online dating

[this_portrait]

Is it normal for women to refuse to initiate texts, even after the guy texts her for a week or longer?

I'm wondering because in the past week I initiated texts for two days, then I didn't do anything for four days, she never initiated a text, then she says "I never texted her very much." I don't get it. She has no right to say that considering she didn't initiate one set of texts during that timespan. Does the guy have to initiate every conversation?

Also, most every other time I initiated texts with her.

No, in fact the girl should initiate conversations as well. There's a couple possibilities with your situation. She might have this opinion that you as the guy should initiate all conversations, or she has communication issues of her own.

 

[Merel]

I think it is normal for women to wait for the man to initiate texts or expect the man to. I personally don't agree with this and initiate texts whenever I can, however.

 

[OceanMist]

Well, that's it. The woman I lost my virginity to just told me she doesn't want to be my girlfriend and never wants to have sex with me again. She just wants to be friends, and even that sounded like she didn't really want to be friends.

What's funny is that I was right about everything. She basically told me I was terrible in bed and that she wanted a guy who was a "freak in bed."

I knew that was weird how she never initiated texts afterward.

Honestly, I didn't think I'd get dumped by a woman because of sex being the main reason, but it just happened.

Ha, we only hung out one time, and that was it. A week later I'm shown the door after she ignores me for that week. I felt bad for about 15 minutes, and now I'm just moving on. I'm not used to rejection but I think I'm handling it very well. I didn't even get mad at her. I told her I respect her honesty, which I do.

The thing that did bother me a bit was that I brought this exact thing up two times after we met. I told her something like, "I'm really getting a vibe that you don't want to be intimately involved with me." She wouldn't hand me the truth until today. I guess she was trying to be nice by delaying her boot kicking me out the door.

It's kind of sad. I lose my virginity to a woman then within one week she tells me I'm not good enough for her. Oh well, I've got to move on. I need to find a woman that loves me for me. Right now I need to focus on finding a woman that I enjoy talking to.

 

[SM1010]

Well, that's it. The woman I lost my virginity to just told me she doesn't want to be my girlfriend and never wants to have sex with me again. She just wants to be friends, and even that sounded like she didn't really want to be friends.

What's funny is that I was right about everything. She basically told me I was terrible in bed and that she wanted a guy who was a "freak in bed."

I knew that was weird how she never initiated texts afterward.

Honestly, I didn't think I'd get dumped by a woman because of sex being the main reason, but it just happened.

Ha, we only hung out one time, and that was it. A week later I'm shown the door after she ignores me for that week. I felt bad for about 15 minutes, and now I'm just moving on. I'm not used to rejection but I think I'm handling it very well. I didn't even get mad at her. I told her I respect her honesty, which I do.

The thing that did bother me a bit was that I brought this exact thing up two times after we met. I told her something like, "I'm really getting a vibe that you don't want to be intimately involved with me." She wouldn't hand me the truth until today. I guess she was trying to be nice by delaying her boot kicking me out the door.

It's kind of sad. I lose my virginity to a woman then within one week she tells me I'm not good enough for her. Oh well, I've got to move on. I need to find a woman that loves me for me. Right now I need to focus on finding a woman that I enjoy talking to.

I'm going to hit you with the truth, please don't take offense. You took major steps in pushing through your anxiety with women which is a huge accomplishment, and you should feel good about it no matter what happened with her. But...

Ultimately she responded the way she did because:

You essentially displayed the two traits that turn women off the most. Low self-confidence and neediness.

This is a great learning tool though. Next time you meet someone from online dating do this:

1. DON'T tell them you're just looking for sex before you meetup or during the 1st date (I'm not sure how that worked for you the first time lol!). Just don't worry at all about sex on the first date. I have intimacy issues too, so I never ever even consider sex as a possibility on the first date which calms my nerves quite a bit.

2. DON'T tell her you have anxiety problems or intimacy issues. These things do not define who you are as a person, and there's absolutely no reason to bring either of these things up right when you meet someone.

3. Just meet up for a quick drink. Alcohol soothes the nerves and if it's really awkward you can escape fairly quickly. Even if you meetup and it's insanely awkward because you guys have nothing to talk about don't worry about it. It's still a win because meeting up with a strange woman from online is a very stressful situation yet you just conquered it, so feel good about yourself.

4. Practice faking confidence. This is tied in with point 2. Women love confidence and telling them about your anxiety issues right when you meet is hurting you pretty badly in that department. The more you fake confidence the more confident you'll actually become.


This is all from my 2 and 1/2 years experience meeting up with women from online dating sites. Hope it helps a little.

 

[OceanMist]

I'm going to hit you with the truth, please don't take offense. You took major steps in pushing through your anxiety with women which is a huge accomplishment, and you should feel good about it no matter what happened with her. But...

Ultimately she responded the way she did because:

You essentially displayed the two traits that turn women off the most. Low self-confidence and neediness.

