Im feeling upset at the moment. Its my first time at home in many many weeks of sleeping over my bf's place and I told myself I wouldnt get attached. And now Im in my own bed and he just messaged me saying he is going to bed and we are going to catch up on tues or wedns and maybe stay on one of those nights. But I feel like he maybe has gotten sick of me. But at the same time want my own space too, yet also feel I urgently need to go over and sleep in the same bed with him and cuddle up. He is so tired because he did not sleep all night last night and I thought he might miss me but he is too tired to.
Idk- its hard to unwind and feel my independence again. Ive neglected it. I had a good time with my own self before- I just have to work up to it. Its just hard to not feel like Im being pushed away maybe. Idk.
I had a confrontational customer today (well, wasn't even in my customer, I answered the door to one of my colleague's clients and she could and should have met him but avoided him) and the guy suffers from mental health issues but he was jumpy and angry no-one had called him back (I passed on a message to the aforementioned colleague last week) and he started to go off talking about how angry he was, saying this could be the last day we saw him and he might take someone else with him. Now, naturally, I was a mumbling, stuttering wreck just relieved that none of my colleagues were around seeing me handle this bloke so poorly. He calmed down towards the end but wouldn't surprise me if I end up seeing him again tomorrow! Ruined my day and coupled with other events, had a shit Monday and felt miserable!
Sometimes the past hits me hard. It comes out of nowhere, like a raptor from the sky, tears away a chunk of self-esteem and confidence, and vanishes just as quickly. Something got me that way a few moments ago, some sharp-taloned specter of regret. I can't remember what it was or what triggered it—it flew away that fast—but I can still feel the aching wound, the diminishment of myself.
I had a confrontational customer today (well, wasn't even in my customer, I answered the door to one of my colleague's clients and she could and should have met him but avoided him) and the guy suffers from mental health issues but he was jumpy and angry no-one had called him back (I passed on a message to the aforementioned colleague last week) and he started to go off talking about how angry he was, saying this could be the last day we saw him and he might take someone else with him. Now, naturally, I was a mumbling, stuttering wreck just relieved that none of my colleagues were around seeing me handle this bloke so poorly. He calmed down towards the end but wouldn't surprise me if I end up seeing him again tomorrow! Ruined my day and coupled with other events, had a shit Monday and felt miserable!
If the potential Isis fighter calmed down, you didn't handle it poorly at all. I've worked in security, and trust me, some crazy people can become even more crazy if you behave like a fortress of confidence and protocol. Which security guards have to be anyway, and deal with the situation using force if needed, but the other employees have no obligation to behave as if they were guards themselves.
Someone should tip the police about this guy, you never know how serious they are.
I usually find myself in one of the following states these days:
a) misery/suicidal (thoughts/urges)
b) despair (hopelessness)
c) struggling (my most common state)
d) numb/distracted (my most desired state)
I usually find myself in one of the following states these days:
a) misery/suicidal (thoughts/urges)
b) despair (hopelessness)
c) struggling (my most common state)
Well ah can relate there. Though, fur me, there's no numb/distracted state, just indifference and detachment. :sad:
Why is it so hard to get new good things or people into your life? Why is everything just out of reach?
I ask myself that frequently. Comes down to money for me as far as huvin good things. As for people, ye huv to be likeable and outgoing, at least from what I've noticed with folk. I'm neither, so I'm f**ked... :sad:
#36981
