Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

[Phoenixx]

But you could also look at it like this; by opening up to them, they're given the opportunity to provide their experience and perspective on the matter. Even though this is the "taking" part of the give/take dynamic of a relationship, in a way, it communicates that you trust and value them. It can end up strengthening the friendships.

It can feel great to help someone, sometimes better than getting help. Of course, no one wants to seems needy and overbearing, but that wouldn't happen if it's kept at a reasonable frequency.

Woah, long time no see! How's it going?

Yes, that's definitely something I realize, yet need to constantly remember and remind myself. I often never open up unless the other person starts the conversation first. I've always struggled with starting conversation, especially with more sensitive topics that may leave me feeling vulnerable. Since being let go by my therapist last month I slowly realized that this was a major issue towards actually getting all of the help I needed. I always expect people to ask me questions, as if they can read my mind. I understand it's a common issue for people with anxiety and depression, but also of women too. When in therapy, I always expected her pry further into what was being discussed, when really I should've been doing more of my job of giving all the details over how I felt about certain things, or just coming forward about certain situations which have shaped myself and my anxiety and depression. I really need to just learn to open up and discuss what I want to discuss and not just spit out half truths or part of the details.

 

[Miserum]

It mainly depends on the tone of the conversation, but admittedly I hate conflict so much that I don't usually say much of anything. I just kind of "hm, okay" and move on. Unless I know the person can actually have a mature discussion without breaking out in a full-blown argument over who's right or wrong, I don't bother engaging. I think of it as picking my battles. I can either choose to waste energy talking in circles with someone who probably won't care about differing viewpoints and discussing ideas - which let's be honest, I'm already spending enough energy just talking face to face with someone being a shy introvert with social anxiety - or I can just hear what they have to say (or dissociate in the middle of conversation like I often do if the topic doesn't interest me ) and let it go. If that portrays me as arrogant, I'd rather come across in that way than to wind up in an argument over a disagreement in which I know the other person would never listen.

Now if someone were to say something I disagree with in a tone of which was incredibly rude and condescending either towards me or someone else and basically being a complete asshat, then I would speak up and say something because that in itself can be bullying and I have zero tolerance for any of that.[/QUOTE

Sounds like a good system to me.

 

[BlackPuma]

Woah, long time no see! How's it going?

Yes, that's definitely something I realize, yet need to constantly remember and remind myself. I often never open up unless the other person starts the conversation first. I've always struggled with starting conversation, especially with more sensitive topics that may leave me feeling vulnerable. Since being let go by my therapist last month I slowly realized that this was a major issue towards actually getting all of the help I needed. I always expect people to ask me questions, as if they can read my mind. I understand it's a common issue for people with anxiety and depression, but also of women too. When in therapy, I always expected her pry further into what was being discussed, when really I should've been doing more of my job of giving all the details over how I felt about certain things, or just coming forward about certain situations which have shaped myself and my anxiety and depression. I really need to just learn to open up and discuss what I want to discuss and not just spit out half truths or part of the details.

It's going good. I went on trip to Austria (planned to be three weeks) right before the quarantine in March, and have been there ever since. Slowly moving my stuff here from Holland, as I planned moving here anyway (the Apocolypse kinda moved that forward.) My cat arrived like last week. Got engaged too.

But yeah, I kinda get that. Question based revelations provides more structure and less guess work overal, and pretty much eliminates the awkward silenece of when someone doesn't know how to rebuttal receiving vulnerable information from someone.Or worse, when they rebuttal in an unhelpful or dismissive way.

That was a big one for me as well that I had to work on. Was always scared of saying something "weird" or unrelated. Ultimately, I reached the conclusion that if someone doesn't care about what I'm saying to them, it's as much their failing as it is mine, and that it's worth the risk more often than not.

 

[Phoenixx]

It's going good. I went on trip to Austria (planned to be three weeks) right before the quarantine in March, and have been there ever since. Slowly moving my stuff here from Holland, as I planned moving here anyway (the Apocolypse kinda moved that forward.) My cat arrived like last week. Got engaged too.

Congrats! I'm sorry you got stuck in travel because of COVID, but I'm glad things are working out! Good luck with everything!

 

[vj288]

It's going good. I went on trip to Austria (planned to be three weeks) right before the quarantine in March, and have been there ever since. Slowly moving my stuff here from Holland, as I planned moving here anyway (the Apocolypse kinda moved that forward.) My cat arrived like last week. Got engaged too.

But yeah, I kinda get that. Question based revelations provides more structure and less guess work overal, and pretty much eliminates the awkward silenece of when someone doesn't know how to rebuttal receiving vulnerable information from someone.Or worse, when they rebuttal in an unhelpful or dismissive way.

That was a big one for me as well that I had to work on. Was always scared of saying something "weird" or unrelated. Ultimately, I reached the conclusion that if someone doesn't care about what I'm saying to them, it's as much their failing as it is mine, and that it's worth the risk more often than not.

