DeadmanWalking
Well-known member
Chrono Cross OST - Victory (A Cry in Summer) ~ Victory Theme #2 - YouTube
Congrats
! Here's to hoping for a lot more PhantomPod!
online dating
- Thread starter Emma03
- Start date
- Status
Chrono Cross OST - Victory (A Cry in Summer) ~ Victory Theme #2 - YouTube
Congrats
! Here's to hoping for a lot more PhantomPod!
PhantomPod
Well-known member
Haha, thanks guys! I like that victory theme lmao.
this_portrait
Well-known member
BlueDays
1
oh wow PhantomPod, well done!
I love reading people's success stories in here. Now it will be a little bit easier whenever you get to go on any second date, as the psychological hurdle of the "first ever" one is over and done with.
Island_chic
Well-known member
I got caught up in a lie. It wasn't real love. The other person was looking for help out of a serious situation
I got my heart broken and it has been so painful.
It's really hard to know what is going on when your online. I video chatted with this person but so what didn't change what was real.
I got my heart broken and it has been so painful.
It's really hard to know what is going on when your online. I video chatted with this person but so what didn't change what was real.
MikeyC
Well-known member
Great job!
Oh, I'm sorry to hear this. Having your heart broken is terrible and Remus is right in that time is the best healer. I hope you can get that heart mended.I got caught up in a lie. It wasn't real love. The other person was looking for help out of a serious situation
I got my heart broken and it has been so painful.
It's really hard to know what is going on when your online. I video chatted with this person but so what didn't change what was real.
So I've found that mentioning my shyness on my profile works significantly to my advantage. I started off with it on my profile and had it there for a good year and 1/2, and had great success. Good reply rate and a decent amount of attractive women initiating conversations with me.
Took it off for like 6-8 months and had a noticeably smaller reply rate on both sites, and significantly less incoming messages on one site (okcupid) but about the same as before on plentyoffish which was interesting.
I kind of mention that I used to be very shy but through forcing myself into awkward situations (like meeting women through dating sites) I'm much less so now.
Took it off for like 6-8 months and had a noticeably smaller reply rate on both sites, and significantly less incoming messages on one site (okcupid) but about the same as before on plentyoffish which was interesting.
I kind of mention that I used to be very shy but through forcing myself into awkward situations (like meeting women through dating sites) I'm much less so now.
OceanMist
Well-known member
That means my assumption that putting anything about shyness being a bad thing in a guy's profile is wrong.
That last statement you put on there is really good. You admit that you had a fault and that you fixed it by stepping up to your fears. I guess I see how women would like that.
I used to put that I was shy and that I was looking for women to meet so I'd have someone to hang out with, but maybe that sounded desperate. I think the way we word stuff on messages and profiles matters. I've already had some confusion between me and the women I've dated on our text messages.
It sounds like we should either word the shy thing correctly or don't put it at all.
Oh and I follow up the shyness blurb with:
"But apparently I'm not TOO socially inept because everyone I've met through online dating has wanted to chill again after the first meeting (insert random smiley face)"
That might be the key phrase but I'm not positive, because I didn't have that in my profile the first 8 months or so of online dating and I still had relatively good success. So I think you can make shyness work for you without a phrase like that too.
But yah I think mentioning my shyness suggests that I'm honest and down to earth and the second phrase confirms that I'm not some socially awkward reject with 0 confidence lol.
Wording is huge with online dating and or texting women. And agreed, you have to mention your shyness in a positive context for it to work in your profile.
"But apparently I'm not TOO socially inept because everyone I've met through online dating has wanted to chill again after the first meeting (insert random smiley face)"
That might be the key phrase but I'm not positive, because I didn't have that in my profile the first 8 months or so of online dating and I still had relatively good success. So I think you can make shyness work for you without a phrase like that too.
But yah I think mentioning my shyness suggests that I'm honest and down to earth and the second phrase confirms that I'm not some socially awkward reject with 0 confidence lol.
Wording is huge with online dating and or texting women. And agreed, you have to mention your shyness in a positive context for it to work in your profile.
Last edited:
OceanMist
Well-known member
Right now, it's not really me, it's mainly her who is wording things badly. She's declining me and then saying nothing. I confronted her with a message the second time saying I don't want to just meet once every 3 weeks, you know? I told her turning me down twice is not sitting well with me.
She said she's not trying to ignore me, which is a key phrase. Usually someone who's trying to ignore me wouldn't say that. She agreed to meet on Tuesday or Sunday so I told her we'd discuss this then.
I'm just tired of the "I'm busy" line. I don't get why the last 3 women I've dated use that so much. If they are going to use that, there is a better way to word it.
Like, I look at things from if this happened to me. A woman asks me out for some time on the weekend, okay? Let's say I'm busy that weekend, I'm not just going to say I'm busy all weekend. I'd say something like, I have to leave that weekend BUT we can get together next week at so and so time. Just saying I'm busy then and leaving it at that is like telling the person to f' off imo. The woman i dated b4 this 1 did that and then went on to ignore 2 calls and 1 text I gave her, so obviously that was over with.
