online dating
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OceanMist
Well-known member
I've decided I'm going to take this more seriously. My desire for just one female in my life that I have a meaningful relationship has grown as I have aged. I guess you could say my biological clock is ticking.
I looked up conversation topics today and I've written down maybe 25 of them, which is quite a bit, so it's a good start. I messaged about 6 women today.
People on here have been preaching for us guys, it's a numbers game. I'm starting to understand that. Only like 3% of women even respond to my messages. I'm going to have to keep messaging women to finally just get a date with them.
I hope it doesn't come down to this, but I don't want it to just come down to one date and have all the pressure on that one date. I need to keep the confidence that if one fails, that I have other options. As a shy guy, I fell into that trap years ago and it left me feeling helpless.
The date is going to be really tough for me if she makes me control the conversation. I've actually got a plan. I'm going to memorize conversation starters and keep those in my arsenal to keep coming with if there is ever silence with her wanting me to talk. I hope I don't blank out and forget them, or don't have the guts to use them.
We'll see how that goes when I get there. Or should I say if I get that far.
There are two big reasons I'm doing this. The most important is the desire that needs to be filled for companionship and connection with another human being. Honestly, a big reason I'm doing this is to get laid. I know that sounds sleezy, but it's true. I am a 27 year old virgin, and haven't gotten to experience what like 95% or whatever it is of people my age have experienced. It's a big part of life, and I want to see what it feels like. I desire it.
I looked up conversation topics today and I've written down maybe 25 of them, which is quite a bit, so it's a good start. I messaged about 6 women today.
People on here have been preaching for us guys, it's a numbers game. I'm starting to understand that. Only like 3% of women even respond to my messages. I'm going to have to keep messaging women to finally just get a date with them.
I hope it doesn't come down to this, but I don't want it to just come down to one date and have all the pressure on that one date. I need to keep the confidence that if one fails, that I have other options. As a shy guy, I fell into that trap years ago and it left me feeling helpless.
The date is going to be really tough for me if she makes me control the conversation. I've actually got a plan. I'm going to memorize conversation starters and keep those in my arsenal to keep coming with if there is ever silence with her wanting me to talk. I hope I don't blank out and forget them, or don't have the guts to use them.
We'll see how that goes when I get there. Or should I say if I get that far.
There are two big reasons I'm doing this. The most important is the desire that needs to be filled for companionship and connection with another human being. Honestly, a big reason I'm doing this is to get laid. I know that sounds sleezy, but it's true. I am a 27 year old virgin, and haven't gotten to experience what like 95% or whatever it is of people my age have experienced. It's a big part of life, and I want to see what it feels like. I desire it.
coyote
Well-known member
I was on one dating site about 7 or 8 years ago now, and I got talking to some girls but I started to sense this recurring mindgame theme, so I left it again fairly quickly. I've always had far better luck in arenas that weren't in the least romantic - both online and offline. I think there's a lot of pressure involved when you're operating within a situation where love is being artificially created or where a romance would make too much sense. It has a tendency to backfire because attraction is anything but predictable.
OceanMist
Well-known member
Women are actually talking to me now. It must be the better picture.
I've got a question already. When is it acceptable to tell them you want to move to instant messanger on these dating sites? I have no freaking clue.
It feels good that women are actually paying attention to me, even if it's just over the web. I'm excited about meeting them in person and that possibility that maybe I can have a g/f that loves me. I've never had that. That glimmer of hope is refreshing. It's amazing how I've deprived myself of women for so long.
One woman I'm messaging with is actually attractive. Weird concept, huh? She lives kind of far away, but I'm actually considering meeting her in person one day. I wasn't even thinking about that b4.
I've got a question already. When is it acceptable to tell them you want to move to instant messanger on these dating sites? I have no freaking clue.
It feels good that women are actually paying attention to me, even if it's just over the web. I'm excited about meeting them in person and that possibility that maybe I can have a g/f that loves me. I've never had that. That glimmer of hope is refreshing. It's amazing how I've deprived myself of women for so long.
One woman I'm messaging with is actually attractive. Weird concept, huh? She lives kind of far away, but I'm actually considering meeting her in person one day. I wasn't even thinking about that b4.
this_portrait
Well-known member
I've been messaging back and forth with a guy on a site for about a month now (I started the conversation). I'm waiting on a response to the last message I sent him, but once I send him another message, I'm planning on giving him my cell number. I think a month of messaging back and forth is long enough, though for some it might be too long. It really depends on the person.
I've been on dating sites for close to 2 and 1/2 years now. I've gotten at least 25-30 numbers. A little less than half of those resulted in dates.
Ask for their number on the 4th or 5th message (that you send). Don't actually come out with the words "may I have your number". Say something like:
As much as I love sending e-mails, I'm much better communicating in person (you're probably not since we have SA but who cares say it anyway). You seem pretty cool and normal, would you like to get a drink sometime this week?
Ask for their number on the 4th or 5th message (that you send). Don't actually come out with the words "may I have your number". Say something like:
As much as I love sending e-mails, I'm much better communicating in person (you're probably not since we have SA but who cares say it anyway). You seem pretty cool and normal, would you like to get a drink sometime this week?