Congratulations on all the awesomeness! Glad to hear it.

 

[Miserum]

Me post-COVID vaccine after discovering the secrets to successful socialization and getting invited on a new friend's boating trip:

 

[nodejesque]

I wish I could dive into a pool of lime jello. I just imagine that it must be so relaxing and smell good.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I'll be so glad when this hot weather is over, I'm sick of cutting grass.

 

[Phoenixx]

I'll be so glad when this hot weather is over, I'm sick of cutting grass.

I'm tired of the heat too, but for me it's the wicked tension headaches I get. We've hardly had to cut grass here because while we've had the heat, we haven't had the rain or moisture so the grass has been short, dry, and crunchy.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

There's a woman I talk to online, here-and-there; I met her in the YouTube comment section several months back and we've followed each other ever since. A few years ago she was diagnosed with cancer but it went into remission, well recently it's come back. She's been told it's terminal.

Through intermittent conversations, I've seen her go through the various stages of acceptance. It's so sad, she's in total despair right now. She's 53 and doesn't seem to have much family, or what she does have isn't worth a damn. She's hundreds of miles away from them and trying to raise money to get back home, but at the same time, Covid has put a stranglehold on travelling.

On top of it all, she has this adorable little soldier of a dog who sticks right by her, and she's facing the agonizing decision about what to do there. One of her main wishes was to live long enough that her dog wouldn't have to see her pass away, but now it's looking like less of a possibility. I can't imagine having to wonder about who was gonna watch over Gus if I were in that kind of situation.

The whole thing is just a horrible mess. It doesn't seem right in any way for someone to have to go through this.

 

[LoyalXenite]

There's a woman I talk to online, here-and-there; I met her in the YouTube comment section several months back and we've followed each other ever since. A few years ago she was diagnosed with cancer but it went into remission, well recently it's come back. She's been told it's terminal.

Through intermittent conversations, I've seen her go through the various stages of acceptance. It's so sad, she's in total despair right now. She's 53 and doesn't seem to have much family, or what she does have isn't worth a damn. She's hundreds of miles away from them and trying to raise money to get back home, but at the same time, Covid has put a stranglehold on travelling.

On top of it all, she has this adorable little soldier of a dog who sticks right by her, and she's facing the agonizing decision about what to do there. One of her main wishes was to live long enough that her dog wouldn't have to see her pass away, but now it's looking like less of a possibility. I can't imagine having to wonder about who was gonna watch over Gus if I were in that kind of situation.

The whole thing is just a horrible mess. It doesn't seem right in any way for someone to have to go through this.

One of my biggest anxieties is what would happen to my dogs if I died

 

[Miserum]

New COVID protests in Germany. 18,000 human brains with the collective IQ of a single ant. As far as I'm concerned, we should let these people assemble in one place. Just as long as our leaders then decide to nuke them while they are there. Let them revel in their selfish and idiotic culture one last time.

 

[Miserum]

I should add that I am rapidly losing hope in this species, not least due to the selfish actions of so many people during a fucking pandemic. It wasn't even this bad in the movies.

 

[Sarah_M]

This is really the only place I can say this and feel safe. I feel like I am bursting at the seams. I broke up with my boyfriend. He is a lot more upset about it than I am and is emotional (understandably so). I made the mistake of dating someone I work with in the same department which is making this substantially awkward. We’re trying to stay friends and roommates, but I feel awful like I am leading him on. We aren’t doing anything sexual or romantic, but still. I feel like I am giving him hope when there is none. Meanwhile, I feel like I am losing my mind. I am in love with someone I don’t even know. Something in my heart and soul says that he’s the one; like love-at-fist-sight. He consumes my thoughts and I knew him from school before we worked together. I wish I had the courage to talk to him and say more than just “hi” really fast. I am so nervous around him and get SO excited when I know he is working. I could seriously look into his eyes for the rest of my life. I feel like he has feelings for me too, but still we keep dancing. I wish he would just ask me out already, but maybe the timing is bad. I just hope so much that my intuition is right and that we’ll be together.

 

[Graeme1988]

I'm a fat b@$%@*! No, wait, what's term now? Oh aye: Plus Size.

Yep! Thanks to not getting outta the house as much, I've gone up to a size 1-XL in the waist.

 

[Phoenixx]

Most days I like my in-laws, but then there are days like today where they can just shut up and get over their "issues."

SIL can't figure out how to prepare for unexpected baby - which I have no sympathy for. Maybe if you stopped using your religion as an excuse to not take proper precautions to prevent getting pregnant then maybe it wouldn't have happened??? Also if your husband quit playing the self-righteous man game that also comes with that extremely religious mindset, you'd have a nicer house that'd be fixed up for his family because you invested the money into it instead of wasting money on toys he doesn't need.