This is a great learning tool though. Next time you meet someone from online dating do this:

1. DON'T tell them you're just looking for sex before you meetup or during the 1st date (I'm not sure how that worked for you the first time lol!). Just don't worry at all about sex on the first date. I have intimacy issues too, so I never ever even consider sex as a possibility on the first date which calms my nerves quite a bit.

2. DON'T tell her you have anxiety problems or intimacy issues. These things do not define who you are as a person, and there's absolutely no reason to bring either of these things up right when you meet someone.

3. Just meet up for a quick drink. Alcohol soothes the nerves and if it's really awkward you can escape fairly quickly. Even if you meetup and it's insanely awkward because you guys have nothing to talk about don't worry about it. It's still a win because meeting up with a strange woman from online is a very stressful situation yet you just conquered it, so feel good about yourself.

4. Practice faking confidence. This is tied in with point 2. Women love confidence and telling them about your anxiety issues right when you meet is hurting you pretty badly in that department. The more you fake confidence the more confident you'll actually become.


This is all from my 2 and 1/2 years experience meeting up with women from online dating sites. Hope it helps a little.

thanks. I agree with most of that. But how did i display neediness? I didn't even text her for four days after she told me she was busy.

She even told me that I didn't text her enough.

 

[SM1010]

You told her before hand about your anxiety issues. You also told her that "You got the vibe she didn't want to be intimate with you".

Also your anxiety attack after sex. Which is not at all your fault, and don't worry about this part. But it did reinforce the label she had probably already put on you.

When you're telling a woman before or the first time you meet all about your anxiety issues, and you're questioning whether she even likes your not (to her face) that does come off as neediness.

She's thinking to herself that this guy is going to need constant positive reinforcement, which equates to being needy.

 

[OceanMist]

You told her before hand about your anxiety issues. You also told her that "You got the vibe she didn't want to be intimate with you".

Also your anxiety attack after sex. Which is not at all your fault, and don't worry about this part. But it did reinforce the label she had probably already put on you.

When you're telling a woman before or the first time you meet all about your anxiety issues, and you're questioning whether she even likes your not (to her face) that does come off as neediness.

She's thinking to herself that this guy is going to need constant positive reinforcement, which equates to being needy.

Oh, I see. So I was showing that I needed compliments and stuff. Yeah, then I was being needy in that way, you're right.

When I saw needy I thought that you meant I needed a relationship or I wouldn't be able to handle it. I was like I'm not needy in that way.

What sucks is that i don't need positive reinforcement. I just came off that way because I lost control of my anxiety because I'd never had sex before. Oh well, you live you learn I guess.

I didn't connect well with her anyway, to be honest. Maybe now I can find someone that I can connect with. This could work out for the better.

 

[SM1010]

Well I think the whole thing was a very positive experience for you. You attacked some of your fears and you came away with some valuable lessons.

Keep working at it! The more women you meet the more and more confident you're going to be around them.

 

[coyote]

And, lol, she wants a "freak in bed". If her standards are such that she will only consider a relationship with somebody who is 'good' in bed then... hmm. She should just buy a vibrator or something.

or you could have her PM me...

 

[OceanMist]

Did you really want a relationship with her?

And, lol, she wants a "freak in bed". If her standards are such that she will only consider a relationship with somebody who is 'good' in bed then... hmm. She should just buy a vibrator or something.

Just my opinion ::

Btw, I agree with SM1010. I think this whole experience has been a massive step for you - hasn't been easy, but you've done it. We all have to start somewhere.

I didn't want a relationship. I really just wanted a woman that I could talk to on a friendly level in person. A gal I can hang out with. I've never had that. That was the main thing I wanted. If it went farther than that, then I was okay with it. It's safe to say it didn't go far at all. One week and done, lol.

 

[emre43]

I've found somebody I like. She's my age we are a good match and she also has an anxiety disorder so she would be able to understand me.

There was also another girl I found who seemed a decent match until I read that she can't live without sex. I thought, hmm...that's one to steer clear from, haha.

 

[OceanMist]

I was just skimming through profiles and saw this girl on POF and her first sentence in her profile that read:

"I'm not about to take a loser home to meet the parents so I am only interested someone with a college degree....."

That is so rude. Why can't she just say she wants a guy with a degree. Instead she decides to trash every single guy who hasn't completed a college education by calling us losers.

What really bothers me about it is that there are so many guys without degrees that are doing fine financially.

It makes me wonder how many other women have that mentality (loser=guy w/out a degree). I wonder if that's why I'm having a hard time getting dates on there.

 

[Felgen]

Did she have a degree herself? If not, she's the prototype of a gold digger.

 

[doubleM]

I was just skimming through profiles and saw this girl on POF and her first sentence in her profile that read:

"I'm not about to take a loser home to meet the parents so I am only interested someone with a college degree....."

That is so rude. Why can't she just say she wants a guy with a degree. Instead she decides to trash every single guy who hasn't completed a college education by calling us losers.

What really bothers me about it is that there are so many guys without degrees that are doing fine financially.