For the women that rejected me, I don't get why they couldn't been real about it and just told me straight up when they had enough of me. One of them, I had to wring it out of them after telling her that I can handle it, then the other just left me hanging with I'm busy this weekend then eternal silence. I don't see why they can't just be honest, tell me you're through with me, tell me why. As far as I'm concerned, totally ignoring me like that one woman did creates more of a chance of a blow up on my part because that's lying about being too busy for me then never telling me what happened.
I give props to the first g/f I had. I called her to hang out and during the phone call she immediately told me that she was done with me. I had so much more respect for her when it was through and knew where she stood. That's all I'm asking for is honesty and letting me know what they are thinking.
Before I even started dating, I knew it was about communication. What shocks me is the lack of communication that I've been getting from women in areas such as the one I just complained about. Especially considering all of these women are more talkative than me.
Yes, I do know that breaking up with someone is hard, but you gotta let them know where you stand. You can't leave them flapping in the breeze with "busy" lies or silence. Nobody is so busy that they don't have time for a date and eternal silence is more insulting than telling me you are done with me because at least talking to me is treating my like a person. Ignoring me is treating me like I don't exist and the "I'm busy all the time" stuff is insulting my intelligence.....I know that nobody is that busy.
She said she's not trying to ignore me, which is a key phrase. Usually someone who's trying to ignore me wouldn't say that. She agreed to meet on Tuesday or Sunday so I told her we'd discuss this then.
I'm just tired of the "I'm busy" line. I don't get why the last 3 women I've dated use that so much. If they are going to use that, there is a better way to word it.
Like, I look at things from if this happened to me. A woman asks me out for some time on the weekend, okay? Let's say I'm busy that weekend, I'm not just going to say I'm busy all weekend. I'd say something like, I have to leave that weekend BUT we can get together next week at so and so time. Just saying I'm busy then and leaving it at that is like telling the person to f' off imo. The woman i dated b4 this 1 did that and then went on to ignore 2 calls and 1 text I gave her, so obviously that was over with.
For the women that rejected me, I don't get why they couldn't been real about it and just told me straight up when they had enough of me. One of them, I had to wring it out of them after telling her that I can handle it, then the other just left me hanging with I'm busy this weekend then eternal silence. I don't see why they can't just be honest, tell me you're through with me, tell me why. As far as I'm concerned, totally ignoring me like that one woman did creates more of a chance of a blow up on my part because that's lying about being too busy for me then never telling me what happened.
I give props to the first g/f I had. I called her to hang out and during the phone call she immediately told me that she was done with me. I had so much more respect for her when it was through and knew where she stood. That's all I'm asking for is honesty and letting me know what they are thinking.
Before I even started dating, I knew it was about communication. What shocks me is the lack of communication that I've been getting from women in areas such as the one I just complained about. Especially considering all of these women are more talkative than me.
Yes, I do know that breaking up with someone is hard, but you gotta let them know where you stand. You can't leave them flapping in the breeze with "busy" lies or silence. Nobody is so busy that they don't have time for a date and eternal silence is more insulting than telling me you are done with me because at least talking to me is treating my like a person. Ignoring me is treating me like I don't exist and the "I'm busy all the time" stuff is insulting my intelligence.....I know that nobody is that busy.
Last edited:
OceanMist
Well-known member
Okay people, I'm going to give you our latest text conversation between what is now the woman I was dating:
Her:Hey Sunday won't work to hangout
Her: I'm sorry
(Just so you know, that's the fourth time she's declined meeting up with me in a row)
Me: Thats fine. Just let me know some time if Tuesday will work for you.
Her: Okay but I just want to be friends if that's okay?
Me: Wow i didn't expect that
Her: Yeah sorry I realized that I'm always busy and it not fair for you if you can't see me or anything
Me: There are a few things that im thinking right now.
Me: I just dont understand why women never want a relationship with me
Her: Okay what are you thinking
Me: The busy line gets used on me every single time. Nobody is so busy that dont have time to date someone. Its obvious im at the bottom of ur list of stuff u care about.
Her: Um I actually am busy
Me: U told me u have dated 7 guys. Thats funny that u magically were able to find time for them with ur busy schedule
Her: And I'm kind of seeing someone now also
Me: Were you seeing this guy when we dated
Her: I was talking.......And i havent dated in a while
Me: So you like him enough to have time to see him but u were too busy to go out with me. I see now.
This conversation may continue, it's funny how all the sudden she is slow to respond to my texts when b4 she was lightning fast. I'm sick of getting rejected. That's 4 in a row that have rejected me. This was probably the worst one because she was playing the field and found another guy that she liked better than me and then went on to say she doesn't have time for me when she obviously did have time to date because that's what she's doing with this guy right now.
