting there doing nothing, I go to bed.
Why shouldn't I kill myself?
I'm trying to understand the logic behind "killing yourself is not the solution". What if the question is how to die instantly? Then the solution would be "kill yourself" would it not?
What if every day is spent waiting for the next one? And also you're on the verge of homelessness and no jobs will call you back? What if no women, ever, has really been interested in you? Should I still NOT kill myself? If not, why not? Should I become homeless and alone and spend my days on the street in a homeless shelter with no love from anyone? Should I spend every day sitting on the edge of my bed staring at the wall? Is that what you cruel people would recommend rather than have me end the turmoil by ending my life.
I wish there was ONE good reason somebody could give me to stay alive. I spent all last night googling how to make cyanide, and chloroform.
I have no interests no family no friends and I'm unattractive to women and I can't get a job. So why shouldn't I die? Kindly explain. I'm not trying to seek attention but I really want to know everyone's reasoning behind telling me "it will get better" and "suicide is not the answer". WHAT will get better, and HOW do you know this? WHY is it not the best answer? I have not read or heard - EVER - one thing that would make me feel like staying alive. I want to end my life. Please help me change my mind before I go buy every peach in the grocery store in an effort to extract cyanide from the pits.
Why shouldn't I kill myself?
I'm trying to understand the logic behind "killing yourself is not the solution". What if the question is how to die instantly? Then the solution would be "kill yourself" would it not?
What if every day is spent waiting for the next one? And also you're on the verge of homelessness and no jobs will call you back? What if no women, ever, has really been interested in you? Should I still NOT kill myself? If not, why not? Should I become homeless and alone and spend my days on the street in a homeless shelter with no love from anyone? Should I spend every day sitting on the edge of my bed staring at the wall? Is that what you cruel people would recommend rather than have me end the turmoil by ending my life.
I wish there was ONE good reason somebody could give me to stay alive. I spent all last night googling how to make cyanide, and chloroform.
I have no interests no family no friends and I'm unattractive to women and I can't get a job. So why shouldn't I die? Kindly explain. I'm not trying to seek attention but I really want to know everyone's reasoning behind telling me "it will get better" and "suicide is not the answer". WHAT will get better, and HOW do you know this? WHY is it not the best answer? I have not read or heard - EVER - one thing that would make me feel like staying alive. I want to end my life. Please help me change my mind before I go buy every peach in the grocery store in an effort to extract cyanide from the pits.
I am sure others have mentioned this (I haven't read all posts), it's depression. Your current situation isn't helping either.
Getting out of depression and getting out of your situation is something you have to want. That's a start.
If your want is to end things.... we can't help you with that.
Getting out of depression and getting out of your situation is something you have to want. That's a start.
If your want is to end things.... we can't help you with that.
Odo
Banned
Yeah, you're depressed.
I've been there too.
Try to bear in mind that you don't really want to kill yourself, you just don't want to deal with your problems because they're so huge.
If I were you I would make a list of everything about my life that I would want to change. List absolutely everything, no matter how insignificant. Some of the things will be easy to change and some will be really difficult... so start with the easy things, and then take those little victories and use them while working up to the bigger things.
You might also want to try going out for a run... 20 minutes or so of jogging will help you clear your head, or at the very least give you a rush of endorphins that will help you take your mind off of your troubles.
I've been there too.
Try to bear in mind that you don't really want to kill yourself, you just don't want to deal with your problems because they're so huge.
If I were you I would make a list of everything about my life that I would want to change. List absolutely everything, no matter how insignificant. Some of the things will be easy to change and some will be really difficult... so start with the easy things, and then take those little victories and use them while working up to the bigger things.
You might also want to try going out for a run... 20 minutes or so of jogging will help you clear your head, or at the very least give you a rush of endorphins that will help you take your mind off of your troubles.
DukeOtakuNukem
Well-known member
I really feel for you! I wish I can help you out, honestly. This post has really touched me emotionally. I'm actually crying right now reading this. If my parents would let me, I would give you a place to live. There needs to be more people like you out there with such kindness. It really hurts me that humans can be so disgustingly cruel and cold-blooded.
