Post your random thoughts/feelings etc

BlackPuma said: ↑

Like a real badass. 😀

Living on the edge. Or lying on the edge, if you will. 😉

Doing your tasks early in the day makes the day seem much longer than if you just leave those tasks for later. The day feels pretty short if I keep telling myself "I still have to study this for one hour, I'll do that later today", but it seems pretty long if I just do it in the morning.

I wish I cared more in general. I hate my neighborhood. I feel like I'm losing it.

:sad:


Is it bad to want and need attention? I don't think it is. As humans I'm sure that's something we all need. As shy and introverted I am, I really need attention. I need several people to be available to me when I'm weak. If at any point I do have friends, there aren't many. I want to be able to know a great amount of people, enough to be there for me when one isn't. If I can't sleep and want to be held, I want to be able to go to that person and fulfill that need. If I just want to get out and go on a hike and camping, I want to have that friend who is always willing to go. If I need to cry I want that friend that won't laugh at me for it and will comfort me and accept my weakness. I need the attention. I believe it can keep me sane...

Another failed wasted day.. feeling really low.

At the moment my life feels like a recurring bad dream. I wake up, feel ok for the most part, get productive throughout the day.
Then comes the evening.. For some reason I become extremely depressed. It's like a massive negative black feeling that blots out all light inside me.
I freaking hate it.
I've been on meds before, quite a few different types. They either didn't work at all or actually made things worse. So I don't think meds are the answer. To be honest I think meds are more of a band aid solution anyway.
So here I am this evening again..this nightmare continues as I feel my heart being crushed by the dark cloud.
Part of me wants to fight it.
Part of me wants to give up.
I've lost who I am.

PugofCrydee said: ↑

At the moment my life feels like a recurring bad dream. I wake up, feel ok for the most part, get productive throughout the day.
Then comes the evening.. For some reason I become extremely depressed. It's like a massive negative black feeling that blots out all light inside me.
I freaking hate it.
I've been on meds before, quite a few different types. They either didn't work at all or actually made things worse. So I don't think meds are the answer. To be honest I think meds are more of a band aid solution anyway.
So here I am this evening again..this nightmare continues as I feel my heart being crushed by the dark cloud.
Part of me wants to fight it.
Part of me wants to give up.
I've lost who I am.

What changes at night? Anything you can pinpoint?

Applied for an internship in data science last week. Let's see how that goes.
Started a specialization course on Coursera on Data Science, should keep me busy at least until March if I don't enter that internship, and I'm also learning Python on Codecademy since it seems to be an important language for data science that isn't covered on that Coursera course. If I don't get that internship I probably will only apply for part-time jobs since I want to do a master's on Data Analysis next year, which means I can't be working come September. I also want to finish these two courses, which would be a lot harder if I had a full-time job unrelated to data science.

In recent months, I've been having mood swings that I think are abnormal. One moment I'm happy and optimistic, but then I suddenly feel very low, pessimistic and kind of depressed, and sometimes it's accompanied by suicidal thoughts. Sometimes, I also feel an intense anger throughout my body, where I tense my muscles and have a sharp butterfly-ish feeling in my chest. This anger is caused by even the slightest provocation and it's making me very irritable. I don't why this is happening. I almost feel like I'm on my way to some sort of semi-depression. I no longer care about things that used to interest me, I having trouble sleeping, I'm not doing my homework and assignments on time, and I'm generally extremely tired of school. I'm not coming to the parties, I'm not socializing with anyone, I don't have a single close friend to talk to... My life feels so empty right now. I'm turning 18 soon, so a lot of things are going to change, and I'm both nervous and kind of stressed out over it. There are some bright moments and for the most part I'm not sad, but I'm becoming careless and irritable, and I don't know why.

Took Imitrex today for a migraine I felt coming on. It's my sister's prescription. I have to say, I do not like the way it's making me feel. Very strange. Heavy feeling, sort of tense/sore muscles in neck especially, sore throat and slight pain in chest, and even when I took a sip of something hot it hurt my tongue. I feel vaguely sick too, and just generally weak. Very unpleasant feeling. What in the world... :/

*howls at the moon*

kihira said: ↑

*howls at the moon*

Blood moon here tonight. Seriously.
I might go howl at it myself..

too many idiots. dan ashcroft was right.

So its already 5 days in the homeless assessment hub. Its a frightening place even for someone like me who is used to hostels.

They don't provide beds or mattress's. You make your own cotch by assembling a series of chairs or sleeping on the floor. There is not enough floor space for new rough sleeping arrivals to make a cotch. If anybody tries to take or move in on your cotch you fight. You have to make friends quickly. They guys go out at night to buy crack and then come back and scream. One guy cleans all night long. They don't put the lights out. Most nights you don't sleep at all. The night time security shouts at you to get out of your cotch at 7am. We shout back at them. Tonight it will kick off.

England 2014. You could not make it up. You would not believe it. Help me don't kill me.
Cotch is my new favourite word.

My hummingbirds have flown away. :sad:

Sometimes I feel like I'm just a spectator in my own life. It feels like I have no control, and I feel like an outsider. I know the answer is to just do/say things, but it's hard.

Marshmallow said: ↑

Sometimes I feel like I'm just a spectator in my own life. It feels like I have no control, and I feel like an outsider. I know the answer is to just do/say things, but it's hard.

Ah cun definitely relate.

Had some interesting dreams last night.


This isolation is going to kill me if I let it.

PugofCrydee said: ↑

Blood moon here tonight. Seriously.
I might go howl at it myself..

Missed it! :veryangry:

SoScared said: ↑

So its already 5 days in the homeless assessment hub. Its a frightening place even for someone like me who is used to hostels.

They don't provide beds or mattress's. You make your own cotch by assembling a series of chairs or sleeping on the floor. There is not enough floor space for new rough sleeping arrivals to make a cotch. If anybody tries to take or move in on your cotch you fight. You have to make friends quickly. They guys go out at night to buy crack and then come back and scream. One guy cleans all night long. They don't put the lights out. Most nights you don't sleep at all. The night time security shouts at you to get out of your cotch at 7am. We shout back at them. Tonight it will kick off.

England 2014. You could not make it up. You would not believe it. Help me don't kill me.
Cotch is my new favourite word.

Wait, why are you there? Are you homeless? I must've missed something.

I missed the blood moon too, grr :thumbdown:. I was looking forward to seeing it. I bet it was neat.