Her:Hey Sunday won't work to hangout
Her: I'm sorry
(Just so you know, that's the fourth time she's declined meeting up with me in a row)
Me: Thats fine. Just let me know some time if Tuesday will work for you.
Her: Okay but I just want to be friends if that's okay?
Me: Wow i didn't expect that
Her: Yeah sorry I realized that I'm always busy and it not fair for you if you can't see me or anything
Me: There are a few things that im thinking right now.
Me: I just dont understand why women never want a relationship with me
Her: Okay what are you thinking
Me: The busy line gets used on me every single time. Nobody is so busy that dont have time to date someone. Its obvious im at the bottom of ur list of stuff u care about.
Her: Um I actually am busy
Me: U told me u have dated 7 guys. Thats funny that u magically were able to find time for them with ur busy schedule
Her: And I'm kind of seeing someone now also
Me: Were you seeing this guy when we dated
Her: I was talking.......And i havent dated in a while
Me: So you like him enough to have time to see him but u were too busy to go out with me. I see now.
This conversation may continue, it's funny how all the sudden she is slow to respond to my texts when b4 she was lightning fast. I'm sick of getting rejected. That's 4 in a row that have rejected me. This was probably the worst one because she was playing the field and found another guy that she liked better than me and then went on to say she doesn't have time for me when she obviously did have time to date because that's what she's doing with this guy right now.
Last edited:
You need to stop this OceanMist, it's not productive.
You never made a move on her. She put you in the friend zone. You know exactly what happened yet you're still pushing for answers. She's not going to tell you what you're looking for. You said yourself you're not even very attracted to her!! Learn from this and move on.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and converting that into anger towards her. Seriously stop focusing on all the negatives...
You met someone new, got great dating practice, and identified one of your fail points when it comes to women (being too passive and not making moves, which WILL result in you being stuck in the friend zone).
Now you focus on meeting someone new and fixing those identified fail points.
Again, please do not keep harassing this girl for answers. It's accomplishing NOTHING positive.
You never made a move on her. She put you in the friend zone. You know exactly what happened yet you're still pushing for answers. She's not going to tell you what you're looking for. You said yourself you're not even very attracted to her!! Learn from this and move on.
Stop feeling sorry for yourself and converting that into anger towards her. Seriously stop focusing on all the negatives...
You met someone new, got great dating practice, and identified one of your fail points when it comes to women (being too passive and not making moves, which WILL result in you being stuck in the friend zone).
Now you focus on meeting someone new and fixing those identified fail points.
Again, please do not keep harassing this girl for answers. It's accomplishing NOTHING positive.
montejocarlo
Well-known member
It's a lot easier to find people you're in-sync with in online games, online communities like this one, or chat rooms, rather than online dating sites. There's no pressure.
megalon
Well-known member
Yeah maybe that's the case for some, but I prefer dating sites because people's intentions are clearly stated.
Felgen
Well-known member
Give her some cheap, magazine style excuse, like "I just don't feel that there's any platonic friend chemistry" or "I'm just not ready for a platonic friendship right now".
Better yet, be honest and tell her you're not interested in being her emotional tampon just for the sake of getting a consolidation prize and that friendships that spring from unsuccessful dates aren't possible. She doesn't want you friendship, but at least it will knock her ego down a little bit.
Last edited:
AsTimeBurns
Well-known member
I'd say just leave it. If you keep pressuring her for reasons and answers it just makes you look needy. Move on.
OceanMist
Well-known member
No man, this isn't the same girl that I dated 3 times. This is the woman that I dated 1 time, the one that i just dated. I shouldn't be putting moves on her in the first date, and she told me not to do that anyway.
And I was attracted to this girl that i dated once. I had every right to harass her for answers. She was dating another guy and hid that from me. She screwed me over. She lives in this city in an apartment yet she claims she doesn't have time for me yet she has found time for another guy? That's BS man. Don't tell me I can't get angry when a woman is lying to me about being too busy for me. I have every right to be angry about that.
Anyway, I have moved on. I met a woman on okcupid and we texted eachother and we are meeting for dinner on tuesday if she shows up.
I get that you are trying to help, but telling me I can't get mad about women who lie to me over and over again is unfair. I'm not a machine, man. I have a right to get ticked off when i'm treated like crap.
What both of those women did wasn't right. That woman i dated 3 times had every right to reject me, but she did not have a right to totally cut off all communication and not respond to my texts or calls. That was wrong. That was treating me like I don't even exist.
This other woman wasn't as bad because we only dated once, and she communicated with me at least and told me it is over. I just didn't like that she lied about being busy and was seeing was another guy at the same time. That's not as bad as cheating, but it's similar. She called it a date, too, which was leading me on.
Last edited:
OceanMist
Well-known member
I haven't said anything else to her. It's possible we don't say another word to eachother for the rest of our lives. The only way I'd even talk to her again is if she initiates a text.
- Status