MIL can't seem to figure out how small towns and social media works and why other people know about her upcoming grandchildren. "How do they know??? Who told them???" She asks. You've lived here your whole life and you still don't know how fast news travels among village idiots? Jesus. Don't like it? Move to a bigger town or city. I understand you hate people in your business but people will ALWAYS know things involving you or your family whether you like it or not. Even if you dug a hole and buried yourself in it, people will still know things about you and will talk. Best to just let people talk and get it out of their system. Or have fun with it and give them something really preposterous to blab about.

Oh all the things I'd love to say but can't which is why I wrote them here.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

A good name for a heavy metal themed COVID watch-party would be ☣ GWARANTINE. ☣

 

[Phoenixx]

There's a woman I talk to online, here-and-there; I met her in the YouTube comment section several months back and we've followed each other ever since. A few years ago she was diagnosed with cancer but it went into remission, well recently it's come back. She's been told it's terminal.

Through intermittent conversations, I've seen her go through the various stages of acceptance. It's so sad, she's in total despair right now. She's 53 and doesn't seem to have much family, or what she does have isn't worth a damn. She's hundreds of miles away from them and trying to raise money to get back home, but at the same time, Covid has put a stranglehold on travelling.

On top of it all, she has this adorable little soldier of a dog who sticks right by her, and she's facing the agonizing decision about what to do there. One of her main wishes was to live long enough that her dog wouldn't have to see her pass away, but now it's looking like less of a possibility. I can't imagine having to wonder about who was gonna watch over Gus if I were in that kind of situation.

The whole thing is just a horrible mess. It doesn't seem right in any way for someone to have to go through this.

I can only hope family can put differences aside and actually help her in this time. That's just awful. I'm afraid of death, but even moreso dying alone.

Does she have a YouTube? Or a YouTube community? I know the community can sometimes be really helpful, and I'm wondering if anyone could gather some other users to raise a little money for her towards her trip back home to family.

 

[FountainandFairfax]

I can only hope family can put differences aside and actually help her in this time. That's just awful. I'm afraid of death, but even moreso dying alone.

Does she have a YouTube? Or a YouTube community? I know the community can sometimes be really helpful, and I'm wondering if anyone could gather some other users to raise a little money for her towards her trip back home to family.

Her YouTube Channel: YouTube

She started a GoFundMe but it hasn't gone well. She called the trip off for now, but here it is: GoFundMe

Her hair started falling out recently so it's been rough, she stopped taking her chemo medications because of it.

 

[Phoenixx]

I've been feeling really agitated again lately, moreso than usual. Two mornings in a row now I've woken up to a brain full of one thought after another after another and can't get my brain to stop. I need to start recording thoughts again and I also need to take a break from talking to my mother. I've been spending a lot of time with her lately because of what I've been needing help doing and I'm pretty sure it's why I've been so on edge lately.

I've realized that I've unfortunately have fallen into the partial trap (path?) of me slowly becoming the parent. Just like her and her mother before, I'm seeing very similar patterns. My mother had to be a parent to her mother at an early age. She didn't have much of a young adulthood because of it. Always was financially supporting her or "rescuing" her in some way or another, from evictions to threats of restraining orders. While my mother doesn't need financial support and hasn't risked breaking any laws or becoming a nuisance, she needs social and emotional support constantly. She hates being alone, she hates not talking to people, she's a natural social butterfly and always likes to have fun. Now that she hasn't had a steady job in over 10 years, and my dad and her haven't really supported each other emotionally in over 15 years, she is always seeking out family to talk to in order to put herself in situations to feel like she's needed. I have to be around when something goes wrong, even if it doesn't involve me. I'm constantly being called to talk about things I have no interest in talking about or listening to. Being out in public with her irritates me to no end anymore, sadly enough. Every time I think something sounds like it'll be good for her to attend to shift her mind elsewhere, it turns into babysitting. She completely loses all focus of her surroundings and as soon as something catches her interest she has to jump on it and check it out. She has no care or disregard for anyone else except herself and it drives me insane. Yesterday she cut off a guy in line at the store - really didn't mean to, but again, she didn't care to take note of her surroundings - and I wound up quickly apologizing to him after he spoke up. The last thing I needed was to see my mother bickering to some guy over something that was her fault to begin with, and then hearing her complain about it for the next half hour.

My brother is also living with her again now too, which does not help. She's constantly calling me up "worried" about him and how "depressed" he is, or complaining about how "lazy" and "ignorant" he is. I know he's depressed, but I have no sympathy honestly, partly because he is a narcissistic jerk. But also because I have been struggling with depression for 15 years, part of which was literally caused by her and my brother, and I have been to therapy twice now and still can't manage to get the help I need. Where the fuck has my sympathy been this whole time? All I got told growing up was to "get over it" and now you've been telling me "You need to [go out and do this thing]." Like thanks mom, I'll get right on that with my social anxiety. I know what I need to do, but what I actually need is some constructive support. Not being told what I should or shouldn't be doing.

It's extremely hard and draining to have this kind of relationship with people that should always be there for you and care about you. It often seems like it's always a one-way street.