online dating

[SM1010]

I went out with a girl from online dating a couple nights ago.

It's weird, because I really don't feel THAT (obviously I still feel some) nervous meeting up with women I've talked to on dating sites. My main issue with shyness/anxiety with women comes with approaching and making moves. With online dating the approach has already been accomplished and you know they're interested by the time you meet up.

Online dating has been tremendous for me. I've gained so much experience dating women from it.

I strongly recommend everyone to at least give it a try. If you don't like it fine, but you have nothing to lose by giving it a try.

 

[OceanMist]

I went out with a girl from online dating a couple nights ago.

It's weird, because I really don't feel THAT (obviously I still feel some) nervous meeting up with women I've talked to on dating sites. My main issue with shyness/anxiety with women comes with approaching and making moves. With online dating the approach has already been accomplished and you know they're interested by the time you meet up.

Online dating has been tremendous for me. I've gained so much experience dating women from it.

I strongly recommend everyone to at least give it a try. If you don't like it fine, but you have nothing to lose by giving it a try.

What are you views on speed dating? I was considering it. It would probably be the most nerve-wracking time of my life, but it seems it would be a great way to meet multiple women and would give me a lot of options.

Plus, with online dating it's an enormous numbers game. You have to deal with failure more on online dating than in real life because per message the percentage of even getting a response is much lower than real life.

It seems that possibly putting myself in front of women in the flesh that they may be more prone to want to get to know me on a date as opposed to me typing words to them over a computer. It's something I've been pondering, if I even have the balls to do it.

 

[SM1010]

Speed dating would be awesome, I would love to do it. But it's hard to find speed dating gatherings for people my age.

If you can, I think it would be a great idea. You're right online dating can be very frustrating at times. Speed dating removes the approaching part just like online dating so it's probably a great way to meet women for those of us who are shy or have SA.

 

[MikeyC]

I think I would be too nervous for speed dating, personally. I have to impress a girl in 60 seconds. Loads of pressure. ::

 

[nikkixo]

I met up with a few people but I always brought someone with which i guess is kind of awkward. I actually just got out of a relationship today with someone I met online. Never had much luck with that. I think they can be good but you really do have to be careful.

 

[OceanMist]

I have been looking up speed dating and cannot find anything in my area. I keep getting all these bogus sites.

 

[da_illest101]

I've been really depressed lately, like dangerously depressed. The minute the sex was over with I had that anxiety attack and ever since then I've become a zombie basically.

I can't stop thinking about my life and replaying what happened with her in my head. It's mainly my life though, that's the problem.

I'm different now. Something happened to me after I had sex, and it hasn't been very good. I had this sick urge to want to fight people yesterday and today, and I never feel like that. I feel really gloomy and hate my loneliness. I feel lonelier than ever. I'm having monster depression.

I stopped playing video games, those seem meaningless right now. Television and movies are now boring to me.

I hate myself now. I just hate my anxiety and how it's controlled my life and stopped me from connecting with women. She responded to my text and that was it, we haven't even texted besides that. I think she's just another woman that isn't attracted to me.

Yes, that sounds crazy to a lot of you, that she had sex with me yet isn't attracted to me, but I think it's true. I was there in that room with her. Everything she did was out of kindness, not love. She isn't attracted to me, she just wanted me to feel good. I have a problem with that. I want a woman to love me as a person and make me feel good. I hate it, I hate how no women ever can connect with me one on one and love me. I always have to be the shy guy that isn't socially confident enough to be with them.

Like i said, the last thing she said is that I'm sooooo shy. That's always the freaking problem. It defines me to these women. It's always, "he's the shy guy." That's always how they observe me, even women walking past me on the street. I'm sick of this crap. I hate myself. I hate how I'm so different. I hate how I'm alone socially.

This sucks so bad. It's like I can't live. I can't function. There is always this gigantic problem with me looming in women's minds. Apparently it shows up on a catastrophic level now after a woman has sex with me.

Yeah yeah, I'm glad I finally had sex and all that. The anxiety problem is bigger though, it's why I'm alone on a Friday night again.

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/how-was-your-first-sexual-experience-34803/
Reminds me of the thread I made after I lost my virginity. You'll get over it with time

 

[emre43]

I want to do online dating but I can't afford it because I don't have a job. Hopefully I will have one next month. There are free dating sites but I don't think I would attract a high calibre of woman from those sites.

 

[OceanMist]

http://www.socialphobiaworld.com/how-was-your-first-sexual-experience-34803/
Reminds me of the thread I made after I lost my virginity. You'll get over it with time

The difference is I want sex now more than I did before even though I had so many problems. It was the best experience I've ever had in my life because my life has been so boring, lonely and depressing.

I've already recovered the experience, it only took a day or two. I had a talk with myself and realized how I was trying to be negative and not focusing on the positive things. The main thing is that I was worrying too much, during and after.

My anxiety is the problem here. I'm not sure if I'll ever learn to relax. All I have left is muscle relaxation exercises that I am trying to do every day for an hour. If that doesn't work out, I'm just going to have to live with this anxiety issue for the rest of my life.

Now that I have made those mistakes sexually, I'm not very afraid of making mistakes again. The worst that happens is the girl never wants to see me again (which may have happened with the girl I was with recently) and then I'll try to get with the next girl. I guess they could spread rumors but I'm not worried about that. I'd rather have a woman know about me before she has sex with me.

Something I've realized is that the main reason I'm doing this online dating is just for somebody to talk to on a regular basis in real life. I want a friend that will be there for me. If it involves sex, then great.