It makes me wonder how many other women have that mentality (loser=guy w/out a degree). I wonder if that's why I'm having a hard time getting dates on there.

you wanna hear something funny? ive been on ok cupid for a while but my messages got ignored constantly. im in college and have low income. i was honest and stated those things on my profile. what woman wants that right?
so last month i decided to try a little experiment. i changed my profile to being a college graduate, a licensed engineer, i own my own house, and with an income of 100 g's per year. suddenly i started getting messages. lol
that is lying but even if one of them actually wants to meet me, and i have to tell her those things arent true, she may decide that is a dealbreaker. i would just say "oh, so that what really matters huh?".

 

[Felgen]

I posted a picture of me flexing my arms on a social networking site once. 10 women contacted me in one day. I'm not even big.

 

[Merel]

I was just skimming through profiles and saw this girl on POF and her first sentence in her profile that read:

"I'm not about to take a loser home to meet the parents so I am only interested someone with a college degree....."

That is so rude. Why can't she just say she wants a guy with a degree. Instead she decides to trash every single guy who hasn't completed a college education by calling us losers.

What really bothers me about it is that there are so many guys without degrees that are doing fine financially.

It makes me wonder how many other women have that mentality (loser=guy w/out a degree). I wonder if that's why I'm having a hard time getting dates on there.

This ignorant attitude irks me to death, and I'm working on a college degree.

It's funny to me that some hold this opinion that a college degree automatically means you're of higher worth than someone who doesn't have one. I've seen many college students and college graduates before who couldn't think their way out of a paper bag. I'm also certain that there's a decent percentage of college students who pick easy degrees to coast their way through school on Daddy's money and/or rack up perhaps tens of thousands of dollars in loans to spend those 4 years partying.

All this financial debt =/= success, let alone helps one get a job to begin with.

I bet comparing over lifetimes, people who spend the money to graduate with degrees with low employment rates are in a poorer state financially in general than someone who just worked from age 18 onward without getting a degree after graduating high school.

 

[coyote]

Music To Watch Girl's By - YouTube

 

[OceanMist]

I've got a date again it sounds like. This girl I messaged once or twice already wants to meet up. It's funny because I was just complaining yesterday in my post about how I couldn't get a date and I was wondering if college girls didn't want anything to do with guys who didn't have a degree.

Either this girl didn't read my profile or she doesn't mind guys that don't go to college, because she sounds pretty ambitious. She's a teacher and a college grad. I'm a college dropout, technically. I obviously won't use those words when talking to her, haha.

Immediately I got nervous when I saw her say she wanted to meet up. I'm already terrified. This isn't like last time either, when I met that one girl at her house. We're going to meet in a bar or coffee house or something. It's almost surreal....me talking alone with a woman around a group of people? I feel like I'm not in my body when I think about that, because I've been womanless for so long.

I told her I wanted to meet on Friday. We'll see what happens. I'm so nervous right now. I'm 27 and I'm haven't done anything like this in 6 years really besides that girl that got rid of me after a day. I'm trying to give myself time to study what I'm going to ask her so I at least have something in my arsenal. She sounds chatty. That could work for me or against me.

You want to talk about forcing myself back into the social world, this is it, lol. Yeah, I confess, I'm afraid she's not going to like me. I think a lot of people would fear that in this situation, though.

It's a numbers game, they say. I'm starting to believe that. I think I've messaged like over a 100 women by now? Somewhere around there. That's not even the whole of it. This girl has to like me in person if I want any chance with her. This is such a tough process for a shy guy.

 

[Mr.Prez]

I'm going to try online dating again... see where that takes me

 

[MikeyC]

I've got a date again it sounds like. This girl I messaged once or twice already wants to meet up. It's funny because I was just complaining yesterday in my post about how I couldn't get a date and I was wondering if college girls didn't want anything to do with guys who didn't have a degree.

Either this girl didn't read my profile or she doesn't mind guys that don't go to college, because she sounds pretty ambitious. She's a teacher and a college grad. I'm a college dropout, technically. I obviously won't use those words when talking to her, haha.

Immediately I got nervous when I saw her say she wanted to meet up. I'm already terrified. This isn't like last time either, when I met that one girl at her house. We're going to meet in a bar or coffee house or something. It's almost surreal....me talking alone with a woman around a group of people? I feel like I'm not in my body when I think about that, because I've been womanless for so long.

I told her I wanted to meet on Friday. We'll see what happens. I'm so nervous right now. I'm 27 and I'm haven't done anything like this in 6 years really besides that girl that got rid of me after a day. I'm trying to give myself time to study what I'm going to ask her so I at least have something in my arsenal. She sounds chatty. That could work for me or against me.

You want to talk about forcing myself back into the social world, this is it, lol. Yeah, I confess, I'm afraid she's not going to like me. I think a lot of people would fear that in this situation, though.

Good luck with that, mate! I can understand you'd be nervous and such but just be yourself and hopefully it'll be okay.