I want to be at peace. I don't want this unexplainable yearnings. I have enough of it. Since 2005 , all I had known is a life of anxiety and sadness, with moments of desperate attempts for some sort of joy / relief. I am in my mid-twenties now and soon the twenties will be over. Till now I can't really say if I have improved. The beginning of my anxiety was terrible, messed my life. Now that I understand( not really though but I think I somehow do) my situation I know it will lead me to a life filled with so much loneliness that I can barely breathe. It scares me to think of all the loneliness, sadness, emptiness, frustration, desires that will be my companions life long.
I want to come out of it. This is not what I will have. I just wish I could figure out how I can come out of it. No one really understands, there are none whom I can tell what I really want, I have to still figure out what I want.
But I don't want to be alone. That is what I fear most, that loneliness, where you have not a single person whom you can talk to, no one to care for you, no human warmth , no human voice to hear.
.......
Presenting; The Double-Wii. What is a Double-Wii? Why, it's two Wii's merged together with the unbreakable bond of sticky tape, of course.
One Wii bought second hand that, without having knowledge of it, was hacked on arrival and is therefore unable to update and play newer games, and the second ''slim'' version of the Wii which does not have the game backward compatibility which I so dearly sought after.
Together, they make one super Wii. The Double-Wii!
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?” The answers called out ranged from 8oz to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If i hold it for a minute, its not a problem. If i hold it for an hour, i’ll have an ache in my arm. If i hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer i hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed - incapable of doing anything.” Always remember to put the glass down.
A psychologist walked around a room while teaching stress management to an audience. As she raised a glass of water, everyone expected they’d be asked the “half empty or half full” question. Instead, with a smile on her face she inquired, “How heavy is this glass of water?” The answers called out ranged from 8oz to 20 oz. She replied, “The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long I hold it. If i hold it for a minute, its not a problem. If i hold it for an hour, i’ll have an ache in my arm. If i hold it for a day, my arm will feel numb and paralyzed. In each case, the weight of the glass doesn’t change, but the longer i hold it, the heavier it becomes.” She continued, “The stress and worries in life are like that glass of water. Think about them for a while and nothing happens. Think about them for a bit longer and they begin to hurt. And if you think about them all day long, you will feel paralyzed - incapable of doing anything.” Always remember to put the glass down.
Presenting; The Double-Wii. What is a Double-Wii? Why, it's two Wii's merged together with the unbreakable bond of sticky tape, of course.
One Wii bought second hand that, without having knowledge of it, arrived hacked on arrival and is therefore unable to update and play newer games, and the second ''slim'' version of the Wii which does not have the game backward compatibility which I so dearly sought after.
Together, they make one super Wii. The Double-Wii!
THAT is nice. It reminds me of the Sega-CD system I had as a kid.
I think my mum is getting drunk pretty often lately. A few weeks ago I had to call my aunt because she could barely stand up and even fell on the floor once, but I wasn't sure what it was. I suspected she was drunk back then.
Now she's like that again today. I don't want to be babysitting her, and I don't want to constantly be on the lookout to make sure she didn't fall on the floor and hit her head somewhere. Speaking of that, I think she fell on the floor as I was writing that, but I got to her room and she was already standing up.
Another reason for me to leave this house. I can't stand the tobacco, I can't stand being asked if I'm leaving the house every single day, and the interrogation that comes with saying that I'll be leaving. And I can't stand not being able to move freely in this house because I avoid my grandma. And now I have to babysit my drunk mum every week?
I think my mum is getting drunk pretty often lately. A few weeks ago I had to call my aunt because she could barely stand up and even fell on the floor once, but I wasn't sure what it was. I suspected she was drunk back then.
Now she's like that again today. I don't want to be babysitting her, and I don't want to constantly be on the lookout to make sure she didn't fall on the floor and hit her head somewhere. Speaking of that, I think she fell on the floor as I was writing that, but I got to her room and she was already standing up.
Another reason for me to leave this house. I can't stand the tobacco, I can't stand being asked if I'm leaving the house every single day, and the interrogation that comes with saying that I'll be leaving. And I can't stand not being able to move freely in this house because I avoid my grandma. And now I have to babysit my drunk mum every week?
I think my mum is getting drunk pretty often lately. A few weeks ago I had to call my aunt because she could barely stand up and even fell on the floor once, but I wasn't sure what it was. I suspected she was drunk back then.
Now she's like that again today. I don't want to be babysitting her, and I don't want to constantly be on the lookout to make sure she didn't fall on the floor and hit her head somewhere. Speaking of that, I think she fell on the floor as I was writing that, but I got to her room and she was already standing up.
Another reason for me to leave this house. I can't stand the tobacco, I can't stand being asked if I'm leaving the house every single day, and the interrogation that comes with saying that I'll be leaving. And I can't stand not being able to move freely in this house because I avoid my grandma. And now I have to babysit my drunk mum every week?
It's really hard, hope it gets better for you guys.
It doesn't end when you get older either. My mom called me today to see if I had more peanut butter because she doesn't have money for food. Seriously, we never had this problem, and I don't remember her ever being this broke. I barely make it for my family, and now I have to worry about my poor mom? Dang it, it's like having another kid to worry about. She is only 65 and has already had memory issues. I am terrified because I have an autoimmune disease and social anxiety, my sister has diabetes and blood clots and my brother is an alcoholic, who is going to take care of her? I really don't want to come off as selfish but I am just being realistic. Man oh man, I'm preparing for the ride.:omg:
Things to be thankful for, there's no longer driveway service at Service Stations. With my anxiety I wouldn't be able to cope with someone in my face as soon as I stepped from the car.
3 old friends from high school want to get together to catch up 😮
I honestly don't think I am ready for this, especially since I will be forced to talk about myself and all I have been doing for the past 20 flipping years :crying:
Part of me says "try, how do you know you can't do it unless you try" and the other part says "run, run as fast as you can." :kickingmyself:
3 old friends from high school want to get together to catch up 😮
I honestly don't think I am ready for this, especially since I will be forced to talk about myself and all I have been doing for the past 20 flipping years :crying:
Part of me says "try, how do you know you can't do it unless you try" and the other part says "run, run as fast as you can."
Do it! You might have some fun. Plus with three of them, you can keep most of the conversation on them and listen, and chime in only when you feel like it. Plus you'll get a nice meal out of it, haha.
#29201
Report
:strip_icc(1)/s3.amazonaws.com%2Fpolicymic-images%2F9c90b495eb71e3d20e4e2015561e57d386360780883b2e9d847c4f577ea68410.jpg)