OceanMist
Well-known member
Well, I got a date and had sex the first night. We met at her place and I made the first move after a couple hours. I made it pretty clear that I wanted companionship and sex in the message that I sent before we met. My virginity is gone.
It was the best moment of my life when we had sex, and then afterward I had this really bad anxiety attack, one of the worst moments of my life. I was so embarrassed and she could tell that I was so nervous. She kept telling me to relax but I couldn't.
Even when we were doing it I was shaking and nervous throughout some of it. The whole thing was so tough for me. I was lucky she was so understanding. I explained to her that have a severe anxiety problem, and she said it was okay. I kept making all these mistakes throughout, embarrassing mistakes.
I had a lot of problems. ED, eye contact was extremely hard to hold. I was too small for her too. I'm not embarrassed about that, it was just a problem. Don't get me wrong, it was the best time of my life, but there were so many issues I had.
Even when I left it was really awkward. I heard her say when I left that "He is sooooo shy. That was insane." It makes me wonder if she just did stuff with me to be nice.
I was a mess, and still am a mess. What's weird is that it was so great, yet, so uncomfortable, mainly afterward and today.
It was the best moment of my life when we had sex, and then afterward I had this really bad anxiety attack, one of the worst moments of my life. I was so embarrassed and she could tell that I was so nervous. She kept telling me to relax but I couldn't.
Even when we were doing it I was shaking and nervous throughout some of it. The whole thing was so tough for me. I was lucky she was so understanding. I explained to her that have a severe anxiety problem, and she said it was okay. I kept making all these mistakes throughout, embarrassing mistakes.
I had a lot of problems. ED, eye contact was extremely hard to hold. I was too small for her too. I'm not embarrassed about that, it was just a problem. Don't get me wrong, it was the best time of my life, but there were so many issues I had.
Even when I left it was really awkward. I heard her say when I left that "He is sooooo shy. That was insane." It makes me wonder if she just did stuff with me to be nice.
I was a mess, and still am a mess. What's weird is that it was so great, yet, so uncomfortable, mainly afterward and today.
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Felgen
Well-known member
Well done!
If you get laid on the first date and she was wet enough, then at least you turned her on. If one girl wants to sleep with you, there are always others who'll sleep with you as well, so don't take it so hard.Having sex before the third date in almost all cases won't lead to a long-term relationship, though. I used to think that it was just something people who were older than me told me as a joke, but it's true.
Congrats! Hey, no need to dwell on the negatives because it's all said and done, and the only thing you can do now is move ahead with your newfound knowledge. Go forth and (try not to) multiply!
Tino
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OceanMist
Well-known member
Thanks for the texting advice. The minute I heard about that I got a cell phone, then two days later me and her did it after we texted for a couple days.
I don't feel that great, though. My anxiety disorder is so bad that I still feel alone. I was wondering if losing my virginity would heal the loneliness part but it hasn't.
Like I said earlier I wanted to get my virginity out of the way. It may sound ridiculous, but I was afraid that I was never going to have sex. Over 10 years of possible sexual years have just flew by me, it was I wake up and I'm 27 and still a virgin. It was like what? I was so far out of the social world, I knew that getting back in it and finding a woman eventually would be tough for me, and it definitely was. I almost chickened out. I knew if I backed out this time, that could easily lead to other back outs, like my past. So I pushed myself through it.
I don't regret what I did because if I had decided not to do this and never had sex, then when I was 60 I'd feel like I missed out on a part of life that most everyone experiences. It sucks that it had to come down to having sex with a woman i don't love but I feel I had to take advantage of this opportunity. I've had zero chances where I've been alone with a woman that was willing to have sex with me in the same room before this. Waiting for love wasn't working out for me. If I had made some progress, then fine, but I hadn't. I was getting worse. I did what I had to do to make myself feel okay about leaving this world.
It sounds funny, but I won't be so disappointed in myself now because I know I won't die a virgin. That may sound dumb to some people, but it makes perfect sense to me. It was about the experience.
Felgen
Well-known member
Makes perfectly sense to anyone who lost "it" after the age of 20. Don't let this experience scare you from sleeping with other women, though. You'll gradually build confidence.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Well done for pushing through the barriers, OceanMist. I can imagine it was very uncomfortable for you but you still struggled on and you can now say you've experienced sex.
Unfortunately, like you, I'm going to have to go the same route if I don't change. I'm 25 and still a virgin and if I want to have sex I'm going to have to do something drastic. Good for you, mate.
Unfortunately, like you, I'm going to have to go the same route if I don't change. I'm 25 and still a virgin and if I want to have sex I'm going to have to do something drastic. Good for you, mate.
MrJones
Well-known member
But remember to do it just if it's important for you to have sex, like OceanMist (congratulations, by the wayWell done for pushing through the barriers, OceanMist. I can imagine it was very uncomfortable for you but you still struggled on and you can now say you've experienced sex.
Unfortunately, like you, I'm going to have to go the same route if I don't change. I'm 25 and still a virgin and if I want to have sex I'm going to have to do something drastic. Good for you, mate.
), not for anything else. Personally I think I will be a virgin for quite a while because it's not easy to find what I'm looking for. I don't want sex, I want love (honestly, I couldn't care less about sex itself). Remeber you can regret it if you forget what you really want - Status