 

[PhantomPod]

A guy messaged me the other day, just a casual "Hey, how's it going" type thing. And I look at his profile and he seems to have similar interests as me until I scroll down more and see that he's basically saying that he's just looking for casual sex. WTF man.

I do have a profile on one of the free dating sites, but I've only talked to a couple of people and it never really goes anywhere. When people talk about sex in their profiles it just kind of turns me off. I'm not against sex or anything, but I am a virgin and I'm certainly not looking for some guy to hook up with for casual sex.

 

[emre43]

A guy messaged me the other day, just a casual "Hey, how's it going" type thing. And I look at his profile and he seems to have similar interests as me until I scroll down more and see that he's basically saying that he's just looking for casual sex. WTF man.

I do have a profile on one of the free dating sites, but I've only talked to a couple of people and it never really goes anywhere. When people talk about sex in their profiles it just kind of turns me off. I'm not against sex or anything, but I am a virgin and I'm certainly not looking for some guy to hook up with for casual sex.

Yeah, I feel the same. I don't want a girl for casual sex I want to find somebody special. The people who have paid to be on these sites are the ones who are more likely going to be a better class of person.

 

[Merel]

A guy messaged me the other day, just a casual "Hey, how's it going" type thing. And I look at his profile and he seems to have similar interests as me until I scroll down more and see that he's basically saying that he's just looking for casual sex. WTF man.

I do have a profile on one of the free dating sites, but I've only talked to a couple of people and it never really goes anywhere. When people talk about sex in their profiles it just kind of turns me off. I'm not against sex or anything, but I am a virgin and I'm certainly not looking for some guy to hook up with for casual sex.

I feel the same exact way...and the same exact thing actually happened to me before.

 

[Kiwong]

For all your online carbon dating needs

C-14 Information and Labs

 

[Merel]

For all your online carbon dating needs

C-14 Information and Labs

I definitely lol'd

 

[OceanMist]

A guy messaged me the other day, just a casual "Hey, how's it going" type thing. And I look at his profile and he seems to have similar interests as me until I scroll down more and see that he's basically saying that he's just looking for casual sex. WTF man.

I do have a profile on one of the free dating sites, but I've only talked to a couple of people and it never really goes anywhere. When people talk about sex in their profiles it just kind of turns me off. I'm not against sex or anything, but I am a virgin and I'm certainly not looking for some guy to hook up with for casual sex.

Any guy that puts anything related to sex in his profile is stupid. I'm sorry, but even I know that you shouldn't advertise on a dating profile that you are looking to get laid.

What's funny is if a woman puts she wants sex in her profile, she gets 2000 messages.

I did basically tell the girl that i had sex with that I wanted sex before we met, but that was after a couple days of text messages. What I did was very aggressive but it's nowhere near putting "I want sex" in a dating profile. That's got to turn almost every woman off. Some men don't get that women aren't like men. Yes, women want sex, but they don't want a man who is telling the whole world that he wants to get laid.

 

[Merel]

Any guy that puts anything related to sex in his profile is stupid. I'm sorry, but even I know that you shouldn't advertise on a dating profile that you are looking to get laid.

What's funny is if a woman puts she wants sex in her profile, she gets 2000 messages.

This is spot on for me. Whenever a guy messaged me and I saw he was looking for "casual sex" I became thoroughly creeped out and never ended up responding.

On okcupid I remember they had a color code system next to the "message" button, green meaning the person often replies, yellow more selectively, red being very selective with replies.

I set my profile for looking for "friends" so both profiles of men and women appeared on my sidebar. Women looking for casual sex almost always had a red signal while men looking for the same thing showed a green signal next to their message buttons.

 

[Smartie]

Been a member of a number of dating sites for years and had no luck at all, after meeting a number of very shallow people online, the sort who were happy to chat until I worked up the nerve to tell them about my social phobia and then it seemed I wasn't worthy to talk to anymore, because of people like that I decided to write on my profile about my sp, now I get no messages but I'd rather none than hearing from shallow types!

 

[twiggle]

Personally I don't mind guys putting on their profile that they just want sex. I think it's better people are up front about these things. When I was on a dating site, it used to annoy me when I'd take the time to write out a thoughtful reply to somebody who sent a genuine sounding initiator only for them to then insinuate they just want to use me and probably aren't really interested at all in what I have to say.

I don't use those sites anymore, I used them at a dark point in my life and they didn't really solve anything because it felt like I was trying to force something that wasn't real rather than work on the actual problem at hand. However, I think in order for them to work effectively then it's a million times better if people are just honest and open about what they're looking for on their profile. I wrote upfront that I'm not a typical girly girl and I don't find men who spend too long on their appearance attractive and hence I didn't get messages from anybody who was like that. I met with a few but nobody I clicked enough with to want to see again.

Been a member of a number of dating sites for years and had no luck at all, after meeting a number of very shallow people online, the sort who were happy to chat until I worked up the nerve to tell them about my social phobia and then it seemed I wasn't worthy to talk to anymore, because of people like that I decided to write on my profile about my sp, now I get no messages but I'd rather none than hearing from shallow types!

Exactly, then at least you know that if somebody is messaging you then they're not bothered about the fact you suffer from a SP.

 

[Kiwong]

I definitely lol'd

Thanks

 

[OceanMist]

Is it normal for women to refuse to initiate texts, even after the guy texts her for a week or longer?

I'm wondering because in the past week I initiated texts for two days, then I didn't do anything for four days, she never initiated a text, then she says "I never texted her very much." I don't get it. She has no right to say that considering she didn't initiate one set of texts during that timespan. Does the guy have to initiate every conversation?

Also, most every other time I initiated texts with her.