123456switch
Member
I already work out for about 30 minutes a day and take lots of walks - at least an hours worth each day. After a good workout and a brisk walk I think to myself "wow...so much for the myth that working out releases endorphins" and then I think "I wish I was dead" and then I think "why is it so hard to get a gun in Canada" and then I think "why do I even bother working out since it does NOTHING for me". Now I'm just a guy with a good body and an ugly head on it, whom girls treat with scorn and disrespect
Women and men can sense when someone is depressed. Body language, lack of body language, lack of interest..... The women see you are feeling lowly or they see/sense you are giving off-putting vibes and don't want to become wrapped up in it.
mismeek
Well-known member
I agree with sial.. girls can tell when you are faking happy or are insecure. Its all in the body language. I notice when Im depressed I tend to hunch my shoulders and skulk around.. which my friends say come off as creepy lol.
If you get the depression sorted out.. I promise you, you will feel so much better. Depression is really good at only letting you see the negatives in life. Yes your situation is dire. But there are resources out there for you. You need to be looking for hardship assistance NOW, another job NOW, a place to stay-even if its a homeless shelter NOW. Be proactive. Don't just sit around and just let everything fall through your fingers. Pick yourself up and move on.
You may want to ask your parents if you could stay with them at least until you can get another job.
If you get the depression sorted out.. I promise you, you will feel so much better. Depression is really good at only letting you see the negatives in life. Yes your situation is dire. But there are resources out there for you. You need to be looking for hardship assistance NOW, another job NOW, a place to stay-even if its a homeless shelter NOW. Be proactive. Don't just sit around and just let everything fall through your fingers. Pick yourself up and move on.
You may want to ask your parents if you could stay with them at least until you can get another job.
neardeath
Well-known member
All I can tell you is that my thinking is usually the same as yours, but I keep forcing myself to go out and do a few things. I keep forcing myself to get out and find out for sure if I really don't like things. In the process, I ended up finding a few things that I do like.
Otherwise, I want to die and get this over with most days myself. Living on the fringe of life.
What is something you've always wanted to do, but always found an excuse not to? Do it! It might be much better than you think it will be?
The reason I even bother with any of this is because I know my family needs me. They do. I am living in this world for them, not for me. I try my best to keep my interest up in something, even if it's just my cat.
The opposite also worked. I liked canoeing all my life and thought kayaks looked so uncomfortable and difficult. I wasn't even interested at all. I tried it in spite of myself and found something that brings me peace, a few moments of sanity, and a heavy dose of adventure for one small investment. I thought I would never try it, but it gave me one thing in the world to look forward to. Most often, I go out alone in the boat. It's an isolating activity that is actually good for me.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I know the part somewhere deep inside me that wants to live comes here to chat this out. If you are anything like me, we wouldn't be here talking about it if every ounce of us really wanted to die. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm keeping my spark lit up for the sake of my family.
Otherwise, I want to die and get this over with most days myself. Living on the fringe of life.
What is something you've always wanted to do, but always found an excuse not to? Do it! It might be much better than you think it will be?
The reason I even bother with any of this is because I know my family needs me. They do. I am living in this world for them, not for me. I try my best to keep my interest up in something, even if it's just my cat.
The opposite also worked. I liked canoeing all my life and thought kayaks looked so uncomfortable and difficult. I wasn't even interested at all. I tried it in spite of myself and found something that brings me peace, a few moments of sanity, and a heavy dose of adventure for one small investment. I thought I would never try it, but it gave me one thing in the world to look forward to. Most often, I go out alone in the boat. It's an isolating activity that is actually good for me.
I don't know if any of this makes sense, but I know the part somewhere deep inside me that wants to live comes here to chat this out. If you are anything like me, we wouldn't be here talking about it if every ounce of us really wanted to die. It's the hardest thing I've ever done, but I'm keeping my spark lit up for the sake of my family.